Blame the Squirrel
by Off Dreaming
Summary: Astra Gorlois hates squirrels. After one takes her arrow, Astra stumbles into the Cair Paravel court and Aslan bestows on her a mission to help Caspian fall in love with life. Friendship, romance, humor, and chaos ensue and Caspain learns a few new words.
1. AN & Ch 1: For the Love of Shiny Objects

**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

Summary

Set in present day. American-born Oxford student Astra Gorlois has a valid reason to hate squirrels. After a squirrel steals her arrow at the archery range, Astra follows the demonic rodent into the English forest. Little did she know, she ends up in a land called Narnia, ruled by King Caspian X. Chaos ensues in the Cair Paravel court, along with unfulfilled expectations, romance, and the broadening of Caspian's vocabulary.

Author's Note

I am trying as much as possible to stick to C.S. Lewis's books and not the movie. However, I have adopted a few details from the movie _Prince Caspian_. I am keeping the Susan-Caspian romance and I'm changing Caspian's age. In the book, he is 14 at his coronation and begins his voyage to search for the 7 great lords who were exiled by Miraz almost three years later. I am bumping up Caspian's age by three years, making him 17 at his coronation and almost 20 when he begins his voyage. Otherwise, I am trying to stick to the books as much as possible. Hate to break it to everyone, but Caspian is blonde. I know, I liked the tall, dark, and handsome guy in the movie, too, but it is time to hit the books. Below is my timeline, if you are confused.

Timeline

NOTE- my changes to C.S. Lewis's timeline are in _italics_

**2303 **Prince Caspian X (age 14) _(age 17)_ is crowned King of Narnia and begins to rebuild Cair Paravel. He swears at his coronation that once peace is established in Narnia, he will sail east for a year and a day in attempt to find the 7 great lords exiled by Miraz (Lords Restimar, Bern, Rhoop, Octesian, Marramorn, Renlian, and Argoz).

**2304 **The Northern giants are defeated by Caspian (age 15) _(age 18)_.

**2305 **Two years and eleven months (age 16) _(age 19)_ after his coronation, Caspian sets off on the voyage to the end of the world.

**2306 **Caspian (age 17) _(age 20)_ meets with Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace on his voyage

**2307 **Four years and one day after his coronation, Caspian (age 18) _(age 21)_ reaches the Beginning of the End of the world, where he finds the 3 Sleeping Lords (Argoz, Revilian, and Marramorn) and meets the star's daughter (Ramandu's daughter).

**2310 **Caspian (age 21) _(age 24)_ returns to Narnia and marries Ramandu's daughter.

**THANKS A BUNCH TO BEAN AND SHELLANS AND WIKIPEDIA FOR HELPING ME GET THE TIMELINE STRAIGHT!!!**

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Thank you Princess Lucille and josephineb for suggesting to combine my author's note and the first chapter. Apparently fanfic gets mad at author's notes standing alone as chapters.

_A/N: I am going to keep chapters short for a change, only about 1000 words. This way, I'll be able to update more frequently. I'm excited about writing this story, but my Harry Potter fanfic, The Reign of Kellyn Wood, is my baby. I have all the way up to chapter 6 written, so I'll be updating every 2 or 3 days for the next couple weeks. Hopefully I'll have the rest of the story outlined soon so it will be more manageable. I hope you enjoy it!_

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 1: For the Love of Shiny Objects

It was far too early to be awake and talking to squirrels.

"First, you take my bagel. And now, you have my arrow. This. Is. WAR!" Astra Gorlois leapt after the demonic squirrel, chasing it into the forest. It was funny to think that just a few minutes earlier she was leaning against the window of the Oxford campus bus, watching the trees whip past outside, the fog swirling behind them.

It was seven o'clock in the morning and Astra had to get in some practice at the archery range before heading to her job at the stables, before catching the bus five miles back into the Oxford campus and dashing to her comparative literature class. The bus stopped and Astra dragged herself off the bus, her bag slumped over her shoulders.

The archery range had an ominous feel to it, with the fog draped over the ground. Astra loved the foggy English mornings, reminiscent of her home in Monterey, California. She walked over to the lockers, using her key to get out her bow and arrows. She stretched her arm muscles, protesting to herself, yet remembered that her archery was half the reason why she landed herself in Oxford. Her mother was an alumnus and her grades were perfect, but her athletic ability and desire to get out of her sheltered home were the hooks to her acceptance. Astra ate her bagel on a nearby stump, happy that the archery range was completely empty. Dressed in her riding boots, breeches, and a loose long-sleeved shirt, Astra was still chilled, so she pulled on a beanie, stuffing her brown hair in the cap, and donned her father's old fedora. With the cap on, she felt instantly at ease, and strung her first arrow on the bow. With a zing, it nailed the bull's-eye on the target. Archery came to her easily, obscenely easily. Astra found it amusingly boring, if that was at all possible. Thus, with great monotony, she shot arrow after arrow into the targets, hitting with precision and accuracy.

Blocking out the tickle in her sore throat from a lingering cold, she fell in her zone, with nothing on her mind except the target, until she decided to take a break to finish the rest of her bagel. However, the bagel was gone.

"Damn," she muttered. "Where did I put it?" She heard the rustle of leaves and looked over to find a fat squirrel with the last chunk of her bagel between his little paws.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" The squirrel made a chirp and shoved the entire morsel in his mouth, his cheeks bulging.

"You would be so cute if that wasn't my bagel you just ate. You know what, my little squirrel friend? You suck!" she cried at the squirrel, kicking a clod of dirt at him. The squirrel darted away as Astra cussed under her breath. She was about to return to her archery when she saw the squirrel inching closer.

"What's your freaking problem?" she screeched, her voice cracking, sending her into a fit of hacking coughs. The squirrel lifted himself onto two legs sniffing the air. "You ate my breakfast! If I had any food left, I would be eating it right now, because I'm hungry." The squirrel dejectedly dropped down to all four paws and sat himself on the stump.

"Oh, now you're saaaad!" crooned Astra. "Too friggin' bad!" The squirrel cocked his head. "Wow. I am talking to a squirrel," muttered Astra under her breath, looking around to see if anyone had seen her moment of insanity. Fortunately the archery range was still empty. Protectively, Astra grabbed her book bag. "You may take my bagel, but you can't have my homework," she told the squirrel with a glare. She warily collected her arrows, which was easier said than done when she was carrying her book bag, arrow sachet, and bow. Fairly sure she had collected the last one, Astra turned around to see the squirrel glancing at his reflection in the arrow.

"Oh, for the love of shiny objects," she whimpered to herself. "Uh, hi, um Mr. Squirrel Friend Buddy Ol' Pal! Do you, um, mind if you just take a few steps away from that very, very expensive arrow." The squirrel cooed. "It doesn't even taste good. I tried it, actually, um, yesterday and it tasted bad. Very, very bad. So, um, ha ha, you don't really want it." With that, the squirrel grabbed the arrow between his teeth. "Well, um, let's not be too rash about this, my squirrely friend. I mean, how far are you even going to get with that thing? To be perfectly honest, you aren't the slimmest of squirrels." A low rumble came from the squirrel. "And I mean that in a non-personal way. It's nothing personal whatsoever. I, in fact, think that you are about as handsome and trim as squirrels come." The squirrel stopped his growling. "There, there, um, why can't we be friends? Just, um, hand over the arrow. Please?" The squirrel shrunk back. "Okay, I'm done being nice and playing your stupid games."

And that was how Astra found herself tearing through the forest after a very fat squirrel who moved far too quickly for his weight.

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_Please review!_


	2. Ch 2: Love Hurts So do rocks

_A/N: Thank you **Princess Lucille** and **josephineb** for the encouragement and constructive criticism. And as alway, thanks Bean and Dark n' Twisty for being my fabulous editors and even more fabulous friends._**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 2: Love Hurts. So do rocks.

Astra pushed through the bushes, feeling them scratch at her arms, her eyes set on a new target: the squirrel of doom. She slalomed through the tall, dark trees, hollering after the squirrel with a hoarse voice. She could feel the dust from the floor rise from her footsteps, getting in her hair, eyes, nose, and face. She splashed through a mud puddle, feeling the wet droplets splatter on her boots, breeches, and cheek.

"Get your fucking squirrely ass back here!"

The squirrel ran, the arrow still clutched in his tiny jaws. He dashed under a pair of trees whose trunks intertwined about ten feet up in the air, with Astra close behind him. Intrigued by the disfigured tree, she glanced up at it as she ran through, causing her to trip over the mangled roots. With a thud, she hit the ground, causing her books to jab into her stomach and knock the wind out of her. Astra gasped for breath and scrambled up, realizing that something had changed in the air, quite literally. The damp, woody smell of the morning was gone, replaced by something more crisp, clean, and warm. The dark trees were no longer impossibly tall and thick; in their place stood brightly colored oak trees and white birches. The ground was even different, more forgiving on her ankles and knees as they pounded the forest floor in pursuit of the squirrel.

Of course, this was all a subconscious realization for Astra, being far more focused on retrieving her arrow than finding her bearings. In a final attempt to escape, the squirrel dashed up a tree, out of Astra's reach.

"Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me?" she wheezed, her throat now more dry and sore than ever. She coughed deeply, feeling it vibrate in her chest. It was then, as she gasped for breath, that she realized that she was completely and utterly lost. "Just drop the arrow," she ordered the squirrel, an edge of desperation and panic edging into her voice, which now resembled that of a pubescent boy. "Drop the fucking arrow!!! Please?" The squirrel's head shot up, glancing deeper into the forest. Astra heard the sound of a stick breaking.

"Hello?" she attempted to call out, but her voice cracked. She dropped her voice to a lower octave and tried again. "Hello? Is anyone there?" From the forest emerged a group of about five men, dressed in breaches and tunics. A couple had weapons strapped to them, some chain mail, or metal helmets.

"You need help?" one asked, with an accent.

"Yeah. I know this is going to sound crazy, but the squirrel stole my arrow," Astra explained. _"Wow, I do sound like a boy,"_ she thought to herself.

"The squirrel stole your arrow?" asked the same man slowly, as if trying to wrap his head around the idea. "What an awful thing! Squirrel, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You have no need for an arrow! I do suggest you drop that now!" With a clang, the arrow fell to the ground.

"Wow, um thanks. What are you, a squirrel whisperer?" she laughed jokingly. Noticing that the men seemed rather confused, she stopped laughing. "Well, thanks again," she said, turning around to leave. Glancing at the unfamiliar forest, Astra turned back to the men. "Say, perhaps you gents know which way is it back to Oxford?"

"Hmm… Oxford you say?" Astra nodded. "You know of an Oxford?" one man asked the other.

"No, can't think of an Oxford. You?"

"No. Say, do you know approximately where it is?"

"I do believe it's back that way… somewhere," Astra indicated behind her. "Aren't you guys from the Renaissance Faire?"

"Faire? We come from no faire!" barked one of the men, apparently insulted.

"I mean no offense, it's just your clothing…"

"What about it?" Astra was about to continue, but knew that she had to get back to school.

"So, do you think if I headed back that way, I will find Oxford? It's a pretty large city, hard to miss, but I was out in the countryside. The trees aren't like these. They're taller and darker… evergreen I believe…" she babbled on in a panic, as the men stared at her with increasingly puzzled expressions. "That way?"

"That way," said one of the men very slowly, "is the ocean."

"Ocean?" squeaked Astra. "Oxford is landlocked. How could I be close to the ocean?" She felt her eyes go wide with panic. Then men slowly neared her, as if afraid to spook her, while she backed up. "I have to get back. I have to get back!"

"Let us help you," said one of the men. "No reason to be frightened." With that comment, Astra sprang into action, taking a step backward to turn around and run. However, she was quickly stopped when yet again, she tripped over a root, sending her falling to the ground. Instead of her hands catching her, her head hit the ground first, landing on a jagged rock. Astra felt sharp pain shoot through her head.

"Son, are you alright? Can you see…?" the voice trailed off, black clouding her vision.

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_Cliffy! Muhahaha!!! _

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Sneak previews for the next chapter...

_"There goes my breakfast. Or at least half of what it was supposed to be," she muttered. "The squirrel ate my bagel."_

_"You ate his bagel?" cried the mouse to the squirrel. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"_

_"I was really hungry!" protested the squirrel. Astra scooted back in horror._

_"God, I must have hit my head really, really hard, because those animals are talking. Isn't that hilarious?" she laughed. The men once again looked very confused. "So this is what it must feel like to be on LSD… whoa."_

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_Anyway, please review! I'm pretty good about reviewing those who review me._


	3. Ch 3: Lucy in the Sky w Talking Animals

_A/N: Thanks to all my wonderful readers, reviewers, and editors. Enjoy the chapter!_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 3: Lucy in the Sky with Talking Animals

She could feel herself moving, gently being jostled around. Something tickled at her ear.

"It smells weird. Really weird!" exclaimed a voice.

"What possessed you take the arrow?" questioned another voice.

"It was shiny!"

"Really now, you got the poor lad lost as a result of your actions! How do you feel about that?"

"I just wanted to look at it for awhile! I was going to give it back, I promise!" Astra opened her eyes to see the voice, which was excruciatingly close to her ear. "It's awake!!!" cried the squirrel who took her arrow. From shock and from the noise, everything faded to black again.

Later, the sound of wheels and horses hooves agonizingly filled her head, which felt like it was about to explode. She could not bear to open her eyes, for even with her eyes closed, the sunlight seemed obscenely bright. She tried to move, feeling hay rustle underneath her. She was riding in the back of a wooden wagon to God-knows-where. One of the men must have seen her moving because he spoke:

"Child, are you coherent?" Astra tried to open her mouth to speak, but her throat tightened in panic. "There, there now, we'll try to get you some help, and then we'll find Oxford for you. Just rest." Although she was in an awful predicament, this filled Astra will comfort like no other. She relaxed her body, falling into a deep sleep.

Some time later, she heard voices floating over her.

"The poor child seemed so disoriented. Perhaps he is a runaway."

"Or maybe a lost soldier."

"But the giants were defeated months ago."

"Maybe the child was shocked, stumbled into the forest on his way home, and has not made it out since?"

"Possible, but not probable," said a voice of authority. "You gentlemen were in the right, though, bringing the child back to the castle. Once he comes to his senses, we can hear the full story of his unfortunate misadventure."

"Something is not sitting right with me about this child," said a different voice, close to her ear.

"Me neither, Reepicheep," said the authoritative voice. Astra stirred, screaming at her body to move. Her eyes fluttered open to see a small mouse with a tiny sword peering at you.

"Hello," he said gently. Fearing that she had gone mad, Astra quickly shut her eyes, then opened them five seconds later. The mouse remained. Astra repeated the action. "Am I that frightening?" Astra shuddered, feeling as though she was trapped in her mind.

"You are safe, child, you can open your eyes," said a soothing voice, the one that reassured her before. Astra took a deep breath and opened her eyes, seeing men and animals peer down at her. "Can you sit up?" Warily, Astra pulled her back off the wooden wagon and into the upright position. Her vision blurred for a moment. "There, that is a good sign." Her head throbbed painfully, churning her stomach with discomfort. Quickly, she leaned over the side of the wagon, emptying the contents of her stomach.

"There goes my breakfast. Or at least half of what it was supposed to be," she muttered. "The squirrel ate my bagel."

"You ate his bagel?" cried the mouse to the squirrel. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

"I was really hungry!" protested the squirrel. Astra scooted back in horror.

"God, I must have hit my head really, really hard, because those animals are talking. Isn't that hilarious?" she laughed. The men once again looked very confused. "So this is what it must feel like to be on LSD… _whoa_."

"Are you understanding any of this?" whispered one man to another, as Astra once again vomited.

"No."

"And there goes last night's dinner. I think I need to go to the hospital and see a doctor," Astra said, "because animals should not be talking."

"I'll have you know that I am very offended by that," exclaimed the mouse.

"I'm dreaming. Or high. Except I don't do drugs. I'm dreaming. This is actually kind of entertaining if it didn't hurt so much. Like, this is the most painful dream I've ever had before."

"We'll have a healer come look at you," said the authoritative man, who looked more like a teenager than anything else.

"Wake up!" she ordered herself. "I don't really like this dream. It hurts too much. But it has been lovely talking to you guys. Except you, squirrel. You suck," she said, causing the squirrel to cower. "Yeah, you, be afraid, be very afraid. Because it my next dream, I am going to cause you worlds of pain, my friend. First, I will torture you with bagels. And then I will force you to run across a busy road a couple of times. And then I will put you on one of those things that stretch you out, and then I will chop you into a thousand little pieces and feed you to pigeons. And then-"

"I don't think you are dreaming."

"Then how do you explain me starting off in Oxford, which is say, 100 kilometers from the ocean, and running all the way to the ocean in under five minutes?" The men looked astounded. "Like I said, I am dreaming, but this isn't very pleasant, so I think I will just wake up now. Ta ta!"

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_Next chapter..._

_"Anyway, then you used the fake critters to lure me into the forest and now you have kidnapped me and are probably going to keep me in some dark, sad room and you'll let creepy old men pay you to molest me!!!"_

_"Oh, no, no no no no," cried the authoritative figure. "That is very, very illegal in Narnia."_

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Kindly review!


	4. Ch 4:Conspiracy Theories&History Lessons

_A/N: Thanks to **Spelllesswonder29** and **josephineb** for reviewing! It is much appreciated! And as always, thank you my wonderful editors/besties. Love you guys mucho. Happy Birthday Shellans! Muhahahaha!_

_Kindly read and review!_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 4: Conspiracy Theories and History Lessons

Astra gathered her bow, arrow, and book bag, and nestled her fedora back on her head. She closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up from her odd dream.

"And… awaken!" she cried, opening her eyes to find her scenery unchanged. "Okay, I'll try again," she said, shutting her eyes. "And… I'm awake!" The men and animals looked at her with bemused expressions. "Why aren't you gone yet?" she whined.

"Perhaps because you are not dreaming!" sarcastically suggested the man who had gotten angry before when she believed them to be from the Renaissance Faire.

"Well, if I am not dreaming, then I'm honestly going to have to assume the worst and that you lot created these freakishly lifelike robotic talking animals and-"

"What is a robot?"

"It's a machine that people can control, duh!"

"Are you calling me a machine?" cried the mouse, drawing his sword.

"Uh, yeah," said Astra, dryly. "Anyway, then you used the fake critters to lure me into the forest and now you have kidnapped me and are probably going to keep me in some dark, sad room and you'll let creepy old men pay you to molest me!!!"

"Oh, no, no no no no," cried the authoritative figure. "That is very, _very_ illegal in Narnia."

"So that's where I am… Narnia?" Astra said, trying to hold back a very amused smile.

"You are in Cair Paraval, the capital of Narnia."

"Wow… that's just rich!" cried Astra. "So, where is that in relation to England?"

"England?"

"Yes, England. That's the island we are on now. It's a big island though, with lots of people."

"And who rules this island?"

"The Queen… duh!"

"And where exactly is she?" Astra gasped, her eyes going wide.

"I know what you're doing. I'm on to you!"

"Really, is that so?"

"You are obviously trying to overthrow the Queen and I won't let you! Even though I'm totally not English- I'm actually American- I won't let you go through with it!"

"So you are not a native of this Land of England?"

"Nope, I am American, from the good ol' US of A."

"Where is this Good Ol' Land of US of A?"

"Across the Atlantic Ocean."

"Across the Atlantic Ocean?"

"Well, this all seems very new to you guys, so I guess I'll have to explain. You see, England was running out of room and America, the new world, was found some time back yonder, so the English, being all powerful and high and mighty and whatnot, got the bright idea to colonize America. But then eventually we got pissed off about taxation without representation, I mean, I don't blame them, it kind of sucks, so we were all like, 'Okee dokee, we would like independence _por favor_,' and the King was like, 'Uh, I am disinclined to acquiesce your request… that means no, idiots,' and we were like, 'Naw uh you didunt!' and so they declared war on us. And then there was the rocket's red glare and the bombs bursting in air and eventually we won the war and after much arguing, established this charming thing called democracy in which the country is ruled by the people. But that was back in the late 1700s. The Brits kind of hated us for awhile, but they were just bitter, and now we are bestest buddies! Well, kind of. Yeah, and that would be American-British History 101!"

"And what year is it now?"

"Huh? Oh, you're trying to make sure I don't have brain damage. It is 2009." The men looked at each other warily.

"And so you believe we are trying to overthrow the Queen of the Land of England?"

"Yep. You guys have got to be from Italy or Spain, hired by their governments to overthrow the English monarchy. And if you try, I will kick your ass!" All of a sudden, swords were drawn and leveled to her neck.

"Bite your tongue, that is the King of Narnia you are speaking to!" ordered one of the men, indicating the king as the young man with the authoritative voice.

"You?" asked Astra. "King? Wow, that's hilarious. How old are you? Seventeen? Seventeen and a half?"

"Nineteen," corrected the man with grace. "Welcome to my kingdom."

"Thanks, but I would like to go home now."

"Back in the year 2009?" joked one of the men, causing the others to laugh.

"What do you mean?" asked Astra, as the King cut the laughter off.

"Child, it is 2304."

"Nope, it's 2009."

"2304."

"2009."

"2304!"

"Are you now seriously suggesting that not only did I manage to run from Oxford, England, which is at least a thousand kilometers from the ocean, to your darling ocean city of freaky and slightly kleptomaniac talking animals, formally known as Cair Paraval, Narnia in under five minutes, but that I time travelled almost 300 years into the future? Honestly, what do you expect me to believe?" The men looked at her with a mixture of anger, frustration, pity, confusion, and intrigue. "That's what I thought. Look, if you can point me in the direction of Oxford, that would be really helpful," she said, standing up. She felt her stomach churn again and her vision blur.

"I think it would be best if you sit down," said the fatherly man.

"How exactly did you get from Oxford, England to Cair Paraval, Narnia?" asked the King.

"Well, I was at the archery range in Oxford-"

"Archery range?" asked one of the men.

"Yeah, I go to school in Oxford and my archery kind of pays my way through school." If the men weren't shocked before, they certainly were then. "Anyway, I was at the archery range and this here squirrel stole my bagel and then he stole my arrow and he ran into the woods and I followed him and I was running and running and running…"

"And?"

"And I was going under this tree- actually, it was two trees and they were intertwined but there was a gap before they began intertwining and so the squirrel ran through the tree and I followed and I fell on the ground and then… and then…"

"Everything changed," said the King.

"It… it did! The trees were different, the ground was different, and even the air was different. But I kept running and then the squirrel ran up the tree and then you guys showed up."

"The tree… do you think it is the-" The King cut off his man.

"You said that we have an accent?"

"Yes."

"Do the English have accents too?"

"Oh yes, they sound a little bit like this and go around asking people if they would like a spot of tea," said Astra, donning her best British accent. "Well, not really…" she said, dropping the accent.

"That sounds like-"

"The Pevensies. I know. Will you please excuse us for a moment?" asked the King.

"Well, you're the King, you don't need to ask me!" The men gathered in a circle, whispering and making wary glances back at her. Finally, they broke the huddle.

"Are you a Son of Adam?"

"A what?"

"A Son of Adam. Are you human?"

"Duh! What else would I be?" The men sighed in relief.

"This makes sense."

"Not really, but Son of Adam? Seriously, is that what you go around calling male humans?"

"Yes."

"In that case, I suppose I am a Daughter of Eve," said Astra, pulling off her fedora and beanie.

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_Duh duh duh!_

_Next chapter..._

_"So, let me get this straight: I was in Oxford, England but then I traveled through some portal- apparently a magical tree- and now I am in Cair Paravel, Narnia, a place where animals talk and everyone dresses like they are part of a Renaissance Fair?"_

_"In essence, yes," said Aslan, a bemused smile once again appearing on his face. "I am glad Fate chose you, Astra Celeste Gorlois. Caspian, you would be wise to befriend this lady."_

_"I will, Aslan."_

_"Since when do kings take orders from oversized kitties?" asked Astra brashly, causing all the men to draw their swords again. Aslan just laughed._


	5. Ch 5: Hello Kitty

_A/N: I want to get to the really good parts of this story! I'm so ready to just skip to the end-ish and call it a day. But then you will all be very confused and a tad upset with me, so I will refrain._

_In the meawhile, thanks to my best friends and editors, **Leeny** and **dark & twisty**, and my fabulous reviewers, **Spelllesswonder29, josephineb, **and **Princess Lucille**. Also thanks to all who've added this story to their alerts or favorites. I know you're out there. Dropping a line would make my day!_

_So, read and enjoy. Then review. That would be cool._

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 5: Hello Kitty

Astra pulled off the beanie, letting her brownie colored hair fall onto her shoulders. She gently fluffed her bangs, which were plastered to her forehead before, and tucked them back so they were no longer in her eyes. She gave a girly smile, causing the men to quickly take off their hats and bow. Astra snorted.

"I apologize, my lady, for mistaking you," said the King, obviously flustered.

"Well, I don't really blame you. My cold has my voice screwed up, and I guess my clothes are kind of boyish, and I don't really have boobs, so it's an accurate assumption." The men coughed awkwardly, looking away.

"If you are sick, milady, we ought to have you come inside, where you will be warm," said the King, unfastening his cloak and draping it on her shoulders.

"Thanks," she murmured, suddenly tired. "I can walk," she said before the men had time to protest. She slid herself off the wagon and walked a few steps. Once again, she felt waves of vertigo, causing her to step to the side, nearly falling before the King caught her.

"It might be best if you are carried," he kindly suggested, his ocean-colored eyes warm and genuine. "I will see to it that a healer looks at that cut of yours," he said, effortlessly lifting Astra up bridal style and carrying her to the castle.

"Or perhaps I may look at it," said a deep voice behind them. They turned around to see a large, golden lion standing proudly next to the wagon Astra was just in. In fear, Astra clung to the King. "So, you found the girl."

"She is a Daughter of Eve. She entered through a tree similar to that which the Pevensies left Narnia… but I suppose you already know that," said the King with a knowing smile.

"Child, what is your name?" asked the lion named Aslan, taking a few steps toward her.

"I'm not a child. I am eighteen." With a pause she said, "Astra." Aslan's deep amber eyes encouraged her on. "Astra Celeste Gorlois."

"Lady Astra, welcome to Narnia. Are you well?"

"No, not really. I am sick, tired, confused, and in pain."

"And a little frightened."

"I am not frightened of you," she challenged the lion.

"Then I am sure that King Caspian would appreciate you relinquishing your death grip on him," said Aslan, amused. Astra stammered, then ordered King Caspian to put her down.

"Aslan, will you look at her injury?" asked King Caspian, refusing to set her down.

"Yes. Will one of you gentlemen fetch a bucket of water and a cloth?" One of the men rushed to do so, returning in a half minute. King Caspian reluctantly set Astra down, holding her hand and guiding her to the wagon. Astra immediately splashed her face with the cold water, scrubbing off the dirt. Then, she dipped the cloth in the water, gently rubbing off the dried blood that dripped from her temple down to her cheek and jaw.

"You missed a spot. May I?" the young king asked, indicating that he hold the cloth. Astra shrugged and handed him the cloth. Gently and shyly, he placed a hand under her chin as he dabbed the wound. Astra stole a look at King Caspian, smirking at his concentrated expression. She then looked at Aslan, who looked on with intrigue and an air of omnipotence. "There," King Caspian said, setting down the rag.

"I assume you have a headache, my child?"

"One about the size of Texas." Aslan stepped up to her so that less than a foot separated the two. Astra stubbornly held her ground, but prepared her body for the worst. Aslan instead breathed on her. Astra inhaled his breath, feeling warmth fill her body and her headache slowly fade.

"Better?"

"Much."

"Aslan, my lord," said one of the soldiers, "did you bring this Daughter of Eve into Narnia? What is her purpose?"

"Fate, my friends, has brought her here. Her true purpose will be revealed in Time. That is all I can tell you."

"I suppose this means I can't go home," Astra said slowly.

"Cair Paravel shall be your new home for awhile."

"But what about my studies, my family, my friends? People will realize that I'm not in Oxford!"

"Time travels differently in Narnia. No one will notice a thing."

"So, let me get this straight: I was in Oxford, England but then I traveled through some portal- apparently a magical tree- and now I am in Cair Paravel, Narnia, a place where animals talk and everyone dresses like they are part of a Renaissance Faire?"

"In essence, yes," said Aslan, a bemused smile once again appearing on his face. "I am glad Fate chose you, Astra Celeste Gorlois. Caspian, you would be wise to befriend this lady."

"I will, Aslan."

"Since when do kings take orders from oversized kitties?" asked Astra brashly, causing all the men to draw their swords again. Aslan just laughed.

"Put your weapons away."

"But Aslan, we must defend your honor!" cried the mouse Reepicheep.

"So says the widdle mouse!" retorted Astra.

"Size does not matter," insisted one of the soldiers.

"That's what she said," Astra whispered to herself, trying to hold in her laughter.

"Perhaps some fresh ocean air would do you good, Astra," said Aslan. "Hop on my back. I do believe an explanation is in order."

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_Kindly review!_

_Next chapter..._

_ "Child, no one is ever told anyone's story but their own."_

_ "So tell me mine: how do I fit into all of this?"_

_ "You will make Caspian into a king."_

_ "Uh, Aslan, he's already a king. That's what coronation ceremonies are for."_


	6. Ch 6: In the Beginning

_A/N: Sorry for the wait. I forgot I had this chapter written. I know, poor excuse, but at least I am giving it to you now!! And I have all next week off from school, so I will probably upload another two chapters. See? Aren't I nice for making it up to you guys? You know you love me. XOXO Not Gossip Girl_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 6: In the Beginning

King Caspian linked his hands together to offer Astra a boost up, but Aslan knew something that the king did not. Astra wound up her fingers in Aslan's mane and took a few steps and swung her leg up. Aslan moved forward, giving Astra enough momentum to slide onto his back. She turned around to look at the motley crew, King Caspian's dark cape billowing behind her. The men scattered, going back to their work, but King Caspian watched them dip over the hill before he walked back to the castle.

"What confuses you Astra?" asked Aslan.

"Everything," Astra said. "I am barely coming to terms with the fact that I'm not dreaming."

"And how do you know that this is true?"

"It's too real. And too logical. And there aren't gaps. You know, in dreams it will all make perfect sense when you dream it, but when you try to explain it the next morning it makes no sense whatsoever? _This makes sense_. And the fact that this makes sense _doesn't_ make sense!" she cried, exasperated.

"How much do you know about Narnia?"

"Nothing. This is all so new to me."

"I suppose then, we'll have to begin at the beginning."

"Is there anywhere else to begin?"

Astra listened in awe about Digory and Polly, the beginning of Narnia, their encounter with Jadis, the 100 year winter, the wardrobe, the Pevensies and the first battle, the White Witch, the departure of the Pevensies during the hunt for the White Stag, the rise of the Telmarines, the return of the Pevensies, the story of how Prince Caspian became King Caspian, the promise he made at his coronation, and his most recent defeat of the Northern Giants.

"Did he love her?" asked Astra, referring to Caspian and Susan.

"I suspect it was just an attraction. But Susan will never return to Narnia. I would not be surprised if she has moved on."

"So sad," she murmured, surprised she let her sarcastic guard down around Aslan. "But Lucy and Edmund will be coming back?"

"Child, no one is ever told anyone's story but their own."

"So tell me mine: how do I fit into all of this?"

"You will make Caspian into a king."

"Uh, Aslan, he's already a king. That's what coronation ceremonies are for."

"I know he can handle himself in times of war, but he needs to learn what it means for him to be a king in the midst of peace. In a year, he will begin his voyage to find the Seven Great Lords. You will guide him to that journey."

"And what after that? Will I be able to return home?"

"After that? Well, Time will tell your Fate."

"That sounds ominous indeed. Is that a smart way of saying, 'I have no freaking clue,' or, 'I know but I can't tell you'?"

"I am glad Fate chose you."

"I am beginning to think I don't have much of a choice in the matter of what Fate decides to do with me."

"Astra, you always have a choice. And the real secret is that you decide your own Fate. But that Fate will be told in Time. If we all knew our destiny, the essence of Life would die."

"How am I supposed to make him into a king? I'm a lowly outsider who has no idea what the hell is going on!" cried Astra, sliding off Aslan's back and kicking the sand. Aslan gave her a pointed look. "Okay, that was a bit dramatic and slightly Palin-ish, but still… how am I supposed to do this?"

"You are a smart girl, you will figure it out."

"Aslan!!!"

"What, child?"

"I don't know what kings are supposed to be like! I don't think I've ever been a king in one of my past lives! I was probably a lemur or some crazy cat lady, not royalty!"

"Well, making him into a king is only half the task."

"There's more?!?!?!?"

"I think you will find this part slightly more manageable: you will make him into a man." Astra looked at him, her mind automatically going into the gutter.

"You mean I have to do…?"

"No! Please keep your head out of the gutter and on the sidewalk," ordered Aslan. "He thinks his Fate is complete and he has done what he has supposed to. Although this is true, he forgets his second fate: his fate not as a king, but as a man."

"He has forgotten the essence of Life," said Astra.

"You are Life, Astra, a beautiful whirlwind of emotions and action. I know he can be king, but he must be a man reach his full potential. Do you understand?"

"Yes. I have to make him fall in love with Life."

"You do not _have_ to."

"How could I say no?" Astra asked, dipping her feet into the cool ocean. "And then after that?"

"Now that is your True Fate. That depends what you do with your Life in Narnia."

"So it is my choice."

"Indeed."

"It is still very confusing."

"Just be his friend." Astra sighed, wiggling her toes in the sand, causing it to cloud the water. "See that? It is like the sand. You kick it up and it clouds the water, but… wait. Ah, there! You wait and it settles and the water is clear. Fate is like that. In Time, your Fate will be clear. But you must wait."

"I'll have you know, Aslan, that I am impossibly impatient."

"I know. Which is why this will be very, very interesting."

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_Yay! Please review! :)_

_Next chapter..._

_"In the name of Aslan's mane, Your Majesty, what did the cat drag in?" asked a large woman._

_"A Daughter of Eve."_

_"Ha ha!" cried Astra. "Aslan's a cat and he kind of brought me here… oh that's just ironic!"_


	7. Ch 7: Punching Bags

_A/N: A new chapter, as promised!!! Actually, I've been on a roll. I have also written chapters 8, 9, and 10!!! But, I shant post them without some encouragement, so kindly review! I am leaving for vacation tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday, but if 3 people (excluding my best friends) have reviewed, I will post another chapter. If not, you will have to wait another few days. I know, I am evil, but I must keep your attention somehow!_

_I really like this chapter because we get to know Caspian a bit more. I'm trying to build more depth on his character other than he is considered, by most, to be a perfect gentleman._

**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 7: Punching Bags

King Caspian could not focus inside the castle. The Daughter of Eve- Astra- was certainly something to behold and like no other woman he had met before. She was brash and comical, yet at the same time intelligent and logical. He wondered what her world was like, was it normal to swear, and what was the Renaissance Faire? Her presence, however, was slightly unnerving, and Aslan's suggestion was ominous. He had thought that he had all the help he needed to rebuild Narnia. Was it not he who defeated the giants all on his own? Caspian scowled at himself for having a moment of vanity. He mentally corrected himself: he had led his troops into battle, together defeating the giants. But did her presence mean there was yet another obstacle to overcome? He thought that the worst was over and he could settle into a Golden Age. Well, there would be no Golden Age like when the Pevensies ruled, but Narnia deserved an era of peace. In the back of his head, Caspian thought he deserved one too, but he dared not to think too much of it, knowing that as King, he was not entitled to it.

With a sigh, Caspian decided that he indulged a bit much on his afternoon romp and was now experiencing nature withdrawals, as he longed get out of the stifling castle and walk along the beach barefoot. It was a comforting pastime of his, as he had always felt a connection to the sea, but rarely had the time to do so. Such was the paradox of being a King: having the ability to do anything he wanted but not having the time. Plus, Aslan and Astra were out on the beach no doubt. He wished that Astra would find the ocean, as well as Narnia, just as beautiful as he thought it was. Judging by the shadows in the room, it was late afternoon. He hoped that they would return soon so he would have an excuse to exit the castle. In the meanwhile, Caspian charmingly smiled at the short man who was talking to him, nodding to feign attention.

"Your Majesty, Lady Astra and Aslan have returned," said King Caspian's favorite soldier, Douglass Durham. There was a fatherly air about the man. He had always been able to pick up on Caspian's inner thoughts when he first struggled to bear the weight of the crown. It was no surprise that he had been the soldier to reassure Lady Astra throughout her confusing ordeal.

"Thank you, Douglass," Caspian said, thankful for more reason than one. He glided out of his chair, remembering to excuse himself from the official he was talking to, and briskly strode outside.

Astra was clutched onto Aslan's back, looking far less intimidating and in-your-face than when she first stepped foot in Narnia. Her face was buried in his soft mane, her fingers wrapped around the same. The wound on her forehead seemed to be coagulating, a slight bruise forming. It would heal just fine if looked after properly, Caspian noted. Douglass chatted easily to Aslan, with reverence and respect, glancing at the girl with a worried expression. Aslan smiled knowingly at his doting.

"I am sure the lady will not protest to a bath," suggested Douglass, knowing all-too-well, having a daughter himself. Caspian mentally slapped his forehead for not thinking of that himself and leaned over her, trying to figure out the best way to wake her up. Aslan and Douglass looked on, bemused.

"Um… Lady Astra, wake up." He waited a moment and poked her. "Lady Astra?" He gently gripped her arm and shook it. Astra let out a rather unladylike snort and buried her face in Aslan's mane.

"May I suggest something, Your Majesty?" asked Douglass.

"That would be helpful," said Caspian, his face neutral.

"Be assertive."

"Hmm… good idea." Caspian straightened up and prepared to give her a firm nudge.

"Then you might want to—" But it was too late. Caspian shook Astra. Her body jolted, her muscles coiling and then springing to life. Her arm shot out from her side, her fist nailing Caspian directly in the gut. "—step back," said Douglass, grimly finishing his advice. Astra sleepily opened her eyes, surveying the scene.

"Whadimiss?" she asked, her words slurring together. She saw Caspian clutching his stomach in surprise, gasping for air, causing a light bulb to turn on above her head. "Oh, did I punch you?" she asked with an apologetic expression on her face. Caspian grimaced his reply. "Sorry, it's a bad reflex, the product of growing up with three other brothers around. I'm use to being awaken roughly or being awaken nicely only to have something worse happen to me."

"That would explain it," Caspian muttered. Astra slid off Aslan's back.

"Thank you Aslan," she said softly.

"_Thank you_, Astra," replied Aslan. "But now I must leave you." Astra opened her mouth to protest. "No, I must. You know what to do." He gave her a pointed look, then looked at Caspian. Aslan turned to walk away, but Caspian rushed after him in a moment of hesitation.

"Did I do something wrong? Should I be worried?" he frantically asked Aslan, who smiled with a twinkle in his eyes.

"No, son, you did nothing wrong and you should not be worried. You should, however, be prepared." Aslan leapt off, his long legs extending in expansive strides into the horizon. _Prepared for what?_ thought Caspian.

"He has a habit of doing that," said Astra, interrupting Caspian's reverie, "of saying confusing things and then galloping off into the sunset, doesn't he?"

"He does indeed," said Caspian softly, still eyeing the spot where Aslan once stood. Astra lifted up her arm and smelled her armpit.

"Wow, I smell. Can I go clean up?" she said nonchalantly. Caspian directed her to the castle, her marching ahead of him inside. "Wow, this is where you live?"

"Yes," Caspian said simply, causing an odd look from Astra.

"I guess I was expecting some sarcastic quip there, but you're not a fan of sarcasm, are you?" she asked rhetorically. Caspian vaguely wondered if she was disappointed by this fact.

"I will call someone to assist you," he said, walking off.

"Um, I can take a bath myself," she protested, jogging after him. "I've been doing it since I was four." Caspian ignored her comment, asking a guard to fetch Maria. Meanwhile, Astra tried another approach. "You know, Your Majesty, you have been very generous, kind, and hospitable, but I think I can manage this one on my own."

"I am sure you can, Lady Astra, but you will be a guest in my house. Not only will you be a guest, you will, as I am told, be my friend, and I give nothing but the best for my friends. You will be treated practically like royalty. Is that not what every girl wants?"

"Not this one," Astra muttered under her breath.

"Pardon?" asked Caspian, who missed her comment.

"In the name of Aslan's mane, Your Majesty, what did the cat drag in?" asked a large woman.

"A Daughter of Eve."

"Ha ha!" cried Astra. "Aslan's a cat and he kind of brought me here… oh that's just ironic!"

"Maria, this is Lady Astra. She will be saying at Cair Paravel for a long duration and requires a bath at the moment."

"She requires more than just a bath," snorted the woman, eyeing Astra up and down. "She is practically a charity case."

"Oh bite me," retorted Astra.

"She shows her affection in odd ways," said Caspian to Astra with a saccharine smile.

"Affection my ass," said Astra, before Marie grabbed her and yanked her down a hallway. "Ahhh!!! Don't leave me with this woman!" Caspian gave a sympathetic shrug. She would forgive him… eventually… he hoped.

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_A/N: PLEASE REVIEW!!!_

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	8. Ch 8: Cruel & Unusual Punishment

_A/N: I was astounded by the number of reviews for the last chapter! Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement: _

**_Spelllesswonder29, _****_anoymous, __cheymon, __tomatobasilsoup, __mentoslover_**

_And always thanks to my best friends and editors, **Bean and Dark n Twisty**. I love you guys so much and your support is adored._

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 8: Cruel and Unusual Punishment

"Follow me," ordered Maria, dragging Astra down the hallway of the reconstructed Cair Paravel castle.

"Not like I really have a choice," Astra muttered in response. In the back of her mind, she remembered Aslan's words: you always have a choice. With a grumble, Astra let Maria yank her around corners and through doorways until she stopped in front of a door.

"This will be your room." Maria opened the door and Astra raised her eyebrows at the splendor of it. The first thing she noticed was the large window with a view of the clear, blue sea and an expansive balcony. Couches and small tables filled the room and Astra eyed the small bookshelf hungrily.

"So, I sleep on the couch?" she wondered aloud. Maria snorted.

"Your bedroom is that way," she said, pointing to another door on the left. Astra walked through the door and found a room with a large bed, a vanity, and a wardrobe.

"This is so much better than my dorm room," Astra said to herself. The light from the window shined on the comfortable-looking bed and Astra went to collapse on it.

"Tsk, na na na!" cried Maria. "Bath first. Sleep later. This way." Maria opened another door and walked into the large bathroom.

"Are there enough rooms in this place?" Astra asked sarcastically. Maria did not appreciate her humor.

"Take off your clothes."

"Whaaaaaaaat???"

"Take off your clothes."

"Why???"

"Unless you want to take a bath with your clothes on!" cried Maria, exasperated.

"Okay," said Astra, scurrying behind the curtain and taking off her clothes.

"I haven't got all day," drawled Maria. Astra gave her the finger as her response. She eased herself into the sudsy tub, her muscles protesting from her morning misadventures. Maria whipped back the curtain.

"What the hell?" scowled Astra, instinctively covering herself even though the bubbles on the surface of the water accomplished that. Maria dunked Astra's head underwater and Astra sputtered angrily back to the surface. "What the crap was that for?"

"Time to wash your hair. When I am done with it, it will no longer be a rat's refugee camp."

"How considerate of you," grumbled Astra as Maria squirted some goop in her hair and began to vigorously scrub her scalp. The maid moved onto the rest of Astra's body, making various comments that Astra could do nothing but roll her eyes at:

_"Are your nails naturally black or do you enjoy having dirt under them all the time? Are you making an earthworm refugee camp too?"_

_"Oh how charming. You have man arms."_

_"Is this your snake impersonation or have you just forgotten how to use lotion?"_

Astra decided that if the woman was not critiquing her, she would like her sarcasm very much.

"You finish up. But be quick, there is much to do." Maria unceremoniously tossed the washcloth at Astra and stalked out of the room, barking orders to someone else. Astra scrubbed the rest of her body and gingerly got out of the now cold and dirty bathwater. She tossed her hair on top of her head with a towel and wrapped herself in a bathrobe before she heard a knock on the door.

"Oh, _now_ we have learned our manners. I guess you can come in, but I thought my torture was over, Maria!" called out Astra. In stepped a sheepish looking girl about Astra's age.

"Sorry milady. Maria has requested that I finish up assisting you."

"I don't need any help," Astra said. The girl smiled.

"I'm sure you would like some clean clothes." It was a very disarming smile and Astra could feel herself soften some. "Come, sit down," she said with that smile, gesturing Astra to sit at the bathroom vanity. "Now Lady Astra—"

"I'm no lady. Just Astra."

"But—"

"No one's going to smite you if you drop my undeserved title. Well, I might smite you if you don't. I'm just Astra. And your name?"

"May," the girl reluctantly responded. "Lady—I mean, Astra, would you be so kind as to remove the towel on your head?" Astra did so with a shrug. May gently combed her hair, which Astra was quite thankful for after dealing with Maria. Within fifteen minutes, Astra's auburn hair was dry, shiny, and cooperative and May was dabbing on a bit of kohl around Astra's eyelashes. Even Astra was slightly impressed.

"Damn, I haven't looked this good in awhile," Astra said with an approving nod. May seemed rather pleased with herself.

"Come, I will find you something to wear," said May, leading her into the bedroom. Just then, Maria burst into the room with another lady.

"Arms out," Maria ordered Astra.

"Why?"

"Measurements."

"For what?"

"Dresses."

"Ew. Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"I hate dresses."

"How unfortunate for you." Astra glanced at May, who was trying to hide her smile. "You will have new dresses by morning. For now, you will have to wear Queen Susan's old clothes."

"Queen Susan? _The_ Queen Susan?"

"Is there any other Queen Susan I am unaware of?" asked Maria. Astra just scowled all the while until she looked at herself in the mirror. The dress was long and blue with white sleeves and gold trim. It was beautiful and Astra looked beautiful in it and Astra hated it.

"It's a bit long," murmured the seamstress. Another maid burst into the room.

"Is the lady decent?" she asked. Astra burped.

"What lady?" asked Astra.

"My thoughts exactly," muttered Maria.

"We are busy," bristled the seamstress to the maid. The maid dejectedly exited the room with a sigh. "And it is a bit tight," the seamstress murmured, poking at Astra's side.

"And it's a bit big in the boob region," added Astra. There was a cough behind her and she whirled around to see King Caspian. "Hey Caspian. King Caspian… uh, Your Majesty Sir. Hi." Caspian looked at her oddly for a moment. "Is everything alright?" Astra asked.

"Oh, yes, sorry. You just… you just looked like someone I knew for a moment there."

"Susan?" Astra blurted out without filtering her thoughts.

"Well, yes. From the back you look quite alike… except she was taller and her hair a bit darker and skin lighter… well, my real purpose in coming here was to ask you to dine with me tonight."

"Oh, yeah, that'll be fine."

"Good. I will see you at 6 o'clock then."

"Okee dokee." The King walked out of the room, all the maids ogling him. As soon as the door shut and Caspian was out of earshot, they all burst into giggles and whispers. "Um, as fascinating and intriguing as you all think Caspian's arse is, can someone get me out of this freaking dress before I suffocate?!?!"

* * *

_Please review!!!_

_Sneak preview for next chapter:_

_"Why did you take off the dress?!?!"_

_"Because I couldn't breathe! I personally am a fan of oxygen."_

_"Well, put it back on! It is nearly six!"_

_"Can't I just wear this?" asked Astra, gesturing to the dress she wore under the gown. Maria looked at Astra as if she was insane._

_"No! You cannot go parading around the castle in your underclothes!"_

_"But it's so much more comfortable."_

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_And there's dinner with the King too..._


	9. Ch 9: Solitary Confinement

_A/N: Hello loves. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, **Spelllesswonder29** and **Jeffismyhero1217**. Thanks also to my editors and besties, Dark and Twisty and Bean. And thanks to those who have added this story to their favorites list or alerts. Okay, now I'm beginning to sound like an Oscar's acceptance speach, so I'm guessing it's time to just get on with the chapter._**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 9: Solitary Confinement

Astra's request was unheard amongst the hubbub. With a sigh, she walked into her bedroom and shut the door behind her, collapsing on the plush bed. She heard humming coming from the bathroom but ignored it. A few minutes later, out came May, who jumped with surprise when she saw Astra lying on the bed.

"Milady! I apologize; I did not realize you were here!"

"It's alright," Astra said glumly.

"Is milady alright?"

"Really, you can call me Astra."

"Are you alright… Astra?"

"It's just been a long day and this dress is so fucking tight and…"

"Here, let me help you," said May, who helped her peel the dress off her body. Astra was able to breathe again, and snuggled up on the bed wearing the light dress she wore under Queen Susan's gown. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Yeah. I just… I just… why are all the maids obsessed with the King?" May laughed.

"What is there not to be obsessed with? He is the King, after all."

"He's just a man, seems pretty normal to me."

"Most are quite enamored with his looks."

"But isn't he your boss?"

"Oh, but he is so kind and good! We are all generously paid and given the best of care. I am lucky to work here."

"What about your family?"

"My father is a soldier, Douglass Durham. King Caspian views him favorably, so he always makes sure we are well."

"Do you have any other family?"

"No, it is just the two of us. Do you have a family back at home?"

"Yeah, a mother and three older brothers. My dad died when I was younger."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said May with genuine remorse.

"May!!!!!!!" screeched Maria through the closed doors.

"I have to go, Astra," said May with her disarming smile.

"We'll talk later," Astra said, with a hint of hope in her voice. "It would be nice to have a friend here." May's smile widened before she left the room, shouting, "coming!" Astra walked to the window, looking at the ocean outside. She thought of the task at hand and her family at home. She hoped that Time would work itself out as Aslan said it would and she would not be missed. The last thing she needed was to have her family fret about her. Astra finally managed to calm herself down and rid her mind of all thoughts on Narnia when Maria burst through the door.

"Why did you take off the dress?!?!"

"Because I couldn't breathe! I personally am a fan of oxygen."

"Well, put it back on! It is nearly six!"

"Can't I just wear this?" asked Astra, gesturing to the dress she wore under the gown. Maria looked at Astra as if she was insane.

"No! You cannot go parading around the castle in your underclothes!"

"But it's so much more comfortable."

"You will have a better dress tomorrow. I think you can survive an hour in the Queen's dress. It is an honor to even be allowed to wear it and you sit there and complain it is too tight. Now get up so I can put the gown on you," barked Maria. Astra was not in the position to protest, so she glumly got out of bed and stepped into the gown. She was escorted by Maria through the maze of a castle into the dinning hall. King Caspian stood in the room, talking to a short man.

"At nine you have your inspection of the troops, and at ten you have training, and then at noon you have lunch with the ambassador of Archenland, and at three is the Lion Heart ceremony for the soldiers, and at five is your lesson with the Professor and at six you have dinner with Lady Astra. I'd say tomorrow will be one of the freer days you have had lately." Astra gaped at the man's statement.

"I suppose it will," said Caspian, still very composed. He then noticed Astra standing awkwardly near the door. "Oh, Lady Astra, do come in." Caspian politely helped her into a chair before sitting down himself. "Lady Astra, I hope you are content with eating turkey tonight. It has been smoked all day, so I hope that will be adequate, milady."

"Yeah, that sounds delicious. And you really don't have to call me 'lady.' The title just sounds ridiculous when paired with my name. I'd really prefer you just call me Astra. After all, I'm supposed to be your friend. Friends don't have titles."

"I assume, then, that you wish to address me as Caspian?"

"If that's okay with you," said Astra with a shrug.

"I suppose it would be acceptable, except not in formal settings, of course," Caspian said with some hesitation.

"Of course." Their meals were brought out to them, which Astra hungrily dug into.

"Is your room to your liking?"

"Yes, it's perfect. I love the large window as you walk in the room."

"Do you enjoy the view?"

"I do. It's even more breathtaking up close. Aslan and I went there to talk."

"Did you enjoy Aslan's company?"

"Yes, it was nice. There's something about him… I don't know, I just really trusted in him for some odd reason. Then again, I've never been talked with a lion before, so what would I know about the matter?"

"I do remember the Pevensies saying how they do not have talking animals in their world. It is a shame, I suppose." Astra was not sure how to respond, remembering her encounter with the squirrel, and smiled and took another bite of turkey. They fell into a moment of awkward silence before a man burst into the room.

"Pardon me, milord, your signature is urgently required."

"Well, I suppose if it is quick. I do have a guest tonight, my friend."

"Oh yes, the Lady Astra. Welcome to Narnia," said the man, although he was clearly distracted. "Just sign here and here and here and here and twice here and here and here…" Caspian looked at the document with the slightest irritation in his eyes before signing it with a sigh. The man left and Caspian apologized profusely.

"I am terribly sorry, Lady Astra—"

"Astra," she corrected him.

"I apologize, Astra. I try to avoid having to do work during meal time, especially when I have guests, but unfortunately politics have little patience and cannot wait."

"I understand," said Astra. Just then a different man burst into the room.

"Pardon the intrusion, Your Majesty, but we have just received word of a small outbreak in the north." Caspian had an expression of exasperation and worry etched on his face. "Immediate action is required to prevent this from turning into something larger."

"I suppose, then, this cannot wait until after I have had dinner with my guest?" asked Caspian, his voice slightest bit strained. The man looked at Astra as if she was a fly on the wall and shook his head no.

"I am so sorry. I do not make a habit out of abandoning my guests mid-meal. I feel most rude and inhospitable."

"It's alright."

"I will make it up to you. Would you give me the pleasure of joining me for breakfast?"

"I'm not really a morning person. And you will probably be up far earlier than I unless Maria goes insane again."

"True," he said with a small smile. "Then I suppose it will have to be dinner. I will arrange for you to have a tour of the castle and grounds in the morning. Perhaps we will catch each other in passing."

"Your Majesty, this is urgent," said the man.

"I am sorry, I really must go," he apologized once more before exiting the room. Astra heard the sound of the door closing echo across the room. Astra ate the scrumptious food and reflected on their odd conversation, attempting to make out Caspian's character.

He was excellent at small talk. Surely it was a result of his position, having to make conversation with various politicians without offending anyone. He spoke with grace and tact, and was surely accurately labeled by others as "good-natured" and "even-tempered." Astra could not condemn him for these good qualities, yet she felt detached and almost awkward when speaking. Caspian certainly spoke with elevated language with a natural ease, and although Astra was not intimidated by that fact, he spoke very carefully, almost guardedly. He asked for her opinion and kept the conversation going, but they talked of trivial things. It seemed as though she was more of a guest than a friend.

Although Astra made friends easily with her quick wit and charm, none of this was shown in her conversation with Caspian. His formality made it quite difficult. Astra did not expect him to want to be friends with her immediately and indulge her with his darkest secrets and life story, but she did expect him to be a little more personal. Perhaps, Astra thought with a bit of pity, he had forgotten what it was like to have a true friend his age.

Yet, she could not help but admire his patience when dealing with those who he worked with. Astra would have been very angry if someone interrupted her during meal time. It was probably the only real time that poor King Caspian had to himself. He did seem tired and subdued. Or perhaps he was just very introverted. As she ate her food alone in the large dinning hall, Astra realized that her job to befriend the King would be far more difficult than she originally thought it would be.

* * *

_Please review!_

_I will update in about a week. You guys can wait that long, right?_

_Sneak preview:_

_"Seriously dude, I grew up with three overprotective older brothers. I know my self-defense and when I tell you that I could render you in worlds of pain, I'm not kidding."_

_"You are at least a foot shorter than me and hundred pounds lighter than me. How could you possibly hurt me?"_

_"I could kick your balls for starters," Astra growled, taking a step forward. "Well, on second thought, I might miss. They're probably on the small side."_


	10. Ch 10: A Ruckus Among Us

_A/N: Hello my lovelies. Sorry for not getting this to you sooner, but I was too busy being lazy. I know, I am aweful, yaddah yaddah yaddah. Thanks to anonymous, All The Pretty Horses, and Spelllesswonder29 for reviewing my last chapter. Also thanks to my besties and editors (you know who you are, love you) and all those who have added this story to their favorites and alerts. It's super encouraging. I'm always open to constructive criticism and love getting reviews, so if you drop a line, I will be quite happy. I anticipate on updating within the next two weeks, but I'm also juggling two other stories and life, so hang in there. Thanks and enjoy!_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 10: A Ruckus Among Us

Astra finished her dinner and stood up from the table, the sound of her chair scraping against the floor echoing across the hall. She wondered if Caspian always ate his dinners alone. It seemed awfully lonely, especially in a room as large as the dinning hall in Cair Paravel. She eventually found her way back to the room where she was bombarded by a number of maids busily sewing dresses how her dinner was, scrounging for details on the apparently delectable King. Astra grabbed May by the wrist and pulled her into the bedroom, shutting the door on the faces of the nosy maids.

"Please help me get out of this dress," said Astra tiredly. May just smiled and nodded, helping Astra undo the numerous ties and buttons.

"Well, how was your dinner?"

"Cut short. Politics, you know," Astra said. "He's really shy, isn't he?"

"Hmm?" asked May, absorbed in trying to get the gown off Astra.

"The King—he's really shy."

"I would not say shy," said May. "Perhaps guarded is more accurate."

"I got that feeling while talking to him. Small talk, you know?" May nodded sympathetically.

"Well, you've had a long day. Perhaps some sleep will do you good."

"Ha, I am easily persuaded when sleep is involved. And tell Maria if she even thinks about waking me up before 10 o'clock, I will kill her."

"I will pass on the message," said May, good-naturedly. "Goodnight."

"'Night." Astra curled up under the covers and promptly fell asleep. She woke up the next morning, her forehead still slightly tender from where she bumped it the day before. She was sure she had a concussion, but Aslan must have cured it somehow, perhaps by magic. It seemed as though most anything was possible in Narnia. Still half-asleep, she heard whispers outside the door.

"She requested not to be woken up before 10!" she heard May cry urgently.

"Well, it is 10:05 and last time I checked, the girl was a simpleton Daughter of Eve, not a princess. All the beauty sleep in the world could not make that girl into a lady," sneered Maria. Astra cringed when the door opened and Maria stormed into the room. "Wake up!" she cried, opening the curtains and pulling the sheets off the bed.

"Bitch," Astra growled under her breath.

"You have practically slept half the day away. Time to get up."

"Fucking make me," said Astra, reclaiming the bed sheets. A few seconds later, Astra found herself on the ground. "And you're the one accusing me of having man arms!"

"Into the bathroom, wash your face, and then you have dresses to try on." Astra gave Maria the middle finger and stalked into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Astra splashed water from a basin on her face and patted it dry with a towel, wincing when she touched her wound near her temple. It had healed into a white scar, but was slightly bruised on the surrounding skin. There was a knock on the door.

"Do you Narnians not have a 'right to privacy' clause in your constitution or something?" she barked.

"It's me," said May, "When you are ready, please come and try on your dresses." Astra opened the door and May gasped. "Oh, Aslan, how did you get that terrible bruise?"

"Rocks. They're hard," grumbled Astra as May ran around in a tizzy. "May, it's alright. It's just a bruise. It will fade in a few days. It hardly even shows as it is. Now can I try on the stupid dresses and be on my merry way?" May quickly turned her attention to the dresses, which were scattered on Astra's now made bed. They were simple, everyday dresses and Astra could have even gone so far as to say they were pretty, which was quite the compliment. They were in a number of colors—greens, blues, reds, purples, and yellows—and a number of cuts—v-neck, crew neck, boat-neck, short sleeve, half sleeve, long sleeve—and had a few final touches—ribbon, beading, embroidery—but in essence it was the same dress. The skirt started at her hips and fell loosely down to her ankles, while the upper half of the dress fit her snuggly and tied up in the front. Additionally, the seamstress provided Astra with a black cloak and brown leather ankle boots. Astra chose a half sleeve, v-neck yellow dress and was rather satisfied with the way it fit. "It's a miracle; I can breathe!" Maria just rolled her eyes.

Astra was lead down stairs to the dinning hall where an assortment of bread and fruits where laid out for her. Astra ate mango and a bagel (without any pesky squirrel's help) before May gave her a tour through the castle. The place was enormous to say the least, with more bedrooms than she could count. It was filled with ballrooms, meeting rooms, armories, kitchens, maid's quarters, studies, and even a library. Astra insisted upon going into the library and pulling out a number of books about Narnian history. They would certainly be an interesting read. May then handed Astra over to her father, Douglass Durham, who turned out to be one of the men who originally found Astra in the forest. Astra immediately recognized him by his kind eyes and gentle voice.

"Thanks again for being so patient with me yesterday," Astra thanked him.

"It was no problem, milady," he said.

"What's with everyone and their love for titles? Please, just call me Astra."

"If you insist," he said. Douglass led her around the immense grounds where much of the soldiers had set up camp. Astra marveled at the stables and wished to talk to the horses, but Douglass was on a tight schedule.

"But I've never talked with a horse before!" Astra insisted.

"You may do that after the tour," he said with a smile in his eye. "I am nearly late to meet with milord."

"And what do you think of him? Caspian."

"A good man and a good king. He values his kingdom over his own life."

"Sounds like a good guy."

"A perfect gentleman." Douglass caught her gaze. "You will get to know him in time. Just be patient." Astra rolled her eyes.

"Patience is not my forte." Douglass ended her tour in front of the archery range before he politely excuses himself and went off to find Caspian. It was about then that Astra remembered that she had no idea where her archery gear was. She turned around to make her inquiry to Douglass, but he was long gone.

"You're not supposed to touch that!" said a young man at the archery range to a different, burlier man.

"Who's going to find out?" said the man, holding a bow. "You are such a wimp." Astra crept forward to get better view of the equipment.

"It's not yours!" insisted the younger man.

"And it's not Durham's either and he's the one who told us not to touch it. I don't see the problem." "It," as it turned out, was none other than Astra's precious bow and arrows.

"Well, I do," proclaimed Astra, stepping into the archery range.

"Good lady, have you gotten yourself lost?" asked the burly man with a charming, slimy smile. "May I escort you back to the castle?"

"No, but you may give me my bow and arrows back," she said, reaching out with an open palm.

"Yours? My lady, you must be mistaken."

"Okay, cut the crap and this 'lady' business. Just give me my stuff and I'll be on my way. Scouts honor!" she added sarcastically. The men burst out laughing.

"Who _are_ you?" asked the man.

"Your worst nightmare if you don't give me my stuff back," she sneered.

"Feisty," murmured the man, who began circling Astra.

"I really don't want to make this a bigger deal than this has to be, so I'm going to ask nicely one more time: Please give me my bow and arrows back."

"It's not yours," said the man.

"It's not yours either."

"How do you know?"

"Because it's mine."

"Other than that!"

"Because you wouldn't be able to handle a bow like that," she said, causing the crowd to jeer. The burly man looked at his peers angrily.

"And I suppose you can?"

"Yep. If you give it to me, I will prove it."

"Who do you think you are, thinking you can order us around? Queen Susan?"

"No, from what I heard, she was called Queen Susan _the Gentle_, so I would think she would be a hell of a lot nicer than I am. And skinnier and taller and more perfect. Just fucking give me my stuff back."

"Make me."

"What, are we in the second grade?" asked Astra, even though she had just used the burly man's retort against Maria that morning. "Seriously dude, I grew up with three overprotective older brothers. I know my self-defense and when I tell you that I could render you in worlds of pain, I'm not kidding."

"You are at least a foot shorter than me and hundred pounds lighter than me. How could you possibly hurt me?"

"I could kick your balls for starters," Astra growled, taking a step forward. "Well, on second thought, I might miss. They're probably on the small side." The men burst out in laughter before a cough was heard behind her. Astra whirled around to see Douglass trying to hide his smile accompanied by a stern-looking King Caspian.

"Is there a problem here, Lady Astra?" asked King Caspian.

"Oh no, these gentlemen were just kindly returning my bow and arrows to me," Astra bullshitted. "But they were so cautious and caring—they were worried that I did not know how to handle such equipment and would consequently do damage to myself, but I assured them I have perfect form, see?" Astra took her bow and an arrow from the burly man's grasp and shot it into the bull's-eye of the furthest target. Astra gave the men a triumphant smile before retrieving her arrow. Snatching her gear from the burly man, she walked back to the castle, shouting, "Good-day gentlemen!" over her shoulder.

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_Astra rocks. Period._

_Please review!_

_- Off Dreaming_


	11. Ch 11: A Different Language

_A/N: Sorry for the wait, I've been kind of busy lately. But the feedback and encouragement has been amazing! It's so cool to know that people actually read this. I hope not to disappoint. Thanks to those who have reviewed: **A/N, anonymous, pwndheartx, **and **All The Pretty Horses**. Also thanks to everyone who has added this to their favorites or alerts. And most of all, thanks to my besties, who get mad if I don't write. You guys should thank them too._**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 11: A Different Language

Astra returned to her room, tossing the door open and slamming it behind her. She paused, finding a number of maids looking at her curiously.

"Get a freaking life," she muttered. Feeling restless and cramped, she grabbed a book and a blanket and walked down to the beach. The waves rolled in and out as she turned page after page of a Narnian history book. Astra made it half way through the book before she closed it with a sigh. She had always been somewhat of an outcast at Oxford, being an athlete of an obscure sport and a foreigner, but loneliness had always been a stranger. Astra mused that her isolation in this particular case was slightly self-imposed, but she was in desperate need of a friend to keep her sane. May would make a good friend, but Astra somehow knew that she would never, and could never fit in with the ladies of Cair Paravel. Plus, Caspian's introverted character did not make anything easier.

On the bright side, the sea wind felt good flowing through her hair and Astra picked up the hem of her dress to dip her feet in the warm water. Finally, in need of company, Astra returned to the castle, heading to the kitchen for a bite to eat. The kitchen crew was already aware of Astra's adoration of food by the amount that she had eaten the previous night and took an immediate liking of her. She sat on a counter with her feet swinging below her as she munched delightfully on a grilled cheese sandwich. The head cook doted on her in a motherly fashion as some of the younger men warily eyed her with interest. Eventually, she excused herself from the kitchen's company, laughing at a joke someone said as she exited into the dining hall. King Caspian sat there alone, sipping some wine and looking over papers, apparently having just concluded his meeting with the ambassador of Archenland. He raised his head in surprise at her entrance.

"How was your meeting with the ambassador?" asked Astra, nonchalantly picking up an apple from the table.

"It went well. Narnia is on good terms with Archenland," said Caspian. There was a pause.

"What's that?"

"Oh, just papers." Another pause filled the room. "Have you had a pleasant morning?"

"Reasonably so," said Astra with an amused smirk. "I decided to read at the beach some."

"Really? What did you read?"

"History books. I feel a little ignorant here, so I am trying to familiarize myself with your country." Caspian seemed rather pleased with her response, but a few questions seemed to linger on his mind, although he did not seem to want to ask Astra. "Is there something you want to ask me?" Astra aided him.

"I wanted to ask you… if you have eaten." It was obviously not the question Caspian truly wanted to ask Astra, but she decided to give him the information he wanted anyway.

"Yes, I had some food in the kitchen. The kitchen staff makes very good company."

"You know you may eat out in the dining hall," insisted Caspian.

"Yes, but… it is lonely sitting at that table all by myself. I am use to being surrounded by people while eating. A family thing, I suppose." Caspian's eyes trailed away for a moment before he quickly came up with another question.

"And did you enjoy your tour with Douglass?"

"Yes I did, although I wish I had time to go to the stables. I did a lot of riding back in England, but I have never actually talked to a horse before."

"Perhaps I may give you a tour of the stables tomorrow."

"You are busy, I am sure," Astra said, putting an end to his suggestion. It was a bit rude of her, but he did not seem to protest. If anything, he looked disappointed at his own business, taking a large gulp of wine. "I have, however, befriended Douglass's daughter, May."

"That is good. You… you have seemed to befriend a good many people since you have arrived."

"It is because I am different. And I am not so much welcomed by all." There was yet another awkward pause before Astra decided to provide an example so as not to make Caspian feel guilty. "Maria will probably throw a party the day after I leave." Caspian smiled a little at this and opened his mouth to say something before Caspian's short secretary burst in.

"It is time to get ready for the Lion Heart Ceremony."

"Already? I must have lost track of the time."

"Come now, if it pleases Your Majesty."

"Doesn't sound like you have much of a choice to me," said Astra quietly, as Caspian gathered his papers. "Oh, the life of a King: to be have all the power to order people around, yet be told by others what to do." Astra gave him a knowing smile as Caspian looked at her shocked. At last, someone who understood the paradox in which he called his life.

"Oh, you, Lady Astra," said the secretary. "Aslan has requested your presence at the ceremony. You will want to change into something nicer." Astra decidedly did not like the secretary.

"There's no need to dirty two dresses in one day," protested Astra.

"Then don't get it dirty," said the secretary with a wave of his hand. "Maria is expecting you to be in your room now."

"Oh, FML," grumbled Astra, stalking away.

"FML? Do you know what the lady means by those letters, Your Majesty?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"Daughters of Eve! I swear, they speak a whole different language."

"Agreed."

* * *

May impatiently waited for Astra outside of her room.

"You were supposed to be here a half hour ago!"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"Well, it was expected that you would spend most of the day in the castle and that it would be easy to find you."

"I don't like staying in one place long."

"We've noticed."

"Girl! I hear you whispering outside. Come in now!" cried Maria from within.

"Is she talking to you or me?" asked Astra.

"That would be you."

"That's what I thought." Astra opened the door, only to be grabbed by Maria and shoved into a chair where she was bombarded by a bevy of maids. Astra's wind-swept hair was forced to cooperate with a simple gold headband and kohl was used to line her eyes before she was ordered to shed her simple day dress for something for fancy. For sure, the poor seamstress had been working overtime as she presented Astra with an embellished gold and bronze dress. It was pretty enough, but far too complicated for Astra's simple tastes. The neck of the dress was nearly nonexistent, as it barely hung onto her shoulders.

"Perhaps a necklace would be good," suggested May.

"Oh no, she cannot wear a necklace!" insisted Maria. "It would be a scandal!" Astra nearly choked on her own spit at the seriousness of Maria's tone.

"Oh Aslan, help us all if I dare wear a necklace!" scoffed Astra.

"Indeed, for you will be wearing the Lion Heart awards."

"What?!?!" A knock at the door saved Maria from a full-on interrogation from Astra. The secretary called her out of the room and Astra decided to let him explain it.

"So, I never volunteered to be a part of the ceremony, so I'm not exactly keen on this grand idea."

"Well, I do not see any other pretty ladies conveniently walking around the castle who are both in His Majesty's and Aslan's favor."

"Thanks… I think… but I really don't like this."

"Well, that is quite lamentable, but I am doing this on Aslan's orders. He seems to think you are competent enough."

"And your sentiments are different, I suppose," drawled Astra.

"Aslan, please talk some sense into the girl," said the secretary with a wave of his hand.

"I did not sign up for this. I did not sign up to end up here, wear dresses, try to engage Caspian in reasonably interesting conversations, or to give out some award. I did _not_ sign up for this."

"Astra…"

"I'm not even qualified! I mean, shouldn't someone high and mighty be giving the award? I am nobody. And it seems to be the general opinion that pretty girls are supposed to do stuff like this around here, but _numero uno_: I am not from around here and _numero dos_: it takes like a dozen other people freaking forever to make it so I can get a second glance."

"Astra…"

"This is ridiculous! What is this award even for?"

"It is for bravery on the battlefield."

"Exactly my point! Shouldn't some general be giving the award? Or the king? I mean, that would be pretty cool, I would think. Better than some random girl from America who seems to confuse people every time she opens her mouth. Yeah. And I'm not even as brave as these guys!"

"Astra…"

"They fought in a war, and what have I done? Overcome my fear of vegetables? Oh yay, props for me."

"Astra!!!"

"Yes?

"You are plenty brave. You are still here, after all. And you are doing fine."

"Not really. I'm just… I don't know… I'm just floating, I guess."

"Better than sinking."

"I don't want to do this."

"I know. But we all have to do things we do not exactly like to do in Life."

"Is she persuaded yet?" asked the secretary.

"Adequately."

"Good. So you will be wearing the awards—they are medallions—around your neck and as the names of the soldiers are called, you will removed one and put it around the soldiers neck and perhaps give them a kiss on the cheek."

"A what?!?!?!"

"Can you please lower your voice? A kiss on the cheek, as a reward for their courageous efforts."

"I thought the shiny medallion was the reward 'for their courageous efforts.'"

"It is."

"I'm all for courage and whatnot, but I draw the line at kissing random dudes. I veto your proposition. Hey Caspian—I mean, Your Majesty—do you have veto power?"

"Lady Astra, please focus!" groaned the secretary.

"I suppose I do have veto power in a sense," mused Caspian.

"Your Majesty!" exclaimed the secretary

"I veto kissing men," said Astra, ignoring the secretary.

"Override her veto!" cried the secretary to Caspian.

"It _does_ seem to be a slightly outdated practice."

"Your Majesty, will all due respect, this is not the time to be liberal."

"And with all due respect, my friend, I beg to differ," said Caspian suavely. "Lady Astra, if you could please shake the men's hands, I believe they would appreciate the gesture." The secretary stalked off, throwing his hands in the air. "Oh, may I please put the medallions on you?"

"Yeah."

"Just lift up your hair please." Caspian carefully, one by one, put the dozen medallions around her neck with gentle precision. There was something quiet about his manner, almost tender, that Astra did not know what to make of. Astra studied him out of the corner of her eye, seeing the focused look on his face. Dressed in gold himself, Caspian looked like some divine being, a savior for Narnia. Astra only wondered if she could save him.

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_Next chapter, the Lion Heart Ceremony continues and Astra makes a daring resolution..._

_Please review!_

_- Off Dreaming_


	12. Ch 12: More Love of Shiny Objects

_A/N: Sorry for the long wait!!! I know, I am a horrible person, but whoever said that being a second semester senior is easy was a big fat LIAR!!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and don't hate me too much to review. Thanks to my marvy editors and those who have reviewed. It is greatly appreciated._**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 12: More Love of Shiny Objects

Astra stood next to Caspian, fidgeting with impatience while Caspian was stoic and serene. He eyed her jerky movements with hidden amusement.

"So when is this shebang going to start?"

"Pardon?"

"When is the ceremony going to start?"

"Fairly soon. We are just waiting for a couple more guests." With ease, Caspian greeted a person by their name, engaging in conversation. Astra, impossibly bored, glanced at her feet, only to find the awful squirrel that had originally gotten her in her mess.

"You!" Astra cried.

"I'm sorry for eating your bagel!"

"Is that all you have to say?"

"And I'm sorry for borrowing your arrow!"

"And?!?!"

"I don't think I've done else bad to you…"

"I blame everything on you."

"I'm sorry… what's that you are wearing around your neck? I like it. It's shiny…"

"Seriously, have you learned your lesson yet? Scram, go sit in that tree for the ceremony and I swear to God, if you move a single muscle I will drop kick you from here to Archenland, wherever the hell that is!" Caspian and the man he was talking to had stopped their conversation and looked at Astra, Caspian with peeved disapproval and the man with confusion. Caspian mouthed the words, "say something!" through clenched teeth.

"Um… tough love, it works for squirrels… just trying to help the… _charming_ talking animals of Narnia survive and thrive." Astra added a smile for good measure. The man gave a little nod of his head and parted. Caspian deeply sighed. "Sorry?" She then saw the look in his eyes—he seemed rather conflicted on whether to laugh or be mad. Astra was disappointed when he chose the later.

"Please try and be formal." Fortunately, just then, Aslan walked up to the couple. Astra went to hug him but was stopped by the secretary.

"You'll get hair on your dress."

"You are not my mother. She's way cooler."

"He is not your mother, Astra," said Aslan, "but he is right. I believe I am shedding now."

"Even giant lions shed?"

"Even giant lions."

"Shweet." Aslan gave an empathetic nod.

"Child, this is Reepiceep. He has sacrificed a great deal for Narnia," said Aslan, introducing her to the mouse with a sword who she met on her first day in Narnia.

"Then why doesn't he give the awards?"

"Because those awards are larger than me, milady," said Reepiceep.

"Size didn't seem to stop you from drawing your sword on me."

"Astra…" said Aslan, with a warning tone.

"Okay, I got it. I will behave." Astra added a glance to Caspian, who pretended to be otherwise occupied. Aslan sighed. "It seems as though everyone has been doing a lot of that lately. Sighing." Astra sighed, falling into silence.

"Places everyone," hollered the secretary. Astra stifled a giggle at the funny scene, but also could not help but marvel at the shades of gold and bronze donned by Caspian, Aslan, the soldiers, and herself. Caspian was looking particularly regal with his crown on.

"It is heavy?" Astra asked, referring to the crown. Caspian looked at her for a second, thinking deeply into the question and choosing his words with care.

"It is… it is quite heavy, but one becomes accustomed to it after awhile." He then stepped forward and addressed the crowd. "Ladies and gentlemen of Narnia, I am proud to announce the recipients of the Lion Hearted Award for bravery in combat. These soldiers in front of you have performed a great service for Narnia and have shown bravery in the face of danger. These men put their lives on the line for Narnia and in return, we recognize their valor with the highest award in the nation." Caspian's voice boomed over the land. In private, he was a very soft-spoken man, but in the spotlight, he glowed. Astra was blown away by the stillness of the audience, who hung on his every word. It seemed as though every word was a silk thread, carefully spun together. Astra mused over the metaphor in her head, surprised at the cheesy, yet true thought.

Others spoke, but no one quite received the utmost attention as did Caspian. Aslan stood on the sidelines, quiet and pensive, but with proud eyes. Astra managed to keep herself still, realizing that every small move made the medallions jiggle and the audience look at her. That, and Reepiceep kept on shooting her death glares. Astra decided she liked him. Before knew it, Caspian gave her a nod to approach the first recipient. She quietly slipped the medallion off her head and put it over the stooped head of the soldier, adjusting the clasp before looking into the eyes of the soldier. Astra could not read the man, being older and more guarded, and instead offered a warm smile. Slowly she made her way down the line until she reached the last soldier. Excited to be rid of the last heavy medallion, she gingerly took it off her neck and prepared to hand it off. Instead of dipping his head, the soldier just looked at her.

He still had baby cheeks and was a little too tall for his clothes, just like he had finished a growth spurt and had nothing else to wear. He was young, too young to be receiving an award for bravery in the battlefield. His eyes reflected the horrors he saw. He jumped every time the wind shimmied through a bush and his hand would keep dropping to his belt, as if searching for a knife. In his eyes, he saw a scene to serene to be true. Certainly, something had to be out there. He was not proud of his award, and hardly accepting of it. They locked eyes for a moment before Astra gave him the slightest nod. He dropped his eyes and his chin almost to his chest as Astra stood on tiptoes to sling it over his neck. She adjusted the medallion but her eyes were on him.

Guilt. It was what he felt, what all the soldiers felt to some degree. Guilty of surviving and receiving some gold shiny thing that really meant nothing. They weren't supposed to have that award, none of them were. Because they were supposed to be brave. Cowards went home with reprimands or in a box. The brave ones weren't supposed to come home and they weren't supposed to receive medals. It didn't change anything or make it better.

Astra found tears welling up in her eyes. She took the soldiers hand and squeezed it tightly. The air was still and warm. The audience burst out in applause as the family members rushed to greet their fathers, brothers, and sons returning home. Astra saw a woman weaving through the crowd—his mother. Astra pulled the young soldier closer to her.

"It's okay," she whispered in his ear before pulling away. He looked at her, confused. "It's okay." He paused for a moment in thought before his eyes changed.

"Take care of yourself," he said. Astra smiled with blurry eyes before walking off. Caspian's eyes followed the bottom hem of her dress, sweeping the grass as she made her way to the castle.

* * *

Old books made everything better, Astra decided. She took the large volume of "A History of Narnia" and curled up in a corner, pouring over each page before she heard some humming. Astra quietly closed the book and searched for the noise, approaching an old, short man from behind.

"Hello," she chirped. The man jumped, tossing the book over his shoulder with a yelp. Astra caught the book as the man spun around, surprised. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," said Astra, sheepishly handing back the book. The man accepted the book warily and eyed her.

"You must be Lady Astra."

"You people really need more girls in the castle."

"Caspian has spoke of you."

"He has?"

"He finds you peculiar."

"Not surprising."

"Ah, you are reading 'A History of Narnia.' I was wondering where that went."

"Oh, sorry, I just grabbed a few that looked interesting. I was bored."

"Good, good. It is a wonderful book. But I do believe that half of the beauty of history is story-telling."

"Really?"

"I am Doctor Cornelius," said the man.

"I am not-a-Lady Astra."

"Come, sit, sit and I will tell you a story."

"A story?"

"Of life, death, beginnings, and ends."

"Tell me a story how you know Caspian."

"Caspian?"

"He _talks_ to you. There must a story there. You two have a history, if you will."

"I told him stories."

"What kind of stories?"

"Stories of Old Narnia. Stories I will tell you."

"But how did you tell him? Wasn't it forbidden?"

"It was a secret." Doctor Cornelius' eyes darkened. "I helped him escape the castle. I gave him Queen Susan's horn to summon the Kings of Old."

"And then?"

"And then, I waited until we met at the Dancing Lawn. I advised him to fight Miraz on Aslan's How. And I believe you know the rest of that story."

"What happened while you were waiting? Miraz must have known."

"Some history, young Astra, is not fit for history books," he said very quietly, his eyes dark. "Now, let me tell you a different story. I believe you will enjoy this one, it is about just what the Calormenes in Telmar did that was so wicked that Aslan turned them into dumb beasts."

"Ooh, do tell."

* * *

Caspian waited for Astra to arrive for dinner, drumming his fingers on the table. It was a bad habit, so he forced himself to lace his hands together and set them on his lap. With his impeccable posture, he decided it would look pretentious. That was the last thing he wanted. He propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his knuckles. No, that wouldn't do; it was too sloppy. He then propped up his other elbow on the table, resting his chin on this interlaced hands. That was even worse: imposing and it looked like he was a predator hunting down his prey. The servers were beginning to look at him oddly. With a sigh, he began to brainstorm a new posing, drumming his fingers on the table.

It was then that she entered, still in her nice dress (although it was rather wrinkled) and with a slow enough pace that he assumed that she had no idea that she was rather late. Caspian held himself back from informing her of that. Instead, he stood up to greet her and offered her to take a seat. She said thank you in reply and sat down.

"Did you enjoy the remainder of your afternoon?"

"Yes. I ended up talking to Doctor Cornelius in the library."

"Did he tell you a story?"

"Yes, it was wonderful," Astra said with a playful smile.

"He tends to like to add his own details. I am afraid he is becoming a little senile and bored. I do believe it makes him want to liven up his life in anyway possible, even if it means embellishing history. It is an endearing quality, though, and he is a wonderful teacher. However, if you would like the true history, I suggest you read a reputable history book. It would serve your educational needs better." Astra looked at him, surprised at his lengthy statement. Caspian seemed a little surprised himself, taking a careful breath of air.

"I am in the process of reading 'A History of Narnia.'"

"Excellent."

After that, the remainder of the dinner was rather silent, with a few superficial questions proposed by Caspian. Astra answered them as politely as she could and ate quickly, hoping the awkward meal would end. She excused herself, a game plan in mind. She gave Caspian an, "I know something you don't know," smile and shut the door behind her. It was on.

* * *

_A/N: What does Astra have up her sleeve now? Find out the next chapter along with her fun adventure to the stables. And don't forget to review!_


	13. Ch 13: Hay is for Horses

_A/N: Before you kill me all for not updating soon, I have a legit excuse. WRITER'S BLOCK. Seriously, it got me good. Well, I want to finish this before I leave for college, so I have until September 19th/20th. So, hopefully, you will be getting lots of updates very very soon. Although, some reviews would probably help the process... thanks to Setah and save the pandas for reviewing! And now, I will shut up and let you read. :)_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_**a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic**_

CHAPTER 13: Hay is for Horses

Astra woke up the next morning, the image of Caspian's slightly nervous gaze still happily lingering in her mind. She was tired of his little game, tired of being the one trying to push him out of his comfort zone, and most of all, tired of the stupid small-talk and universally pleasing questions that resulted in superficial answers followed by awkward silences. And this was only after a few days of meeting him. Perhaps, Astra believed, if she gave him his own treatment, he would find the error of his ways and attempt the type of relationship obviously foreign to Caspian: friendship. It was a mission of tough love.

Then again, the mission could wait. Astra was enthralled in the book she had picked up from the library—a new one suggested by the eccentric Doctor Cornelius. She crept out of bed and tossed open her window. The curtains swayed gently with the breeze and Astra gingerly stepped out on the window ledge. There, she read her book until she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in, May."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Because Maria wouldn't bother knocking."

"You know that you may read on the balcony…?"

"Yes, but then Maria would know I was up and want to spend an hour taming my hair."

"Well," said May, thinking hard, "Maria is out and about the castle right now, so if you did wish to sneak out unnoticed, now would be the time… but you didn't hear that from me." Astra smiled knowingly. "Would you like me to pick out a dress for you?"

"Uh, sure."

"I will put it on the bed." Astra finished the chapter, absentmindedly hearing the door click behind May. She turned around and the room was empty, with the bed made and a green dress lay on top. Astra put on the dress, braided her hair, and put her fedora on her head before heading out to the stables, excited to meet the talking horses.

The smell of hay and leather greeted her as she walked into the large red barn. Heads poked out of their stalls, sensing a stranger. A fat, squat pony was the first to greet her.

"Hello stranger! I'm Gus! Welcome to our barn! Isn't it nice? I like it very much." Astra just looked at the animal, who swished his tail in delight like an overeager puppy, with pure delight and failed to come up with words for a few moments.

"Yes, it's a lovely barn," she laughed. "My name is Astra."

"Oh, Lady Astra! Hey everyone, it's Lady Astra!" Murmured echoed throughout the barn. "All of the stable hands think you are very pretty! I think you are pretty too! Can you scratch behind my ear? It itches!"

"Sure thing, Gus."

"Oh, that feels nice. Thank you! I like you!"

"I like you too, Gus."

"Hey everyone, Lady Astra likes me!" Dry, sarcastic calls, of "Terrific, Gus!" and "Just peachy!" filled the barn. "Let's be best friends!"

"Um…"

"King Caspian said he would also be my best friend, but you can also be my best friend too because you are going to be best friends with King Caspian and then we can all be best friends together!"

"That, um, sounds like a great plan, Gus."

"Gus, do not startle the poor lady with your crazy plans," said a feminine voice, coming from the stall over where a white horse with a dainty head stood.

"Oh, it's fine, really."

"I am Bianca. Queen Susan was my rider. I suspect that you will be my rider now that she is gone."

"I won't be here too long."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, there's something I have to do with Caspian and then I get to go home."

"Where there are no talking horses?"

"Unfortunately no."

"What were you saying about Caspian?" asked a tall, dark horse in the next stall over.

"I have to help him. A mission from Aslan."

"And you are Lady Astra?"

"Yes." The horse gave a nod of his head and slunk back into his stall as Astra stood there, puzzled.

"That's Aldin. Caspian is his boy. He's very protective of him. Then again, they have been partners for a long time."

"I see." There was a moment before Astra spoke up. "I have to befriend Caspian. Somehow, that will help him with his mission to find the Seven Great Lords. And honestly, I'm at a loss. How did Susan do it?"

"She was Susan the Gentle. She moved quietly, but held her own. Caspian, I suppose, is much the same. They had an unspoken understanding."

"It has been made abundantly clear to me that I am nothing like Susan was. In fact, that she was pretty much perfect in every way. How am I supposed to compete with perfection?"

"You seem to be pretty inventive. I am sure you will find a way," Bianca assured her. "Now, would you like a ride around the grounds?"

"Oh, that sounds like fun! Can I come too, best friend?" implored Gus. Astra looked at Bianca, who rolled her eyes but gave a conceding sigh.

"Sure thing, Gus."

"Oh yay! This is going to be so much fun! I will show you my favorite patch of grass and my favorite flowers to eat and my favorite flowers that I'm not supposed to eat and my favorite stream and my favorite tree to scratch my ear… all my favorites! This will be so much fun, best friend!"

"I'm sure it will, Gus, I'm sure it will."


	14. Ch 14: To Become a Lady

**Blame the Squirrel**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 14: To Become a Lady**

Nearly four hours later, Astra found herself running down the hallway, shrieking with glee as two sheepdogs attempted to herd her. Unfortunately, she could not blame the squirrel for this one.

It started when Gus insisted on taking Astra and Bianca to all his "favorites." Astra could not resist exploring as Gus rambled on. She waded in the creek, but dropped her skirts when a large bird startled her. She admired the tall trees, but promptly walked through a deep mud puddle. She sat in the meadow and made a daisy chain. ("That's my second favorite flower, but I don't eat that one because it is pretty!" exclaimed Gus.) Gus showed her his favorite tree to scratch his ear, and it just so happened to be the only tree in the middle of a sheep farm owned by the King. This tree was also currently being utilized as a toilet by the two sheepdogs that were on duty.

They were both dumb beasts, unable to speak. One happily continued relieving himself, while the other obviously was far classier and stopped. Their names, according to their dog tags, were Bo and Alexis and they showed their affection by herding. Thus, Astra found that they would nip at her heels and followed her wherever she went. Of course, this resulted in a marvelous game of tag, which subsequently was continued within the castle.

The maids were less than pleased with the arrangement, but Doctor Cornelius cheered her on and hobbled behind the chaos, ready to join in. It was not until she nearly bumped into Caspian and Maria had caught up with her that she stopped.

She had quickly rounded a corner and she slammed into Caspian. She hugged him so as to avoid falling as the dogs jumped around her. Caspian was just as surprised as she was, but maintained enough composure to making a clicking noise, causing the dogs to promptly lie down, their tongues hanging out of their grinning mouths.

"Lady Astra!" cried Maria. "Just look at yourself! Your dress is dirty and wet, covered in paw prints! And there are weeds in your hair!"

"It's a daisy chain," Astra chirped as an explanation, but it was unheard by Astra.

"And _dogs_ in the _castle_?!"

"They wouldn't stop following me!"

"They do enjoy herding people," added Caspian for good measure. Maria could not exactly argue with the King, but was not afraid to give Astra an earful.

"It is time you acted like a lady! Come, we will get you cleaned up, and you will sit with Madam Perkins for the rest of the day."

"Madam Perkins? Who is she?"

"The Etiquette Mistress."

"Are you shitting me?"

"Language, Lady Astra. Only sailors curse, not ladies."

"I'm not a lady, so I'm going to say pass on this one."

"Actually, Astra," said Caspian, hesitating slightly before saying her name without her undeserved title, "Madam Perkins' lessons would be rather helpful for any upcoming formal banquets."

"I will fetch the largest encyclopedia I have!" added Doctor Cornelius, who had overheard the entire conversation. "And by the time Madam Perkins is done with you, you will be able to balance it on your head!"

"Oh joy," said Astra unenthusiastically. Within no time, Astra was sitting, now properly cleaned up, in a chair in the dining hall. On the table in front of her were plates, cups, and numerous silverwares. Sitting at the head of the table, quietly reading some documents, was King Caspian. Madam Perkins burst into the room, announcing herself and greeting Astra.

"So, I am to make you into a lady?"

"Apparently."

"Pretty girl, but too much cheek. No worries, Maria, you will see her blossom in front of your very eyes."

"I'm not a flower."

"No, but you are precious and delicate, like a flower."

"Queen Susan was a lady, but she wasn't delicate. From what I hear, she was an amazing archer."

"Which requires a delicate touch. You strike me as an intelligent woman, Lady Astra, but I fear you come off as argumentative."

"Because I think you're wrong."

"Oh, ha ha! What a sense of humor you have!" she cried. Then whispering to Maria, "I'll straighten that out too." Madam Perkins studied Astra for a moment. "You are slouching! Shoulders back, chin up, and stretch your spine toward the ceiling!"

"Like a flower trying to soak up the sun!"

"Yes, what a charming analogy!" Madam Perkins considered this her first victory, although Astra was being rather sarcastic. Madam Perkins then proceeded to dump Doctor Cornelius's book on Astra's head before she began to explain what every utensil was used for. "And this is your wine glass, and this is your water glass, and each plate is for a different course, and this fork is for salad, this is for the main course…" Astra spaced out a little, looking over at Caspian.

It seemed as though he lived at the dining room table. It was an unconventional choice as a work area, but he was always in meetings there and never seemed to move. Astra decided that he needed to get out more often. Perhaps she would help him do just that when he resolved to warm up to her.

"Lady Astra, have you been listening to a word I am saying? A lady listens with both ears and her mind, and encourages the speaker!"

"There are two cups, one for water, one for wine. There are as many plates as there are courses. There three knives: shellfish, meat, and butter. There are two spoons: soup and rice. And there are three forks: salad, main course, and desert. See, I was listening, I just don't think this is necessary."

"An obstinate attitude is not a becoming quality in a lady," scolded Madam Perkins. Astra rolled her eyes. "Your rudeness does not impress me, Lady Astra."

"Good thing I'm not trying to impress you." And the two wrestled on, both being equally tired of one another by nightfall.

"Good evening, Lady Astra," said a ragged Madam Perkins. "Our lesson _will_ continue tomorrow. You will be learning social graces and ballroom dancing."

"Wow, I'm so excited I just may pee my pants."

"Remember, Lady Astra: poise, elegance, and charm!"

"I think I have found a kindred spirit in Madam Perkins," said Astra to Caspian.

"Really?" he said, looking rather surprised.

"I do believe she is just as stubborn as I am."

* * *

_Please review! It would make my day!_


	15. Ch 15: Banana Pancakes

_A/N: The song I used in this chapter is called "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson. I am going to the same college he attended, so I think it's a sign we should get married because his music is all wonderful and beachy. And thanks to everyone who reviewed!_**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 15: Banana Pancakes**

Caspian woke up, swearing he had heard an odd noise. Glancing around the large, dark dining hall and the table filled with papers, he realized that he must have fallen asleep while working… again. It seemed to becoming a new vice, but no matter how tired he was, he could not shut off his mind once he climbed into bed. He got up, feeling his joints crack in protest of his odd sleeping position, and glanced at the clock. It announced that it was 5 o'clock in the morning. It was then that he heard the same sound that woke him up abruptly. A clanging, rattling noise originated from the kitchen. He slowly made his way through the kitchen door and grabbed the nearest cooking utensil to him, which unfortunately happened to be a whisk. However, he realized that the intruder was hardly an intruder at all: Astra.

She danced around the kitchen, banana peels and flour splattered across the counter, with a mixing bowl cradled on her hip and her slightly damp hair swinging everywhere, singing loudly and rather off-key.

"Can't you see that it's still raining? Ain't no need to go outside. But baby, you hardly even notice when I try to show you this song is meant to keep ya from doing what you're supposed to, like waking up too early, maybe we can sleep in, I'll make you banana pancakes and pretend like it's the weekend now…"

"I thought you weren't a morning person," said Caspian, interrupting her rather charming performance.

"Oh, you found the whisk," she said, her smile on her face not fading. Caspian was a little disappointed that she didn't throw her usual sarcastic comeback at him. Astra picked up on his, obviously feeling chatty. "You surprised?"

"I didn't think you could cook," he quickly said, covering for himself.

"I have a real appreciation for food since I eat so much of it. I use to cook with my dad a lot," she faltered for a moment, but then took the whisk from him and began to stir. "Lucky for you, my cooking is a lot better than my singing." Caspian searched for something to assuage her.

"No, your singing was—"

"Caspian, no one likes a brown-noser." There was the comeback he was waiting for, but her good mood was so contagious, Caspian couldn't help but ask the question lingering on his mind, despite his better judgment.

"What's a 'brown-noser?'" She laughed.

"You've never heard of that? Oh, well, a brown-noser is…" she trailed off, giggling. "A brown-noser is like a kiss-ass, someone who sucks up to people, tries to get on their better side. But when you kiss ass, you tend to get shit on your nose, thus a brown-noser."

"Oh," he said, slightly perturbed that she viewed him that way.

"I have a horrible singing voice, and everyone knows it. I will spare you from any more."

"I'm sorry I interrupted." She smiled at him and continued stirring. "This is the happiest I've seen you since you came. And the earliest…"

"Well, I woke up and it was that perfect foggy, misty rain and so I _had_ to go dance around in the rain and then I was hungry, so I thought I would make banana pancakes. Oh, would you like some?"

"I've never had banana pancakes before," he said quietly, rather unsure.

"Then you have to have some!" she declared. Then, looking at him more carefully, she observed, "You look like crap."

"I fell asleep while I was working and woke up to you searching for a whisk."

"Sorry, I know you don't get much sleep," she said, building a fire. He was surprised she had observed that.

"Well, I fell asleep at the dinner table, so it was not really restful anyway." She gently built the fire up, feeding it larger pieces of wood.

"You are rather chatty yourself, Caspian," she said with a sly smile. Caspian bashfully looked at his feet, then thinking to himself it was silly to feel bashful.

"I suppose." Then feeling more confident, he asked a question. "You use to cook with your father a lot?" She simply nodded, her back to him. "Do you miss him?" Astra seemed to move slowly and deliberately, situating the skillet above the flame and scooping some batter.

"Very much," she said, so softly he could barely hear her above the sizzle of the pan. He realized he had treaded into touchy territory and quickly backed out, feeling badly. It was wrong of him to snoop into her personal life, he had realized, and mentally kicked himself for not staying on safer topics. However, she had stopped responding to those with her usual superfluous details and began giving short, blunt responses. The only time he had a crack at her was while she was making banana pancakes on that very, very odd morning. All he had found out that she was incorrigibly unpredictable, a characteristic which rendered him always anxious. She set a plate of pancakes in front of him, along with a fork and some syrup, and waited for him to take the first bite. He did so with trepidation, but found the pancakes to be decadent.

"This is delicious. Thank you."

"You're welcome." Not knowing what else to say and wanting to avoid bringing up delicate subjects, Caspian remained silent throughout the meal. Astra's good mood faded and by the time she had finished her pancakes, she announced that she was going on a walk.

"But it's raining," he protested.

"I'd rather be soaking wet in here than stuck inside all day," she snappily retorted. "And Caspian? If you're stuck in a hole, friends can throw down a rope for you, but it's up to you to grab it, even if you aren't sure how things are going to pan out." He watched her exit the kitchen in a hurry, feeling like that despite his best intentions, he had done something wrong. He finished up his last bite of pancakes and put his plate in the sink before making his way back to the dining hall, where his papers still draped the table. Exhausted, he glanced out the window and saw Astra's figure gliding through the fog, her arms wrapped around her for warmth. Caspian mentally agreed with her: he too would much rather be outside than detained inside. Tired and rather lonely, Caspian dragged himself to his bed, hoping he could shut his eyes for an hour and get some rest before he would have to be up again. With his stomach full of banana pancakes, he closed his eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Thank Aslan!" was the joyous whoop that woke him up… sort of. He clutched his pillow tighter, wishing Maria would keep the noise down in the hallway. "He's in here!" Caspian wondered who 'he' was (perhaps the sheepdogs had venture inside the castle again) and opened his eyes to inquire. The first thing he saw was a rather perturbed Astra, rubbing her wet, brown hair with a towel. Her eyes were bright and her face flushed, with the exception of her nose and apples of her cheeks, which were pink. His secretary was there, and he never noticed how funny the man looked. He thought it odd that the secretary was sideways until he realized that he was lying down in his bed. Maria shook her head. "Goodness, Your Majesty, I do not recall the last time I had to wake you up."

"What is all the commotion for?" he asked groggily, sitting up.

"We didn't know where you were," said the secretary, who looked as though he was recovering from a panic attack.

"And you're the royal babysitter?" Astra snorted. Caspian was somewhat relieved she had relocated her sarcasm.

"You, Lady Astra, have lessons with Madam Perkins." Astra rolled her eyes, but didn't budge.

"I was up early and thought I would get some shut-eye. I did not know how tired I was," he gently hinted.

"Well, there is no sleeping in when you have a meeting with the treasurer in exactly 30 minutes," said his irate secretary.

"It is 8 o'clock?" Caspian asked, astonished. He slept nearly three whole hours, yet he was more tired than ever. Perhaps, he thought, it was something in the pancakes. Regardless, his exhaustion must have shown because Astra piped up.

"Wow, it sucks to be you."

"To the sitting room, now!" Maria ordered Astra, taking her towel away from her.

"But I forgot all my poise, elegance, and charm while I was out on my walk!" she protested innocently. Maria slapped her with the towel and Astra trotted off with a winning smile. Caspian was jealous of her sanguine attitude and her comfort in being herself. It was ironic, he thought, that he could rule a country, but not rule himself.

"Well, I will get dressed and gather my papers," he said. His secretary, who was still garrulously jabbering about the rest of the day's schedule, was shoved out of the room by Maria (bless that woman), and Caspian was left to ready himself for the day. He went into the bathroom and leaned over the counter, splashing his face with water from a basin. Caspian let the water drip off his face and then looked into a mirror. Suddenly, the face looking piteously back at him seemed to be more like a stranger than a friend.


	16. Ch 16: Seeing Eye to Eye

_A/N: Thanks to the amazing trichwin for reviewing every freaking chapter! My new hero. Of course, gracias to my best friends, who patiently read and edit what I wrote and laugh (good-naturedly) at my charming typos._**

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**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 16: Seeing Eye-to-Eye**

Astra was relentless in the face of Madam Perkins. The lady had always mildly frightened Caspian, but Astra did everything in her power to push her buttons.

"Lady Astra, these lessons are not a silly game."

"I understand," Astra would say with all seriousness. "God forbid I mix up my forks, or even worse, forget that my earrings do not match the buckle on my shoe that is covered by my dress anyway!" Madam Perkins sighed.

"Let us review. You invite your guests into the sitting room. What is the first thing one should do?"

"Sit."

"No, you offer them a beverage or food."

"_Come on_, that was a trick question. It's a _sitting_ room, for crying out loud! Are we now supposed to bathe in the dining room? What has the world come to?" Caspian refrained from snorting, even though her dramatic flair brought a smile to his face. However, he was in the sitting room, a room which he had forgotten even existed, and had absolutely no reason for being there. He decided to disguise his presence for a little longer, but Madam Perkins, who had not forgotten the king's presence, had other plans.

"Well, I suppose you understand the gist of it. You are a bright young lady, despite your attempts of ill-witted humor." Astra smiled as if the lady gave her a generous compliment. "Moving on, ballroom dancing."

"Here? But I thought this was a sitting-slash-offering food room, not the ballroom."

"Lady Astra…"

"One would assume that ballroom dancing would take place in a ballroom."

"Lady Astra…"

"It seems rather ironic, not to mention counterproductive, to dance in a sitting room. Although it would be nice for those who do not wish to dance, because then they would be able to sit in the sitting room…"

"LADY ASTRA!!!"

"Yes?"

"If you would prefer to dance in the ballroom, we may," said Madam Perkins, exasperated, "or we may simply dance in here."

"Okay," Astra agreed quickly, causing Madam Perkins to frown even more.

"We shall begin with the waltz because it is the easiest of the ballroom dances, so stand up. Your Majesty, will you be the lady's partner?"

"Woah woah woah, um, no. Back in the United States, you can't really return something if it's broken and I think we all want Caspian returned in one piece. Ideally."

"Lady Astra, remember: poise, elegance, charm!"

"Well, I'm one-third the way there." Caspian knew she had the charm down. It was then that he remembered a question was posed to him.

"Yes, I would be delighted," he responded automatically. He gently put his papers aside and stood up, walking over to where Astra comfortably lounged in a chair, obviously not employed the techniques of good posture taught to her by Madam Perkins. He held out his hand to Astra and hoped that she would take it. She studied the hand for a moment (Caspian had the sneaking suspicion that she was debating whether or not to "high-five" it, which apparently was a sort of manner of greeting in Astra's land) before placing her hand in his and standing up. When he grasped it, he was surprised, as her hand was like no lady's hand. Her hand was not soft by any means; it was calloused like an archers hand should be. Her grip was not gentle and light; it was firm and confident, even though he could tell by the curve of her lips that she was rather nervous. He walked her to an open area of the room and placed his other hand on the curve of her spine and she, dazed, put her other hand on his shoulder. Now, it was her turn to be bashful.

"Pardon my two left feet."

"They are pardoned," he said politely, but Astra found it funny and guffawed. Madam Perkins then began to explain the waltz, which Astra interrupted with numerous questions. They finally made it through the steps. Caspian did not mind—the waltz was a relaxing dance—but he found it rather amusing to observe her watching her feet, counting the beat under her breath as Madam Perkins ordered Astra to look up and put her shoulders back, at which point she would rack her brains for some sort of retort, but this would cause her to lose the beat and stumble. Caspian, however, was a good leader and would quickly reposition her, and she would flash him a grateful smile instead of fighting for dominance. At that moment, Caspian saw her eye-to-eye, as a young woman who, despite her alpha-female character, did not mind having someone lead her once in awhile, so long as they did so in secret.

* * *

Caspian found himself in the kitchen around midnight, trying to figure out how Astra had made the banana pancakes, in hope that he would be able to sleep the whole night. Many bowls of mixed mush later, Astra came into the kitchen and laughed at Caspian for being covered in flour.

"Well, why are you up so late?" Caspian asked, not particularly amused at her pointing and laughing at him.

"I was in the library and Doctor Cornelius was talking about rabbits, I'm not sure why, and anyway, I saw this book that looked so charming and old, I just had to pick it up and read it. Now, I can't put it down. And I wanted cookies," she added goofily. She waited for him to share his story, which Caspian did with reluctance.

"I can't sleep."

"So…?"

"So I was trying to make banana pancakes," he hastily added. Astra looked at him oddly before smiling.

"Would you like me to show you?" she asked. Caspian nodded his head vigorously. "Well, you first need flour… a little more than what is in your hair." Caspian huffed, but let her explain how to make the pancakes, quietly observing over her shoulder. Finally, Astra announced that the batter was ready and let him scoop some onto the warm skillet, explaining how to know when the pancake was ready to flip. Caspian was rather satisfied with himself when he had prepared himself a pancake, and sat down to enjoy the fruits of his labor after starting a pancake for Astra.

"You know, Caspian, it wasn't the pancakes that made you sleep," Astra began carefully as Caspian cut into his pancake. "You were… well, I think you were relaxed when you were in the kitchen. A person can't sleep with an uneasy mind, or an uneasy heart. You are so stressed all the time, I can tell it by your posture—Madam Perkins did manage to get something through to me," she sat down, smiling slightly. "Can't you feel the tension? In your neck, shoulders, crap, even in your hands." Caspian looked down and saw that she cradled his hand palm-up in hers. She looked him dead in the eye. "How do you live like this?" Caspian's heart thudded, feeling like a cornered animal.

"I think your pancake is burning."

"Shit!" she cried, hurrying to the pan. "Damn it." Caspian used that opportunity to flee, exiting through the doors that lead into the dining hall. When Astra turned around, she saw the door shut and ran after him. "Caspian!" she hissed. "Caspian, just stop!" Caspian stopped in his tracks, then slowly turned his head over his shoulder. She seemed so helpless in the dark, her eyes pleading him. "Just… just at least finish your pancakes. I don't… I…" she shook her head, whispering something to herself under her breath. She opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it, returning to the kitchen to make herself a new pancake. The door shut and Caspian listened to the castle breathe.

He had begun going to the dining hall because that was where she was usually because of her insatiable appetite. He had gone to the sitting room just to hear her banter with Madam Perkins. He had even frequented the library more to hear Doctor Cornelius talk about the young lady. She, really, was the only person who expected absolutely nothing from him, a characteristic which he found refreshing. He only wanted to be himself when he was around her, his best self. With that in mind, he walked back into the kitchen, sat down quietly and resumed eating his pancakes.

"Does this mean you're grabbing the rope?"

"Pardon?" he asked, forgetting he had pancake in his mouth.

"When you're stuck in a hole, a friend can throw a rope for you, but you have to grab it. Are you grabbing the rope?"

"I guess I am."

"That's good, because if you didn't want to be my friend, I would be stuck here for eternity and you would never be able to find the Seven Lords."

"What do you mean?"

"That's the one secret I am going to have to keep from you," she said with a small smile. "You need a friend, Caspian, someone who makes the crown you wear a little lighter, someone who you can see eye-to-eye with, someone who helps you forget the world and its damn problems for awhile. And I need a friend too, surprise surprise. If I'm going to be here for awhile, I sure as hell am not going to be lonely."

"It's been awhile," Caspian said slowly, "since I've had a friend. I have forgotten how to be a friend."

"You've forgotten how to be yourself."

"And you've forgotten about your pancake again."

"_SHIT!!!_"

Feeling the warmth of the kitchen and knowing that everything else was still around him, Caspian had a feeling that Astra's friendship was a risk worth taking.

* * *

_A/N: Please review! I have been such a good updating machine!_


	17. Ch 17: Reform

**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 17: Reform**

She did not know why she woke up that rainy morning and went outside. She did not know why she suddenly craved banana pancakes and flitted around without a worry in the room when Caspian joined her in the kitchen. However, she did know why she caved in and began talking to him with ease, despite her prior vow.

She did not know why she laughed when he pardoned her two left feet. She did not know why she explained to Caspian, in detail, how to make banana pancakes and she certainly did not know why she held his tense hand. She didn't even know why he came back to the kitchen after popping his personal bubble nor how she managed to burn two pancakes.

Perhaps it was Aslan's doing. Perhaps it was her own, or a stroke of genius on Caspian's part. These were the thoughts running through Astra's head when she finally woke up after her and Caspian's second late-night banana pancake extravaganza. Change hung in the air and she thought about her mission from Aslan, his words echoing in her head:

_"He thinks his Fate is complete and he has done what he has supposed to. Although this is true, he forgets his second fate: his fate not as a king, but as a man."_

There was so much that Caspian had forgotten or not experienced as a whole. She knew that she would quite literally have to reform his life through their friendship, help him get in touch with himself and the world around him. Yet at the same time, Caspian would have to take ownership of his new life and take control of his precious time. _No better day to start than today,_ she thought to herself, rolling out of bed and pulling on a dress before walking to the dining hall for a light breakfast. Caspian sat there with a cup of tea and a stack of papers while his pompous secretary prattled on.

"Do you have potty breaks scheduled in there too?" Astra asked the secretary.

"Never have I met a lady with such impertinence as yourself!" he retorted.

"Never have I met a secretary who mistakenly though he had the power give orders the King," Kellyn quickly rebuked.

"It is far too early for this," Caspian said, rubbing his forehead and pouring himself another glass of tea. "Thank you, Malvolio," Caspian said to his secretary. "I will begin those tasks." The secretary gave Astra an "I told you so" glare before haughtily exiting the room.

"His name is _Malvolio_?" asked Astra with a smile. Caspian nodded. "Now that is a man who has got something stuck up his arse." Caspian looked at her disapprovingly. "You know you agree with me." He gave the slightest smile, which Astra decided was a small victory. "For a King, you seem to have little choice what you do and do not do."

"I have learned that there are many people in this world who know more than I do and it would be foolish to not heed their advice."

"True, but you should not do so when your backbone is at stake."

"What do you mean?"

"You are a doormat, Caspian."

"Astra, English please."

"You let people walk all over you." He paused, considering her words.

"So that's what you mean by 'doormat,'" he said softly to himself.

"I think it is about time that you dictate your life instead of letting others for you. And yes, I mean that prick Malvolio." Caspian thought about this for a moment. "I mean, is this how you really want to live your life? Are you the king you want to be? And more importantly, are you the man you want to be?"

"No," was his quick response, so quick it frightened Astra how completely lost he was. "I can't live like this. I want to lead my kingdom, enjoy my personal time, and sleep at night. Everyone wants a piece of me, and soon—"

"—and soon you have nothing left of yourself."

"How do you know all this?"

"I read and write a lot—I guess you could say that sometimes the greatest truths are in fiction."

"I am guessing you have a solution to this mess."

"Indeed, I do," said Astra with a slightly evil smile that made Caspian squirm. "It will be drastic, but there will be results."

"I am running out of options. What is your advice?"

"Your health is most important; you cannot rule a kingdom if you aren't fit to do so."

"But I am not sick!" he protested.

"You are constantly stressed; you might as well have cancer."

"Everyone has stress."

"Yeah, but you let it bottle up. It's why you can't sleep at night, why you are tired all the time, and if you keep going like this, you are going to look 40 by the time you go on your little trip."

"Astra, now is not the time to be joking. I am making an effort…"

"I'm not kidding. You need some serious stress detox, starting with the separation of work and play. So, you cannot work at the dining table anymore. You are to work in your study, you probably have one of those in this castle. And definitely no work in your bedroom—that's just asking for trouble."

"Why can I not work here anymore?"

"Because you are suppose to dine in the dining room!"

"And sit in the sitting room and bathe in the bathroom and ballroom dance in the ballroom," Caspian added with a smile.

"Madam Perkins has taught you well," Astra smiled back, glad that he was finally able to consciously make a joke. "Anyway, the point is that certain places remind you of certain events and that affects you mood. For example, I feel relaxed and nostalgic in the kitchen, but if I started having lessons with Madam Perkins in the kitchen, I would no longer be able to cook in peace."

"I suppose that makes sense."

"Of course it does. Next, you need to take control of your schedule. Malvolio sure as hell is not the boss of you. He should not be _telling_ you your schedule of the day, he should be _asking_ you if it still works with you. And you should schedule some 'me' time. And you should not be working past midnight unless there is a national crisis."

"I do not have the time to do all this!"

"Yes, you do. It is _your_ time, you can use it how you want to. Somehow I get the feeling that you put more on your plate that you really should. Oh my God, _you have trust issues!"_

"Who is this God and how did you jump to the conclusion that I have trust issues?" Caspian asked exasperatedly.

"Well, we may have to save the 'God' thing for a rainy day, because it is rather complicated and controversial matter. But you totally have trust issues. And that's because you have dad issues, well, I guess it would be uncle issues, but it's just fine to have dad issues, lots of people have dad issues—"

"Including yourself," was the comment that Caspian made that caught her off-guard. He had been watching her closer than she had thought. Astra was half-proud that he was finally growing a backbone and standing up for himself, but it was not the time.

"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you. We'll save my dad issues for a rainy day too. But the fact is that you don't trust people to do what they are supposed to do."

"There are wolves in the world, Astra," he said darkly, his storm eyes meeting hers.

"But there are bunny rabbits too, Caspian." This was a funny mental image and she started laughing. Caspian looked at her in amazement before chuckling a little.

"So," said Caspian after he recovered, "I should give people the benefit of the doubt."

"Yeah, something like that."

"Just so you know," he said quietly, stirring his tea to avoid eye contact, "I trust you. I just cannot help but be a little skeptical about how this will turn out."

"Aslan told me that we always have a choice and we decide our own Fate," she replied, "and I don't know about you, but he tends to be right about these things." Caspian smiled before studying his tea again. "What do you do to get away from all this?"

"I will go walking, on the beach, out to the fields. Sometimes I will go riding or sometimes at night, I… never mind."

"No, what?" Astra asked rather intrigued.

"No, it is really quite silly. I am actually rather embarrassed about it."

"It's okay, I like star-gazing too."

"How did you…?"

"Actually, that was a lucky guess, but what else is there to do at night? Sleep? Well, we know you don't do much of that."

"And you think this will help me begin to sleep?"

"Perhaps. If it is only work on your mind…" she trailed off, wondering if Susan could be the cause of his restlessness.

"It is only work," he lied beautifully. "You truly are out to reform me, are you not?"

"No, only you can do that. Now please take all this crap and move it into the study. And next time Malvolio comes into the room, you just tell him who's boss!"

"I do not have to take orders from you either!" he reminded her with an air of confidence.

"Please?" she added with a smile. Caspian smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. Taking papers in their hands, they went on an adventure through the castle, searching for the study.


	18. Ch 18: Whine With Wine

**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 18: Whine With Wine**

For a solid week, the castle staff could never find Caspian. Astra, on more than one occasion, trailed Malvolio and Maria while they would search for Caspian, when she full-well knew that he was in the study, as it was his work time. Nonetheless, she proceeded to be very surprised when they found him there, usually getting a good laugh out of Caspian.

As it turned out, the study was a beautiful, but long neglected room. It was well lit and had a view of the courtyard, had a bookshelf tucked away on one wall, an ornately carved wooden desk, a number of plush sitting chairs, and a large table for Caspian to sprawl maps and other papers on. A little dusting and ventilation was all that it needed and Astra would frequently stop by the room to interrupt him from his work. After a week, the castle staff finally caught on. Astra was very disappointed that she could no longer "aide" in finding him, but Caspian was rather pleased that he could expect tea and snacks whenever needed.

Although Caspian had yet to completely dethrone Malvolio, he had tactfully knocked him down a few notches by re-arranging his schedule of the day. Astra was present to witness the historic event. She was sitting in one of the chairs in the study and Malvolio walked in, stood in front of Astra, and began to recite the schedule.

"Malvolio," Caspian said with a pleasant tone, "I was in the middle of a conversation." Malvolio looked utterly baffled, stuttered something unintelligible, and then proceeded to profusely apologize. Caspian graciously accepted his apology and then allowed Malvolio to proceed with the schedule. Malvolio continued to say the schedule and then paused as Caspian thought.

"I do believe that the meeting with the general will not take that long. He is a rather competent man and does not need me looking over his shoulder. During that extra hour, I will be out."

"Out?" Malvolio gulped.

"I was thinking about taking a walk on the beach."

"But, with all due respect, sir, perhaps that would be a good time to prepare for your meeting with the secretary of trade?"

"I do not think that will be necessary, but thank you for the suggestion, Malvolio." Malvolio smiled, understanding his cue to leave, and slunk out of the room. Once he left, Astra proceeded to give Caspian a standing ovation. Caspian smiled to his adoring "crowd." When Astra kept clapping, Caspian tired of her antics and playfully threw a balled up wad of paper at her. Astra ducked and got the hint that she should leave him to his work as well.

* * *

"You are done working now," Astra told Caspian late one night that week.

"I am?"

"Yes, you are."

"But I just have one final touch…"

"Perfection is fiction. See, if you take the 'per' away and replace the next 'e' with an 'i,' it even spells it. Come on, we are going to start a new tradition."

"A new tradition?"

"It was just an idea, something to help you unwind mid-week."

"I like this tradition already."

"_I know_," Astra said, tugging on him, "Let's go."

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. I found this room while I was exploring and it is rather amazing, I think." They wound through the dark hallways and Caspian could not help but stop at a window, gazing at the moon. Astra continued walking, then realizing there were no footsteps following her, stopped.

"Caspian?" she whispered in the dark. "Come on."

"No, stop, listen."

"To what?"

"If you would listen, you would know." Astra listened curiously, searching for a noise. Her nose scrunched up in distaste.

"I don't hear anything," she said, skipping off. Caspian grabbed her wrist.

"No, _listen_, the castle. It's… breathing."

"The castle is—" Astra suddenly stopped mid-sentence, listening. Her eyes lit, hearing what Caspian meant and the two leaned against the cold stone wall, the moonlight shining down on them. They then heard the sound of footsteps. "Shit!" Astra cried, grabbing his hand and flying through the hallways. She opened a door, dragged Caspian in, and softly shut in behind her.

"Where _are_ we?"

"In the man cave!"

"Man cave?" Astra nodded her head and began lighting candles. "Oh, you mean the gentlemen's lounge."

"Yeah, man cave." In the room were a number of leather couches and chairs, a bookshelf filled with books on law, society, ethics, and the environment, a billiard table, and the point of Astra's interest, the liquor cabinet and wine shelf. "You are loaded!"

"There are a number of good bottles in there."

"Why haven't they been drunk yet?"

"I have not had company in awhile."

"I'm company," she said with a sly smile, grabbing a bottle and two glasses. "This looks good, doesn't it?"

"What happened to our 'tradition?'"

"This _is_ our tradition, silly. We are going to whine while drinking wine," she said, pouring him a cup and handing it to him. Caspian took the glass with trepidation. "A toast, to friends who listen, even to breathing castles." They clinked glasses and Astra plopped down on a leather couch comfortably. Caspian stood across the room, taking a swig of his wine. Astra peered at the glass swirling it around, deeply sniffing it, then taking a small sip, letting the red liquid tantalize her taste buds.

"You look like you have done this before."

"There are vineyards all over California—that's the state where I lived before I went to school in England—so my mother taught me a thing or two."

"Your assessment?"

"Smooth, a little sweet, but finishes with a bit of tartness, yet does not over-power the grape. It must have blackberries in it. Quite good."

"So, no whining about the wine?"

"No, but I have to whine about Maria. That woman is going to make me go insane! Everything is 'Lady Astra this,' 'Lady Astra that!' At least I have May, that girl is a godsend, one of the few sane maids in this entire castle."

"Now that it a little harsh."

"They do not congregate in your room and interrogate on where you have been and whom you've been with every time you enter the room."

"They do that?"

"Yes, they are a bunch of nosey parkers."

"Nosey _what_?"

"Nosey parkers. It is a British idiom for people who stick their noses in other people's business. The Brits are lovely people, so many fun words."

"But you all speak the same language, yes?"

"Yes, but we have our own 'slang,' I guess you could say. Now, I have whined about how Maria is bugging the hell out of me, it's your turn."

"My turn?"

"Yes, you'll feel better once you get it off your chest."

"Well, I had lunch today with a wealthy man. He had donated money to help the Narnian educational system, so I was thankful for that, but he was rather pretentious in person."

"Now let's try that again, with a little more spirit."

"No, I whined, I am done."

"That was hardly whining, barely even complaining."

"He was a real… oh, _you know_!"

"No I don't, I wasn't there," Astra insisted, hoping Caspian would bite the bait. Much to her disappointment, he did not, but plowed on.

"Oh well, it was quite torturous to hear him brag about his possessions. He went on about some tapestry for the longest time and I really felt like telling him that tapestries were simply rugs hung on walls instead of placed on the floor."

"I have taught you well, young grasshopper."

"Drink your wine, Astra."


	19. Ch 19: Star Struck

**BLAME THE SQUIRREL**

_A Chronicles of Narnia fanfic_

**Chapter 19: Star-Struck**

They stayed up late talking and drinking wine until Caspian insisted that he should get some rest. Astra, although rather keen on the idea of staying up all night, relented, knowing that he would be up far earlier than her. Indeed, Caspian ended up waking with a hangover while Astra was in a particularly good mood and reminded him of it.

"I drank lots of water afterward," she insisted. "And I hold my liquor well," she added, flashing her pearly whites.

"I do not drink much; I suppose my body is not use to it."

"Wait, do you mean to say that you haven't gotten so piss drunk that the next day, you have no memory of the previous night and puke until you feel like your guts are going to come out and have a roaring headache?"

"No…"

_"We should do that!!!"_

_"No."_

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"That does not sound like fun."

"It will encourage friendly bonding," she persisted.

"I am sure there are other ways to bond."

"Caspian, you are being very close-minded about this. _Come on,_ lighten up a little."

"Can we talk about this later?" Astra sighed, assessing his mood.

"I guess… but if you think I will simply forget about this conversation, you are rather delusional."

"I would not dream of you doing such a thing," he said seriously, but Astra found it funny.

"Oh Caspian, you are so funny when you aren't trying to be." Caspian had grown to love that tinkling laughter that bounced off the walls of the castle. It had been nearly a month since she had arrived and every day he found himself opening up to her more. He was not as tired, nor was he as stressed as he used to be. It was an immense improvement—he felt like a new man. It was crazy to think that it was all because of an insane eighteen-year-old.

"I have to leave Cair Paravel for awhile," he said quietly, too nervous to meet her blue eyes.

"Why?" she demanded, obviously upset.

"Business," he said. "A follow-up meeting with Archenland."

"When are you leaving?"

"Three days."

"And how long will you be gone?"

"A week."

"A week?!"

"You will survive. You have May, Gus, Bianca, Bo, Alexis…"

"Caspian?"

"Yes?"

"Only one of those that you just mentioned is an actual person."

"And there is always the kitchen staff!" Caspian added, trying to get her to smile, but she looked rather disappointed.

"But we were just starting to have fun."

"I know."

"And what if you fall back into your old habits while in Archenland?"

"I will try my very best not to. I will consider it a test."

"But what if…" she seemed more nervous about this little journey than he did. "But what if all hell breaks lose while you are gone? Or what if something happens to you while traveling? Or what if…?"

"Astra," he stopped her, gripping her shoulders. "I have thought this all out and I have done this journey numerous times. I _promise_ you that nothing bad is going to happen to me." Her breath hitched in her throat and she seemed to have a moment of déjà vu.

"Don't ever, _ever_ promise that. That is one of those promises that can never reliably be kept. _Ever_," she trembled. She pulled herself out of his grip and walked away.

* * *

At times, she seemed mad at him, but most of the time she would eventually forget her anger. The day before he left, however, she seemed particularly broody. Hoping to get her in a better mood, Caspian thought of something that would cheer her up. He knocked on her door. A giggly maid answered it and looked rather disappointed when he asked for Astra. Astra appeared at the door with a rather peeved look on her face.

"What do you want?"

"I want to take you somewhere."

"It's late."

"You always drag me away on late night adventures," he protested. The maids suddenly seemed very interested in the conversation. "Please do not be stubborn about this," he asked of her. She relented and walked out into the corridor, following him.

"Where are we going?"

"You will see when we arrive there."

"Naw shit Sherlock." Caspian guided her into an empty bedroom and grabbed a blanket off the bed. "Seriously, where the hell are we going? This is kinda sketchy…" she said, glancing around the room. She felt a breeze on her back and turned around with Caspian to be no where in sight. "Caspian! Where are you?" she cried.

"Shh!" he said, poking his head through the opened window. "Do you want to wake the entire castle?" Astra grinned as he held out a hand for her to take. She gingerly stepped out onto the ledge and with Caspian, stepped carefully and climbed up a trellis. When she stopped and sat down on the blanket that Caspian lay out, she was able to admire the view. One way they could see the forest stretch out before them; another way led to the ocean, which glimmered in the moonlight. Then, Astra looked up and saw hundreds of stars burning above her.

"You said you liked to star-gaze, so I thought I would take you up here." She was speechless, looking up at the night sky. "This is my secret spot, a place I go when I need to escape from the world." She breathed, still mesmerized. And with the moonlight in her eyes, she wordlessly thanked him. They were silent for a long time before Astra spoke with a heavy mind.

"I have father issues," she said.

"You do not need to tell me."

"I _want_ to. I don't think I can save this for a rainy day. My dad was a police officer." Caspian caught the "was," but was more interested in what a police officer was.

"What is a police officer?"

"Kind of like a soldier, except instead of fighting in wars, police officers make sure the laws of a city are abided. My father was a police officer, but he was killed while on duty. I was twelve."

"I am sorry to hear that."

"It sucked, not having him around. Every day he would walk out the door and when I was younger, I did not realize that he literally put his life on the line every day he went to work. When it finally clicked, I hated when he left in the morning, but he would promise that nothing bad would happen to him. He promised that and then he was shot," she said with a vacant look in her eyes. "Caspian, do you know what a gun is?"

"No, I do not."

"A gun is a weapon that uses a minor explosive called gunpowder to shoot a small piece of metal, called a bullet. Bullets can go straight through people, Caspian. And if it goes through your brain, through your heart, hits a vital organ, or cuts an important artery, you die. You usually bleed out." Caspian shuddered at the thought. "And that is why I told you to not promise me that nothing bad would happen to you. Because," she said, choking up, "you never know what Fate has in store for you when you walk out the front door." Caspian did not know what to do when she rested her head on his shoulder. It was not exactly proper and if someone saw, he would have a scandal on his hands, but at that moment, in the stillness of the night, the only thing he could think of was how warm she was. So he let her.

"Look, a shooting star!" she cried suddenly. "Caspian, make a wish."

"What?"

"When you see a shooting star, you are supposed to make a wish and it will come true."

"That's ridiculous."

"No, it's _silly_. There's a difference. Now, close your eyes and make a wish!" Caspian squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on his wish.

"I wished for—"

"Shh! You aren't supposed to tell me!"

"Why?"

"Because then it doesn't come true, duh!"

_"… who comes up with shooting star rules?!"_


	20. Ch 20: Don't Sweat It

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and encouragement, especially from trichwin!_**

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 20: Don't Sweat It**

The next day, Caspian left for Archenland. Astra watched him leave, slightly more at ease than the previous night.

"And do try to get some sleep. No staying up late with papers."

"I will try."

"And stay away from the court girls. They only want to get in your pants."

"What?!"

"And eat your vegetables. Did you pack enough socks?"

"Yes, I did!" he groaned, although he thoroughly enjoyed having someone dote on him. He liked to think that she was thinking of him.

"Now," she said, her voice lowering. "Do I get a hug or would that be completely inappropriate and forever mar your political career?" Caspian hesitated and Astra caught on. "Got it. See you in a week." She gently touched his arm, so casually it would not be recognized by any passerby, but Caspian felt it. As he walked to the carriage, he remembered what he wished for on the shooting star: that he would never have to leave her.

Kaden, his travel mate and the son of a Narnian aristocrat, waited for him by the carriage. Kaden was Caspian's age, bold and ambitious, and was the closest Caspian had to a male friend, other than the soldier, Douglass Durham. Kaden and Caspian held a mutual respect for one another in public, but tended to disregard social etiquette when they were in private. It had never quite clicked with Kaden that Caspian was king and there was a proper way to address him, but Caspian never enforced the matter, desperate to have a "normal" conversation. Caspian knew that he and Kaden were two very different men; he was conservative where Kaden would go gallivanting across the countryside on his next grand adventure (usually involving beautiful women and great treasures), but this difference made their rare conversation all the more enjoyable.

"Charming girl," said Kaden, giving an approving nod in Astra's direction.

"Odd," Caspian said. "You are one of the first to say that."

"Really?"

"She is," Caspian began slowly, "a character, not like many ladies in our parts. To many, this difference makes her a rather strange creature to behold."

"An acquired taste?"

"That is one way to put it," said Caspian, a wry grin on his face.

"Do you love her?" asked Kaden, feeling audacious. It was a typical Kaden question, one that Caspian usually did not deign to answer. The words flew out of his mouth quickly.

"No, I mean, she is…"

"One of _those_ girls?"

"I do not know what you mean by that."

"Oh, Your Majesty, you know," he said nonchalantly throwing in the title, which seemed silly with his informal manner, "one of those girls who you just don't know what to do with. The one you like to keep around, but you have no idea why."

"She is good company."

"Sure."

"And Aslan seems to think it would be in my best interest to keep her close."

"_Sure_." Kaden had a smug look on his face. Caspian looked out of the window.

"We are really blessed with beautiful landscape in Narnia."

"I'm sure she would have marveled at it," said Kaden, closing his eyes and leaning back in the carriage. Caspian silently agreed.

* * *

"I'm _booooooooored_!!!" Astra complained to May.

"That is the third time you have said that in the past ten minutes."

"Well, I _am_!" May sighed, folding sheets.

"I have already given you many suggestions. You could go to the stables."

"I did that yesterday."

"You could visit the cooks."

"I always get in their way."

"I am sure Maria could put you to work."

"I would be doing slave labor and she would beat me up if I was going too slowly or if I did the work wrong."

"That is illegal in Narnia, as I am sure it is in your land," May said sweetly. "You could go visit Doctor Cornelius."

"There are only so many Cornelius stories one can listen to in a short amount of time before one feels like their brain is going to implode," Astra shuddered. May considered this for a moment, agreeing.

"Understandable. Although I must say, I do not know how you can be bored now. You have been here for over a month, I would think you would have developed a routine."

"Nope," Astra declared. "Besides, I spent a lot of time with Caspian." All the other maids in the room glanced up from their sewing expectantly. Astra looked at them, bewildered. "You lot are like vultures, you know that?" They hurriedly glanced back down at their work. "May, I'm still bored."

"Astra Celeste Gorlois, if you say you are bored one more time, I will kick you from here to Archenland!" cried May, finally losing her patience. She threw a clean towel on the ground for emphasis.

"That's actually a really good idea because then I could hang out with Caspian! You are a genius!" Astra hugged May and skipped out of the room. May sighed, picking the towel off the floor. Astra slunk back into the room. "I feel like I was going to do something, but then I forgot." May held up the towel threateningly and Astra squeaked and exited the room. May returned to work, humming. _Thank goodness King Caspian was only away for a week. Any longer and all chaos would probably break loose._

_

* * *

_

Thank goodness this trip is only a week long

, thought Caspian as two men hotly debated a minute clause in the treaty that was being written. He glanced over at Kaden, who looked as though he was about to nod off at any second. Caspian shifted in his seat, trying to fight the urge to yawn. He was rather tired himself, having broken Astra's firm demands that he get as much sleep as possible. He had tried, indeed he did not stay up with negotiations, but he ended up in an uneasy sleep, still debating pros and cons of issues in his head, only to wake up the next morning undecided and stressed. If Astra was here, she would probably crack some funny joke to diffuse the tension. He could hear her:

_"His moustache looks like a caterpillar attached itself on his upper lip. If only it was green…"_ Caspian smiled to himself, then remembered where he was.

"Gentlemen, I propose a compromise to equally divide the shares. And when I say 'propose,' what I mean is demand. Unless you can agree on a different solution that satisfies both parties…" said Caspian in an authoritative manner. The two dissenting men glanced at each other, still stubborn, but Caspian knew he had won this battle. "As you two converse with your people, I do believe it will be in this convention's best interest to take a short recess." Kaden, along with most of the other officials, seemed to come alive at this point, eager to get out of their seats. Kaden and Caspian meandered into the courtyard.

"Well, that was new for you."

"What?"

"Demanding." Caspian shrugged. "You can give orders and yet manage to sound accommodating. If I were to say what you just said, the ambassador would backhand me across the table."

"I do not think that the ambassador would be able to exert himself that much," Caspian said seriously, thinking of the ambassador's corpulent form. Kaden laughed raucously.

"Since when do you have a sense of humor?" Once again, Caspian shrugged. Kaden pondered for a moment before his eyes lit up. "The girl!" he declared.

"What girl?"

"Lady Astra."

"What about her?"

"She's _changed_ you."

"That is ridiculous."

"Romantic, not ridiculous."

"Sir Kaden, you are reading far too deeply into this."

"Am I?" he gave a gleeful grin, wiggling his eyebrows. Caspian decided it was best not to answer him. He glanced up at the sky to see dark clouds in the distance.

"It looks like we should expect bad weather on the route home."

"If our carriage gets stuck, I am _not_ shoving it out of a rut. I just purchased this shirt and I plan on keeping it as far away from mud as possible."

"I could _demand_ that you help the driver."

"You wouldn't." Kaden said it with such confidence that Caspian believed him. It wasn't news to him.

* * *

"Any news?" asked Astra for the umpteenth time.

"No, they are probably delayed by the weather," said May patiently. Indeed, it had been raining for two days in Narnia. It was exciting at first, as Astra had always been fond of the rain. She enjoyed watching the trees sway and the ocean grow dark and cold from her window. She had ventured outside a few times, but was always pulled in with scolds that she would become ill. The scolds fell on empty ears as she insisted that she was blessed with a wonderful immune system.

Instead, she watched the window, waiting for a carriage to pull up.

* * *

"I meant what I said before," said Kaden, moments after their carriage jolted to a stop. Caspian sighed, taking off his nice coat, before opening the carriage door and stepping outside. It was raining so hard it was a wonder the driver could see. The mud squished under his feet and within a minute of being outside, he was soaked to the bone. Deliriously tired, Caspian pushed the carriage, willing it to move. At last, the carriage was freed from its muddy trap and Caspian stepped back into the carriage, promptly falling asleep.

* * *

"Your Majesty?" Caspian woke up, groggily. He felt like a brick had been thrown into his stomach. "Are you feeling alright?"

"It is awfully hot in here, you think not?" Caspian said to his companion as he shivered. Kaden noticed these opposite symptoms. He rapped on the window, urging the driver to go faster.

* * *

Astra ran quickly to the carriage, only to see Kaden supporting Caspian and calling for a healer.

"Did someone not eat their vegetables?" she asked playfully, but there was fear in her eyes. She saw the sweat (or was it rain?) drip off his forehead and his wet shirt cling to his chest, which rose and fell rapidly. Numb from the cold and Caspian's grim appearance, she followed the crowd inside, knowing there would be long days ahead of them.


	21. Ch 21: Delirium

_A/N: Wow, thanks for all the reviews everyone! To make up for the last wait, I updated quickly, see? I felt rather accomplished..._**

* * *

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**CHAPTER 21: Delirium**

Caspian was exhausted and wet when he climbed back into the carriage after helping the driver push the carriage out of a rut. Immediately, he closed his eyes and when he next woke up, his body was stiff and achy. An invisible force pushed on his temples, and he felt like he was burning up, yet chills ran through his body.

"It is awfully hot in here, you think not?" he asked Kaden, who wore a worried expression. His companion rapped on the window.

"Faster!" he cried. "We're going to get you back to Cair Paravel quickly, Your Majesty." Caspian leaned his head against the cool window with the solitary thought that Astra was going to be absolutely furious at him. However, this was not the case when he next saw her.

Kaden had pulled him out of the carriage, dripping with water and sweat, and lead him to the castle. All Caspian wanted to do was sleep—each step seemed to take an exorbitant amount of energy. Astra ran up to him, a blanket wrapped around her body, not noticing the dirty puddle water that splashed up onto her dress, soaking the hem. Her eyes met him for a moment and she seemed to search for a joke.

"Did someone not eat their vegetables?" he remembered her asking and then she was gone.

* * *

Maids bustled around Caspian's room, building up the fire, putting endless layers of sheets on the bed, and bringing pitchers of waters. Astra watched in a corner as Maria guided Caspian behind a curtain for him to change. She tossed the wet clothes to the unfortunate maid standing on the other side of the curtain, dashing around to catch them in mid air. It would have been funny, had it not been him. Caspian leaned on the old maid for support and was helped into bed.

"Everyone out!" Maria barked and within moments, the once bustling room was silent. A healer entered the room, examining Caspian and speaking in hushed tones to Maria and Malvolio.

"He has a fever right now. This is simply something he will have to sweat out. Ensure that he is hydrated and warm, and change the sheets often so he does not become chilled. If his fever spikes to delirium, give him a cold water bath. If there are any drastic changes, have someone send for me." The doctor left with a grim look on his face, not even noticing the young lady cowering in the corner. The next person to enter the room, however, did. The young man strolled right up to Astra, eyeing the figure limp in the bed.

"How is he doing?"

"He has a fever that probably won't break anytime soon," Astra said, not even looking at the stranger.

"I'm Kaden, son of Lord Bentmark." Astra was silent. "He'll get better, Lady Astra." She finally looked at the young man, handsome and tall, with piercing eyes but a concerned and caring gaze.

"I hope so," she whispered. Then, after a moment, "How do you know my name?"

"Word travels fast when the King has a woman as a companion." Astra snorted. "I like you already," Kaden announced.

"Sir Kaden, out please, His Majesty needs his rest," ordered Maria. "You too, Lady Astra."

"I'm not leaving."

"What?"

"I said I'm not leaving." Maria glared at her, but then conceded.

"If you are going to stay, make yourself useful," she said. "He could use a cool rag on his forehead."

* * *

Caspian heard voices around him, all around him. He felt himself being pulled and tugged, he shed his skin, or was it just his clothes? Cool air hit him, then hot air… a fire burned in the room, he remembered its warm glow, like Aslan's aura. Aslan, where was he? It had been a month since he had last seen him.

There were so many people! They moved so fast he could not count them. He wondered why he wondered how many of them there were. Maria guided him to his bed. His eyes couldn't focus, but he knew it was Maria by her smell. She smelled like dry clothes and salty olives and she had rough hands from washing clothes and cleaning up after him. He didn't know why she doted on him so much. He could take care of himself… usually. Today was an exception.

His bed was soft and welcoming and he gladly let Maria tuck the covers around him. Maria shrilly yelled something and Caspian winced, his head pounding, but soon the room became very quiet. The healer came in and poked him. Caspian thought it tickled a little, but was too tired to laugh. His eyelids felt heavy and so he kept them closed, letting the darkness and the blurry light from the fire dance and flit across his obscured vision. It was highly amusing.

"He has a fever... Simply … he will have … sweat... Out! Ensure that … change. The sheets often … become chilled… Fever … delirium… cold water bath… Drastic changes, have someone send for me." It was all gibberish. In the haze, he vaguely heard the whispers of Kaden and Astra.

Astra was there! He had missed her presence so much. He was glad she was there. However, he wanted to be the one standing next to her in the dark corner, not Kaden. He burned with jealously, he could feel himself as Kaden, standing next to her, maybe his shoulder would brush her arm and he would feel warm, warm and good and he burned, he burned like the fever with jealousy. But it was just the fever, it was just the heat of the stifling room and the hot, heavy air that he breathed in and made him sleepy.

"I said I'm not leaving," she said and it was a little easier to breath. Having her sit next to him was a breath of fresh air.

* * *

From the doorway, Kaden watched the oddly pretty girl pull up a stool next to Caspian's bed and carefully take the warm and dry rag off Caspian's head. She gently dipped the cloth into the bowl of cool water next to the bed and wrung it out, before folding the cloth and placing it back on Caspian's forehead. He stirred for a moment, his eyes fluttering open, and Astra touched his face, whispering something to the ill king. The half-sleeping Caspian lifted his hand ever-so-slightly. Kaden held his breath as he watched Astra eye the hand, unsure what to do. Kaden mentally egged her on and after a moment's hesitation, Astra took his hand. The King relaxed under her gentle touch and Kaden smiled. Feeling accomplished, he slipped out the door.

_Caspian is so whipped._

* * *

Astra pulled up a stool next to Caspain's bed. He looked like crap, a once proud statue reduced to a worn-down rag doll. His skin was pale and clammy—beads of sweat clung to his face and he had nearly sweat through his shirt. His golden hair, the only warm, glowing object in the room besides the fire in the corner, was plastered to his forehead and disheveled. Astra found this unnerving, as Caspian was always very clean-cut. She took the cloth off his head and dipped it in the cool water, wrung it out, and then placed it back on his forehead, being sure to fix his hair.

Caspian reacted to her touch and his eyes shot open. His eyes were dark and glazed over. He seemed to be looking at her, but not quite seeing her. Wordlessly, he searched for something or someone. There was a sort of suppressed panic in his gaze, a suffocating confusion that Astra was not sure how to answer. She did not know what happened to him—she wasn't there. She did not know exactly why he was sick—she was no doctor. And most frightening of all, she did not know when (or if) he would get better.

The only answer she could muster was, "Close your eyes, I'm here." Her fingers grazed his cheek, feeling the heat from his body. In the back of her mind, she wondered what his lips would feel like. He closed his eyes, suddenly more at ease.

Goodness, the room was stifling hot. She desperately wanted to throw open a window and let some fresh air enter the room (she knew how fond Caspian was of the ocean breeze), but he needed to sweat out the fever. It would make him better. He would get better.

Caspian lifted his hand a few inches off the bed and Astra froze, unsure what to do. She could feel the gaze of Kaden behind her, lurking in the corner she previously occupied. Caspian would kill her. No, he wouldn't, she realized a moment later, remembering the look of panic and fear in his eyes from that split second he came back to them. She leaned forward, taking his hand in hers. Caspian's tormented body relaxed and he drifted off back into a restful, easy sleep. She heard the click of Kaden slipping out the door and held Caspian's hand to her face, begging that Kaden would be right. _"He'll get better, Lady Astra…"_

* * *

When Caspian opened his eyes, he couldn't see her, well, not really, anyway. She was a blur, but it was a beautiful blur, swashes of chocolate for her hair, that indigo blue for her eyes, and the coral pink for her lips. He tried to tell her that he was thirsty, but the words never came out. He held his hand out for water and she, instead, took his hand. He drank in her presence, her touch, and decided it was much better than a glass of water. Delirium, he decided, was not too bad after all.


	22. Ch 22: Open Up

**Chapter 22: Open Up**

She waited for him to open his eyes. He tossed and turned and moaned for two days, neither awake nor sleeping, and hardly conscious. He sweated through a shirt every hour and layers of damp sheets were peeled back and then piled back on. Sometimes he would stir and Astra would give him water. But most of the time, she sat in the stifling room with a book and tried not to worry too much.

Doctor Cornelius would drag her out of the room sometimes and insist on lecturing her about alternate criticisms of a Narnian poet. Sometimes, she caught herself actually interested, but she was rather distracted. May, being clever, devised other ways to get Astra out of the room.

"His Majesty could use fresh linens from the laundry room. And while you are out, perhaps you could eat, bathe, and put on a new dress?"

She couldn't sleep and she couldn't eat. The man whom she had opened up to was dangerously ill and there was little she could do but sit and wait. And so, she sat and waited for him to open his eyes.

More often than not, she would find herself shutting her eyes, nodding off for a moment. Her head would shoot up minutes later and the room would be the same— still and quiet, with the only sounds being the crackling of the fire and Caspian's raspy breathing. And sometimes, she would hold his hand, more to comfort herself than him. But when anyone entered the room she would let his hand limply fall to the bed, not wanting to embarrass him.

When the room grew too much for her and she felt like the dark curtains would swallow her whole, she went outside with the sheepdogs Bo and Alexis and breathed in the crisp sea breeze of Cair Paravel and wondered how she became so attached. She wanted to go home; she did, even though she had grown to love the Narnian capital. She had to go home and she had to befriend Caspian to do so. He was something of a friend; she had yet to have him completely open up to her, but they were making strides every day. And as he lay stagnant in the bed she knew that she was getting no where. So, she sat and waited for him to open his eyes.

* * *

Sometimes, in his delirium, he could feel her hand in his. Then a door would click open and she would drop it. When it clicked shut, she would hesitate for a moment and then pick his hand back up. He constantly felt like someone was pulling off his shirt, putting a new one on, and replacing sheets. It was a never-ending cycle of jostling and all he wanted to do was sleep. He could have slept forever had it not been that time that he did open his eyes.

Well, he thought he opened his eyes.

She was sleeping in a chair near his bed, her elbow plopped on the arm rest and her palm cradling the side of her face. Her hair was more disheveled than usual and her dress was creased. She looked as though she had been there for days, waiting for something to happen. The fire popped and her eyes shot open just as Caspian shut his. She sighed and Caspian drifted away.

* * *

On the third day, his cries of agony kept her awake. He tore around in bed as if he was in the middle of his worst nightmares. He would moan out in pain, but there was an edge of misery and torture, as if he was not only experiencing physical pain, but mental pain. She wondered what was going on in his mind and wished that she could free him from that terrible trap.

* * *

He was always battling. Whether verbally battling the quarrelling Narnians when he first joined their forces or physically battling the Telmarine troops, he was always battling. He even battled for her in his dreams.

_"I wish we could have had more time together."_

_"We never would have worked, anyway."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Well, I am 1300 years older than you."_

He remembered screaming when it hit him that she was gone. It was right before he climbed into bed after the long coronation ceremony. He screamed just to feel, to voice his loss, and every guard in the castle came running to his side, swords drawn. He was hardly alone, but that did not keep the loneliness at bay, nor was he able to close his eyes for fear of seeing the person he missed most.

However now, he saw her as clearly as day when he opened his eyes. Her eyes were crystalline grey-blue, a sharp contrast to her pale, freckled skin, and dark, wavy brown hair. She was tall, a little tall for her to comfortably rest her head on his shoulder. It was the only time her posture was not something that Madam Perkins would deem perfect. However, it was her sweet smile, the caress of her lips, and her gentle touch that he missed the most, the things that cracked him open after being closed off for so long. After all that time, there she was.

"Susan," he said. He wanted to say more, but the words escaped him. Her fingers gently grazed his cheeks and he pressed her palm to his cheek. She cried what seemed to be tears of joy and Caspian slipped off into an easier sleep.

* * *

He quite nearly screamed. Astra's drooping eyelids flew open and she leaned over the bed. Caspian did not writhe around, but was frozen still. Astra wondered for a moment if he was… but no, she could not even complete the thought. Then, his eyes opened and he looked at her, but seemed to see someone else.

"Susan," was all he said, but he said it with such sorrow and passion that Astra could feel herself crack. It would be wrong, she thought, to rob him of the woman who made him most happy and most whole, and so she touched him as Susan. He pressed her hand against his cheek, his face smoothing out with much-needed peace and tranquility. She felt herself shake with tears and he quietly breathed, already drifting back off to sleep. When his breathing was slow and even, she released her hand from his clutches.

Astra got up quickly to leave, wanting to get as far away as possible, but just then Maria entered the room and placed a hand on the man's forehead.

"Aslan's mane, we have to get him in a cold bath. This has gone on for too long. Help me lift him up." Together, the two wrapped their arms around the King and hauled him to the bathroom, where a window was left ajar. Maria pumped cold water into the tub and they waited for his temperature to drop, the only sound being the agonizingly slow drip-drop of the faucet.

* * *

He was floating in the ocean. It was cool and he had been hot for so long—it was nice and even bright. But where was the sun? He couldn't feel its warmth and the room was obnoxiously bright, not the kind of yellow brightness that the sun would give off. His mouth was dry; he was very thirsty. The muscles in his body seemed sore, as if he had just finished a long run.

Aslan, it was so bright! It was annoying, but he felt like he had been in the dark for awhile and was curious. And so, he opened his eyes.

* * *

"Thank Aslan!" Maria cried when Caspian opened his eyes. Astra gave a sigh of relief. Caspian seemed to take in his surroundings, surprised to find himself in a bathtub.

"Where did you think you were? The ocean?" she snapped.

"Yes."

"You fucking _idiot_." Caspian laughed and then began coughing. "Yes, please, hack up a lung." Caspian wore the same expression one would have if told they were magnificent and a god amongst men.

"What happened?" Maria and Astra both froze for a moment.

"What do you _mean_, 'what happened?'"

"Why am I here?" he asked softly, resting his head on the cool marble.

"You had a fever, Your Majesty," Maria explained gently. (She was only gentle with Caspian.) "You were delirious." Caspian took this in, pondering for a moment.

"The last thing I remember, I was being taken out of the carriage."

"That's it?" asked Astra incredulously. He paused, thinking.

"I believe so…" he said, although Astra was unconvinced.

"That's _it?_"

"I think it is time His Majesty gets some rest now," Maria suggested, giving Astra a pointed glare that meant that she was not actually suggesting, but ordering.

"He's been 'getting some rest' for three fucking days," she barked.

"_Three days?_" asked Caspian with a sleepy expression, although he seemed rather pleased with himself. It was, in a way, an accomplishment for the perpetually sleep-deprived king. "Do I have to stay in the bathtub?" he asked. Astra slapped her forehead. The fever had turned the king into a five-year-old. Maria saw the peeved expression on Astra's face and gave the one-word order that could not be argued.

"Out." Astra's mouth opened and shut, flailing for words. May, knowing Maria meant business, guided Astra with one hand on her shoulder from the room and Astra then found the words she had been searching for, although they came out rather jumbled.

"Doesn't remember? Fucking held his hand and sat, fucking hot room and he doesn't fucking remember? Shit! I remember it, how could he not…? Douchebag! What a fucking douchebag! Good God, he thought I was her! Fucking Queen! I mean, Jesus Christ, he opened his eyes!" May nodded, knowing that she could not disagree with the insane Astra, even if she was insulting the King (at least she thought she was referring to the King… one could not say for sure). May tucked the sheets around Astra, who had not slept in her bed for three nights.

"Get some rest," she said while Astra was in mid rant.

"No! I will _not_ rest! Prick, a complete and utter prick, shit face…" Astra yawned. "I guess I could take a short nap."

"That might be sensible."

"Yeah, a short nap. Wake me up in an hour." May made no promises and Astra woke up sixteen hours later.

* * *

She was angry at him, but she could not even point a finger at why she was mad. Was it because he broke the promise that she made him break—no it was not really even a promise to begin with because she wouldn't let him make it. Was it that he did not remember? Was it because of the whole Susan ordeal? Was it because she wasted her time on him? Was it that he didn't open up? She was not sure, but she was angry. Well, maybe not entirely angry. She went to his room.

"Why are you angry at me?" he asked when she entered the room.

"I'm not angry," she snapped.

"What are you reading?" Astra looked down at the book in her hands.

"_The Tales of Barnaby Brawn_."

"I love that book. Where are you in it?"

"Haven't started it yet."

"Pull up a chair," he said. Astra debated this for a moment and then with a reluctant "huff," sat down and cracked open the spine. "Chapter One: The Girl," he said from memory. Astra closed the book again.

"You thought I was her."

"What?"

"You thought I was her. You thought I was Susan. You opened your eyes and you saw her. But it was me. I'm not her, I'm me. I'm not her. You should know that. And she's not coming back. She left you. She's gone. And…" Astra slowed down, seeing Caspian's face crumple. "And that sucks and I'm sorry. You should know that too," she said genuinely, gulping nervously. "The memory is a funny thing. I guess we remember and forget the oddest things, whether we like it or not."

"I remembered," he said after a moment. "I just didn't want to…"

"…open up?" Caspian nodded his head. The room was still for a moment, but far more pleasant than it had been the previous day. The sunlight shined through the window and a gentle breeze tickled the curtains.

"Chapter One: The Girl," Caspian prompted her.

"Right. 'Barnaby Brawn met the girl on an otherwise forgettable day. However, she had a habit of making thinks remarkably memorable, a trait which Barnaby attributed to the continuing sharpening of his mind until he realized that all credit should be bestowed on her…"

* * *

_Thanks to everyone for reviewing this, for all their encouragement and support! Please review!_


	23. Ch 23: Horsing Around

_A/N: Lot of foul and inventive language in this chapter. God bless American teenagers. The things they come up with. And thanks you Urban Dictionary. You are a god amongst Internet dictionaries. And thanks to my besties who point out my typos. And thanks to my reviewers and readers! You guys are the best!_**

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**Chapter 23: Horsing Around**

Astra read to him but she found herself interjecting her own commentary on the novel _The Tales of Barnaby Brawn_, causing the two to go off on tangents that would make them forgot what recently passed in the novel and reread the last few pages.

"Barnaby is such a douchebag! I mean, it is _so_ clear that the girl would make him whole!"

"He's conflicted," Caspian retorted. Then, a second thought: "What's a douchebag?"

"It truly is a charming word. It is a person who has gone beyond the usual levels of 'jerk' and 'asshole,' but not quite to levels of 'fucker' or 'motherfucker.' Usually said person is rather full of themselves and yet continues to behave moronically in front all who are present for the characteristic display of idiocy. The label 'douchebag' may be combined with the surname 'McFucktard' for an extra punch to imply extra cockiness and douchebagery, thus, Douchebag McFucktard. Or Douchebag McFagalot is a good alternative, but I prefer the former."

"Oh, that makes complete sense…"

"Actually a douche bag is, ahem, a bag used to hold fluids used in cleaning, well, woman parts. But I prefer to the colloquial definition personally."

"McFucktard?"

"Well, there is this disgusting restaurant, if you can call it that, it is a fast food joint—"

"Fast food? That does not even sound appetizing."

"Some fast food is better than others… well, I digress. Anyway, there is one in particular called McDonald's and everything is 'Mc.' McNuggets, McFlurries, etcetera."

"Wait, this is _food_?"

"So I've been told. And that is the reason behind the 'Mc' in 'McFucktard.' And a fucktard is a mixture between a fucker and a retard."

"Well, that is neither kind nor politically correct."

"It is not meant to be either. Don't you feel enlightened now on all of American society?"

"Sounds like a lovely place," Caspian grimaced.

"Oh yes, let freedom ring. And don't even get me started on the Internet. That could take days to discuss by itself."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," said Caspian, gesturing to the bed that was his prison until Maria gave her consent to free him.

"Shit, I don't even know where to start. _Shit,_ I don't even know that much about it. I mean, it's just _there_, like electricity—we've discussed that, yes?" Caspian nodded his head vigorously. He found electricity very exciting and Astra could not supply him all the answers he desired, as she did not comprehend it much herself.

"I have an art mind, not science," she explained. "No amount of explaining could make me comprehend it because it is so logical and calculated and it is supposed to make sense by facts and figures and… well, philosophy and literature and the abstract make more sense to me because it can never be proven, does not have rules, and is not supposed to have a singular solution. You know what I mean?"

"No."

"Science mind," she declared, pointing at him.

Caspian looked at the girl as she attempted to explain computers and wondered if she forgave him for not opening up to her. She, now, was opening up to him, telling him about her world. He figured that she easily forgave, but forgetting—well, that was another story.

* * *

A few days later, Maria let Caspian out of the room and Caspian went into the study to find numerous "get well" cards from the kingdom. Astra helped him sort through them, laughing at some of the annoying letters from simpering court ladies and the sweet ones from schoolchildren with the usual misspellings.

"I think this one merits a response," she would say, handing him a small scrap of paper.

"'Deer King Caspian. I am sad yoor sick. Plees get beter soon. Sinsearly, Mandy.'"

"And look, she drew a picture of you and her holding hands and feeding the squirrels! That one is a keeper." Caspian rolled his eyes, but Astra still insisted on posting the letter on his wall with a label that said "Future wife." Astra admired her work, but then wrinkled her nose in thought. "Caspian, why aren't you married yet?"

"I have not found the right lady, I suppose."

"Would you have married Susan… if she stayed?" Astra asked brazenly, forgetting her tact.

"Maybe," he said thoughtfully. "But," he sighed, "I cannot really dwell on it."

"Marriage or her?" Caspian gave her a pointed glare to say that he did not want to continue the conversation any further.

"I am far behind in work," he said, burrowing himself in the papers strewn across the desk.

"Okay Mr. Grumpy Gills," she acquiesced and left the room.

"Mr. Grumpy Gills…?"

* * *

"You haven't been outside in _days_," she complained.

"I have been very busy with ruling a country," he said dryly. "Unfortunately, my responsibilities to Narnia take precedence before my own personal recreation."

"But that's what got you into trouble in the first place," she whined. "Can you _please_ come outside?"

"No." She grumbled and said something foul under her breath.

"Who is the Grumpy Gills now?" Caspian asked seriously, looking up from the lengthy document he was reading. Astra looked at him astounded, her mouth opening and shutting rather like a fish. Then, she burst out laughing. Five minutes later she was still giggling in a heap on the floor. Malvolio entered the room just as Astra managed to quiet herself. The presence of Malvolio, however, was always something to laugh at and she began her fit of snickering all over again. Caspian waved a hand to say, "Let her be." Malvolio left, muttering something along the lines of, "Silly, classless girls. Complete lack of propriety…" Caspian shook his head and focused on his work. It was not until his stomach growled an hour later that he realized the laughter had been replaced by Astra's deep breathing, as she had fallen asleep in a patch of sunlight on the floor. Caspian slipped a pillow under her head (the pillow in the study was especially reserved for her; additionally, she had her own blanket and mug) and she punched him in her sleep. Caspian hissed in pain.

"Asshole. Not outside…" she muttered.

"Save it for whining with wine on Wednesdays," he whispered to her sleeping form. Caspian was tempted to pat her on the head but was already rather wary of touching her when sleeping. The little bundle of sunshine smiled in her sleep (oh the irony, as she would wake up complaining of bruised knuckles) and Caspian thought it was all rather remarkable in a completely unremarkable way. She had a way with the world like that…

* * *

"You are getting out of the castle _now_," she said with such authority that Caspian almost obeyed her without thought.

"I have work."

"No, you do not. Douglass, help me out here," Astra petitioned to May's father.

"His Majesty could use some fresh air."

"And May, your thoughts?" The girl blushed.

"His Majesty has been very hard at work and oughtn't to tire himself out."

"And Malvolio, what says you?" The man simply glared at her. "Never mind, I don't want to know anyway. Well, three against one, I win. You're going outside. Now." She pushed over the chair he was sitting in and ran out of the room. Caspian looked to Douglass and May for help, but they simply coughed politely and looked away.

"I have a coup on my hands," he muttered and searched for the crazy girl. She was hidden around a corner, trying to sneak up on him, but he ended up surprising her and she screamed, her shriek bounding off the castle walls. After scolding him for a solid minute on the dangers of sneaking up on her, they walked to the stables, intent on taking a ride around the grounds.

Gus greeted them enthusiastically while Bianca groaned.

"Gus, please, some quiet!" she said with an exasperated sigh, very uncharacteristic of her usually patient self. "Pardon me," she apologized, "I am feeling a little under the weather today." Astra patted her neck.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well, we can both fit on Aldin," Caspian suggested shyly (he did not know why he suddenly was bashful), looking to the tall black horse for approval. Aldin was always hard to read and seemed to roll his eyes a little and swish his tail.

"I don't want to burden Aldin," Astra said, knowing that Aldin did not like her much. "I am sure I have gained, like, twenty pounds since I've come here. The kitchen staff is trying to fatten me up…"

"I can carry you both," Aldin said. Caspian sighed in relief, but Astra knew it was only because she had wounded the horse's pride, not that he suddenly had a change of heart. Caspian opened the door of Aldin's stall and the lanky horse strode out, shaking his mane so it rippled like cascades of black water. He was a beautiful horse, something fierce and mighty to behold in battle. Aldin trotted outside then took off at a gallop, leaving the couple alone for a moment as he circled around and ran at them. Caspian looked at Aldin, wondering what he was up to, but Aldin was trying to measure up Astra, who stood there placidly. He passed by the two and he felt something grab his mane and then a light form on his back. It was that girl, Astra. Aldin was slightly impressed that the spritely lady managed to vault herself on such a tall horse as he (oh, he was _so_ modest).

"Hmm, I guess Caspian missed the memo," she said, knowing that Caspian had not followed suit. "You are missing your boy. We could swing around and get him." Wordlessly, Aldin cantered back toward Caspian and felt Astra lean toward the ground, holding out an arm. Caspian was quite skeptical and seemed to amaze even himself when he grabbed her arm and flew on the horse's back. Astra grinned with glee at him and Caspian wrapped an arm around her waist for balance. She tossed her arms up in the air and threw her head back, laughing for the entire world. Caspian wrapped his other arm around her waist and laughed into her curls. So this was what it was like to be horsing around…


	24. Ch 24: Having a Ball

_Author's Note: A little short and very overdue, I give you a chapter! Sorry for such a long wait. Enjoy and please review!_

* * *

**CHAPTER 24: Have a Ball**

"You know what?" asked Astra as Caspian sat in his office. He didn't look up from his work, but knew by the tone of her voice what she was up to something. She was scheming in her scheming spot, near the bookshelf in the corner of the room. She would think of something and then slyly approach his desk, convincing him with each step she took toward him.

"…what do I know?"

"You're supposed to say what."

"…_what?_"

"Never mind. So I was thinking…"

"Aslan's mane!" Malvolio whispered under his breath. Astra scowled, but continued.

"I was thinking that Cair Paravel has not hosted a decent ball in a while."

"There was the inaugural ball…"

"That doesn't count. I mean a ball for the sake of having a ball."

"Do you not think that is a little superfluous?"

"Is Narnia broke?" she asked, taking a step forward.

"No, but we just finished two wars. We are still coming out of dark times…" his voice trailed off as she took another step forward.

"And do you expect Narnia to just wait for the Light to make an appearance or are you going to send an invitation?" she asked softly.

"I know what you are doing," Caspian said warily. For a moment, she almost looked entirely innocent, but he knew better. "You make things sound so easy and good and wonderful and then…"

"And then it's never quite as easy as we expected, but twice as good and wonderful in an unexpected way," she said with another step.

"Just stay where you are," Caspian ordered with a paternal tone, not liking where this was heading.

"Why?" she asked, her voice dropping low and almost seductive. "Am I… unnerving you?" Caspian felt his mouth suddenly go dry and Malvolio even stopped what he was doing for a moment, before awkwardly coughing to break the moment. She looked down at the floor and the corners of her mouth curled up. "Well, you know me—I get these crazy ideas in my head and run off with them. But, think about it," she said and walked out of the room, attempting to make a graceful exit until she tripped over her own feet. She caught herself—she always did—and laughed at herself, her boisterous chortle echoing down the hall.

"Malvolio?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Do you think it is too soon to celebrate?" Malvolio seemed to think about this for a moment before gravely giving his opinion.

"I think you should send the Light an invitation," he said, borrowing Astra's words. "It is always nice to have something to look forward to."

"Thank you, Malvolio."

"My duty, Your Majesty," he said with a bow and silently left Caspian to his thoughts.

* * *

"I was thinking about what you said earlier…"

"About bubblegum?" She was trying to explain how peanut butter got it out of hair. He was still trying to comprehend why anyone would want to chew something for that long, let alone how it could possibly end up in one's hair.

"No."

"Oh, then about trampolines?"

"No," he shuddered, thinking about how she managed to break her arm jumping on one. "I was thinking about the ball."

"Oh."

"I think we should have one."

"That's good," she said placidly.

"I must say, I was expecting a little more excitement. Maybe some jumping up and down, perhaps some squealing…"

"Sorry to disappoint. I already told Maria that we were going to have one, so I guess the initial excitement has worn off."

"Wait, _what_?"

"I knew you would come around so I thought I would give her the heads-up."

"I do not know whether to feel slighted or flattered."

"I know how you _are_," she said with a swish of her arm. "Besides, I know that there is a party animal hidden inside of you somewhere. And Maria seemed to think it was a lovely idea. She started talking about how you needed to meet some 'nice, proper ladies,' and I know that this was definitely not directed toward me, but she was totally right, you need a little normalcy and by God, I swear, that woman will not rest until she sees you married. A sweet woman, really, but if I were to say that to her face, she would probably ask me if there were any birds in my hair because it resembled a nest and then torture me in some unconventional way. But, I digress. So yeah, we are going to have a ball and you are going to get down with the _ladiez_." Caspian starred at her. "You look bamboozled."

"I am rather surprised."

"Skeptical," she corrected him.

"I am beginning to think this is not such a good idea after all."

"Nonsense!" she declared. "It is going to be fun." He did not seem convinced. Astra sighed exasperatedly and grabbed his arm. "I'm going to show you." Caspian knew better than to question her spontaneous adventures. She brought him into the ballroom and took him around the room. She needed him to see the magic, to feel it. She needed to convince him that they weren't fighting anymore, that he could be carefree and enjoy an evening with his palace lit up in all its glory. "All the chandeliers will be lit until the room glows. The curtains will be pulled up so you can see the moonlight dance on the ocean. Over there, in that corner, there will be a table with food. The band will be over there—violins, a horn, maybe a harpist too—playing music that you can barely hear over the tinkling of silverware and the conversation. There are women in splendid dresses that cover their toes so it looks their hems polish the floor and it looks like there are simply floating. Men will be dressed impeccably, reeking of effortless class, and soldiers will proudly don their medals over their hearts. You will be endlessly talking to everyone it feels like until mid sentence you look across the room as see _her_. And you don't know her, but you need to. But this is _you_ we are talking about, so you will inevitably finish your sentence—God forbid you don't— with only the slightest beat of hesitation and then as soon as you make your exit, you will find Malvolio so he can tell you her name. And then you walk up to her and ask her to dance." Astra pushed him around the room as she went, trying to place him exactly where he would be. Caspian's eyes were glazed over, as if he actually saw what Astra was describing. "And you dance and talk and she has this little smile, a sweet, coy smile, one that she is trying to hide because her etiquette teacher says that she shouldn't smile too much lest someone think that she is but a simple, smiley girl, but she is so happy and excited that she can't hold it in all the way, but she gives you just a little taste of her smile, _that_ smile. And you talk about everything and sometimes she remembers who she's talking too and she blushes and looks down at her hands." At this point, Caspian blushed and looked down at his hands. Astra paused for a minutes, letting the phantom party fade before their eyes. "And… you get the idea," she finished lamely. Once Caspian had shaken the image out of his head, he could not help but laugh. Astra flushed, feeling ridiculous, per usual.

"I do need to return to normalcy!" he laughed, throwing his head back insanely.

"I know," Astra said emphatically. "If I rub off on you too much, Narnia is going to be in a serious shithole." She waited for a moment, pondering. "This is going to be so much fun."

"Do you really think…?" Caspian asked quizzically and bashfully, although he attempted to "play it cool." Astra shrugged, catching his drift.

"It's a possibility. I mean, who knows?"

"I do not know, who?"

"I swear to God, Caspian, do you not get rhetorical questions?"

"Well," he said huffily, "I never know if you are talking to me or someone else, so I answer."

"There's no one else here!" she declared, throwing her arms out to gesture.

"That never stops you from talking," he said wisely. Astra considered this for a moment.

"Tru dat brudda. Peace out, let's bounce!" she said, hopping away like "a kangaroo on crack" (he believe she described it).

Indeed, perhaps normalcy would be refreshing.


	25. Ch 25: Slip of the Tongue

_Author's Note: Thanks everyone for reading, reviewing, and adding this story to their favorites and alerts! It really means a lot to me! I went on a writing spree and have another two chapters written after this, so I will upload them two days apart or so. This is making up for that terribly long span of 3-4 weeks in which I did not update. I hope I am forgiven and you will not abandon reading this! Sincerely, Off Dreaming_

* * *

**CHAPTER 25: Slip of the Tongue**

With Maria in charge, the preparation for the ball moved forward at a rapid rate. Astra quickly became annoyed with the details, but Maria persistently called upon her for her opinions on cutlery and napkins.

"First she tells me I'm ugly and then she wants to know my thoughts on china plates. I'm like, 'Hell, how would an obviously uncultured girl like myself know?' The woman is psychotic! And don't even _get_ me started on Madam Fucking Perkins!" Even though Caspian was the royalty of the castle, Astra was royally pissed when Caspian suggested she restart her etiquette lessons with Madam Perkins. They were out in the flower garden at the time and Astra was on hands and knees, dirtying the white dress she decided to wear that day. She dug through the loose, rich soil with bare hands, dropping in seeds that would sprout into little sprigs within a few days.

"Well, perhaps just a refresh course? Simply to remind yourself—"

"How to eat food? How to walk? I have nineteen years of experience of that, thank you very much," Astra retorted.

"High society will be there and they will be scrutinizing your every move. Although it is not fair that they will, in all likelihood, judge you in this way, it will inevitably happen, and I do not want you to embarrass yourself." As soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth, he knew he would be in for an earful, to say the least.

"Embarrass myself?" Astra asked softly, looking at him like he just slapped her. "Embarrass myself?!?!" her voice rose in octaves and volume. "I don't fucking need your help to embarrass myself, Your Mother Fucking Majesty. I can do that my fucking self, thank you very fucking much." She stormed past him and he chased after her with a frightening thought: since when did words even tumble out of his mouth? He rarely made mistakes such as this. After all, things like that started wars.

"Astra, please do not go!"

"Fuck off!"

"Stop saying _that word_." It was this that made her stop in her tracks.

"I will say whatever the _fuck_ I want!" she screeched, deliberately emphasizing Caspian's "favorite" word. She opened up her mouth to say something else, then closed it. "I can't talk to you right now." Caspian took a step forward. She held her ground with her chin determinedly jutting out. He bowed his head, his shoulders slumping forward. His head hovered to the side of hers, and although he could feel her eyes stabbing him, he could not bear to meet her gaze.

"I am _so_ sorry," he apologized and then walked away. From a window, he could see her stalk back to the garden and pull weeds with new found energy.

* * *

Astra approached him the next day, a ball of fury. Caspian quickly repeated that he was sorry, but she cut him off rather determinedly.

"No. Shut up. No, you don't get to talk. You've said enough. Hell, it's my turn, so shut up because… because yeah, I fucking said so." Caspian was quiet. "You aren't worried about me embarrassing myself. I don't care if I embarrass myself in front of those _fools_. I don't care and you know that. You know what I think? I think you are embarrassed of me."

"I am not—"

"Cut the crap, Caspian. I am a mar on your otherwise perfect record. I get it; I could screw up everything because people will be watching me, but it's not me they will judge, it will be _you_. 'What kind of filth does the King keep around the castle nowadays?' I get it, appearances are important, I'm not stupid, I get it. You… just… you were god-awful."

"I am so ashamed of myself." She didn't say anything, but her silence said '_as you should.' _"And worst of all, I have no excuse I can offer you of my behavior. I could say that I am stressed with responsibility on my shoulders, or I could fabricate a different lame excuse of my lack of sleep, but it would be a terrible lie. I can only offer you my most sincere apologies and hope that you accept them, although I frankly believe I do not deserve your forgiveness." Astra considered this for a moment.

"Why do you always talk like you belong in some ridiculous and trashy romance novel?" Caspian did not wish to say anything, lest he offend her again. "You sound like you're reading off a script."

"I mean it. I truly do."

"You think I talk weird, I think you talk weird. We're even." She walked away.

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"Forgiveness pending," she said with a straight face, but the twinkle in her eye was reassuring. In the end, she still refused to meet with Madam Perkins and Caspian did not push the matter. Nonetheless, this did not stop the woman from hounding Astra with tips and reminders. Astra earnestly promised she would behave and try not to cause any problems.

"I can hold my own," she declared. "Besides, I can't hover around you because then no girl will want to talk to you. So, I'm going to avoid you like my hairbrush." She played what she described as a "practical joke" on Maria by intentionally messing up her hair and not brushing it for three days. Unfortunately, Maria was otherwise occupied with the planning of the ball and did not have as much time to yell at Astra as the young lady hoped. "No worries, though, I will get all gussied up for the ball." Caspian squirmed a bit at this, thinking of the ways the kitchen boys and stable hands would look at her inconspicuously.

"May I please give you one word of advice?" he requested. Astra fake-pondered this for a moment then assented. "In Narnia, we treat men and women equally, but that is not the case in other countries. I am not asking you to dumb yourself down—no, I would not dishonor you by requesting that—but I ask that you do be careful and understand that you may encounter some discrimination. But, as you said, you can hold your own." She cracked a sly grin.

"Awwwwww!! Big brudda Caspian looking out for wee li'l Astra! You're a funny kid," she said, patting his cheek and skipping off.

* * *

"No curves? What kind of woman are you? How do you expect to attract gentlemen?" cried the seamstress, looking at Astra's stick-straight, boyish figure.

"I was going to hope that my sparkling personality would do that," Astra said with a purposefully crooked grin.

"Perhaps a bright colored dress would be wonderful!" piped up May, always the optimist.

"Yellow!!!" the woman cried, holding a particularly sharp pin in the air. "You will be a sweet yellow flower and all the gentlemen-bees will want your nectar," the seamstress declared, advancing on her like prey.

"That is a truly horrifying simile." However, the dress the seamstress created was a dream. The corset was tied tightly in the back ("Look, I have boobs!" Astra cried with glee) and the straps, a creamy white lace, hung loosely on her shoulders. The skirt fell straight down, a shiny yellow silk, and billowed out in the back when she moved.

"It is trendy for Narnian fashion, more flowing material instead of large layers, but the girl without a figure wears it well." That was Astra's name to the seamstress: the girl without a figure. Nonetheless, Astra took the compliment. And without fail, May outdid herself again and managed to pin Astra's (for once) soft, shiny curls into a bun and apply bronze kohl on her eyelids to make her blue eyes pop. Even Maria and Lady Perkins gave satisfied nods, which meant a lot.

Caspian told her she could simply slip into the party when she was ready. May wished her luck and Astra concentrated on not tripping as she made her way to the hidden back entrance to the ballroom. She slithered inside and was in awe of the spectacular room. Maria had stolen the image of the hall she evoked in Caspian's mind, with the chandeliers blazing and an orchestra crooning in the corner. Astra picked up a glass of wine and searched for Caspian in the room. She found him with a crowd of people surrounding him. These people departed and Astra saw her chance. She felt the urge to run up behind him and cover his eyes, asking "Guess who?" but remembered where she was. Pushing her shoulders back as Madam Perkins instructed, Astra walked up to his side.

"Your Majesty," she said with a bow and a hidden smirk, not use to addressing him by his formal title.

"Lady Astra," he said, nodding back. "Pace yourself," he said, eying her wine glass. "It is going to be a long night."

"Oh yeah," she agreed, "because this place just seems to be full of rabble-rousers." Caspian glanced around the hall with Astra and grinned—the party was still relatively placid, with people still streaming through the glass double-doors. "People are looking at us oddly."

"Correction: they are looking at you oddly."

"I'll have you know I am refraining from sticking out my tongue at them."

"Duly noted and much appreciated. Although, you should know they are only staring because you look… lovely."

"Thanks, you are looking spiffy yourself." Caspian blushed a little. "Now go flirt and be merry. And don't try any of the pick-up lines I told you before, you will probably get slapped."

Caspian tried to remember them, but most were rather vulgar and so it was not something he wanted to commit to memory. After all, it was Wednesday when they were whining with wine when she told him, and so she was a tad drunk. However, the only one he could remember was the one she gave him permission to use: _Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?_

"It's got to be the right girl though," she said that night, slowly tipping over as she wagged a finger at him. "Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

At the ball, Astra was already across the room and had struck up a conversation with a number of gentlemen. They said something funny and she laughed, her smile putting the chandeliers to shame.


	26. Ch 26: A Night to Forget

**CHAPTER 26: A Night to Forget**

Astra moved quietly through the crowd when she felt a hand on her elbow.

"Pardon me, milady, but were you just speaking to His Majesty?" asked the tall, dark youth.

"I was, sir."

"Are you, then, the Lady Astra this room has been buzzing about?" Astra gave a little laugh and a sly smile.

"Yes, that would be me."

"Please allow me to introduce myself and my friends. I am Sir Ahriman, son of Tarkaan Asinim, a close friend of the Tisroc—may he live forever—and the gentlemen accompanying me are Sirs Gedeon and Savin, both of the fair land of Calormen."

"A pleasure to meet you all."

"No, the greater pleasure is ours, for we are blessed to bask in your beauty," Sir Ahriman said suavely, his eyes roaming her body. Astra knew they were trying to flatter her, but it was so damn cheesy that she had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing.

"Are you gentlemen enjoying your evening in Narnia?"

"Surprisingly, yes."

"I suppose your natural bias would find more pleasure in an evening in your home country."

"Naturally. Has the lady ever been to Calormen?"

"No." Sir Ahriman held out his arm to Astra and she politely took it.

"It is a land much different than Narnia, mostly desert and very treacherous. The desert, although eerily beautiful, is a silent killer. It breeds a different kind of man, tougher, more resourceful, and more resilient. Then again, to the south, there woods and rivers which provide a fair amount of resources, but I have always been more fond of the northern territory myself."

"It sounds quaint," said Astra, taking the time to study the man. He was, as he would undoubtedly describe himself, that "different kind of man," strong from hours of fighting lessons, bulky, tan, and brawny. He was the son of a Lord, his own job to marry well when the time came and try not to get into too much trouble before then. He had dark, short hair in tight curls and dark eyes framed by long eyelashes. Sir Ahriman was an odd cross between handsome and pretty, but carried himself like he was Aslan's gift to women. Astra talked to the gentlemen until dinner was called and she was able to sit to Caspian's left.

The King seemed to be enjoying himself, talking leisurely with his subjects as they spoke about their children's accomplishments and beautiful daughters, and then donning a serious expression when politics came up. His gift of small talk was useful on nights such as this, when his carefully worded questions continued a conversation without the slightest hesitation. It had, however, been awhile since she had seen him smile so abundantly in front of a group of people who were not very well acquainted with him. He reserved his full smile for a small group of individuals.

Astra sat next to Sir Kaden, Caspian's friend and the gentlemen who accompanied him on his journey to Archenland, the journey that resulted in his terrible illness. Sir Kaden was terribly funny and a horrible instigator, whispering in her ear snide little comments about other people's conversation. Astra choked on her food, causing Caspian to look at the guilty duo.

"The Lady forgot that she is to chew before swallowing," Sir Kaden said seriously. Astra kicked his leg under the table and he flinched. Caspian caught this small movement and gave them both disapproving looks. The look he gave to Sir Kaden was slightly different, flecked with—what was it?—jealousy. Sir Kaden's father, Lord Bentmark, declared Astra a hoot and his bright-eyed wife was terribly sweet and complimented Astra on her dress and hair. The woman eyed Lady Astra and her son at his side pleasantly, but then when she saw the way Caspian's smile seemed to grow a mile wide when he locked eyes with the young lady, the woman found greater pleasure. After dinner, they took a turn around the room.

"My son," she explained, "is a very good man. A little wild and reckless, but a good man looking for a good woman."

"If I may be so frank, Lady Diane, I do not believe your son is quite ready to settle down with a wife yet." The woman was not angry with this observation and instead heartily agreed.

"Indeed, he still thinks he is in the glory of his gallivanting days. He is a restless fool at times, always searching for something, for someone. And you, you are not married?"

"No, milady, I am only nineteen. Where I come from, that is quite young to marry."

"Here, that is not the case. Nineteen is the prime time for ladies, a little older for the gentlemen. His Majesty seems to have taken an interest in you," said Lady Diane with a coy look.

"We are wonderful friends," Astra said with a smile.

"Well, I cannot comment on his sentiments with great certainty, but the way he smiles at you… well, Lady Astra, it is clear he treasures you." Astra opened her mouth to say something, but the music resumed and Sir Ahriman immediately requested that she dance with him. After a few dances, Astra excused herself for a quick drink and Sir Kaden swept her up after.

"I do believe my mother is convinced that we should get married," he said jocularly, giving his head a shake to push the hair out of his eyes. "If it wasn't for Caspian, she would probably have her way."

"What do you mean?"

"See, you and I are very alike in a number of ways, which is charming, but you and Caspian are so very different—well, that is romantic. Besides, I think of you as a little sister."

"I already have three older brothers, what's one more?"

"Astra, look at Caspian!" Sir Kaden whispered, spinning her so she could get a peek. Caspian was talking with a beautiful girl with a bashful, earnest look on his face. Caspian said something and the girl blushed and looked down at her hands. Caspian bit his lip, quickly glanced down, and then sheepishly met her gaze and smiled.

"Well, he scored." Kaden laughed and spun her.

* * *

She was beautiful. Her name was Hanalei and she was from a few towns over and she was beautiful. She was smart, deceptively so as she was very quiet, and sweet. Normal. A normal, wonderful, girl. Caspian talked with her and completely lost track of his time and obligations, reluctant to leave her to circulate through the room. Astra was occupied between Kaden and Sir Ahriman of Calormen; he was fine with Kaden, he trusted him, but it was Ahriman that he was skeptical about. He did not like the way he leered at Astra. He would warn her when he had the chance, but this was soon forgotten when he saw Lady Hanalei gazing softly at the dancing couples. Caspian strode up to her and asked for a dance. After that, he was lost in her green eyes.

* * *

Astra did not know what to make of the night. It was a smashing success, so why did she feel like there was a lump in her throat? The things that Lady Diane and Sir Kaden said and the look on Caspian's face as he spoke to the lovely, mystery lady clashed and wrecked havoc on her mind. She needed to think, but not with the eyes of everyone on her. Finishing her glass of wine, she walked out onto the patio and let the cool air calm her.

"Lady Astra, why are you not inside joining the festivities?" asked Sir Ahriman.

"I just needed a little break from the chaos. It is very overwhelming if you are not accustomed to it."

"I understand. If I am not intruding, may I join you?"

"Sure." They talked quietly, walking through the gardens, but Astra was very distracted.

"You are very beautiful, Lady Astra," he said suddenly and all of Astra's senses came alive. The sole thought in her head, as she looked at the distance she had put between herself and the palace was, "_Shit._"

* * *

Caspian was on cloud nine. He wanted to find Astra and tell her that she was psychic and that Lady Hanalei was wonderful and that she absolutely had to meet her.

"Sir Kaden, where is Lady Astra?"

"I was dancing with her a few minutes ago. She is probably with Sir Ahriman," Kaden said the man's name distastefully. Caspian nodded to say that he shared his friend's sentiments. Then, he felt something build in his stomach.

"I haven't seen either of them in a while." Both the men stopped and looked at the other warily. Lady Diane, Kaden's mother, was passing by and they asked if she had seen Astra.

"She walked outside to get some air about ten minutes ago. A gentleman followed her out a few minutes later." The two gentlemen briskly walked outside, fearing the worst.

* * *

"Thanks," she mumbled, trying to shrug off the slimy compliment.

"No, I do not believe you understand how beautiful you are." Astra snorted. "You are pretty, yes, but I am talking about beauty—they way you hold yourself, the way you speak, the way you are so completely in control of yourself—it is a very attractive combination." Had the words not been accompanied with eyes that looked at her like a piece of meat, she probably would have melted a little bit. But the only thing on her mind was an escape route.

"Well, the beautiful girl is getting a little cold. Do you mind if we head back inside?"

"Stay," he said, grabbing her hand.

"I'd rather not," she said, gently trying to pull away. However, this made him grab her other wrist. He forcefully pulled her closer to him and pressed his lips against hers. _The slimy git_. "Stop it!" she ordered, but he didn't and she released her foulest insults as she tried to push him away. He laughed at her. He _laughed_ at her.

"It's just you and me," he whispered sinisterly. Astra's eyes went wide and she panicked. Her brothers had taught her self defense, but all was lost on her at this moment in time. Next thing she knew, she was on the ground in the flower bed that she had tended just days ago, and Ahriman's hand was sliding up her leg. She fought him, hitting, scratching, spitting, and swearing, but she was tiny in comparison to his ripped body. Finally, she screamed, hoping someone would hear her, and his hand collided with the side of her face, stunning her for a few moments. _Someone must have heard_, she thought. _I hope someone did._

* * *

The scream echoed across the garden as Caspian and Kaden burst through the open doors. Guests turned around, hearing the scream and seeing the two noblemen run out. Caspian's heart pounded in his chest as he broke into a sprint, not being able to even think or prepare himself for what he may see. He had no idea where she was and it was dark. Caspian and Kaden wordlessly split up. He begged himself to breathe more quietly so he could hear her. Gone was Lady Hanalei, gone was his responsibilities, and gone was his reputation. At that moment, the only thing that mattered was Astra. Finally, he heard muffled shrieks of terror.

"Fuck!" cried the voice of a man shaking his hand in pain.

"…_no, fuck you!_" Astra cried. Caspian saw the figures in the dark. The flowers in the flowerbed were mangled and torn up. Astra was on the ground with Ahriman on top of her, her legs pinned by his knees and her arms held at the wrist. His hands, when not distracted by holding her flailing arms, were groping her chest and thighs, which were exposed as her dress was hitched up. Astra saw Caspian enter into her field of vision and her eyes went wide.

"Astra!" Caspian called running toward her. Ahriman turned to see Caspian and Astra saw her chance, kicking him between the legs and scrambling away. Caspian ran to her, his blood boiling with anger. Caspian kicked over the man, who was in the fetal position, and grabbed his collar, holding him so he could punch him. Once. Twice. He wound up for a third and Astra cried for him to stop. She was still sitting on the ground, looking terribly young and vulnerable, covered in dirt except where a few tears leaked from her eyes and made clean tracks down her. She had her arms wrapped around her knees and her eyes were wide with fear. Caspian let go of the man's collar and rushed to her, enveloping her in a hug. Ahriman got up to escape, but Kaden arrived and took hold of him.

By then, a crowd had gathered of guests and guards, trying to see what was happening. Caspian saw the glint of metal and pulled a sword out of a guard's sheath, pointing it at Ahriman's throat.

"Caspian, it's not worth it," Astra said, now standing. She was torn, dirty, bloody, and bruised, and never had he seen a braver, more noble sight. "It's not worth it." She stepped toward him as he blinked back angry tears. She wrapped a hand under his outstretched arm, then put her other on his shoulder. Going up on her tip-toes, she whispered in his ear, "I'm not worth it. I'm not worth this fight." But she _was_. Caspian would fight for her to the death. Seeing him clench the sword harder, she must have known this and ducked under his arm, putting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her cold body, letting the sword drop to the ground.

"Sir Kaden, show him to the door."

"With pleasure, Your Majesty," said the man with a feral smile.

"Good-night," said Caspian to the guests who were still stunned and had not realized that this was the proper moment to make their exit. It was actually a bad night, a night to forget.


	27. Ch 27: Reflections

_Author's Note: before I can begin this chapter, I must confess that I am completely and utterly amazed and blown away by the feedback for this story. The number of encouraging reviews and the number of people who have added this story to their favorites and alerts is simply astounding. I have never had so much success with a story as this one and my Harry Potter fanfic, The Reign of Kellyn Wood. I would happily name each one of you who reviewed/supported me, but there are simply too many people I would love to recognize. Instead, accept my whole-hearted thanks for being such awesome readers! And now enough of my jabbering and enjoy the (extremely depressing) chapter! Don't forget to review!_**

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**CHAPTER 27: Reflections**

"Is everyone gone?" she whispered into his chest. She was frighteningly calm, but trembled, as if she was battling for composure.

"Almost." She buried herself into him further until everyone was gone and Caspian led her back inside. He placed a hand on the small of her back and she flinched. He let go and let her walk a half of a pace in front of him. She walked quickly to her room and opened the door, striding in. May was on the couch in the room asleep, and woke with a start. Caspian stood in the doorway, not sure if it was right or proper to enter.

"Get me out of this dress," she said, her voice choked, and even though she was not looking at him, he knew it was directed toward him. She was now breathing heavily and put her hand on her rib cage as if she couldn't breath. The dress was tied in the back and Caspian pulled the strings out, his hands trembling. Finally it was loose enough that she pushed the straps down her arms and the dress fell in a silky waterfall to the ground. Never had Caspian seen so much skin in his life. Under the gown, Astra wore a simple slip, falling just below her butt. Her back was facing him and Caspian looked to the ground. However, when she slowly and deliberately turned around, he knew that she wanted him to see. _Look what the bastard did to me_, her eyes said. Her cheek was bruised and cut, as if he hit her while wearing a heavy ring, and her hair was in complete disarray. Her wrists were bruised and her hands were full of little cuts and blood was under her finger nails. What pained him the most was the mottled bruising on her lily-white thighs, the dark marks out of place on the pale skin.

"Did he—?"

"No." She wasn't raped, thank Aslan. Her shoulders shook and she began to cry softly at first, then hard sobs that made her shoulders shake. She fell to the floor and Caspian went to hold her, but May stopped him.

"She needs a healer." Caspian nodded. "Now." He reluctantly left the room and searched for the healer, who was not happy to be woken up, but all business when he heard the situation. Caspian went to follow him back into Astra's room, but the man put a hand out.

"You should stay outside."

"No, I have to be with her," Caspian demanded. _I'm King, damn it!_ he thought to himself.

"Go, Caspian," he heard her voice. The tone was frigid. Caspian lingered in the doorway, hurt, before leaving.

* * *

The doctor examined her, recording the bruises and cuts, instructing that she should keep them clean and put ointment on them. Finally, Astra sunk into a bathtub of warm water, scrubbing off the dirt. She kept scrubbing, trying to get _him_ off of her, she could still feel his rough hands sliding up her thigh and his gross lips on hers. She looked at her body, bruised and battered, and wanted to cry again, but she pushed back the tears. She did not want to cry again; she had done enough of that.

She felt stupid, so stupid for letting her guard down. She knew better. Since when did she let herself be distracted like that? Had she been paying attention, she would have stayed closer to the castle. Since when did she panic? In her natural state, she was energetic and everywhere at once, but when focused, was determined and clear-headed. She said that she could hold her own, but had Caspian not come when he did… she stopped, pushing the image out of her head.

She had never seen him like that: so mad, so passionate, so thoughtless, so fierce, so very out-of-control and so very un-Caspian-like. He would have thrown everything away had that blade moved another few inches. It frightened her that she could make him that way. At least she thought it was her fault. It had to be her fault. It would have been such a good night. He could have been with that pretty girl and everyone would have been happy and gay that the palace was alive again, but _no_, she had to go and mess things up for him.

And then she pushed him away. She was wary of men at the moment, true, even when the doctor touched her she flinched in fear, but she did not want to see him. She did not want to see him and his piteous, guilty eyes looking at her so helplessly. She didn't need that, it made her want to crumble, fold herself into him, and stay there for eternity. But that would not help anything. He had his own demons to sort out, as did she. So, she pushed him away because he would not leave unless she told him.

Astra stepped out of the bathtub and dried off, looking at her bruised face in the mirror. She did not want to reflect on the night any further and crawled into bed. Curling up into a little ball with a mountain of blankets covering her, she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Caspian returned to his room to find Kaden and Douglass Durham. Kaden's hands were bandaged. He knew what Caspian meant when he said to show Ahriman to the door. Apparently, the healer had found Kaden marching back into the castle with a proud swagger and naturally had to tend to him.

"The deed has been done," said Kaden, watching his friend. "He won't be coming back into Narnia if he knows what is best for him."

"Your Majesty," said Douglass, "there are politics…"

"I do not want to talk about politics! Damn, are there not more important things than politics?" he yelled, pushing his hands across his dresser, the vase crashing on the ground.

"Caspian, you've completely lost your head," said Kaden, before leaving the room.

"He's right, you know, I've never seen you like this."

"It is my fault. I had this feeling, a gut feeling that he had the potential to hurt her and I was so caught up with my own selfish pleasures that I neglected her. And then when I ran out to find her, he already had her on the ground. And she was so scared and he was hurting her and I do not know what came over me, I punched him, twice. And it did not even help things or make me feel better and I should have gone to her. He did not matter, she mattered. And she told me to stop and she… oh Aslan, she looked like a frightened little girl, I simply felt like I would break or she would if I did not hold her, hold her together. And then she goes to say that she is not worth it! But she is, she is, she will always be worth it, a thousand times over again. And although I came before it was completely too late, she was still hurt and I could not do anything but hold her. And she did not even want that," his voice cracked and he realized he was near tears. "I would have killed him. It would have been so easy. I would have done it," he said, his voice now empty. "And it would not have done anything. You should have seen the bruises on her, Douglass. He, that man, that _bastard_ will not be gone until those bruises are gone and even then he will always be on her mind. He did not have the right. He did not have the right." Douglass reached for the young man, but Caspian pulled away. Like any father, Douglass knew better and reached for him again, capturing the King in his strong arms. Caspian fought him, pushing futilely until he collapsed in the fatherly arms and released a few bitter tears. Douglass released him when the young man was quiet.

"Now, get some sleep son." _Son_. It felt nice to hear him say that.

Caspian looked at his reflection in the mirror after Douglass left. His eyes were red and tired, skin pale and dull, mouth set in a frown. _Would things ever been the same? Would they ever be the same?_ These were questions he did not have answers to, questions that would only be solved in time. They would have to wait until morning. Naturally, Caspian stayed up and waited until morning. He found himself sitting in front of Astra's room, nodding off for a few minutes at a time until May exited the room, having been with the girl all night.

"Is she awake yet?"

"No, still sleeping. You should sleep too, Your Majesty."

"I cannot."

"Last night, my father came by the room and held me. I am his little girl and he saw what happened to Astra and… well, sometimes bad things bring people together. Sometimes you find the true value of a person when they are on the line."

"Tell me when she wakes up."

"I will."

* * *

She was still curled up in bed when he warily entered. She sat up and Caspian saw that her bruises had darkened. He opened his mouth to say something about the previous night and she stopped him.

"I don't want to hear it. Distract me. Please. Don't talk about… it. Tell me about the girl. Tell me anything else. Please."

"Her name is Lady Hanalei and she is normal," said Caspian, sitting down in a chair.

"That's good," said Astra smoothing her sheets. "That's really good."


	28. Ch 28: The Right Touch

_Author's Note: Oops. Sorry I forgot to update sooner. I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season! Here's my present to you!_

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CHAPTER 28: The Right Touch

Astra was quiet the next few days, Caspian noticed. She picked at her food and flinched when anyone touched her. She was wary and closed-off, not her usually uninhibited and open self. It was unnerving and Caspian did not know what to do. He crept around the castle and around her, trying not to alarm her, but did just that in the end when she would whirl around to find him in the doorway, placing a relieved hand over her heart as if to say, "Oh, it's just _you_. I thought it was…"

It was dinner, a few days after the ball. It seemed as though the whole ordeal had blown over politically, but emotionally, things were fragile. The castle seemed quiet, spooky, no longer light and gay, but dark and with hidden mysteries lurking around the corner. Astra sighed, swirling her soup around in the bowl listlessly.

"When is Lady Hanalei coming over for supper?" Astra asked. Her voice was toneless and empty.

"I do not think now is the right time to be having guests," Caspian said delicately.

"And why is that?" she retorted, but there wasn't the usual sparkle in her eyes.

"I think we have had enough people in the castle for awhile."

"You mean the ball?" Caspian slowly nodded. "Invite her tomorrow night."

"Astra…"

"Good God!" she cried, standing up, her spoon clattering to the floor. "How much longer does this castle have to remain dead? It's suffocating, like walking through some god-damned cemetery. I'm not a porcelain doll; I don't break when someone drops me. Life goes on, Caspian. _Life goes on_," she said, slapping down her napkin on the table. "Oh, and if I don't see her pretty face at this table, there will be _hell_ to pay," she growled before stalking out of the room.

"Malvolio, I need to write an urgent letter!" Caspian called, fearing for his life.

_

* * *

_

TwangThud. TwangThud. TwangThud.

It was the sound of her bow's string recoiling and then her arrow hitting the target. It was therapeutic, monotonous, and quite nearly brainless; she wondered why she hadn't thought about doing this before. Everything was blocked out; it was just her and the target, no Caspian, no Ahriman, no Oxford, nothing. Little did she know, she had managed to gather herself a crowd of soldiers who watched her gracefully pick up arrow after arrow and expertly string it on her bow before firing it into the target. She noticed this as she was just about to fire an arrow.

"Can I help you?" she asked snappily. Most of them quickly coughed and looked to the ground sputtering for an answer. One was particularly flabbergasted.

"_How_ do you _do_ that?" the young man breathed.

"Come here, I'll show you," said Astra, bored and anxious to do something vaguely different. "Nope, drop your right elbow. Your other right. Good. Steady your arm. Look down the arrow. Well, do you see your feet? They're all wrong!" she cried, fixing him up until he met her standards. "It's a start. Next!" Astra, amused, tested all the archers like a drill sergeant, rather enjoying herself. "Come on, gents, it just takes the right touch!"

"Lady Astra, are you whipping my troops into shape?" asked Caspian, joining them on the archery lawn. The soldiers immediately bowed, but Astra simply stood there, regarding him as an equal.

"Someone's got to do it. Most of them are a bunch of fucking pansies," she snapped. She was in a bad mood. One soldier opened his mouth to retort and without even looking at the man, Astra pointed at him with a threatening finger. "Shut it." She cleared her throat. "Well, would you like to show your king that you _aren't_ a bunch of fucking pansies after all?" The men nodded eagerly. "Have at it," she said, gesturing to the open targets. The men began showing their skills enthusiastically as Caspian and Astra quietly talked.

"If I may be so bold, you do not seem to be your normal self today." Astra did not respond. "Are you tired?"

"Yeah, I'm tired," she snapped. "I can't fucking sleep." They were quiet for a moment and Caspian's brows furrowed in thought. "Stop doing that."

"What?"

"You're worrying about me. You have enough to worry about, so stop it. Life goes on."

"Then why are you not moving on?" Astra looked at him, her eyes burning with anger.

"I was fucking _attacked_, Caspian," she hissed. "'Moving on' doesn't happen overnight," she went to push past him, but he grabbed her wrist and held her near him. "Let go," she whimpered, and he could hear the fear in her voice.

"No."

"I said let go," she repeated, her eyes tearing up.

"Stop pushing me away," he said softly, his eyes pleading her. She tried to yank her wrist away, but he took it with both hands and gently stroked the bruises with his thumbs. Her body relaxed, the guarded look in her eyes fell, and she was Astra for a moment, just a scared little girl, confused and asking for answers to unspoken questions. She leaned into him for a moment, closing her eyes; she knew that the soldiers would be watching, and did not want to make a spectacle, but his presence was comforting. She apologized with her eyes.

"So, is Lady Hanalei supping with us tonight?" she asked, and Caspian could almost make out that little twinkle in her eyes.

"Her family will actually be traveling for the next few months, so unfortunately no. She promised to attend the next ball, though, and sup as soon as she is back in the area." Caspian seemed a little disappointed, but still very hopeful at the prospect.

"Well, that's better than nothing. She's interested, it's a start. However, I do think you should open up Cair Paravel more."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, have guests for supper. Friends, lords, the like. It is time Cair Paravel did not just house the king, but the kingdom too. It can't just be the shiny castle on the cliffs, it has to mean more than that. I mean, you rebuilt the freaking thing, might as well put it to good use." Caspian thought about this, then nodded. "Maria and Malvolio will probably be thrilled with the prospect. Maria loves planning a good party and Malvolio loves controlling your life." Caspian frowned. "He can organize your social calendar," Astra added brightly. "Even Malvolio has his uses." Caspian frowned once again. "Well, I'm right, so… _ha_!" Caspian smiled.

"It is good to have you back." He realized he never let go of her wrist, his thumb still tracing lazy patterns on her arm.

"Don't get mushy, gushy, sentimental on me," she said, absentmindedly brushing him off. She saw the soldiers looking at them. "Hey, _dipshits_, eyes on the targets! Freaking _morons_…"

* * *

During the night, she felt a tingling sensation rush through her body, and woke up, knowing without actually knowing that the sensation was magic. She rolled over, seeing a large lion sitting aristocratically next to the window, his mane glowing in the moonlight.

"Aslan!" Astra cried, rushing to him.

"My dear child," he said affectionately, letting her press her face into his mane.

"It's been too long since I last saw you," she murmured.

"Well, you seemed to be managing on your own, as you would wish it to be so. I saw no reason to interfere until recent events." Astra hung her head. "Now, child, there is no reason to be ashamed."

"I screwed up, Aslan. I screwed up big time. I almost got Caspian in huge trouble. Like, _ginormous_ trouble."

"It is not your fault."

"But it _was_." Aslan took a deep breath.

"Astra Gorlois, I believe that if you look at what happened that night, you would perhaps see more good as a result of the situation than bad."

"You call this 'good'?" she asked bitterly, holding up her bruised wrist. Aslan nuzzled it.

"We must all fight our own battles, Astra, but we do not have to fight alone. And, if you cannot fight for yourself, fight for him." Astra knew what Aslan meant by "him": it was Caspian. "Otherwise, he will take on the world alone, a battle no one can win." Astra nodded sorrowfully. "He has six months until his quest to find the Seven Great Lords. He still needs you." Astra knew the deal: she helped Caspian, she would be able to return to Oxford. "Good night, child. Sleep well."

And, for the first night since the ball, Astra did just that.

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_Please review!!!_


	29. Ch 29: Punch Drunk

_Author's Note: Wow, this story is coming along quite well! I'm a little pleased with myself for not losing my focus! Confession time: I have never actually completed anything of my writing before. GASP. I know, seriously, laaaaame, but I always end up getting writer's block. However, I am entirely determined to finish this and my Harry Potter fanfic, The Reign of Kellyn Wood. So, all is good. Oh, and I borrowed some lyrics from this lovely, lovely song called "Help! I'm Alive" by Metric. I personally like the CD version of this song better, but the acustic version fits this chapter much better. Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own the rights to this wonderful song, but that doesn't mean you all can't listen to it while reading this chapter. And thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It means so much to mean!_

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**CHAPTER 29: Punch Drunk**

The castle slowly came back to life as everyone resumed their business. Astra's bruises faded, but the memories were a little more persistent. For a few weeks she would wake up in a panic, screaming. May would be the only one to hear her in the nearly sound-proof room and would stroke her hair until Astra fell back to sleep. During nights like that, when Astra was too scared to fall back asleep but too prideful to admit it, she and May would talk about anything and everything. Astra felt guilty for monopolizing the girl's precious sleeping time, but May admitted that she would have stayed up with Astra whether she was paid to or not. They were friends; it felt nice to say the word.

She had gone back to her usual joking, casual ways with Caspian. He rejoiced in seeing her eyes light up the way they had, but there was a new-found carefulness and tenderness when he was around her. Throughout the day, as she ate, or read, or was gardening, she caught him looking at her. It was an odd look: a mix of bewilderment that she was there, admiration that she plowed on with her life, amusement in the way she carried herself, and a sort of devotion that he would protect her forever and always. She took it as brotherly affection—it reminded her terribly of the way her brothers would look at her after she had managed to avoid a potentially devastating scrap.

It was Wednesday and Caspian joined her in "the man cave." Astra surveyed the supply of alcohol, finding it to be plenty sufficient.

"Caspian, remember our first Wednesday of whining with wine?"

"Vaguely."

"Remember how I asked you if you had ever gotten so piss drunk that the next day, you had no memory of the previous night and puked until you felt like your guts were going to come out and had a roaring headache?"

"I wish I had forgotten…"

"Well, tonight is the night Caspian! You have a free morning tomorrow!"

"I was going to sleep, catch up on work."

"Now, you and I both know that is a bunch of B.S. You won't sleep and I will see to it that you get nothing done. So, you might as well spend the day hung-over."

"Sounds charming."

"It's okay, we'll be hung-over together. That will make it all worth it." Astra presented him with a glass of wine and a cheeky grin.

* * *

Caspian groaned. She was doing that _thing_: all she did was walk toward him with that quirky, lopsided grin and she could probably make jumping off a cliff sound like exhilarating, harmless fun. Perhaps it was the way she tossed herself into the wind. Everything she did was so careless, it seemed. She was young, only eighteen years old while he was nearly twenty, and their maturity was separated by the responsibilities they carried: he carried too much while she seemed to only be responsible for herself. However, recent events revealed that she was not even quite responsible enough of that.

His mind was hazy from the alcohol. She was deceptively good at keeping his glass full as they carried on casual conversations. Finally, he insisted that she put the bottle of wine down and let him finish his glass. She did so with wry reluctance and polished off her last sip off wine.

"For shame," she said, eyeing the empty glass. "I am pretty sure this wine was delicious, but now I am drunk enough that my taste buds are failing me. That is the sign that we are to move onto the more disgusting liquor."

"Or a sign to stop," Caspian advised.

"Caspian, when was the last time you did something so childish and stupid and selfish?" This did not seem to be a rhetorical question and she actually waited for an answer.

"I do not recall. I must have been very young."

"Don't you ever want to break free?" she whispered, her voice lively. "Don't you ever see a tree and judge its beauty in terms of how easy it would be to climb it?"

"No, frankly, I do not."

"Don't you ever want to break a rule for the sake of breaking it? Don't you ever want to rebel just because you can, because it is expected of you?"

"I am a King, I am not supposed to break rules, I am not supposed to rebel, nor is it expected of me. Besides, who would I rebel against?"

"The man, the system!" she declared with a foreign twang in her voice.

"I think I _am_ the man," Caspian said carefully. Astra frowned.

"Well, that makes things tricky. But, God, Caspian, have you ever been a teenager? Teenagers—well, we think we know everything and we are practically professional screw-ups. It is our royally sanctioned duty," she insisted.

"Sorry, I have never had the pleasure," he said, looking away, trying not to show his true feelings about this loss which he always seemed to regret. However, this did not escape Astra.

"Hmm, touchy subject. Well, we need to move onto something more cheerful, then, because alcohol and sadness never bodes well," she said with a waggle of her finger. She then took that finger, tracing the bottles in the liquor cabinet before tapping one bottle and pulling it out. "This looks rather potent." Caspian inwardly groaned, knowing that in her fabulous luck, she actually managed to pick the most intoxicating bottle. "Shots!"

"No." Then, she did that _thing_: all she had to do was walk toward him. With the alcohol he drank, he vaguely noticed the way her hips swayed back and forth and how the light danced across her smooth collarbone and the curve of her neck. Perhaps, he thought, one shot would not hurt.

* * *

Astra was a little proud of herself to find Caspian in a laughing mess on the couch. The first shot took a little bit of effort, but he was far easier to persuade to have a second, and he actually requested the third.

"Now, we are getting somewhere," she said under her breath. After the third, they both lost count and made up the number of the drink they were on.

"This is my third drink! My second third drink, I think…"

"Fifty. Yes, I'm on drink number fifty," Caspian joked. "Maybe forty-nine and a half, but closer to fifty."

"Caspian, you know what your name rhymes with?"

"Nope."

"Me neither." Caspian quite nearly giggled.

"Caspian, there is something on your face."

"Where?"

"In the middle." He tried to wipe it off. "Did I get it?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"Nope."

"Now?"

"Ha ha, _silly_, it's your nose!" Astra cried, poking his nose with her finger. Caspian grabbed her finger and held on. "_Nooooooo_, give me my finger back!" Astra pulled back and Caspian was caught off-guard by her strength and found himself a little less coordinated than he would be if he hadn't been drinking. Thus, when she pulled her hand back he toppled forward onto her.

Time is a funny thing when one is drunk, Caspian noted to himself. Every movement seemed lazy and sluggish, but events passed by quickly, almost in a blur. Logic was beyond him—he no longer thought about things and instead merely acted. He did not debate the pros and cons of his every move and it seemed as though everything happened so much quicker. Also, things did not make sense. Suffice to say, his mental capabilities did not increase when he found his body over Astra's.

She was warm and smelled like coconut—probably the flavored liquor they were drinking. Her dark hair was messed up and cascaded over the couch they were sitting on, except for one solitary lock which lay on her chest. Underneath him, he could feel the curves of her body; she was little, but strong, this tiny bundle of energy barreling through life full-throttle. Her deep blue eyes danced as she laughed with mirth.

"Oh God!" she snickered, "My heart is hammering! Listen to it," she cried, pulling her hand around his neck down to her chest. Caspian's breath was quite nearly taken away as he drank in her aroma, mesmerized by the pale, freckled skin. If someone caught them at that moment… no, he did not want to think about it. Nay, let them get caught! It was all so exciting. He knew of lords who would do such things: have ladies slip into their chambers quietly at night, enjoy their carnal pleasures under the starlight, only to have the lady slip out quietly the next morning unnoticed. It was acceptable if done clandestinely, and so long as no wife or lovechildren were involved. One move and mere inches, he realized, separated these fantasies from becoming reality… "What does it say? My heart?" Caspian listened.

"It says, 'Lub-dup, lub-dup, lub-dup.'" Astra laughed, pushing him off.

"You don't speak heart?"

"Not very well, I am afraid."

"Well, I am fluent, let me listen to your heart, let me interpret for you." She put her head against his chest and he froze when he felt her fingertips draw figure eights on his ribs.

"What does it say?"

"It says that you should learn to speak heart. Speak from the heart? Speak heart."

"No, seriously!" Caspian guffawed. Astra listened for a moment and interpreted for his heart.

"_I tremble; they're gonna eat me alive if I stumble. Can you feel my heart beating like a hammer? Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer. Hard to be soft, tough to be tender. Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train. Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer._" She half-spoke and half-sang these words breathily. Caspian was drunk on her words more than anything. "It's from a song I know," she said, pulling away. Caspian felt himself go a little cold without her pressed up against him. "Hmm, it's your heart's song. Your heart-song."

Astra pulled herself away from him, feeling like she was going to start trembling soon and stumble if she got lost in him. It was so easy to do so, since he was so lost himself. She let him tag along in her games, but she never knew where she was going anyway. She enjoyed having him fall over her. She vaguely wondered if he had even managed to fall for her. However, she was close to falling herself, although she labeled it as just a bit of drunken lust. He was deceptively strong: she knew he spent a good hour of the day in the practice ring and his coiled muscles were exciting, unexplored territories. He was close to her, but not close enough for Astra, so she pulled his head to her chest to listen to her heart. A petty excuse, but he happily complied and they seemed to be rendered breathless by each other. It was exciting indeed, but dangerous. Even in her drunken stupor, Astra realized that they were walking on a tight-rope.

"Dude, we are _soooooooo_ drunk. I am talking crazy!" she proclaimed, with hand motions and all. She hopped off of the couch, putting distance between both of them. "Between the two of us we managed to consume fifty-five and a half drinks."

"Good to know you can still do arithmetic while inebriated."

"One of my many talents."

"Oh, do tell more." And so the conversation continued randomly and illogically from there until they both came to the consensus that it would be far too dangerous to try and go back to their respective rooms.

"I'll probably run into a suit of armor and you may get the urge to tattle on us!" accused Astra.

"Will not!"

"Will too!" So, they decided to sleep on the couch, each curling up on an opposite end. After arguing over the blanket for a minute, Caspian relented and let her monopolize it.

"Take it! You're impossibly beautiful anyway!" He was not sure how this made any sense, but it felt right to say it anyway.

The next morning—or afternoon, it probably was—Caspian woke up with his head spinning and Astra snoring at the opposite end of the couch. He felt his stomach lurch and ran to the nearest container, which happened to be a vase.

"What the hell?" Astra groggily groaned. She got up, realized that Caspian had vomited, and then her face paled. She rushed over, grabbed the vase from him and threw up in it herself. She wiped the corner of her mouth and handed the vase back to him, taking turns vomiting. "Isn't this fun?" she asked after hurling.

"No," replied Caspian as he emptied the contents of his stomach, but it was a half-truth. Indeed, the vomiting was not fun, but his attempts to recollect the previous night brought forth the sound of heartbeats and warm skin. And although he did not quite remember it all, he thought it must have been great fun.

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_Ole! Three cheers for alcohol induced sexual tension! Please review!_


	30. Ch 30: Paint the Town

_Author's Note: Thanks to all those who have been so faithfully reviewing! It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!_**

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**CHAPTER 30: Paint the Town**

She was moody that day. Caspian knew because Astra would pause at windows, sighing heavily before walking listlessly through the corridors, her fingers tracing the stone walls. He knew it was partially because of the rainy spell. It had ruined her precious garden and she hated being stuck inside. Not even a good novel could appease her mood. The dark but curious expression behind her eyes finally made him ask the question of which he was not sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"What is on your mind?" he inquired. She sighed again—that deep, pensive sigh—and spoke.

"Do you ever wonder what's out there, Caspian?" He could not see her eyes; her back was to him and it reminded him of the night of the ball when her dress tumbled down in a heap on the ground. Astra achingly rubbed the back of her neck and Caspian's mind wandered to that delicate patch of skin: how it glowed in the moonlight that one night, how now he wanted to touch it. Her hand, slowly massaging the skin, taunted and teased him—he could not have it, she was untouchable, unattainable. "Caspian?" His mind snapped back to her question.

"I do not understand what you mean."

"There is a whole world out there," she breathed, the window fogging up. "A whole Narnia I have yet to see." She paused, her own mind wandering, until she turned around, lightly frowning. "When was the last time _you_ were out of the castle?"

"Business in Archenland, three months ago."

"I mean, when was the last time you toured Narnia?" Caspian pondered this, thinking back in time.

"The war. But that could hardly constitute as a tour."

"You've never seen the country at peace?" she asked incredulously.

"I suppose not."

"Then you do not know how they now live? If your people are happy? If they are struggling? If there is poverty or illness? If the education system is effective? If people live with a high quality of life? If there are jobs? If people are able to make a livelihood? If there is crime?"

"I have people report on that," Caspian explained warily, but he knew she had yet to reach her point.

"But have you _seen_ it, Caspian?" Caspian did not respond. "How well do you know your country? How well does your country know _you_?" This struck a chord in him and he felt his temper rise.

"How could they love me, Astra? How _could_ they?" he snapped.

"How could they if you never give them a chance?" It was Caspian's turn to sigh that deep, pensive sigh. "You, Caspian, are an enigmatic man and a quiet ruler. You think that your people wish you to be at a distance, but I think they want to see the man you have become."

"What if they are disappointed?"

"Well, love hurts. So do rocks." As clever as this statement was, it did not solve anything. "And I don't think they will be disappointed. You are not unlovable, Caspian," she said, blushing slightly, "but you make it difficult to love you when you keep everyone an arm's distance away. Go to them. Give them a chance." While Caspian considered this, Astra slipped out the door was gone.

* * *

Holy shit, she was going insane. The filter between her brain and her mouth was finally and completely ineffective. It had always been faulty, but now she was sure it was pretty much useless. _'You are not unlovable, Caspian.'_ Insane. Absolutely insane. And then she had to go and freaking _blush_! What was she, a love-sick school-girl? What a _loser_. Jesus Christ, she was doomed, done for it, off her rocker, going to the loony-bin.

It was the rain's fault. It had her in a pathetic, moody temperament and made her mushy, sentimental, and preachy. Seriously, what did _she_ know? Although she secretly prided herself on usually being right when she followed her gut instinct, Astra knew that she was a little in over her head. Exactly _what_ did she hope to accomplish? She was about as clueless as Caspian. Well, maybe that was not quite true. If anything, Caspian was overly aware of things and in his analysis, he lost the point or was entirely off-base. Her thoughts were interrupted when Malvolio burst into her room with an exasperated look on his face.

"Well, did you have anything to do with this?" he asked abruptly.

"Have anything to do with _what_?" Astra retorted, taken-aback.

"You suggest touring Narnia and then His Majesty gets this crazy idea in his head that he can just go on vacation to get 'in touch with his country.'"

"It's not vacation, it's work."

"Aha! _I knew it! I'm right!_" he cried victoriously.

"What did you know?" asked Douglass Durham, who was on his way out of the room from visiting his daughter, May.

"That Lady Astra has convinced His Majesty that an impromptu tour of Narnia would be a smashing idea," he said haughtily.

"Well, that is a wonderful idea. It would be beneficial for Caspian to see how his country has grown and to have his country see how he has grown. Yes, a wonderful idea indeed," said Douglass, clapping both Astra and Malvolio on the back. Astra gave her best winning smile (actually, it was a little more like a smirk) and showed Malvolio to the door, slamming it behind him. She then ran into her room and jumped on the bed.

Indeed, she was going insane. Too bad insanity was fun.

* * *

May looked at the spectacle of Lady Astra jumping on her bed. She saw the rumpled sheets which she had painstakingly straightened out just that morning, but Lady Astra's smile repaired the damage.

"Come on, May! This is so much fun!" the girl cried. May had work to do, work she was paid to do and consequently could not ignore. She bit her lip nervously, unsure how to turn down Lady Astra's offer.

"Are you well?" she inquired of the girl, who wore a deranged, half-crazed expression on her face.

"Are you shitting me? I'm dizzy with vigor and the world has gone topsy-turvy on me! I'm insane and have never felt better! Join me!" she pleaded. Lady Astra had a way with convincing people, of shaking all the cobwebs out of everyone's lives. May did not feel deserving of Astra's friendship; she was but a working-girl, meant to be invisible. But in Lady Astra's eyes, no one was invisible and it scared May to be noticed.

"I oughtn't to," May weakly protested.

"And that is _exactly_ why you ought to!" cried Astra, again with that half-crazed smile. May could not say no to Lady Astra's outstretched hand and the two found themselves bouncing until they ran out of breath and toppled onto the disheveled bed. Indeed, the world was topsy-turvy— since Lady Astra had arrived, May had seen everything turned upside down. But a thought occurred to her that maybe things were not upside down after all: she had a feeling, more so, that things had been turned right side up.

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"So, when are you leaving?"

"Next week," Caspian replied at dinner the next night. Astra had been smiling uncontrollably the past day and kept its reason perfectly clandestine. Finally, when Caspian revealed that he was going to take Astra's suggestion and tour Narnia did she reveal why she was smiling: she already knew.

"And how long will this trip last?"

"I figured it would be best if I took my time."

"Me too. Although don't take forever and a year because I will be all alone in this castle, all by myself," Astra bemoaned. Caspian looked at her oddly. She actually thought that she was not invited? It was her idea after all, and she was the one who wanted to see Narnia. "Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something between my teeth?" Caspian actually chuckled.

"No, nothing of the sort. I simply thought you knew that I would not be making this trip alone."

"Oh! Are you taking Lady Hanalei?" she asked, nudging him in the ribs. Truth was, he hadn't thought of the girl recently.

"No, I am taking you," he said, fixing his napkin. Astra's jaw dropped for a moment in shock, then formed a gentle "o." She looked down, bashful for a moment, but when she looked up, her eyes were wide with excitement.

"_FIELD TRIP!!!_" she screeched.

"Well, I suppose that settles that…" Caspian murmured.

"Oh my God, this is going to be _so_ much fun!" she gushed. "I want to see everything. We'll paint the town together! The countryside, the cities, the rivers, the mountains… everything! It will be an adventure—our adventure—for the history books!" Her excitement was contagious and Caspian found himself laughing once again.

"Astra, you made the history books the moment you stepped into Narnia." She looked perplexed for a moment.

"Oh," she said knowingly, "because I'm a Daughter of Eve… right?"

"Sure," replied Caspian, although this was not exactly true. She made the history books for other reasons—he just was not sure exactly what those reasons were yet.

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_Author's Note: Oh, it is adventure time! Don't forget to review!_


	31. Ch 31: Covers

**CHAPTER 31: Covers**

A large map of Narnia was unfurled on Caspian's desk in the study. Astra peered over Caspian's shoulder as his long arms traced their journey.

"Can't we just be spontaneous about this?" Astra protested.

"You forget, Astra, that I am a King and cannot go anywhere without a security detail, and said 'security detail' desires to know our plans. Well, I had hoped to be spontaneous, but they are rather persistent in demanding to know at least where we are going, although they have permitted us to take our time with the trip, so long as it does not last longer than two months."

"That's a long time," Astra breathed, stroking the spot on the map where Cair Paravel was.

"Indeed, but it will not be all leisure. I will have plenty of business to attend to in the towns, citizens to greet, grievances to be heard, trade agreements to be negotiated, trips to schools, meetings with law enforcement—"

"Okay, got it: you have work to do. Wait, who all is coming with us?"

"You and I, Douglass and May Durham, Soldier Raymond (he is Douglass's right hand), Ros the Centaur, Alyx the Panther, Naira the Falcon, the Horses Aldin, Bianca, and Gus—"

"Gus? Seriously? He has the attention span of a goldfish!"

"I know, but he would be more a hindrance to leave behind. I fear he will begin talking to himself, being the only Talking Horse left at the stables."

"True, he would get awfully lonesome. Who else?"

"Reepicheep and Peekiceep the Mice, Foragefun the Squirrel—"

"Wait, is that the Squirrel who stole my bagel?" Caspian had a guilty look on his face when he heard Astra's interjection. "I will _not_ travel with that _miscreant_!"

"He is quite useful and able to focus his attention when he is not running on an empty stomach. I fear you did not meet him on one of his better days."

"I hate squirrels."

"Well, Bo and Alexis, the sheepdogs will come with us," Caspian plowed on, ignoring Astra's complaints. "They are not Talking Animals, but very alert, not to mention amusing. Who else… oh yes, Malvolio."

"_Malvolio_? We're taking _Malvolio_?"

"Of course," Caspian said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Malvolio does not seem to me like the 'outdoors type.' And he bugs the crap out of me."

"Oh, that is a foul visual."

"Gus, Foragefun, _and_ Malvolio? Hey, might as well take Maria and Madam Perkins too!"

"I thought about it, but Maria insisted on staying behind and minding the castle. She trusts no one else to get the job done. And Madam Perkins would certainly not survive."

"Oh, then we really should take her if that's the case!" Astra cried. Caspian shot her an admonishing look.

"So, we begin in Cair Paravel. We take a ferry to the mainland and travel along the Great River to Beruna. There is plenty of business to take care of in that town and a number of lovely shops, so we will spend awhile there."

"But the river curves south and then we will miss all of Ettinsmoor to the north!"

"I have seen enough of Ettinsmoor for a long time," Caspian sighed. He did not explain himself so Astra poked him (literally) to wheedle more information out of him. "It is Giant country. I just finished fighting the Giants there not long before you arrived. And frankly, I do not believe it is quite safe enough for myself to go on a leisure trip there."

"Well, that's a legit reason."

"Further down the river is the Dancing Lawn—it is very pretty and the dryads are charming company—and then a little east is Aslan's How—of historical importance, you know. Then we will cut northwest and go to Beaversdam in the Western Woods. It is a lovely town full of friendly people and Animals. We will spend awhile there; there is plenty to see. Then we will head a little further north to the Lantern Waste and the Great Waterfall. We will take a boat from there downstream the Great River until we reach where the Telmar River joins the Great River. There is the town of Chippingford— there is _too_ much business to attend to there with trade alone—and Sir Kaden lives at his parent's estate further west, along the Frozen Lake and the Shuddering Woods. We will visit for about a week before continuing our boat ride back down the river all the way back to Cair Paravel."

"Wow. That's a lot of ground to cover," Astra breathed.

"It will be marvelous," Caspian breathed. Astra gave him a most particular look. "It has been a long time since I truly had something to look forward to." He gave a small smile, but Astra could tell that he was just bursting with happiness. She found it all so endearing that she checked to see if anyone was in the room, and finding no one, wrapped her arms around Caspian's torso and let loose a happy sigh. Caspian, his arms plastered to his side, could only wait until the girl relinquished him from her death grip. Malvolio burst into the room and Astra quickly dropped an arm, making it look like she was simply leaning over him.

"We're going all the way _there_?" she asked, leaning across him and the table to point to Lantern's Waste, effectively covering her tracks with ease. Caspian mumbled some reply, hoping his face was not bright red. She was the master of feigning innocence, while Caspian perpetually felt guilty.

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May was simply glowing with excitement at the thought of leaving the castle. Astra and May spent the entire day before the trip packing. Maria was in a particularly foul mood, as May's mind was in the clouds, but she still had her own work to do in addition to preparing to depart from Cair Paravel. Astra attributed this snappiness to Maria's worry of Caspain: in all honesty, she cared for him like a son and was obviously nervous about him going outside the safe confines of the castle. After all, the last time he did so for such a long time was when he went to battle. Indeed, there was still plenty to be done around the castle, despite the fact that its main inhabitants were leaving. However exhausting the work was, the two girls found themselves up late in Astra's room chatting, too excited to fall asleep.

"I cannot remember the last time I was off this little island," May murmured. "I mean, with my father's profession, I was practically raised here. I have very few memories of my mother—she used to care for me on the mainland—and so when she passed away, I was cared for by the castle staff and have been here ever since."

"I would get so bored being cooped up here, let alone working all the time."

"Well, that is life," said May wisely. "I am quite lucky to be working here with decent pay and better care than I could possibly imagine."

"You had to grow up quickly, didn't you?" Astra asked softly.

"I suppose so, but I do not believe I missed too much," May replied. Astra watched the candlelight flicker across her face and saw it was a little white lie.

"Me? I lost a parent like you, my dad, when I was young, but if anything I became less mature. I had three older brothers to look after me. I am obviously still the silly little girl of my family," she smilingly confessed. Astra was pensive for a moment before she spoke again. "Aslan said that I was sent here to help Caspian with something. I don't think I can tell you exactly what that is, but I am now starting to believe that Caspian is not the only one who needs a little improvement in that area." Astra did not know how else to delicately phrase that she was to help May get the joy of childhood that she never was able to feel. She patted her friend's hand, hoping she would grasp this just enough for May to understand that she was there to help her.

"Gloves!" cried May, jumping off the bed. "Did I pack gloves?"

"Yes, you did. I watched you put them in your suitcase with the hat you knitted."

"Oh good," May said, giving a relieved sigh. "Now where were we?"

"Talking about how excited we were to see all of Narnia, of course!" Astra chirped. It was her own white lie, but she realized that May (like herself) was not one to dwell too much on the past. After all, the future was a lot more exciting, bright, and hopeful, not bound by castle walls and working hours. And so, as the sun was about to creep over the horizon, the girls found that their conversation reached a close and they fell asleep, sprawled across Astra's bed on top of the covers.

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_Author's Note: Thanks so much to everyone for reviewing! The support for this story is quite overwhelming! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review! Feel free to ask questions, leave criticism, or anything. Thanks again!_


	32. Ch 32: On the Road Again

_Author's Note: And thus, their adventure across Narnia begins. The next few chapters will be chronicling their journey and how their lives stumble on. Thanks to everyone who has been so voraciously reading and reviewing this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter!_

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CHAPTER 32: On the Road Again

Caspian knocked on Astra's door the next morning. The two girls should have been down at breakfast nearly twenty minutes ago, so he was beginning to worry. There was no response so he waited and tried again, still to no avail. With a frazzled sigh, he tentatively opened the door and walked carefully into the room. Their bags were neatly stacked in the living room and the door to her bedroom was slightly ajar. However, it was silent, which worried Caspian. He crept across the room and slowly pushed open the door to find the girls sprawled across the bed, breathing deeply in their slumber. Caspian sighed: it was a sweet, funny sight, but entirely inopportune. He thought about waking Astra, but then remembered what happened the first day he met her when he woke her up: she punched him in the stomach. With this in mind, he gently nudged May awake, whose eyes fluttered open, focused in on Caspian's face, then widened in realization of the hour.

"Oh, Your Majesty! We stayed up late and… oh, I am so very sorry. This is all my fault! I should have made sure she had went to bed at a proper hour, but she never ran out of energy and so naturally I stayed up with her and oh! We have such a long journey ahead of us today and it must be so awfully late and inconvenient. Oh, Maria is going to be so angry!" These exclamations of apology and anxiety continued as Caspian attempted to assure the girl it was a harmless error, but May would hear none of it, bustling about the room as Astra slumbered. Her mouth was slightly open as she clutched her pillow, which had a wet drool spot on it. She was languidly sprawled across the bed, with her dress hitched up to her knees to reveal her smooth calves. Astra was quite at peace until May pried the pillow away from her. She muttered sleepy curses under her breath, grappling for the unceremoniously tossed away pillow and finally opened her eyes.

" 'ello," she said, not realizing the hour or the reason why Caspian was in the room and why May was running around like a headless chicken. Caspian knew an explanation was in order.

"We are leaving this morning. You never came down to breakfast."

"Shit!" Astra cried, jumping out of bed. She made it a few steps before she stopped, grabbing Caspian, dizzy from the blood rushing from her head. "Give me a second," she muttered, causing Caspian to give her an odd look. Her hand was warm on his arm. Astra recovered after a few seconds, shrugging off his concern before running around the room herself. Caspian awkwardly excused himself, muttering something about meeting them down at breakfast later. The girls quickly washed up, changed into clean gowns, finished their packing, and met up with Caspian, shoveling down breakfast before walking out to the stables, where their party was meeting. Astra warmly greeted Douglass Durham, her favorite of all the soldiers and May's father. He returned the sentiment and quietly asked his daughter why they were late. May sheepishly explained the reason—that they stayed up late, giggling and giddy with excitement—preparing to receive disapprobation. However, Douglass pulled the girl's head toward him and kissed her on the forehead, patting her cheek. Astra smiled at this and was then introduced to the rest of the party.

She first met Raymond, who Caspian described as Douglass's right hand. He was a young fellow, not much older than Caspian and obviously took his job very seriously. Astra had recognized him from watching him in the practice ring. He was an excellent swordsman and archer, a teacher to all of the soldiers, and a natural born leader. It seemed as though he was perfect in every way except the man never smiled. Astra knew it was because his mind was always clicking away with something; he considered himself always on the job. He was not the best conversationalist, but was pleasant enough and Astra felt like she was in good hands.

The Panther Alyx was so beautiful that Astra just wanted to pet him, but knew that the Animal would find it quite offensive. Alyx was a proud, sleek, black animal with ears that always twitched and muscles like coils, ready to spring at any moment. This Panther in particular had battled at Caspian's side when he usurped the Telmarine reign over Narnia. The respect between the two was mutual, as was the respect between Caspian and the centaur Ros. The centaur had a chestnut coat with white stockings and a head of red hair to match. He was built like a fighter, strong and tall, but was far more social than Alyx or Raymond. Naira the Falcon had wit too, and was employed on the journey to scout ahead and deliver messages to town.

Reepicheep, who was the courageous and valiant mouse who had threatened her when she first arrived in Narnia, was present with his comrade Peekiceep and currently sitting on Gus's rump, along with Foragefun, the Squirrel. Gus chatted aimlessly while Bianca nodded every once and awhile to appease him and Aldin, Caspian's Horse, gave peeved sighs. Malvolio was also present; to accommodate for the group, there were three other horses, but they were Dumb Animals, as were the sheepdogs Bo and Alexis, who were attempting to herd Alyx and kept barking at Foragefun, who was convinced he was going to die. Astra, who was not a fan of Foragefun, laughed raucously. And thus, with two soldiers, a maid, a secretary, a King, a silly Daughter of Eve, a Panther, a Falcon, a Squirrel, a Centaur, two Mice, six horses, and two sheepdogs—in total, twenty—they departed from Cair Paravel while Maria cried and waved a handkerchief and soldiers stood at attention.

The first few hours were occupied with pleasure. Astra finally woke up and made up a traveling song with Gus, singing about _How I often like to sing with my friends_ and _How the path looks like it never ends_ and _The pretty way the river bends_ and _How with our singing abilities, we must make amends_. Finally Alyx requested they stopped their screeching as it made his sensitive ears ring, and they concluded their song. Naira flew ahead while Foragefun, Reepicheep, and Peekiceep took turns to scurry across the land. Douglass led the way and Raymond took up the back; Caspian was flanked on either side by Alyx and Ros. Malvolio, Astra, and May were left to their own protection.

"Nice to know we are expendable," Astra called out, taking notice of the strategic placement of the soldiers.

"You can protect yourself," Caspian said and Astra knew by his tone to take it as a compliment. Astra realized that Caspian had pointedly made her strap her bow and arrow to her back. He did not mean that he purposefully left her to fend for herself, but that he trusted her to be as able as any of his soldiers, there for the protection of May and Malvolio, both of whom were having enough trouble staying on their horses. Astra and May chatted easily; Bianca joined in the conversation, while Malvolio and Raymond remained taciturn and Gus told them about how excited he was about seeing all of Narnia. His animated professions fell on uninterested ears, but this did not deter Gus. Eventually, the party fell into a comfortable silence until lunch time. They stopped and stretched—those not used to riding tried to keep their protestations of agony to a minimum—and pulled out some food to snack on. The landscape changed as they traveled further away from the ocean. The sea breeze was replaced by the smell of sweet grass. The sandy beaches faded into rolling hills and green meadows. It was quiet and peaceful with the sound of the wind whispering through the stalks of grass.

Within the course of the day, everyone managed to make peaceful relations with one another. Astra finally blurted out that she thought that Alyx's coat was the prettiest thing she had ever seen before. Instead of insulting the cat, it simply fed his ego, causing him to grin knowingly at the compliment. Malvolio and Raymond discovered that they shared a common interest in being particular about time and keeping on schedule. Foragefun went out of his way to be nice to Astra, finding little knickknacks, such as odd shaped rocks and pretty leaves to give to her as a peace offering. Astra would have helped him find acorns, but the fat Squirrel did not seem to need help with that.

Caspian was in heaven. He titled his head back, letting the spring breeze flutter through his hair, and closed his eyes, even though the bright sunlight still crept through his lids. He sighed and opened his eyes to see Astra and May relieving their horses of their weight by walking a bit. Astra grabbed May's hand and they dashed through the meadow, picking flowers to make into crowns. Raymond kept his steady gaze on the pair, warily keeping an eye on them to make sure they did not fall behind or run too far ahead. After successfully creating crowns, the girls rejoined the group, their eyes glowing with the exercise and their own bliss. May good-naturedly attempted to make conversation with Raymond and Malvolio; Raymond stuttered his clipped and distracted responses while Malvolio made elaborate speeches, enjoying having an audience to share his opinions to.

"Look at you," said Astra with a secretive smile.

"Pardon?" asked Caspian.

"Who knew?" Caspian shook his head, telling her to explain her message. "You are different out here. A good kind of different."

"How so?"

"You seem… happier. Yes, happier," she decided. "Like this lovely breeze has blown away all your stress and burdens. Like out here, you don't have to wear a crown or carry the load your nation puts on your shoulders. Like out here, you are just a man off to see a beautiful land."

"Well, you are wearing the crown for me," he joked, pointing to her crown of flowers.

"I think mine is a lot lighter than yours."

"But you wear it so well."

"Thanks," she chirped. "But I am no Queen," she quickly added. "Like _I_ could lead a nation," she scoffed. "Psh, it's not like anyone listens to me anyway. _I_ am the accident prone one here, _I_ am not exactly the right person to be handing out advice… _Foragefun_! That is _not_ edible! Put that down right this instant!" Her authoritative tone made Foragefun drop the object. Astra shook her head. Alyx looked at her archly, Ros attempted to stifle his laughter, and Caspian merely grinned at the irony. Astra jogged ahead to join Douglass for a moment and Ros spoke to Caspian.

"She sure is something, isn't she?"

"I do not believe that there is any other way to describe her."

"She _did_ have the gall to call me pretty," added Alyx. They all silently agreed that they liked her very much.


	33. Ch 33: Hey Dad

_Authro's Note: A short and sweet chapter. Enjoy!_**

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**CHAPTER 33: Hey Dad**

They followed the winding river, swatting at mosquitoes and making small talk. May became tired and let her plodding pony fall back next to Raymond, eventually letting her eyes close. Raymond saw the girl slide toward him and he caught her, holding her awkwardly upright. May remained asleep; she really was exhausted.

"Um, Lady Astra," called Raymond nervously. Astra corrected him—"It's just Astra."—and then she saw her friend being supported by the uptight soldier. Laughing, she told him to just wake her up. He seemed to hesitate, mumbling something how she must have been exhausted. "Then carry her to her father," Astra suggested pointing to Douglass Durham. Raymond stammered something and reluctantly scooped her out of her saddle and called for Alyx to drop back and take the rear for a moment. Raymond held her so awkwardly, even though the maid was as light as a feather and curled up so neatly. He deposited the little ball in Durham's arms as Astra snickered. However, the gentle disposition of the father made Astra's smile fade. Caspian heard the girl go quiet and followed her gaze to the soldier cradling his daughter. Caspian slowed Aldin so Bianca would catch up to them.

How he wanted to reach out to her! How he wanted to say, "I know what you are thinking about and it must make you sad, remorseful, and perhaps even a little jealous, but it is alright to feel these things. Because you can feel them with me and not be ashamed." Well, perhaps not the last part—indeed, that was a bold thought that even surprised him—but there were so many eyes on them. Even if they were not looking at them, they were always watching. He was the King, his every movement was always followed; and with these soldiers, nothing escaped them. His heart wrenched at not being able to reach out to Astra, at having to put distance between them. It was understood how close they were, but could it possibly be right? Could it possibly be acceptable? If she was a man, it would be nothing; if she was married, it would be nothing; but no: she was a young, pretty, spirited, perfectly eligible woman. Was a friendship, a relationship so forbidden, so under suspicion? It was stifling, but he was used to being watched; however, never before did he mind it so much.

"Astra?" he said her name, softly, tentatively. Her head whipped around to look at him and she blinked quickly a few times.

"Yeah?" she asked, seeming to gather herself up and push back her own memories of her father and the times they never had together. Caspian opened his mouth to say something, but could not get the words out, shaking his head that he had forgotten what he was going to say. Then again, Astra knew that Caspian would not so quickly forget his words, which were always held in high regard and so carefully chosen, and she realized that he simply wanted her to notice that he had noticed her. His eyes implored her, saying something and nothing and everything all at once, and then he offered a comforting smile, which Astra returned.

* * *

Before night began to fall, the party made camp, built up a fire, and cooked dinner. By the time they finished their meal, it was dark outside and their only light was the glowing fire and the stars that were scattered across the sky. Astra leaned against Alyx unconsciously, but the Panther did not mind and instead curled up and purred as Astra absentmindedly stroked his fur. Caspian laughed to himself how the regal and fierce cat would let a girl treat him as such a docile, common house pet, but Caspian realized how Astra had a way of turning everyone into softies. She even managed to have her way with Maria, Malvolio, and Madam Perkins, even though all three of them would deny it very quickly. Alyx was called by Raymond that it was his turn to take watch and the Panther lithely got to his feet. Astra realized what she was doing and profusely apologized.

"Oh, Alyx, I didn't mean to pet you so. I hope I didn't offend you; it is a force of habit, really." Alyx gave a shrug of his soldiers, not deigning any response but accepting her apology. Caspian took a seat next to Astra. "Oops," she giggled. "I hope I haven't wounded his pride."

"He has a prodigious amount of it, I am sure he would not miss it too much." Astra threw back her head and laughed. "He is a wonderful comrade and soldier though," Caspian quickly added. "He has done a lot for me."

"You sound guilty about it."

"I am. I am always feeling guilty about the things people—and Animals—do for me."

"Has it ever occurred to you that they do these things because they want to, not because they have to?" Caspian admitted it was a wishful thought. "Well, you do not give yourself enough credit," she said playfully. There was a long pause in which they both looked to the night sky. "I think this is almost better than your secret spot on top of the castle," she murmured.

"Key word, 'almost.'"

"Indeed. I miss the ocean. I mean, the woods are lovely, really quite enchanting, but there is nothing like an ocean breeze." They paused again. "What do you think is up there?"

"In the sky?" Astra nodded. "Stars."

"Well, obviously."

"Have you read about our Stars?"

"Aren't they just stars?"

"No, they are Stars: they dance."

"'Dancing With the Stars?' That's a TV show, Caspian."

"TV? Oh, yes, television, I recall you mentioning that. I would love to see one… I mean, the Stars, Astra, they dance, that is their job. They are not simply twinkling orbs in the sky: they are people, often very old people."

"Really?" she breathed, absolutely fascinated.

"Yes, they twinkle and are dressed in all white and they have the longest whitest beards, so white and gleaming, that they are practically silver." Astra encouraged him to continue. "Also, they have spears that glow white; but they are not offensive people, very content to dance."

"But if they are so old, do they die?"

"I assume that should they become too old, they find their place in Aslan's Country."

"And where is that? I don't recall seeing it on the map."

"It is in the great beyond, in the Utter East."

"You don't know where it is?"

"Besides being very far in the east, no. I assume that one finds Aslan's Country when they need to find it, when it is the right time."

"So it is like heaven?"

"What is your heaven like again?"

"It's where you go when you die. People always think that it is up in the sky, among the clouds, and secured by pearly white gates, but I always thought that it was somewhere a person could find incandescent and eternal happiness."

"And what does one do in this afterlife?"

"You become an angel, a heavenly host, and you fly around and wear a halo and look down on Earth and watch what happens."

"That sounds tragic."

"I would imagine it to be like a very bad soap opera. Although I would take great joy in flying." They were quiet again. "So very white, the Stars are. Lily white?"

"Lily white." Astra gave a dreamy sigh at Caspian's confirmation.

"I love lily flowers," she said with a goofy grin. "They are my absolute favorite."

"Tomorrow we will reach Beruna," he said, wondering to himself if they would have lilies at the market.

"Angels watch after you," she said, not realizing that Caspian had moved on from the conversation, nor that she was jumping back a few steps into their old conversation. "I like to think my dad watches over me up there." That was why she dwelled on the conversation, Caspian realized. They looked up and saw the stars wink. Caspian realized that in Astra's heaven, you did not really have to die to go there.


	34. Ch 34: Building Bridges

_Author's Note: Well, you all never cease to amaze me with your flood of reviews, alerts, and favorites. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews this, it means so much to me to hear your praises so I know I am not writing in vain and for my best friends amusement (as they kindly edit my chapters for me). This all started out as a silly dream after watching the movie Prince Caspian and now I have been doing my research and trying to keep this as book-verse as possibly. These recent chapters have taken quite a bit of research, so thanks for being patient. Enjoy Caspian and Astra's adventures in Beruna!_

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**CHAPTER 34: Building Bridges**

Astra woke up the next morning, sufficiently sore from riding Bianca most of the previous day. Indeed, everyone seemed to be a little worse for wear, especially Malvolio and May, who had not been accustomed to horseback riding, let alone being outside for extended periods of time. Feeling particularly genial, she offered to show the two some stretches to help make the rest of the day tolerable. Raymond, Ros, Reepicheep, Peekiceep, Alyx, and Foragefun probably had the least sleep of all, each taking turns to keep watch that night, but they were the most gung-ho about continuing their journey. Even Malvolio, in all his grouchy soreness, declared it was necessary that they reach Beruna by noon.

Gus and Foragefun quickly became best friends. Gus enjoyed talking and making up new trail songs and Foragefun was his equal. Together, the two talked over each other, never quite having a conversation; they talked at each other rather than to each other, forming a never ending ramble that no one could quite understand. They were often sent ahead to prattle while scouting.

Beruna was not like Astra expected. She pictured a bustling town on a river surrounded by trees, but was shocked to find the contrary. The river was the only thing grand about the town, wide and blue with white rapids. The sand on the beach was now speckled with pieces of metal, once Telmarine masks now ground up by the rapids, courtesy of the river god. The banks of the shore were barren, the tree line receding like an old man's forehead. Saplings tentatively grew back in and the more fully grown trees were quiet, rarely moving and never dancing. The citizens, what few there were, seemed to tiptoe around, quietly resuming their business. Astra pressed a hand against her heart.

"What do you think?" Caspian asked nervously.

"It's a ghost town," she finally managed breathe. "What… what happened here?"

"Ever since the Telmarine retreat, superstition has declared it cursed. Too many people have died in this very town on this river. There was a bridge there," he pointed to the river. "There was a bridge there, and we were on that side, and Queen Lucy and Aslan were on this bank, and the river swelled up and… there _was_ a bridge." His voice trailed off and Astra watched Caspian's gaze very carefully, seeing the scenes from the past come to life in his eyes.

"There _was_ a bridge, Caspian… three years ago," she said softly.

"It seems like…"

"I _know_," she said, tugging at his sleeve. He pushed her off.

"You were not there, Lady Astra," he said more gruffly than he would have liked and walked off. Astra watched him in disbelief, rather angry but more worried than anything else.

"Women!" she cried in exasperation.

"Lady Astra, King Caspian is not—" began Raymond but Astra cut him off.

"Not another word, soldier." Raymond nodded and obeyed. Silently, the group gathered onto boats and sailed across the river, the horses swimming alongside them. They quite nearly lost Gus, as his little legs could only do so much, and Astra, with tears in her eyes, begged the pony to keep swimming, bribing him with carrots, and in a last act of desperation, leaned over the boat and held his head up. When his hooves touched the ground, Astra jumped into the water and pulled him onto the shore, tears rolling down her cheeks as she held his head in her lap, telling him between sobs, what a wonderful Horse he was. Embarrassed about becoming so emotional because of annoying little Horse, Astra quickly wiped away her tears and attempted to wring out her skirts.

"Is Gus alright?" Caspian asked. Astra shunned him, answering curtly.

"He is fine."

"You ought to change into dry clothes."

"They will dry on their own," she said, pushing past him.

"Astra, I… Trumpkin!" he called out, his apologetic expression replaced by a look of joy. Caspian jogged a few steps, looking five years younger, knelt down and affectionately shook hands with a Red Dwarf. He repeated the dwarf's name ecstatically a few more times while the dwarf looked very awkward and uncomfortable. Caspian soon after gathered his emotions and quickly began enquiring about the business in Beruna.

"You have been away from Cair for far too long!"

"That is because you sent me to Beruna, Your Majesty."

"Because no one else can handle Beruna!" Caspian exclaimed. "I can trust no one else with such a precarious town. Although, I thought it would be faring better by now."

"So did I," Trumpkin admitted. "But it has actually made many improvements and some new ones are just about to take place."

"Would you be prepared to return to Cair Paravel in about two months, a little less?"

"It would be the best time, I do believe."

"Good, because I will have a new post for you."

"Must I work all my life?" the dwarf grumbled.

"If you do not wish it…" The dwarf stopped Caspian. "Well, it is very serious business and I should hope you would accept. You know about my journey."

"Yes, Your Majesty. It is quickly approaching."

"I know. There is much to be done, preparations to be made, and…"

"Marriage ceremonies?"

"Pardon?"

"Who is the lady?" Trumpkin finally interrupted, pointing to Astra. Astra and Caspian looked at each other, both stammering.

"Uh, no, we are definitely not getting married."

"Oh, Lady Astra? She is sent by Aslan to help with the preparations too…"

"And I'm not really a 'Lady,' it is simply politeness, not anything special, not worthy for a king and half of the time, Caspian wants to kill me…"

"Metaphorically speaking! Not literally, and that is not entirely true either, she simply is an instigator…"

"I am so!"

"Yes, I know, I said so!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Trumpkin looked at the arguing duo in amazement.

"And you are on first name basis?" They nodded. "_Terrific_," sneered Trumpkin sarcastically. "And Aslan sent you why exactly?"

"To help Caspian before he sets out on his voyage."

"And how do you go about that?" Trumpkin interrogated her. Astra found herself slightly intimidated by the dwarf.

"That is between Aslan and I," she responded, holding her head high. There was a long silence as Trumpkin eyed her, measuring what kind of woman she was. "Caspian says there was a bridge here," she said quietly, finally averting his eyes.

"There was," Trumpkin said carefully, curious to see where the lady was going with this statement.

"That doesn't mean that a different kind of bridge can't be built."

"What do you mean?"

"I can smell the fear in this town," said Alyx, lackadaisically resting on his back. "I have a very sensitive nose," he added proudly.

"The King of Narnia is here and everyone is shut up in their houses. Caspian, you _have_ to talk to them," Astra said, turning to Caspian.

"Pardon?"

"You are their _King_—_talk_ to them, Caspian. Approach them man-to-man: ask _them_ what they think needs to change, how _their_ lives are, play with the children, encourage the business men, smile, shake hands. In short, be a common man for once and then take their common interests and make them uncommon, a priority; take them seriously and address their problems. Let them know that you aren't just sitting in that wonderful shiny castle of yours, but that you are working for their benefit, that you are looking out for them and have their interests in mind. Well, that's what I would do anyway," she added emphatically and stalked away.

"That one," said Trumpkin, "is very, very manipulative and persuasive."

"I know. I thank Aslan every day that she is not down right evil. I suppose it is a part of her natural charm."

"That girl? Charming? Oh, by Aslan's mane, we _will_ have a marriage ceremony!"

"We will _not_!"

* * *

"I am sorry."

"For what?"

"For snapping."

"As you should. But you are only apologizing because you are too scared to go and greet the people and need my help!"

"That is not true!"

"Ha! You just proved my point, because when you are scared, you act like an indignant two-year-old." Caspian was about to protest again, but thought better and tried a new strategy.

"But I _am_ sorry. And I _do_ need your help. Because I am not good with words like you. I can do small talk, but you are asking me to befriend each of them in a matter of minutes. It took me an entire week or so to befriend you!" Astra sighed.

"You don't _have_ to talk to them."

"But I _want_ to. I _should_."

"I know, but that's not what I meant. I meant that you don't have to _talk_, you have to _listen_. And you are very good at listening. Trust me, I know," she said with a smile. "Oh, and apology accepted." Caspian let out a relieved sigh.

"So, how do we do this again?" It was Astra's turn to sigh.

* * *

Caspian sat inside a little house that sheltered a family of six, assuring the woman of the house that simply a glass of water would satisfy him, that no, he did not need soup, or bread, or milk, and that no, the table was plenty comfortable, it was a handsome piece of furniture and suited the house well. The four children peeked from the stairs and Astra made faces at them until Caspian cleared his throat and stated his intentions.

"I hate to intrude, but I wished us all to be comfortable while having this discussion, and where else is more comfortable than one's own home? By the way, you have a lovely home, it is so…" he searched for a word here and frantically looked to Astra.

"Affable," Astra piped up, filling in the blank for him. Caspian fervently nodded and the host looked quite pleased with this observation.

"Yes, affable, very genial. I wanted to observe life in Beruna. I know that this town has gone through a great many changes in such a short period of time, but I sense that there is still room for development. I do not mean to make this sound like some sort of enterprise I am expanding for a profit, indeed not," he said, frowning to himself for his poor word choice, "but I want to know how you—you citizens—can profit from this town: how your families may grow and your businesses flourish. I wish to know, more succinctly, how _I_ may serve _you_, as your king," Caspian said, most humbly. The man and woman of the house were floored, unsure what to say. Astra felt this was the time for her to step in.

"Lady and Sir, what is it that you think needs to be improved in your community? No offense would be taken should you think there is something wrong; on the contrary, criticism would be most helpful and instructive from such kind, generous people such as yourself." Astra gave them an encouraging smile and the couple melted, insisting that they were just 'average folk.' "And that is _exactly_ why we need to hear your voice."

"The schools need better teachers. I want my children to be able to read and write," proclaimed the mother.

"And we must establish trade upriver. It is difficult to make profit in such an isolated area. The river is our only hope," declared the father. And thus, the conversation flowed, with Caspian listening most attentively and asking well thought-out questions. Astra grew bored and began to make faces at the children, who were spying on the adults from the steps. She slowly coaxed the four children downstairs and inquired their names. Soon, the two girls were perched on Astra's leg, the oldest boy gawked at Caspian, and the youngest approached the King and pulled on his sleeve.

"Sir, are you the King, sir majesty sir?"

"That I am, young man. I am King Caspian. And you are?"

"I am Jack, sir king majesty sir. I want to be a soldier and use a sword! But mummy says I am too small."

"I would hate to cross your mother, but I do not think that you are too small, Jack. In my army, I have mice no bigger than your foot that are wonderful swordsmen. It is that you are too _young_ that you cannot be a soldier yet."

"But I have been practicing," the little boy protested with tears in his eyes, "so very much! See!" he cried, brandishing a toy sword and giving a few strokes.

"Jack, not in the house," cried the mother.

"We could go outside," suggested the oldest boy, finally finding his tongue.

"Hurrah!" Jack cried, pulling Caspian outside. The little girls grabbed Astra's hand and guided her through the door.

"I would be honored if you were to use _my_ sword in your battle," said the older boy.

"I am most honored indeed," said Caspian, accepting the sword. By now, a few people had come out of their houses and children gathered round. "On guard, Jack." And with a growl, Jack began to swing his sword. It was good fun and Astra laughed and cheered for both until Jack managed to knock his wood sword against Caspian's shins. "Oh, I am wounded! A respite, good gentleman!"

"No, yield!" insisted Jack, rather determined to win.

"I yield," conceded Caspian, throwing up his hands. The little neighborhood boys cheered and Caspian lifted the boy on to his shoulders to thank his adoring crowd. Astra looked at Caspian, whose grin was nearly as wide as Jack's, and then looked at the town, which seemed more alive than ever. It seemed as though the construction of social bridges was well on its way.

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_Author's Note: Pretty please review? Let's see if we can hit 100 reviews for the story with this chapter!_


	35. Ch 35: How

_Author's Note: Funny how it works out. These chapters take far less time to write than my other fanfic, yet I am three (four?) chapters ahead in my other fanfic and have reached the end of my stockpile with this chapter, chronicling the gang's adventures as Aslan's How. This is not to say that I have hit writer's block (no worries, I have roughly outlined the rest of this story), nor am I discontinuing this story. I simply was on a roll over the holidays and three-day weekends and got plenty of writing done. Now that I'm hitting midterms, things are getting a little tricky and the week is reserved for school and the weekends for sleep and festivities. I normally update this fanfic and my other one at the same time, but you may need to spare me for a week or two as I regain momentum. I wrote a lovely chapter for later on in the story, so I have plenty of inspiration. Coffee, I fear, can only sustain the body for so long. So, kindly have a little patience with me and I will try to do some writing this weekend so I do not make you wait too long! Lots of love from Off Dreaming and enjoy the chapter!_

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**CHAPTER 35: How**

They managed to depart from Beruna two days later with wide smiles and bruised shins. After the battle betwixt Jack and Caspian, the town had opened their arms to the King, who presented himself so humbly that all could not help but like him. For so long, they had called him the boy-king who locked himself in the castle, only to venture outside for war. They soon discovered that it was his quiet, conservative nature that kept him isolated (his workaholic attitude did not help), but he was not imposing, yet so much esteemed. There was an apparent charm and wit about him that drew crowds to listen to him speak with a careful, but easy tone, commanding attention without asking for it. Many a girl had fallen in love with him after three days in the town, and many tears were shed at his departure. Astra relentlessly teased him about this, causing him to blush and more teasing to ensue.

A large procession followed them out of the city, sending them off in high spirits. They had only a few hours ride to Aslan's How and but they did not leave until close to dark. However, the soldiers were quite adamant about not staying in the woods, preferring the open meadow that surrounded the hilly How.

"The trees are particularly garrulous," said Raymond, his piercing eyes focusing on the horizon when asked by Astra why he was wary of the woods. "The woods are always talking, whispering. The meadow is quiet, has a better vantage point, and there aren't Animals everywhere."

"If we were avoiding animals, we could have left Gus behind," said Astra in a low, joking voice.

"But the Animals, I am sure, would be so kind to our party," insisted May with a sweet smile. Raymond could not possibly retort to her optimistic rebuttal and did not respond. The day was long and Alyx was particularly catty, which rubbed off on Ros, which rubbed off on Aldin, which rubbed off on Caspian. This caused Douglas to be concerned, which caused May to be concerned, which caused Raymond to be concerned. Astra, Gus, Foragefun, and the sheepdogs seemed to be the only ones not disconcerted by all this, but understood that it would be unwise to push anyone's buttons. They did not stop until they arrived at the How after dark.

Raymond was right: the trees surrounding the How were always whispering and moving. Astra, recalling her Narnian history, knew that the trees had always been loyal to the person in Aslan's favor. The trees had stood behind Peter when he took on Miraz. Caspian drank in all this in the dark and both Astra and the soldiers observed him most carefully. Too tired to do much, the group quietly set up camp and immediately went to bed.

Caspian found himself unable to find restful sleep. Returning to the land stirred up memories within him. He knew why he snapped at Astra in Beruna. He could never erase the memories of the vast bridge so easily torn, the feeling of being so close to victory, and the desire for all the bloodshed to end. And now, at the How, where he wished and waited for the Kings of Old, Aslan, anyone to arrive and help. How they tried to resist Miraz's forces there, when Caspian was but a new leader of the creatures which he had thought for most of his life were only myths! It had been three years, but he still bore the losses of these battles with guilt and despair. He had never been able to let things go. Astra's voice rang out in his head: _"Caspian, you silly goose, some things are just beyond our control. You cannot move forward if you are constantly stuck in the past. Actually, you are not a goose, you are an ostrich because you stick your head in the sand when scared. Well, what good is that going to do? How can you face your present fears if you have your head stuck in the sand?"_ Nonetheless, his mind was plagued with faces: of dwarves, forest animals, and of Susan, who he had not even thought of since when he was deliriously sick. Indeed, he had troubling letting her go, even if she undoubtedly had moved on. She would always be his first love, he could not let go of her so easily. The way she carried herself so gracefully, the way she was always so logical and reasonable, and the way she was always the word of caution made a great impression on Caspian. How well she matched his own character; how he waited patiently for a chance to speak to her without her brothers looming over her. She was Queen Susan the Gentle and she seemed to soothe everyone everywhere she went; Caspian was no exception to this. He was devastated when she left and his private life became rough and cruel, only to be cured by work. But he was better now, he knew that, yet he could not help but wistfully miss her.

When the sun arose, Astra was woken by the smell of bacon, which May had wafted near the slumbering girl's nose. Ros and Douglass were highly amused, while Caspian and May were unsurprised by the Daughter of Eve's antics. Astra got up and ventured into the woods to relieve her bladder.

"I gotta pee," she informed the party, who looked at her as if to say, '_Too much information._' She laughed and shrugged, skipping off. Feeling much better, she began to walk back when a light fluttered into the dark forest. _Since when does light flutter?_ Astra shielded her eyes with a hand and found this glowing object flying toward her. As it turned out, it was a bird, but it looked like it had feathers of fire. A phoenix, she wondered? But did Narnia have phoenixes? It was small, however, only about the size of a dove. It landed on her arm briefly and Astra felt her skin burn. She yelped, causing the odd bird to fly away and she went back to the party to tell them what happened.

"Do you have phoenixes in Narnia?" she asked.

"There is reputed to be one in the apple orchard in the Western Wilds," responded Ros.

"And what do they look like?"

"They are quite large birds, even larger than an eagle. Its chest is yellow, its head is red, and its tail is purple."

"So they are not flaming birds?"

"No…?"

"Because this little fucking burning bird decided to use my arm as a branch and burned me with its little burning feet! See?" They all hovered around to see the perfect imprint and determined it to be quite unusual. No one seemed to be able to identify the bird and they stopped speculating, only after much fussing on May's part.

"What if it scars?"

"Then it will be a brand of birdy honor," Astra responded.

The How was beautiful in the morning and Caspian offered to take them on a tour. Accompanied by Douglass and Raymond, Caspian, May, and Astra were taken to the large hill behind them. Hidden within the ruins of the hill was a door which opened into a dark passageway. Caspian led the way and Astra eagerly followed, while May was a little more reluctant. Once inside, Astra realized what stood in the middle of the dark room: the Stone Table.

It seemed like holy ground, where talking was not sanctioned and could not do much glory to Aslan and the sacrifice He gave. Caspian paced around, stopping at certain parts of the room. _And this was where I slid my sword through the werewolf. This was where the hag fell. This was where Nikabrik was killed by dear Trumpkin. This was where I met Peter and Edmund, Kings whose greatness I could only dream to aspire to and who left shoes that were too great to fill._

Astra took notice of Caspian's countenance, but was otherwise occupied with the paintings on the walls, chronicling the story of the Pevensies and the history of Narnia. Looming above and flickering in the firelight was a spectacular portrait of Aslan. Astra felt her heart tug—how she longed to see the great Lion again and hear His reassurances that she was helping Caspian and not dooming him to some unfortunate fate. She had not seen Him since the ball and so much had changed since then. She hoped that Aslan had watched over Caspian while in Beruna, seeing the boy-king become a man and a sensation. Astra claimed the event as a small triumph on her part, knowing that this confidence would help him on his voyage to find the Seven Lords. Although this departure was on Astra's mind, Caspian was still stuck in the past.

They finally made their way out of the room, sticky with the old memories that clung to the air of the chamber. Astra blinked, her eyes becoming accustomed to the light sunlight. She thought her eyes were fooling her when out of the forest, she saw two Animals. Their voices carried over the field.

"I _told_ you His Majesty was journeying to the How! Leaflove said that Pineberry said that Pawpeep said that Mossdew said that Foragefun said that he would be here!"

"Leaflove is a very unreliable source," said the second Animal.

"Well, she was right this time."

"Indeed. It ought to be declared a national holiday or some miracle by Aslan's mane." As the Animals approached, Astra realized it was a Badger and a Hedgehog.

"Trufflehunter? Hogglestock? Is that you?" asked Caspian with hope in his voice.

"Indeed, good Caspian," said Trufflehunter affectionately.

"How did you know I was at the How?" he asked anxiously.

"No, the real question is why did you not come here sooner?" And with that question, Caspian threw himself to the ground and enveloped the Animals. With old friends, it seemed, verbal responses to questions were not needed and Astra stood in amazement, finally starting to realize how her silly offer of an adventure had turned into something entirely different.

* * *

_Author's Note: What was with the bird? Any guesses? Huh? Huh?_


	36. Ch 36: Going Narnian

**CHAPTER 36: Going Narnian**

Trufflehunter, the Badger, and Hogglestock, the Hedgehog, made their intentions known to Caspian rather quickly.

"We are here to kidnap you, steal you away into the forest, and make you 'go Narnian' because _obviously_ you have forgotten." Alyx had something to say about this proposition and opened his jaws wide, revealed his sharp canines, and politely asked Hogglestock if there was some of his leftover dinner stuck in his teeth. Hogglestock shrunk back and Caspian held a hand to Alyx to tell him not to worry, that they would not actually kidnap him.

"But our friend Hogglestock _does_ have a point," said Trufflehunter wisely. "Castle life has not done you well."

"But it is all I have known!" protested Caspian, genuinely confused. "How can I 'go Narnian,' as you put it if I am not Narnian in the first place?"

"You _are_ Narnian," responded the entire party in unison.

"I am _Telmarine_," he retorted as if he was talking to a kindergarten class. This only caused everyone to sigh in unison.

"Well, I would have thought that after a week on the road, you would have _at least_ adapted," hinted Trufflehunter. Caspian looked sad.

"Have I disappointed you?" he asked woefully. It was, after all, one of his greatest fears, as he had always highly esteemed the Badger after saving his life when his uncle was after him. Trufflehunter was always on his side and always believed in him; it was he who brought him to the meeting of the Old Narnians on the Dancing Lawn, where he met Hogglestock.

"No, my dear boy," insisted Trufflehunter, patting the young man's leg. "That would be quite nearly impossible. Although I would have hoped that you had learned to drop titles and take off your shoes."

"My… _shoes_…?" he asked, rather perplexed.

"Well, the lady has the idea," grinned Hogglestock, pointing to Astra. Astra sat in a patch of grass a few yards away, her hair tousled in the wind which sweetly nipped her cheeks, a daisy chain on her head, her shoes cast off to the side, and a braid of grass strands in her hand. Caspian turned and gave her an accusatory look.

"What?" she asked him, dumbfounded.

"Is there _anything_ you are not better than me at?"

"Peeing while standing and drinking. Not to be mixed, of course," Astra quipped and Hogglestock found it rather funny, while Trufflehunter and Caspian grimaced.

"You have been in Narnia for four months and you are better at 'going Narnian' than I am… the King!"

"That is because I always preferred flowers over formalities." Trufflehunter declared that he thought Astra to be a charming girl once he recovered from the first words uttered from her mouth. Introductions were made and the chance of her appearance in Narnia was vaguely explained.

"Well, we are delighted to have you here! You will make a lovely addition to our party at the Dancing Lawn!"

"The Dancing Lawn?"

"Oh yes! We thought we would travel with you there. You actually timed your trip quite well: there will be a large festival tomorrow night."

"Oh please Caspian, can we go?" Astra begged.

"I thought you would wish to be as far away from dancing and parties as possible," responded Caspian.

"Oh, but it won't be _formal_ dancing, will it?" she turned to Hogglestock for confirmation. "I am very good at _in_formaldancing. _Besides_, it will not be like a Cair Paravel party, it is a _festival_, far more rustic, I would imagine. And no wine, I presume, so we will not have to show our friends what you excel in comparison to me." There were chuckles all around and it was declared a plan: they would spend the rest of the day at the How and then in the morning, make their leisurely journey to the Dancing Lawn.

Spirits were high the rest of the day. Astra spontaneously jumped on Caspian's back, demanding a piggy-pack ride.

"I am not a pack mule!" he protested, although he smiled gleefully. Being outside made Astra smell like sweet wildflowers and cut grass. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and he held her thighs against his waist. Her dress had hiked up some and her calves peeked out from under her skirt. Astra declared Caspian to be an exceptionally slow pack mule (_"I am not a pack mule!"_) and Ros wryly suggested he was far better suited to carrying crazy girls on his back. Astra naturally had to take him on this offer and Ros gave her an arm up. Astra wrapped her arms around his torso and Caspian felt a pang of jealousy as the Centaur took off with Astra screeching and laughing.

"She is a sweet child," said Trufflehunter to Caspian. "How old is she?"

"Nineteen."

"I find her exceptionally bright, but she does not act her age. However, it only adds to her charm, does it not?" asked the Badger, observing Caspian's reaction.

"It does, Trufflehunter," he said plainly, his eyes still glued on the brunette.

"She looks very much like Queen Susan, does she not?"

"Oh, no. Astra is shorter, stronger, far less graceful, and a little rough around the edges. Astra has freckles, her eyes are darker, her smile is bigger, and their speech is vastly different."

"Oh. I see you have made your comparisons, then," Trufflehunter, trying to hold back a grin.

"I suppose. But I have learned through my comparison that there is not much of a comparison. They are two very different women."

"Yet you love them both." Caspian did not know how to respond and stammered for a few seconds.

"I am not in love with Susan. Maybe I was, but I am no longer in love with her. Nor am I in love with Astra."

"But do you love her?"

"Why does everyone automatically assume that we will be wed?"

"I said nothing of marriage." Trufflehunter could no longer hold back his smile, delighted at Caspian's own insinuation. Caspian, on the other hand, groaned.

"Well, Trumpkin kept asking me when our wedding would be! And we are not getting married. Oh no, we are simply very good friends."

"As glad as I am that you have a friend, a friend that has obviously changed you for the better, my dear Caspian," began Trufflehunter, "I may have my own suspicions on the matter."

"You think I am in love with her."

"I _know_ you _love_ her. There is a great difference between _loving_ someone and being _in_ _love_ with someone. You are of a fine age to marry. However, that may not be the case for her."

"I have not the slightest notion of marrying Astra," Caspian growled, feeling like a dumb animal backed into a corner.

"I do not mean to agitate you, nor pressure you, Caspian," Trufflehunter assuaged the young man. "I simply feel I must point out that even though you are good friends, your dispositions are very different and your age difference does not help. Yes, yes, I know you are only a year older than her, but you have had to mature much more quickly than she has. She is still so very young, I cannot see her cooped up in a castle and feeling well."

"She has not quite adjusted to castle life. She is very antsy and spends much of her time roaming, reading, or running amuck outside. I believe she is far happier out here."

"Oh, Maria must adore the girl," Trufflehunter said sarcastically. Astra finished her gambol with Ros and slid inelegantly off the Centaur's back.

"Ros is a much better pack mule than you are," she declared. "I suppose the real question is, who is a better pack mule, you or Raymond?"

"Like the King, I am not a pack mule," said Raymond in such a decided and dignified manner that everyone was quite puzzled as to how in a matter of minutes, Astra had May, red-faced and her arms around Raymond's neck, and Raymond lined up to race with Caspian and Astra. May was utterly embarrassed and flustered while Raymond had been shamed just enough to make him humble and not a complete "Negative Nancy." Raymond won by a landslide and the four of them lay sprawled on the grass, trying to catch their breath between bursts of laughter. Astra declared that she saw a cloud that resembled a pavander, the fish near Cair Paravel, but May heartily disagreed, insisting that it was obviously a hare. They then continued to argue about the shape of every cloud in the sky. Astra eventually tossed her arms over Caspian's stomach, declared she was tired, put her head on his abdomen, and promptly closed her eyes before he could even bat an eyelash. Raymond lay next to the King, one hand behind his head and the other on his knife. He was not tired in the slightest and his eyes were still darting every which way, always on the lookout for danger. May lay next to Raymond on her side, curled up in a little ball and enjoying the feeling of the fading sunlight on her skin. Caspian felt vaguely awkward with Astra sprawled across him, her fingers absentmindedly tracing his abdominal muscles, causing his breath to hitch in his throat.

"Astra…" he began, although he was unsure what he wished to say.

"Oh, Caspian, sorry, I did not even both to ask if you were comfortable!" Caspian thought for a quick moment before replying.

"I am not uncomfortable in the slightest," he said, and it was true.

"Good because you are very comfortable," was her retort, ceasing her tracing (_Thank Aslan, he was losing his mind_) and clutching a handful of his shirt. She offered him a sleepy smile and Caspian admired how the sun glinted so maddeningly in her eyes and had made her freckles stand out. Every time he breathed, her body would rise and fall in time with his chest. With hesitation, he brought his hand to her head and toyed with the brown strands. The corner of her mouth twitched and she remained calm. The grass tickled his bare feet and calves and it was nice to have his shirt un-tucked to allow the Narnian breeze to billow the fabric. With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes, deciding that this adaptation of "going Narnian" would be quite tolerable.


	37. Ch 37: Heart Beat

**CHAPTER 37: Heart Beat**

Astra was very reluctant to open her eyes. Comfortably situated on Caspian's stomach and clutching a fist full of his shirt, she was warm and relaxed in the late afternoon sun. His hand, which had been playing with her hair, was now rested on her back, his palm spread over the nook in between her shoulder blades. His eyes were closed and she was able to take a look at the sleeping King.

He had tanned from their journey; he was rather dark-skinned to begin with, but the sun had added a warm glow to his complexion over the last few days. His blonde hair had lightened a bit in the sun, but his eyelashes remained dark and a sharp contrast. His hair was constantly falling into his eyes; Astra thought it was a rather girlish tendency for him to continually need to push the strands back, but she realized that as silly as it was, it was something to hide behind, whether out of uncertainty or a desire to keep himself aloof. He was, however, remarkably handsome. It was the first time she had allowed herself the thought and it made her stomach feel odd. He and Lady Hanalei would have very pretty children.

Caspian opened his eyes to meet Astra's gaze. She had the most peculiar look on her face.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, his voice soft from his nap.

"That you need a haircut," she honestly retorted.

"In that case…" he muttered and closed his eyes again.

"You bucket-head," Astra grinned, poking him under his ribcage. He squirmed underneath her spastically. "Oh, is someone ticklish?" she asked deviously.

"Only there…"

"Aw, you're no fun. I am ticklish just about everywhere."

"Is that so?" Astra gingerly nodded her head and then looked at Caspian with paranoia in her eyes.

"No, you wouldn't…"

"It is really quite sweet that you hold me in such high esteem," he murmured with false somber before assaulting her sides. She screeched with her five-year-old girl laughter, her legs kicking frantically as she squirmed to relinquish herself from Caspian's grip.

"Stop! Caspian… Caspian! Oh stop!" she howled until Caspian finally threw up his hands. Astra continued laughing, gasping for breath and clutching her stomach, half in defense and half from laughing until her stomach ached. He laughed at her laughing, which only caused her to laugh more, and they laughed until they cried. Finally, they lay on their backs, eyes directed toward the sky and gave deep sighs.

"I could lie like this forever," Astra murmured. "Oh, to live out here! No rules or regulations. No walls or boundaries. All liberty and freedom and wilderness and shit. Wouldn't it be grand?"

"It would be something," he responded wishfully, although he was rather fond of rules himself. After all, he made them. "Come on," he said, standing up. "We ought to help out with dinner."

"Did you not just hear what I said about lying here forever?" Astra whined.

"I know, but I have this sneaking suspicion that you can only lay in one attitude for so long before you will become stir-crazy. Come on, up up," he encouraged her, holding out his hands for her to take. With a groan she slapped her hands in his and he pulled her up. He began to walk backwards until he realized he still held her hands. Feeling stupid, he let her hands go and they waded through the grass back to the rest of the group.

"Did you sleepy heads enjoy your nap?" drawled Alyx.

"It was most refreshing."

"We thought you would be out there until sundown," said Douglass coyly.

"Well, _I_ would have," said Astra.

"But she fell asleep on me and I could not wake her."

"It is difficult to wake a pretty girl," murmured Hogglestock.

"More dangerous than difficult," said Caspian, May, and Astra at the same time, as they all knew how absolutely charming and kind Astra was when woken up abruptly.

The sun began to set and a campfire was built up. Caspian sat on a piece of wood, watching the way the fire danced on Astra's face as she peered over the pot of beans, dipping a spoon in and daintily—how she managed to do anything daintily was beyond him—tried a bit of the concoction, smacking her lips pleasingly. Trufflehunter was right. He could not keep her in the castle. He could not keep her satisfied. With this thought, he looked away from her figure, setting his mind on the voyage. He had fourth months to get his act together. Four months to figure everything out. Four months to find himself. He was utterly lost.

* * *

It was a relatively quiet journey to the Dancing Lawn, with the exception of the constant barking of Bo and Alexis, the sheepdogs who were trying to herd Trufflehunter and Hogglestock when they became bored of trying to catch their tails (or even more amusing, Aldin's tail). Caspian was lost in his thoughts and Astra was not in the mood to press him, figuring if he brooded all day, he would brood all of his broodiness out of him and would be pleasant for the festival that evening.

The forest was intriguing. Astra insisted on remaining Narnian, with her knotted and tangled locks in disarray and feet bare. She whistled for Bo and Alexis to romp in the forest with her and to keep them from bothering the other Animals too much. Malvolio insisted on them taking a break to eat lunch and sit for awhile. May and Astra whispered and giggled while the guards kept lookout. Caspian wandered a little and leaned against an old tree, accompanied by Douglass, who slapped a hand on the young man's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. It seemed to Douglass that no matter where Caspian went, he would always be burdened by something, even if it was in his own mind.

About an hour before sundown, they reached the Dancing Lawn. It would be a full moon that night—hence the festival—and Astra was anxious to dance under the celestial lights. Trufflehunter explained to her in more detail about the dryads.

"Dryads are tree nymphs. Although able to remove themselves from their tree in human form, the soul and spirit of each dryad is tied to an individual tree. Male dryads live in Oak, Elm, Holly, and Rowan trees while females inhabit Beech, Silver Birch, Larch, and Willow trees. They are lovely creatures, with crowns of leaves, and their garb and appearance uncannily resembles the tree they are connected with. The fauns will join our festivities—they play the most enchanting music. It is very easy to lose oneself on a night like this. It is the way of Narnian magic, you see," he said, his voice low and hypnotic. "It is more intoxicating and fulfilling than even the finest wine. With the glow of the full moon, the trees come alive and you can feel the heartbeat of the forest. It seeks you out, calls for you, beckons you, seduces you; it is utterly irresistible." Trufflehunter waited a moment and then cleared his throat to snap Astra out of her reverie. "And terrific fun! Pip pip, let us not dawdle." Astra gulped, suddenly fearful for what hidden dangers may lurk in the evening.

* * *

The Dancing Lawn was wide and spacious, surrounded by trees already swaying, preparing their limbs for the night's festivities. Caspian had missed these sorts of celebrations. The king's attendance at such events was encouraged earlier on in his kingship so as to persuade the Old Narnians of his reverence for their long withstanding culture. However, as time passed, there were more pressing matters than watching trees dance. He had always been rather fearful of the trees, feeling the magic sweep him off his feet. He was utterly lost in the night and always felt rather carnal, wild, and savage. He knew that these words were too strong, but it was as close as he could describe it. Honestly, the truth was that he was not in control when the magic coursed through his veins, a sort of freedom which he both yearned and condemned in his own more composed behavior. He had been battling his mind all day and was too tired for dancing but the beat had an invigorating quality that gave him life and energy. However, with all his emotions stockpiled, he feared what would happen if they were let free.

The dryads and fauns enthusiastically greeted the party, beckoning them into the depths of the forest. Caspian forgot how… _friendly_ the dryads could be. He hoped the moon was not so bright that his deep blush could be seen as the dryad's limbs roamed his body. His head was on a swivel, turning and smiling to all, his eyes searching for Aslan-knows-what.

Astra eagerly dove into the brush. The dryads pulled her and she let them tug her, caress her hair, and ask her questions. Their voices floated over her, filling and soothing her like a glass of warm milk, soft and smooth as silk. Her eyes danced everywhere, trying to soak it all up, and she could not help but giggle at her new celebrity status as an esteemed guest. She fawned over the fauns, insisting that they were a truly wonderful lot. The fawns were excellent story-tellers and as the sun began to set, the fauns told lovely stories of Narnia with quiet pipe music playing in the background.

"Caspian, isn't this wonderful?" she gushed to him, her eyes glittering with excitement.

"Absolutely enchanting," he responded, happy to see her so enthusiastic and appreciative of his country. Astra grabbed May's hand in excitement and the girls followed the female dryads on their ten minute walk to the river. The dryads, a very touchy-feely lot, enjoyed fixing the girls' hair into a nest of wild curls and gave them pretty crowns of leaves. They were dusted with a silvery, iridescent powder to make their skin glow in the moonlight and hand-in-hand, they meandered back to the men, male dryads, and fauns, already hearing the steady beat penetrating the forest and the shrill, joyous sound of the pipes.

The sun had set now and the full light of the moon cascaded down into the crevices of the forest. Astra enjoyed the cool sensation of the soil under her feet, the rough feeling of the roots, and the satisfying crunch of dried leaves. The dryads pulled the girls along even though they followed eagerly. The dryads were exceptionally dainty and elegant. Their long limbs made each movement appear like ballet; even the harshest of gestures would be perceived as refined.

The beat captured Astra's heart. She tested the rhythm with her hips, then adding her shoulders and head, gently rollicked with the _rata-tat-tat._ She raised her arms to the night sky, letting them cross and sway. Her heart was thumping madly in synch with the beat of the Narnian magic and she began to twirl until everything became a blur. She tossed her head back, letting her curls fly, and laughed to the night sky.

* * *

Caspian was drunk on the beat, stepping lightly to the rhythm. Sweat plastered his hair to his forehead, but this was but a small thought in the back of his head. Even though he knew he was far from being clear-headed at the moment, he felt remarkably so. The magic had pierced his heart and dug into the core of his soul. He was vaguely aware of the dryads' limbs that caressed him like simpering court ladies, but a laugh caught his immediate attention. He waded through the crowd until he found Astra with her arms stretched sky-bound. Her waist looked inviting and he wrapped his arms around her and placed his hands at the small of her back. She put her hands behind his neck and they spun madly.

Everyone danced with everyone, constantly switching partners in the folly of the night. Astra noted that May looked prettier than ever as she spun around with Raymond, who had let his guard down just the slightest bit. When the fauns finally stopped playing, it was only a few hours before the sun would be up. The exhausted party nestled down into the soft forest floor, limbs tangled and sprawled out. Astra lay in the opposite direction that Caspian did, their heads next to each other as their chests rose and fell to catch their breath.

"When we wake up tomorrow morning, we aren't really going to remember tonight, are we?" Astra asked, her breath tickling his ear.

"We won't. It will be as if we lived in a dream."

"It was a lovely dream."

"It was indeed."

With one last look at the full moon, they closed their eyes and fell into a heavy slumber.


	38. Ch 38: Roughing It

_Author's Note: Kind of a story chapter for such a long week (yikes, two weeks), but things have been rather hectic in the life of Off Dreaming. This is what happens when you take 20 units a quarter and end up reading half an Austen novel, half a Hemingway novel, a Shakespeare play, and various criticism a week. And then there is theater class and Spanish class. I am certainly getting educated. However, it has been difficult to write lately, so please have patience with me for the last three weeks of the quarter. And then it's Spring Break. Hooray! Anyway, thanks for all your reviews and enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

**CHAPTER 38: Roughing It**

The sun gently prodded its way through the forest canopy, causing Astra to stir in annoyance. It was far too bright and she felt like she had a hangover. She groaned, slung an arm over her eyes to block out the sun, and muttered something incoherent.

"What was that, Lady Astra?" inquired Reepicheep in one ear.

"You must speak up!" insisted Foragefun in the other.

"Too. Early."

"Oh," they said in unison. Then:

"But we must be on the road very soon!" cried Reepicheep.

"Would an acorn help you wake up? Or I found this lovely crunchy leaf. It is orange!" added Foragefun, excited at his spectacular find.

"No," Astra growled, rolling over to bury her head in the forest ground.

"Lady Astra, you cannot possibly lay there _all_ day," drawled Alyx, stretching his lithe limbs.

"Watch me."

"Oh, is dear Astra having difficulties waking up?" inquired May.

"She is the last one to open her eyes," responded Douglass.

"Actually, I do not think she has opened her eyes yet," said Ros, peering down at her.

"Astra, we have four days of traveling to Beaversdam. We cannot sleep through half of the day," rationalized Caspian.

"But we were up most of the night!" she muttered into the ground, so no one could understand her.

"I can never understand that girl," hissed Malvolio, and this set Astra off into an unintelligible rant.

"We were up almost all night dancing and then you want us all to wake up at the crack of fucking dawn and I feel like I have a hangover because I am going through Narnian magic withdrawals and my head hurts, and the leaves smell nice down here, and it is so damn bright outside and I just want to sit here in the dark, so leave me alone!" There was a long pause as everyone attempted to decipher her speech.

"All I caught was 'hangover,'" said Ros.

"She mentioned something about leaves," added Foragefun.

"I do believe the last bit was something along the lines of 'leave me alone,'" said May.

"That's it," said Raymond, who had been quiet the entire time. Bending down, he scooped up Astra as she screeched her protests and tossed her onto one of the horses. Astra continued yelling until the horse swished its tail into her face and began plodding along. After that, she was quiet, hanging there like a rag doll until the drum line stopped playing in her head. Looking a little worse for wear about a half hour later, Astra slipped off the horse and stumbled along the path.

"Might I say that you look particularly like one Thursday morning that involved a vase," insinuated Caspian, referring to the whining with wine on Wednesday in which they were completely trashed.

"If I do recall correctly, you were not faring so well that morning either," said Astra, picking stray bits of crushed leaves out of her hair. "Aslan, what _happened_ last night?"

"There was a festival."

"I got that."

"And we danced with the dryads and heard stories from the fauns."

"I remember that."

"And then we fell asleep on the forest floor."

"Yes, yes, I recall that. Just specifically, what happened? It's all a blur."

"Well, dryads tend to have that affect on Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve when the moon is full."

"_I_ remember the entire evening," emphasized Ros the Centaur.

"Peachy," grumbled Astra, "because I feel like I drank a half of a handle all by myself last night." Ros whistled.

"You hold your liquor well," said Caspian, "but Narnian magic is another story."

"…you _think?_"

* * *

"Are we _there_ yet?" Astra asked impatiently.

"We still have three and a half more days to go!" Malvolio exclaimed.

"But I am so excited to see Beaversdam. It sounds like a happening place. A hopping joint. You know?" Malvolio shook his head. "Caspian, you said it was a really interesting town!"

"And it is," Caspian insisted. "Malvolio simply did not know what you meant by the phrase 'a hopping joint.'"

"Oh. I see." Then, turning to Malvolio, "One would think that after dealing with me for five months you would have learned how to speak 21st century American by now!"

"American is _not_ a language," Malvolio huffed.

"Hey now, Malvolio, don't hate, appreciate!" she retorted.

"Oh, that rhymes, how clever!" exclaimed May, clapping her hands together with a smile. "Oh, I am so glad that you came to us from the Land of Oxford!" Astra smiled, then grew quiet. It had been a long time since Oxford crossed her mind. She missed the timeless campus, the smell of the old stone buildings, the gentle hum of the furnace, and her favorite pair of jeans. She even missed her roommate, whose boyfriend perpetually inhabited their room, and the dorm food that could at times be rather alarming. She missed the snow on the ground, the quiet in the library, the dew on the lawn in the morning, and the way the windows caught the light in the afternoon. She missed finding old, oversized books in the library and pretending to be Hermione Granger by insisting to her friends that she had just done "a little light reading." She missed Monterey—the perpetual sea breeze, the bustle of tourists along cannery row, the winding roads through the hills in nearby Pebble Beach, the days of shopping in Carmel-by-the-Sea, and driving her car with the windows down. She missed her mother—her sweet, intelligent, strong mother—and the way she always made her tea how Astra liked it. She missed her three older brothers—fiercely loyal, funny, and audacious, always up for a good time and good-natured teasing and banter.

Would she ever return to Oxford? Did she even want to go back now? Could she possibly stay? Would she want to stay if given the option? Would it mess up Caspian's plans? What would Aslan think? If she did return, would she forget about Narnia over time or would she always believe? How quickly would she lose faith or convince herself it was all a dream? Would anyone in Narnia remember her? How would she change Narnia? Caspian? May? How would she adjust to Oxford after spending so long in Narnia? Would it be difficult to leave behind days of romping on the beach, throwing paper balls at Caspian, riding horses, making daisy chains, and annoying Madam Perkins, Maria, and Malvolio? Would she be able to return to her world of books, archery practice, homework, pants, and modern technology? Could it be done? Her life and world changed in a blink of an eye because of a little squirrel's obsession with shiny objects. Could she wake up one morning or walk around a tree and find herself back in the woods behind the archery range? How would Caspian feel if she disappeared without a goodbye? Would Aslan ever will such a thing?

These were questions—many, many questions—that plagued her mind. Being unable to provide answers, she was quiet and pensive, curious and cautious about venturing forth into this indefinite realm. She did not notice that Caspian was lost in his mind too, but his focus was not on the present and future, but opened the door to the resounding echo from the past, foreboding territory that he had never been able to close.


	39. Ch 39: Back

_Author's Note: Yes, yes, I know I have not updated in a very long time. Almost three weeks, I believe. Yeah... I'm super sorry, but I was terribly busy with finals. On the bright side, it is now spring break and my creative juices are flowing, so be expecting weekly updates for quite awhile. Sorry to leave you all hanging, but life calls. Thanks so so much to everyone who has stuck with me on this one, especially those of you who have reviewed. You are all far far too kind! Thanks again and enjoy the chapter!_

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CHAPTER 39: Back

Four days. Four days of walking, sleeping, waking, walking. Well, less sleeping for Caspian. Astra noticed this the next morning after waking up herself. Granted, she had little sleep the night before, still mulling over the questions that plagued her mind. She had not found any answers but felt better after wrestling with them. She had just forgotten about her life outside of Narnia and it frightened her, that was all, she told herself. Four more months and she would go home and probably forget everything over time.

Three more days. Three more days of walking, sort of sleeping, barely waking. Astra noted the bags under his eyes, the dull expression, the slightly defeated posture. It was subtle, but noticeable since Caspian usually took care to put himself together.

"I could not find a comfortable position to sleep in," he said simply when asked, his voice perfectly level and smooth, almost rehearsed. They had walked and rode horses the entire day before. Regardless whether he was comfortable or not, he would have fallen asleep from pure exhaustion. Astra did not believe him for a second. She knew him all too well. But she also knew that he would tell her in time. Eventually. She trusted him enough to do that before things became too unbearable. She looked at him evenly and nodded, just as smoothly and practiced as he did, just so he would know that she knew that it was not that. He looked down, turned on his heel with military precision and walked away.

May and Astra talked quietly. Raymond would whip his head in her direction whenever May laughed. Douglass quietly listened to the conversation between his daughter and his second daughter—for that was what Astra had become to him—and smiled to himself. Alyx walked silently with self-importance. Ros hummed with Foragefun, Gus Reepicheep, and Peekiceep. At least the Mice and Ros could harmonize, but Astra said that Foragefun and Gus sounded like a dying bird, which Naira the Falcon took offense to. Aldin the Horse only deigned to speak to Caspian, Douglass, and Bianca. Bo and Alexis, the sheepdogs, wrestled with random sticks that littered the forest floor. Malvolio, between bouts of silence, repeatedly read over Caspian's itinerary in Beaversdam. Caspian sensed it was a source of comfort and order to the man, who had probably not stepped foot out Cair Paravel in his life, and feigned attention, nodding every once in awhile at Malvolio's rant. Otherwise, Caspian looked straight ahead, although Astra sensed his mind was clicking backward, into the past. The places that they had passed through certainly stirred up memories and Astra knew that most of these memories were not exactly regarded fondly from what she read in the large tomes in the library and the tales of Doctor Cornelius.

Night fell and they all settled into camp. Ros was telling Astra a joke and May was attempting to teach Raymond how to cook. The night was actually a little cool and everyone pulled out blankets and huddled together.

"Caspian, come over to the fire. If you catch a cold, Maria will probably kill me," called out Astra to Caspian, who was standing off to the side, looking into the dark woods.

"Oh yes, Caspian, please do. We cannot have you ill again," May insisted.

"I am fine, plenty warm," he said a little more harshly than what was necessary. Everyone took note of the edge in his voice but did not comment on it, simply raising their eyebrows and returning to their conversation. Astra waited a moment, stood up, and walked over to him.

"Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills," she said with a playful pout.

"Astra, not now please."

"You know, you need to cut this nonsensical broodiness shit out. We got it: being a king sucks balls."

"…that is vulgar."

"I mean, _shit Caspian_, I _get_ what is going on in your head right now. I get it, Raymond gets it, Ros gets it, Alyx gets it, and the Mice get it. _We get it._ So you can stop trying to deal with this on your own and come sit with us," Astra ordered sternly. Caspian stared her down.

"_You_ weren't there. You will _never_ know what is going on in my head."

"I have pretty good guess and I am trying to figure out the inner-workings of your mind. That has to mean something," she said more softly. "Now _please_ stop being a prat and join us? We miss you," Astra pleaded, tugging at his sleeve. He relented and joined the group, trying to focus more on the warmth from the fire and Astra smashed up next to him than what happened in the woods on a night much colder than this one.

* * *

"G'night Caspian," Astra whispered, her voice warm in the cool night air. "Try and get some sleep, okay?" But Caspian lay awake for hours, listening to the woods. At last, he wandered off into sleep, but it was not peaceful. He dreamed of a time in the past…

…_when it was cold in the forest. They fought—it felt like they fought all the time in the forest against Miraz's men. Day…night…time became inconsequential. There was exhaustion…there was fear…there was cold…there was little food…and there was rain. That was probably the worst. It dampened everyone's spirits and clothes, made armor rust, and created slippery terrain and muddy beds._

_On a day like this, there was little hope. In fact, they had only one hope and that was Caspian and his largest battle plan yet. Caspian and the dwarves would attack Miraz's right wing at daybreak. After engaging in battle for awhile to cause confusion and weaken Miraz's men, Wimbleweather, the giant, and the centaurs would cut the right side of the army off. It was all in the timing, very carefully planned._

_Caspian was cleaning his armor when Ros approached him. The centaur asked if he thought this plan would work. Caspian replied the affirmative and Ros nodded._

"_I hope it works," Ros said solemnly. "I hope it works for hope's sake."_

_There was an emptiness in his stomach and it was not just because of the small rations. For the first time, Caspian felt the pressure that would become like an old friend to him once crowned. There were these creatures who hardly knew him and had barely known he had existed until a few days ago. And now, they were uprooting their lives and brandishing their weapons for him. No, it was not for him, it was for Narnia. But they placed their trust in him to lead them into battle._

_Things were not going well for them. They had hoped that Miraz's men would fear the forest, but it seemed that they feared Miraz more than the darkness within. They had hoped that their knowledge of the intricacies of the forest would aid in their guerilla warfare, but Miraz's strength in numbers overpowered them. But mostly, they had hoped for Aslan to come. Caspian hoped that everyday, feeling so very alone and lost with no one to guide him. Hope, he would soon come to realize, was not enough._

_It was cold and it rained the day before. They engaged in battle, but Caspian's fatal mistake was in poor Wimbleweather, the giant. Caspian was new to the Narnians and had not quite realized that giants were exceptionally dim creatures and very easily confused. Thus, there was nothing Caspian could do when he saw the giant turn up for battle prematurely and in the wrong place._

_Caspian panicked. They were done for it. The only thing they could do was cut their losses short and retreat as soon as possible. A decision had to be made and Caspian was not sure how to go about doing it. Time slowed as Caspian looked around him. He saw a Bear leap up in the air, beautiful and powerful, to pounce on a Telmarine, his muscles rippling under his brown coat. The Bear was brought down by a spear, piercing his stomach, and the Bear curled up in midair and collapsed in a crumpling heap on the ground. He saw the centaurs, covered in mud up to their stomachs, battling the Telmarines with fierce determination. Most of them were littered in cuts. There was blood. There was so much blood everywhere that Caspian was nearly positive he would be sick. The rain drops mixed with blood, the mud splashed up, exhaustion prevailed, and there was death and loss mainly on their side. Injured Animals attempted to crawl away from the battle, limbs hanging limply and mangled. Others simply laid in the mud with eyes closed and chest heaving, patiently waiting to die._

_Caspian heard a voice call to retreat before he realized it was his own. He grabbed Animals left and right, pulling and tugging, yelling and urging them to go deeper into the forest, deeper and deeper into the darkness and despair. A Bear with a shoulder wound stumbled away and a sword was lifted high in the air and fell with a sickening crunch on the Bear's skull. He died instantly._

_As Caspian ran deeper through the woods, he ran deeper into desperation, realizing that their hope had died along with his soldiers on the field. He had failed them. And it was all his fault._

_Ros came and patted him on the shoulder._

"_Your Majesty…"_

"…Your Majesty. My Lord," Ros urged Caspian, causing his eyes to shoot open. Caspian gasped for air and grabbed Ros's strong arm.

"The Bears. They got most of the Bears. We had to retreat. We had to…"

"My Lord, the Bears are fine."

"No, they died!" Caspian whispered into the cold night air. "I saw it. I saw it with my own eyes."

"No, Your Majesty, it was a dream," Ros insisted. "You were tossing and I was on night guard and I did not wish to see you suffer. I woke you up from a dream, a bad dream." Caspian stared at the centaur with questioning eyes. Caspian sighed, letting his body relax, remembering where he was.

"It was. It was a very bad dream. But it was not a dream. Not quite…" Caspain said. Ros thought about this for a moment before responding.

"The Bear is resting in peace. Now you, My Lord, should sleep in peace. I will continue to keep watch." Caspian dumbly nodded and shakily went back to sleep. Astra, who was only a few feet away from him and curled up in a little ball, rolled over twice in his direction so that she knocked into him. She opened up her eyes up sleepily in the dark night.

"Jesus, Caspian, watch where you roll around in your sleep. You bumped right into me."

"No, you bumped into me."

"Nonsense. I sleep in a very orderly fashion," she insisted. Caspian recalled all the other times he had seen her asleep and knew this to be very false. "Well, what were you tossing and turning about?" Caspian opened his mouth to come up with some response to avoid answering the question before Raymond snapped for them to shut up and go back to sleep.

"Soldiers. Sensitive ears," Caspian explained in his man's defense.

"You are warm. The fire went out," Astra murmured, closing her eyes and rolling over. Caspian sighed, looking up at the roof of the forest and rolled over. Astra scooted toward him just so their spines touched. "I got your back," she whispered and after only a few minutes, her breathing became deep and even. Caspian tried to mimic her breathing, willing himself to go back to sleep, hoping that the images that previously plagued him would not return.

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_Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please review!_

_-Off Dreaming_


	40. Ch 40: Rest Easy

_Author's Note: See? I told you I would update soon! And there's plenty more where this came from. I could be persuaded to update again with some reviews... pretty please? Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I have said it a thousand times and I will say it again: it means a lot to me that people are enjoying this. Hey, if you have any constructive criticism, feel free to drop a line in a review. There's always room for improvement. Enjoy!_

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CHAPTER 40: Rest Easy

Caspian opened his eyes to sunshine the next morning, not feeling very well rested. Not feeling Astra's warmth behind him, he glanced over his shoulder to find that she was gone. She had rolled over a few times and was curled up around a tree a good five feet away.

"I don't think she fell asleep next to tree," said May thoughtfully.

"So how did she get over there?" Raymond asked, rather perplexed.

"She rolled," said Caspian, stretching his aching back. "May, will you kindly wake her up so we may be off." May nodded and rolled up her sleeves, preparing for the worst. Astra howled and moaned when she was unceremoniously dumped out of her sleeping bag, but then she wrapped her arms around the tree and went back to sleep. Caspian whistled and the sheepdogs went and pounced on Astra, licking her face and nipping at her heels.

"Fine! I'm up! I'm awake!" she cried, standing and throwing her hands up in surrender.

"You have a lovely collection of leaves in your hair, Lady Astra!" chirped Foragefun. Astra muttered something not for genteel ears.

The day was long. Somehow Alyx the Jaguar launched into his life story and his hardships growing up as the strongest in the pack with the prettiest coat and how everyone picked on him. Everyone feigned sympathy, too bored to ask him to shut up until Ros politely interrupted and began telling stories from the early days of Narnia. The forest was quiet and the day had a feeling of autumn in the air. Ros's deep, earthy voice was soothing and they all walked languidly along. Eventually, everyone began telling stories and they all excitedly inquired of Astra about her world; her responses only led to more question and all, even Caspian, were very interested.

The sun began to set and they established their camp in a clearing in the forest where the moon, only slightly waning, was able to shine down on them. Caspian was relaxed from the pleasant conversation on their journey and was physically tired enough that he was able to slip off into a deep sleep…

_Nikabrik, the Black Dwarf, was angry. His comrades had been greatly wounded in the last battle and no one seemed to be doing anything about their losses. Everyone was waiting—everyone was hoping for Aslan to come, or maybe the Kings and Queens of old. But hope was not enough._

_Even Doctor Cornelius was disappointed. He, who had waited for Aslan's return so fervently, announced that he was disappointed. It certainly meant something for the wise old man to admit to disappointment._

_Trufflehunter, however, stood firm in his beliefs in Aslan. Trufflehunter and Nikabrik argued until Caspian drew attention onto Nikabrik's suspicious friends. There was an old woman who proclaimed herself harmless, but there was a glint in her eyes that unnerved Caspian. There was some other creature, hooded and perhaps furry—Caspian could not tell in the dim light as they gathered around the Stone Table—and when it spoke, Caspian could feel the little hairs stand up on the back of his neck and it made his skin crawl. They were certainly not the kind of creatures Caspian would want to invite over for afternoon tea. He felt wary around them. They were of magic and hate, hunger and thirst…Caspian did not like them at all, but in all fairness, he let Nikabrik speak his plan._

_Nikabrik explained that there was an old power back in Narnia's history, an old power that could save them, that could give them what they needed to fight the Telmarines and win. They all speculated what this power could be, wondering how Aslan could do this, especially since Nikabrik seemed to have so little faith in him._

_"You may drop Aslan out of the reckoning," Nikabrik said quietly, darkly. "I meant someone else." Trufflehunter and Doctor Cornelius leapt to their feet, knowing immediately who Nikabrik insinuated._

_"The White Witch!" they cried and now Caspian leapt to his own feet, in shock and horror. Nikabrik was quick to defend himself. In regards to Aslan, they did not know where he had been, let alone if he was on their side anymore. Indeed, everyone with power had abandoned Narnia: Aslan, the Pevensies…but the White Witch…no witch ever truly dies._

_"We want power. And we want a power that will be on our side," Nikabrik said, his eyes dark in the dim glow of the room. The Hag—Caspian knew the "old woman" to be that—gave a shrill, eerie laugh and the werewolf barked madly. The White Witch, Nikabrik explained, his voice growing more persistent and frantic, could help them. She could give them the power to crush their enemies. What was Aslan to her?_

_Swords were drawn and Trufflehunter approached Nikabrik, loyally supporting Aslan and shouting how this was a bad idea. Caspian drew his own weapon, prepared to part them, but they only circled, shouting until Caspian's head hurt._

_"Call up the Witch! Draw the circle!" Nikabrik cried. Caspian's heart quite nearly froze. He had heard the stories. The White Witch was not a power they wanted to call back into Narnia, not after Aslan had given His life to keep her away._

_"No!!!" cried Caspian. "Stop!!!" The lantern which lit the room was knocked over and it grew dark. Caspian blinked rapidly, his eyes trying to focus on the shapes in the room. There was him, Nikabrik, Trufflehunter, Doctor Cornelius, the Hag, and the werewolf. Their numbers were evenly matched. Caspian turned around, hearing his heels slide across the stone floor. His ears begged for some sound, some sign of friend or foe. He felt as though he was being hunted. At last he heard a low growl behind him and Caspian spun around, ready to defend himself. The werewolf launched at him, teeth bared and claws out and Caspian knocked him away. Nikabrik hit Caspian in the back of his legs and he stumbled. He felt a pain in his shoulder and knowing where the werewolf was, stabbed him, pushing through muscle and bone. There was yelling, not from any of his party; it was young and male. The light returned and Caspian saw two boys, about his own age, and a dwarf, standing with swords drawn. Doctor Cornelius and Trufflehunter were uninjured and Caspian sighed in relief, only to feel a pain in his shoulder. Touching the area, his hand became slick with warm blood. Caspian tried to stand but felt his head spin and tumbled to the ground, feeling his body recoil in pain. He had not recognized the extent of his injury until he stopped fighting and looked. He felt the blood drip down his chest and arm as he clutched the area. Curling up in a little ball, Caspian threw back his head and let out a cry of anguish and pain._

"Caspian! Caspian!" Astra pleaded. "Wake up! Please," she begged. Caspian opened his eyes, curled up on the ground of the floor, and still convulsed in pain. Astra saw the agony in his eyes and pulled his hand away from his shoulder, shoving his tunic sleeve off his shoulder. In the light of the moon, she could see the pale, shining outline of a scar. She traced it, feeling its bumps and grooves from the skin that never healed smoothly. Caspian let his muscle uncoil and sink into the forest floor, closing his eyes, ignoring the stares of the entire party, whom he had woken up. Astra must have shooed them away because there was the sound of footsteps heading away from them. The sheepdogs, however, Astra could not persuade to be gone and they curled up at his feet.

"Caspian…oh Caspian," her voice soft and etched with worry. "What happened?"

"Last night I was in a battle, before the Pevensies came. And now…Nikabrik tried to conjure up the White Witch and the lights went out and we fought…"

"Oh Caspian," Astra cried, her voice still tracing his wound. "Is that how you got this?" Caspian nodded, her gentle touch soothing. She examined the scare with careful, pensive eyes and Caspian watched her face in the moonlight. "It never truly leaves you, does it? You can try and forget and move on, but it scars. It scars and it plagues your mind and paints pictures of horrors that you want to forget, but it imprints itself to your memory, searing itself in your head and…" at this her voice choked up and Caspian felt a teardrop fall on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she laughed, turning her head away ashamed. "I mean, you are the one who has to…I only…oh, fuck it," she said, shaking her head, ordering the tears away. There was a long pause as they avoided each other's gaze. "Does it hurt? Your shoulder?" Caspian shook his head that it did not. Astra put her fingers to her mouth as a nervous habit and went to touch the scar again, but pulled her hand back, ashamed and embarrassed. Once again, there was a long moment of silence. Astra began to move away, but Caspian grabbed her wrist, imploring her to stay.

"You're warm. And the fire is out," he said, borrowing her words from the previous night. Astra immediately curled up next to Caspian, pulled his arm around her shoulders and tucked her head on his pectoral muscle, her forehead against the scar.

"Rest easy, My King," said Douglass from on the other side of the camp and Caspian closed his eyes.


	41. Ch 41: Behold

_Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I just started my spring quarter at my university and it looks like things are going to be easier than last quarter (knock on wood). I am hoping to continue updating every five days or so. I am getting a little bored of this journey across Narnia, but no worries, all the important plot stuff with be in there. However, when they get back to Cair Paravel, things will start getting really juicy. I had lots of fun writing Astra's address to Beaversdam. And the last dialogue between May and Astra is sort of inspired by Ernest Hemingway's writing. I think his work has that understated quality that gives you the idea that something is going on that is unsaid and I like imagining what is actually happening. Let me know what you think. Thanks again and enjoy!_

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**CHAPTER 41: Behold**

When Caspian woke up, the sun was just peeking over the horizon and dancing through the trees. Resting on the forest floor, he was surprisingly comfortable and very warm. He did not want to open his eyes, taking in the early morning without really admitting it was morning. It was a guilty pleasure. However, there was a heaviness—a light heaviness, he was not sure how that was possible—resting on his shoulder. His fingertips grazed something soft and smooth. A breeze tickled his neck. No…that was not a breeze…it was breath.

Caspian opened his eyes to find Astra curled up on him with her head nestled on his shoulder. She had not moved an inch since she crawled over to him in the dead of the night. There she was, laying peacefully, snoring a little. She vaguely resembled a small woodland creature. One hand was on his chest, clutching a handful of his tunic. Her freckles dotted her nose and cheeks, dark even against her now tanned skin. Her hair fell down her back with the exception of a few frizzy curls that draped across her cheek. Caspian readjusted his arm a little and she stopped snoring for a moment, only clutched his shirt tighter, and within moments was back to snoring. She did not otherwise move, roll over five times, or flop around. She was still and calm. Somehow comforted by this, Caspian closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

When he woke again, the soldiers were awake. Caspian called Astra's name a few times to stir her, but she only squeezed her eyes tighter, reluctant to wake up.

"Come on, now, wake up," he insisted more firmly and Astra sleepily opened her eyes, squinting in the morning sun.

"Why, when you are so comfortable?" she asked innocently and Caspian was quite tempted to tell her to just go back to sleep.

"Because it is time to wake up. Just think: by tonight, you can take a real bath and wash this hair of yours," he said, tossing a lock over her shoulder.

"But I am 'going Narnian,'" she protested with a smile. "Besides, I think it is, I don't know, _becoming_ on me." Caspian agreed but did not assent aloud.

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"Behold!" cried Astra, standing on a cart in the middle of a street. "Beaversdam! We meet at last! How I have longed to see your winding streets, with sausage venders and chicken sellers! How I have yearned to mingle with Beaver folk and be one with their kind! How I have beseeched Aslan to give me a city that I could walk down the street and be overwhelmed by sights and aromas!" This continued even as the cart moved and Astra continued giving her impromptu speech. Heads turned to see the young woman, looking surprisingly poised and collected while brandishing her heart to the town of Beaversdam. Her eyes glowed with that same mad twinkle as when she was drunk or trying to be particularly persuasive (this often went hand in hand) and her hair whipped in the gentle breeze made by the moving cart. The cart driver, a graying old man, seemed amused enough at the new load he had acquired and his donkey did not seem to mind, so he gave a little laugh and let her stay. Caspian smiled at the spectacle and pulled the hood of his cape lower over his head.

Eventually the cart stopped and the old man tipped his hat to Astra. Nearby townspeople applauded her and she tossed her head back and laughed before bowing deeply. Astra chatted with the man, perhaps about some sights to see in the warm town and a few good restaurants, before she kissed him on the cheek in gratitude, causing a red blush to paint his cheeks. A particularly bold youth dipped his head in recognition of Astra and held out his hands to help her down. Caspian saw that she protested vehemently—he could imagine her saying, "I am quite capable of hopping down a distance of two feet!"—but she politely relented to the boy's charming smile and let him take her hand. She tossed a smile over her shoulder and waved to the crowd of boys that were patting the back of the young man who helped her down and there was an audible sigh and a couple of low whistles.

Caspian, peering under his hood, eyed the boys angrily. What did they see in her? She was pretty of the common sort: average skin, with its tendency to turning red when she was angry, nice enough teeth, a smile a little too big and rather crooked, big eyes that made her looked perpetually surprised, and curls that never quite cooperated; she was short, strong, not soft but muscular, and not particularly graceful. Yet, they whistled at her. It made something burst inside of Caspian—what did they see that he did not? And why did she smile at these attentions? Did she enjoy it? Did she expect it? She walked back with a triumphant, reckless, and shameless smile, looking particularly pleased with herself. May blushed and nudged her and Astra simply laughed. Caspian looked at the group of boys. What did they have that he did not? Boldness, charming smiles, friends? He had to cringe at the last thought; once again, he could hear Astra in his head: "You're not _that_ much of a loser. You have lots of friends, you just don't realize it because you always assume that people serve you because they have to, not because they want to. Besides, friends tell you when you are being a dumbass, and there are definitely people around here who do that...you are just lucky that they are exceptionally nice about it." His stomach muscles coiled involuntarily. So this was jealousy…

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Astra sat on her bed in her and May's room at the inn their party was staying at. Reluctant to put back on the restricting dress, Astra lounged in her towel, twisting her wet hair into locks.

"Astra, put on a dress before you catch a cold," May ordered her with a smile. Astra simply flopped backward, staring at the ceiling. "Astra, are you well?"

"Yes, May," Astra said quietly. "I am well."

"Is something on your mind?" the girl further probed.

"Yes, May."

"Do you wish to talk about it?"

"No, May."

"Oh. Well, then." May ended her sentence and sat down on the bed, twisting Astra's wet hair. Astra lay there and breathed, closing her eyes and enjoying May's calm affection.

"The boys."

"Which boys?"

"In the market."

"Oh. Them."

"Them."

"They seemed nice."

"Yeah."

"Helpful."

"Yeah."

"I think they rather liked you."

"You do?" asked Astra, sitting up.

"Of course. You saw how they smiled at you."

"Hmm." … "May?"

"Yes?"

"I did encourage them, didn't I?"

"How so?"

"I smiled. Laughed. Twirled my hair. Kept the conversation going. I encouraged them."

"I suppose."

"I like doing that," she said rather like a confession.

"I see."

"I haven't done that in awhile."

"Truly?"

"Not since Oxford."

"Did you do that a lot in Oxford?"

"No, not excessively. I'm just friendly. I'm not a huge flirt. Well, I can be when I put my mind to it."

"And now…?"

"I miss the freedom of being able to flirt."

"Well, no one is stopping you."

"…Caspian."

"What?"

"Caspian. I could feel him watch me. I felt, I don't know, bad."

"I do not know why, since you treat him the same."

"What?"

"Flirt. You flirt…occasionally."

"…_really?_"

"Occasionally. Subtly."

"…_really?_"

"Truly."

"Huh." … "Do I lead him on?"

"I do not think that Caspian is very easily led on."

"So, no?"

"I do not believe so."

"Flirt?"

"A little."

"Odd."

"With Caspian?"

"Very."

"Your hair is wet. Let me find a dry towel." May disappeared from the room and Astra lay there with her wet hair in her towel, staring at the ceiling, wondering if that is what _he_ thought she was doing.


	42. Ch 42: Take a Picture

_Author's Note: The amount of amazingly kind reviews never cease to amaze me. Thank you all so much and enjoy the chapter!_

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CHAPTER 42: Take a Picture (It Will Last Longer

"Caspian, must you stay in that disguise?" Astra asked as they walked down the streets of Beaversdam with commoners' clothing and Caspian with a hood over his head of vibrant blonde hair.

"Yes, it is for His Majesty's protection," said Raymond quickly.

"As if the abundance of guards is not a dead giveaway," Astra scoffed. Raymond and Douglass flanked Caspian, Alyx prowled ahead, and the Mice followed behind.

"The precautions are quite necessary," Douglass assured Astra.

"So as far as Narnia knows, you are unofficially visiting Beaversdam?"

"Yes, and we plan to keep it that way until tomorrow. So I would suggest not shouting his name across the market place," responded Douglass wryly. Astra winked knowingly and flitted off. Caspian looked at her with jealousy as she jumped from vendor to vendor freely. Although he was technically at liberty to go where he wished, the two guards at his side checked his whims. She talked to many people, laughing, smiling, exchanging names, bartering, and purchasing small goods. She was a blur along with the rest of the bustling street until she froze to look at some paintings. She stared at the canvases, motionless and serene. She would squint and then widen her eyes. Then she would step forward and then back again. She held her hand up, pointing at lines and then following them with an extended finger. The artist watched her with a careful, amused, and rather fixed eye until Astra turned and spoke to him about his work.

He was a tranquil, middle-aged man, tan from days out in the sun and with supple and strong hands. His eyes were bright and wrinkled from staring fixedly at his subjects; he had a congenial smile and a humble posture which was rearranged into something more forward when he painted. He approached Astra with his hands clasped together, inquiring if he could help her. Astra responded that she was simply looking, but then naturally offered her name, requested his (Emmanuel), and pointed out what she liked in particular about the painting (the shiny gold paint in the corner of the canvas). The artist spoke to her in a low voice, repositioning her to see the painting from different vantage points.

"You have an eye for art, do you not?"

"Oh, I'm no aficionado or anything, simply curious."

"Curiosity is plenty. It gives you an aura of liveliness."

"Me?"

"Yes. I have a photographic memory and have been watching you walk down the lane. Your skip reminds me of my daughter. She is with her mother right now, sadly ill at the moment."

"I love your work, I really do. I just cannot simply buy a painting, unfortunately."

"I started a sketch of you."

"Of me?" The man nodded emphatically and flipped through a notebook. Astra seemed taken aback, awestruck by the sketch, and carefully took the notebook to admire it. She was rendered rather speechless for a good minute. "Come back tomorrow and I will have more."

"Tomorrow?" Astra squeaked, looking at Caspian. Tomorrow they would no longer be anonymous, but King and loyal subjects. Caspian nodded to her, assuring it would be fine and that if there was anyone whose work they could appreciate it was his. Anyone who could hold Astra still in looking at a painting or hold her still on a piece of paper outlined in lead and charcoal was certainly worth the investment. They would return tomorrow, reveal their identities, and help out the starving artist. Astra saw Caspian's nod and assured the man that they would be returning and skipped away. Caspian cautiously approached after she left. Emmanuel asked if Caspian would like to see his drawing and Caspian assented.

It was a head shot of her glancing quickly over her shoulder, her eyes wide in surprise and her hair wiping around behind her; it singularly captured the movement and held her still long enough for one to appreciate. It was a striking sketch, capturing the lightness and darkness of her face: her bright eyes, her dark eyelashes, her glowing skin, and her pronounced freckles.

"Beautifully done," Caspian complimented Emmanuel.

"Beautiful girl," he said, winking at Caspian. Caspian raised an eyebrow, incredulously. He always thought that she was pretty, but beautiful? He always thought that beautiful was a word for a woman, and Astra, although of age and independent, could hardly be called that with her childlike behavior. "You must see it, sir," he insisted, then paused and thought when he realized it was lost on the incognito gentleman. "You see, it is in her eyes. Yes, there: it is that uncommon intelligence, the open emotion, so dynamic, yet it could hold someone captivated. Her eyes are captivating, yes, that it the word. And her smile: stunning, yes, absolutely stunning. Would it be correct to assume that you know the lady?"

"Yes."

"And it is in her likeness?"

"Yes, it is a perfect likeness."

"Then you know that a smile from her can stop a person in their tracks. And that no emotion can hide on her face. She is completely unguarded."

"That is true," Caspian agreed, taking another look at the sketch. He saw what the man saw, but did it match his standards of beauty?

* * *

As Caspian lay in bed and prepared himself for his debut as king in Beaversdam, he thought about Astra. It seemed as though the closer he approached the departure for his voyage, the more that everything seemed to be coming back to her. It was a sore subject, always with more questions than answers, and somehow it never got old. Then again, everything about her was rather fleeting and only flashes of her—smiles tossed over her shoulder, odd expressions etched on her face, little gestures with her hands—ever lingered. There were few things permanent about her, and that was probably why he nodded when she silently inquired if they could return to see Emmanuel again. The poor artist would certainly be in for a surprise when he would discover that the charming girl from the day before was actually the king's closest companion and the strange gentleman who followed her like a lost spaniel was the king himself. Well, that was a sad portrait of himself. But she had become such a part of his life that he wondered what he would do if he was not following her around.

He was King; he led people. Yet, he followed the girl who could barely own her age. He pondered why and realized that her young eyes saw everything completely differently than him. Everything was fresh and new in her eyes, untainted and wholesome, while he was burdened with bad memories and cynicism. He felt more alive around her, though. That was it: he felt alive. She came and she brought light into his life. For that, he would forever be grateful to her.

* * *

"His Royal Majesty, King Caspian of Narnia!" boomed a voice over the crowd. Cheers erupted and flowers were tossed everywhere as the royal party made their way through the streets of Beaversdam. His guards were extraordinarily wary of the excited mob, their eyes flicking over the crowd and their hands on their weapons, ready to draw at any threatening movement. Astra could only laugh. May could only smile. Caspian could only wave and shake hands, say friendly words, and look congenial and kingly. The day was long and every vendor wanted to show Caspian their products ("Your Majesty, it would honor me if you would look at my craftsmanship…"), every paranoid citizen wanted to warn Caspian of the problems in the city ("Malvolio, kindly take note of the gentlemen's request for an improvement in the roads."), and every wealthy man wanted to introduce their lovely daughters to Caspian and invite him over for tea ("Is she not the most beautiful creature?" "Um, quite…"). Astra, much to Caspian's dismay, had her fair share of suitors. Naturally, she took it all in good stride, laughing at their stupid jokes (she _was_ easily entertained) and played her cards discretely. Caspian was, however, greatly reassured when after escaping from a hoard of young men, Astra looked at him and rolled her eyes in annoyance.

The day hardly became more relaxed or quieter. There was a constant buzz in the market place and Caspian would go for hour stretches where the only bit of Astra that could be seen was a head of curly hair across the road, or occasionally he would hear her laugh overpowering the hum of the market. Astra eventually sought him out, muttering something about overeager boys wanting to venture under her skirt. This greatly alarmed Caspian until Astra reassured him that it was a joke.

"A joke?"

"Yeah. A joke. An exaggeration. A hyperbole!"

"How can you joke about that when…?" Astra averted her eyes to the ground, finishing the sentence in her head: _how can you joke about that when it almost happened to you?_

"It is how I cope," she shrugged. Then, wiping away all emotions about that terrible night, she insisted that they visit Emmanuel the artist. Indeed, the poor man was completely surprised, humbled, and flattered.

"When I saw you arrive this morning, I realized I had met the King and a most faithful companion of his yesterday by chance the previous day. Please forgive my ignorance yesterday, I believe I was most improper…" he protested but he was silenced with Astra's insistence that they were seeking anonymity yesterday and he was very kind. "Well, in that case," Emmanuel said, blushing, "I would very much like to show you my work. You have seen the sketch of Lady Astra, yes? Well, I have added onto it." The man pulled out a sheet of paper. In the middle was the portrait of Astra looking over her shoulder. Surrounding it now were smaller sketches of her, each capturing a small moment. There was a picture of her throwing her head back and laughing, her smile a mile wide; another picture showed her kneeling and talking to a curious child; another portrayed her sitting on a cart, eating an apple for lunch; another showed her reading a book, a little smile on her face from a particularly pleasing passage. Emmanuel next said that he was beginning a larger portrait of Caspian, but he was not done painting it yet. It was coming along well and pictured Caspian in a particularly gallant pose, with his golden locks swept behind him and his stormy ocean-colored eyes set in a determined, fierce, yet caring gaze, and the corners of his mouth slightly upturned as if he saw victory in his future. Caspian thought that although it looked like him, it did not seem like him, but he complimented the artist anyway. Astra, however, was quiet until Emmanuel inquired of her opinion.

"That is King Caspian," she murmured. "_That_ is the leader I know you to be." However, they were both rendered speechless by the next set of sketches that Emmanuel pulled out.

"This, Your Majesty, is why I have not finished your portrait yet. It was a more pressing story to draw, I believe," he said, handing over the large sheet. On it were drawings of Caspian and Astra from their two days at the market place. There was a picture of Astra dragging Caspian along somewhere, pointing as he helplessly followed; another showed her laughing as he shrugged modestly after telling some joke; another showed her playfully punching him as he wore a mock hurt expression on his face; another showed them squeezed in a tight area, comfortably situated with their backs touching as they looked at merchandise. However, the picture in the middle caught their eyes the most. It was a close-up picture of Caspian and Astra standing shoulder-to-shoulder. Astra happily met his eyes and wore a toothy grin as Caspian looked at him with an open, honest, and earnest expression as he smiled fondly back.

Upon looking at these pictures, Astra simply pressed her hand over her heart, shaking her head as if to say that no words could encompass her satisfaction with these drawings. Caspian snuck a look at Astra and could hardly tear his eyes away from her for the rest of the day. Later, she jokingly pointed this out to him.

"Jesus, Caspian, take a picture, it will last longer," she grinned. Caspian resolved to purchase all of Emmanuel's work and came to a very dangerous conclusion: _Astra Celeste Gorlois was beautiful._


	43. Ch 43: Duty

_Author's Note: I was feeling super nice so I decided to update a little early. Well, I also have a generous back-log of about three chapters, so I have been holding out a little just in case I hit a rough patch of school work. But anyway, the amount of reviews for this story is simply overwhelming. I cannot believe the input, not to mention, how far this story has come since I first began writing it. At this rate, the story will be finished in a few months. Wow._

_Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed. And a couple of comments for **narniawoo!**: I'm really glad you like the story. And I know that my description of Caspian sounded like Peter. This is actually because the movies got it wrong: Caspian is a blondie in the books, so I am trying to keep things bookverse, with the exception of the Susan romance. Going along with that, you will have to see what happens with the voyage, but we will get to see a bit of the Pevensies at that point in the story. Thanks for the suggestion!_

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CHAPTER 43: Duty

"May, I am _pooped_," Astra sighed.

"Indeed, it has been a very long day," May agreed with her.

"And to think we have another week of this!"

"Oh, the rest of the week will not be as busy as today, I believe," May mused. "I believe His Majesty will have to do most of the grunt work. Mister Malvolio was informing His Majesty of his itinerary with the business folk and it seems like he will be rather occupied. You, however, are free to roam the city as long as a guard is accompanying you."

"That's hardly fair!" Astra protested.

"You mean the guard?" asked May, knowing Astra to be a rather stubbornly independent girl.

"Oh no, not that—I know that is Caspian's doing and there is no way to change his mind about that, especially after…well, the ball—but anyway, it's not fair that he should not be allowed to relax at all."

"Well, His Majesty knew full-well going into this trip that it would not be all pleasure. In fact, he knew that the majority would be business and I do not think he would have left if he did not intend to be working most of the time."

"Ugh, he is such a _workaholic_," Astra groaned, flopping on the bed.

"Forgive me, Astra, for saying this, but I do not think you understand: His Majesty, Caspian," she said cautiously, "is a King. Kings do not have the luxury of relaxing. Should a King appear too much at his leisure and not portraying himself to be the responsible and dutiful leader of his country, it would make him seem weak. And where there is a weak King, there are weak subjects and weak borders and a weak economy; all of this is an invitation for an invasion. So, Astra," May declared, her voice declarative but calm, "you say that it is not fair that His Majesty not be able to relax, but what is less fair is that he neglect his duty to his country that Aslan himself bestowed on him. Just…think about that for awhile," May said gently, tucking a strand of hair behind Astra's ear. "Now I know you are very tired, so I would think it best if you take a nice bath, scrub the dust off from the market, and get some rest."

"Alright," Astra said, but did not move from the bed. May stood up, but seeing that Astra was not moving, sat back down again.

"You know, you have duties yourself. You have whatever it is Aslan sent you here for: that is a duty. And although Caspian cannot join you in the marketplace, your face amongst the crowd is as good as his. People have seen you; they recognize you as the King's friend and confidante. If they cannot take their issues to the King, they will take them to you because you are quite nearly his equal. Besides, they simply adore you: you are very good at connecting to people."

"So you are saying I have to _work?_" Astra grumbled.

"Astra Gorlois, you are nearly twenty years old. Although you are not continuing your education in the Land of Oxford, that does not entitle you to laziness. Moreover, your mission from Aslan involves aiding His Majesty and this would certainly do the trick."

"I suppose," Astra said, sighing deeply with resignation.

"Now _please_ take a bath. You smell like a combination of greasy sausage links and standing creek water." Astra laughed at this description and disappeared in the bathroom. But before closing the door, she stuck her head out and called out to May.

"Thanks for that little kick in the ass. I guess I needed that." The two girls smiled at each other and Astra shut the door. May shook her head and sighed: for such an intelligent girl, she could be extraordinarily clueless at times.

* * *

Astra mused over May's words as she took a bath and decided that her friend was absolutely right. Caspian never chose to be King, but he had a choice whether to be a good King or not; likewise, Astra did not choose to come to Narnia, but while she was there, she was determined to help Caspian. He had made much progress, but he just had to get on that boat—he had to find the Missing Lords. Indeed, _that_ was what he was looking for; if he could find that last piece in the puzzle of his life, he could truly settle down and be able to establish his own Golden Age. Astra always thought that Caspian had a perpetually lost expression in his eyes, like he was always looking for something but did not really know what. Perhaps if he went on the voyage, he could find that something. Then he could return to Narnia, settle down, and maybe get married; there was always Lady Hanalei waiting when they returned to Cair Paravel. And if it wasn't Lady Hanalei, there would be other girls like her: gorgeous, smart, gentle, kind, patient, and intelligent…in short, Queen material. It was reassuring to think that Caspian would be able to find some sort of peace in his life and with this, Astra stumbled into bed.

* * *

"You stole the sheets again," May groggily said in the morning, rolling out of the bed they shared in their room at the inn. Astra opened her eyes to find herself exceptionally tangled up in the covers.

"Sorry," Astra muttered, then closed her eyes again.

"I am sure His Majesty would like some company for breakfast."

"He already _has_ company. Lady What's-Her-Face."

"Lady Therese. And that is _exactly _why he needs some company at breakfast."

"May. Early. Brain no function," Astra said, scatter-brained.

"Lady Therese is one of the most dim, insipid, privileged young ladies I have ever had the displeasure of meeting and His Majesty will need an excuse to make her leave after an hour, because an hour of her company is about an hour too much."

"Oh May!" Astra cried, now feeling wide awake. "Why did you not tell me before? I _love_ making fun of people without them realizing it, _even_ if it is hella early in the morning!" Astra sprang out of bed and pulled a dress on. "After all, it is my _duty_. And I can't very well let Caspian down!" she cried cheerfully before flouncing out of the room. May examined this transformation with a wide, fearful, and bewildered gaze.

"Oh, what have I done?" she asked to herself pitifully, sinking on the dismantled bed in dread.

* * *

Astra sat down at the breakfast table, pleased to find Lady Therese exactly how May pictured her: stunningly pretty and stunningly stupid.

"Lady Astra, you are in a particularly good mood this morning," said Caspian, wary of his companion's unusual attitude.

"It is a terrific day, is it not, Your Majesty? Why would I _not_ be in a good mood?" Caspian could think of a couple reasons—well, just one: the fact that it was morning—but did not voice his thoughts, instead smiling placidly. "Lady Therese, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Lady Astra, a good friend of His Majesty's," Astra added for good measure. Lady Therese's eyes narrowed the slightest bit.

"Oh no, Lady Astra, the pleasure is all mine."

"Pray tell us, Lady Therese, something about yourself so His Majesty the King and I can better become acquainted with you." This proposition seemed to perk Lady Therese up and Caspian quickly interjected, starting to understand Astra's motives.

"Lady Therese was just informing me how she enjoyed crocheting." Lady Therese nodded vigorously.

"Crocheting? Wow, well Lady Therese, you certainly must be a very accomplished…_crocheter_," Astra said, trying not to laugh. "Do you crochet for pleasure?"

"Actually, Lady Therese said she made hats for the poor," Caspian interrupted once again. Lady Therese nodded again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and nervously laughing. She was a terrible liar.

"Oh, that is just so precious!" Astra pressed on. "Your family must be very philanthropic!"

"Lady Astra, I assure you that my family believes that it is important to give back to the community and I resent this accusation of labeling my family as philanthropic!" Lady Therese declared rather haughtily. Caspian began to interject to explain that 'philanthropic' was used to describe a person who gives to charity, but Astra cut him off, a wry smile hiding in the corner of her mouth.

"My apologies, Lady Therese, I did not mean to offend you. It was terribly presumptuous of me. Please do forgive me? I understand you now to be a most benevolent person." Lady Therese condescended to give her forgiveness so prettily that Caspian nearly choked on his orange juice. "Oh my, look at the time! Your Majesty, do you not have a _very important meeting_ to get to? For shame that you should have to leave such _pleasant company_," Astra said sorrowfully.

"Oh yes…_the meeting_. I had _completely forgotten about it_," Caspian said with an edge in his voice, giving Astra a pointed look. "Pardon me, Lady Therese. If you will excuse me, there is something I must discuss before paying my dues to the city of Beaversdam. May I walk you to the door?" Caspian offered, ever the gentleman. Lady Therese happily granted Caspian this and boldly planted a kiss on his cheek on her way out. Caspian smiled and waved before shutting the door. He returned to the breakfast table to grab a napkin to wipe the lipstick from his face.

"You missed a spot," Astra said with a laughing smile on her face.

"You are incorrigible!" Caspian declared. "You were an absolute _menace_ to that girl!"

"You still missed a spot. And Caspian, it was all in good fun. You have to admit, it was terribly funny when she did not know what 'philanthropic' meant. I just about _died_. Besides, you now have twenty minutes to burn before your meeting that you do not have to spend with an empty-headed idiot with two legs and a vagina," Astra added for good measure. Caspian plopped his head in his hands in abject resignation. Astra took the napkin out of his hands and raised his chin to rub the remnants of the lipstick off his cheek. "There, much better. Hmm, I do not think that hot pink is your color. It quite clashes with your skin tone," Astra said, poking him in the cheek.

"What would I do without you?"

"Talk to empty-headed idiots with two legs and a vagina?"

"Seriously," Caspian insisted.

"I don't know," Astra shrugged, dropping the napkin and busily spreading cream cheese on her bagel. "Maybe feel lonely at breakfast?" she suggesting, not daring to meet his eye. Caspian gave a satisfied _humph_ and they continued with their meal.

* * *

_Author's Note: kindly review!_


	44. Ch 44: Extreme

_Author's Note: The amount of reviews for this story is simply overwhelming. You all never cease to amaze me with your encouragement. As of now, we are two-thirds the way through the story, so we are looking at this story capping off around 70ish chapters. Wow, that seems like a lot, but there is so much yet to happen. Besides, I really only write 3-4 page chapters for this story, so I suppose it is far more manageable than my Harry Potter fanfic, which is becoming quite the little monster. Anyway, this is quite a juicy chapter and I left a little cliff hanger at the end just to torment you all. _

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CHAPTER 44: Extreme

The remainder of their week-long stay in Beaversdam passed by without too much trouble. Lady Therese graced their presence a few more times, but Caspian feigned polite ambivalence while Astra subtly one-upped the insipid girl at every possible chance. Caspian did little to curb her, knowing full-well that Lady Therese was far too dim to catch on…plus, it was rather amusing. Caspian was in and out of business and reconstruction meetings most of the time, while Astra spent most of the day with Ros, talking to locals. Caspian would collapse in his room at the inn after a long, exhausting day, and moments later, Astra would knock and come strolling in, pacing around the room as she read off her notes of the comments the townsfolk made. Caspian would beg her to just give him a little bit of time to rest, but she would smack him with the pages of notes (which grew by the day) and insist that he listen and just get it over with. They actually made a very good team and on the last day of their visit, they were able to wander through the city in peace, casually speak with locals, play with children and young Animals, and buy up the majority of Emmanuel's paintings. The man almost cried when they handed him a satchel full of money; he explained that now he and his wife would be able to travel to see a doctor for his sick child. That evening a great festival was held in the middle of the market. Fireworks burst over their heads and Astra laughed with glee. Caspian had to drag her back to the inn, insisting that she would have to wake up in the morning to begin their day trip to the Great Waterfall near Lantern Waste.

* * *

Astra stood near the lamp post, alone in the clearing of a forest, trying to recreate the scene in her mind when Lucy met Mr. Tumnus. Lucy was probably cold, having stumbled into an endless winter, and both confused and surprised to see something familiar in a land so strange. And then, she would see Mr. Tumnus, a faun, and be both frightened but curious. Lucy, Astra sensed, had a heart of gold and was simply one of the most kind and sweet people ever to be in Narnia. Astra realized that in 2009, Lucy was probably rather old. But, she knew that Time between Narnia and her world could be very fickle and obscure.

"So, this is where it all began, Caspian?" Astra asked the man standing next to her, who was peering up at the still glowing light in the lamp post.

"Yes, this is where it all began."

* * *

"It's so…_great_."

"That is why they call it the Great Waterfall."

"Thanks, Reepicheep, for that astute explanation."

"Always, Lady Astra, always."

They had reached the waterfall with plenty of daylight left. It was a warm day: the area of Lantern Waste was a place of extremes. Today, it was nearing extremely hot and the cool water seemed inviting. The Horses and humans waded in the cool stream below and the dogs paddled out to catch driftwood in the pool below the waterfall. Alyx jumped up the rocks to a ledge and jumped about twenty feet into the water with glee. Everyone waited impatiently for him to surface and there were numerous exclamations.

"Alyx, you could have injured yourself!"

"That was such a long drop!"

"_That was so cool! I wanna try!_" This, of course, was Astra's exclamation. Caspian begged her not too, but she was terribly stubborn and marched up to the rock Alyx jumped from. "Woah, that is super far down! Alyx, are you sure the water is deep enough?" she inquired.

"Oh, yes, plenty deep. Just jump straight down and you will be fine." Caspian angrily argued with the cat, saying that he should not encourage her and that it was dangerous, but this did not stop Astra.

"Caspian, I am going to jump. I am going to be fine, so you just deal with it." And with a broad smile, she leapt off the edge and screamed with glee all the way down.

"_Shit, Aslan help her_," Caspian muttered under his breath as he waited for Astra to surface. Douglass heard the King swear and raised his eyebrow, questioningly. The King never swore. Astra sputtered to the surface, laughing hysterically. "Is it your life goal to scare me every time you pull a stunt like that?" he called out to her over the roar of the waterfall, his voice angry and bitter.

"No, it is to make you laugh every time!"

"Well, you are doing a very poor job at it," he grumpily retorted.

"Don't be jealous just because I am at liberty to go to extremes for a thrill."

"Trust me, I am not jealous at all," he snapped.

* * *

Caspian insisted on refusing to talk to her during their short journey from the Great Waterfall to Chippingford, where they were to stay with Sir Kaden, Caspian's friend who helped save Astra at the ball, and his parents, Lady Diane and Lord Bentmark.

"Caspian, stop acting like a _scared little girl_ and talk to me," Astra grumbled, although her voice was light. Caspian did not deign to respond. "Look, I'm sorry if I freaked you out a little, there…"

"—_a little_?"

"Okay, maybe a lot, but _still_, that does not merit giving me the silent treatment." Caspian shook his head in astonishment, looking away. "Hey, I know you. Your mind is clicking ahead, ten steps ahead of me, and I am back in square one. Enlighten me."

"I do not want you to leave."

"Look, I'm not going anywhere," she began, but she knew this to be a lie. Once she helped him go on his voyage, she was gone…but he did not need to know that.

"_I do not want you to leave __**me**__."_ Caspian looked extremely earnest and serious.

"I'm sorry," Astra said, a little too nervous to meet his gaze. "I promise not to get myself killed, okay? I'll stick around," she said jocularly. Caspian looked at her a long moment, deeply sighed, figuring this was as serious as she would get, and walked off.

"Is everything alright?" asked May curiously.

"Yeah, Caspian is just throwing a hissy fit like a scared little girl."

"I would too if the person I genuinely cared about continually went through great lengths to separate herself from me," May said quietly. Astra cursed her wisdom.

"May, I'm not _trying_—" Astra began, but May cut her off simply by raising an eyebrow.

"Perhaps, Astra, _you_ are the scared little girl."

"Not now, May, not now," Astra snapped irately and stormed off.

* * *

No one was watching him. Caspian lounged outside a small café on a bustling street in Chippingford with only Raymond and the Mice to keep an eye on him. Everyone else was scattered through the busy street. All he had to do was walk around the corner and he would be in the clear; he would have a moment of freedom and privacy. He had money in his pocket, a knife (just in case), and a cloak with a hood. He could be perfectly anonymous for five minutes. By slouching, pulling up the hood, and shoving his hands into the cloak pockets, his prominent features were completely hidden and Caspian was able to disappear into the crowds.

He walked along the lively streets, happy to be no one just for a moment. It was difficult to be King. He wondered why he had not gone to such extremes before to have times when he could be just an average Joe. The question was quickly answered: he never had the motive to. Now, as he was passing by window shops, something brilliant caught his eye. It was jewelry—fancy jewelry at that. Caspian walked into the shop and saw the shopkeeper bristle; Caspian realized his disguise caused a little suspicion and so Caspian thought, 'What would Sir Kaden do?'

"Hello, sir," Caspian greeted the shopkeeper. Hearing the strange man's crystal clear greeting seemed to assuage the shopkeeper some and he coldly asked how he was. "I am terrible. I am in love."

"Love is a vicious disease," the shopkeeper joked and Caspian laughed, channeling his inner-Kaden.

"Love is vicious when mother and father do not approve. And that is why I am here. I have been told that you, sir, are known for your—what shall we call it?—_discretion_." The shopkeepers eyes scanned the room, not exactly sure what Caspian was talking about. The man was about as clean-cut as they came, Caspian was positive, but he had to play the part and keep things in motion. After all, he had only a few minutes before the guards would notice he was gone. Caspian cut to the chase. "I need a ring—a fine ring—and I need no one to know that I have a ring."

"I see," the shopkeeper said.

* * *

"He was right behind me just a minute ago!" Astra cried. "He could not have gone too far off…"

"Who's gone?" asked Caspian, suddenly reappearing. Astra whirled around to see him and sputtered in surprise.

"Ugh, you _fucktard!_" she cried and stormed away.

"Your Majesty," Douglass inquired. "What happened?"

"I just thought I would go for a walk."

"Alone?"

"Yes, _alone_, is that so much to ask?" he snapped.

"Yes, it actually is," Douglass bristled. "You are King. Your security, not your long-lost adolescent rebellious phase, is our priority. It was very ill-done, Your Majesty."

"My apologies," Caspian said coldly, shoving his hands in his pockets. Feeling the cool band, he realized that he was actually not very apologetic. Sometimes a person just had to go to extremes. It was not until later, though, that he realized that extreme actions are almost always done thoughtlessly and lead to extreme consequences.


	45. Ch 45: Regret, Rewind

_Author's Note: Please don't hate me. (Off Dreaming runs and hides)_

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CHAPTER 45: Regret, Rewind

The entire party was to room at Sir Kaden's parents' estate for a couple weeks while Caspian attended the numerous trade meetings in Chippingford. The city was situated on the Great River and was mainly populated with former Telmarines, who were very much obsessed with financial success. In Narnia, trade was the way to achieve this and it was the most bustling landlocked city.

They arrived at the Chippingford estate just in time for dinner. Introductions were made, old acquaintances were renewed, and the entire party, including all the Animals, dined together. Lord Bentmark and Lady Diane were very progressive in their ways and extraordinarily hospitable; the full table was greeted with smiles and plenty of fine wine.

"Oh, Caspian dear," said Lady Diane after awhile, "it is a shame you did not arrive just three days ago!—Kaden, your food is going no where, eat it slowly. My love, watch your elbow near the wine bottle, please.—For, you will never guess who was here for a whole two weeks: Lady Hanalei and her family! They were simply delightful. Kaden did the most talking with the young lady. Kaden, do please tell about her. Kaden? _Kaden_!"

"Yes, mum?"

"I asked you tell Caspian what you found out about Lady Hanalei," Lady Diane winked at her son.

"Oh. Yes," Kaden said flatly. "Well, what is there to tell?"

"Oh, Kaden, you are quite useless," Lady Diane jokingly batted her son with a napkin, thoroughly enjoying the conversation. Kaden shrugged and resumed eating his food. "Kaden has been so listless since our wonderful company left," she explained, while fixing a stray piece of Kaden's hair.

"Mother! Stop…_mothering_ me! And I was not 'listless,' I was plain bored. I know you would think it to be impossible, but Chippingford gets old after twenty years, Caspian. Save yourself while you can!"

"Kaden! Be a good friend and tell Caspian." Kaden sighed, taking a gulp of his wine.

"Mother, I am my own echo. You see, Caspian, my mother has asked me to tell her the same things every day since Lady Hanalei left. It is tiresome, but mate, I tell you," said Kaden, finally brightening up, "I have some very good information for you. Firstly, she is beautiful, but you already knew that. Secondly, she likes you. And thirdly, she is not married! I say this is a matter of hook, line, and sinker. The bait is already taken care of considering you're king." Astra and Lord Bentmark laughed at this, but Lady Diane did not find it as funny, insisting that Caspian had numerous other pleasing characteristics to serve as bait.

"Kaden, do be serious for Caspian's sake."

And thus, Kaden began to tell all about Lady Hanalei with great depth of knowledge. Astra watched Caspian's face as he divulged his knowledge and was pleased to find his eyes grow soft and interested. Caspian was a little fidgety, almost nervous, and Astra thought it was cute how he could get worked up about a girl.

Apparently, Lady Hanalei was perfect. And normal, that was a bonus. She was smart, but in a quiet way: she was an avid reader and apparently wrote some very pretty nature poetry. She enjoyed horseback riding and sailing as far as outdoor activities were concerned. If not engaged in any of these activities, she was an art aficionado and enjoyed walking through the market and talking to artisans. She was also good at sewing and she shared tips with Lady Diane on adding intricate details to their gowns. She even got along with Lord Bentmark and they constantly talked about current events and local news; Hanalei thought it was very important for a young lady to be well-informed. With her intelligence and sweet, patient temper, she often stopped by the local schools to lend a hand. Her favorite color was purple, was a sucker for apple pie, and her greatest fear was being underestimated and not taken seriously, which often happened because of her shy nature.

"And you managed to find this all out in two weeks?" asked Astra, amazed.

"Oh, I have my ways," Kaden gloated haughtily. "Women, you know? They just get this idea that because I am such a man's man that I must actually be hiding a sensitive soul and they just pour out their hearts to me," he sighed dramatically. "Typical. Plus, all I have to do is drop your name, Caspian, and they shamelessly use me to get to you."

"Now, that is the pot calling the kettle black, isn't that, Kaden?" Astra whispered to him. Kaden gave Astra a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows, causing her to burst out in giggles. Caspian sat quietly, staring off into space with a small smile on his face. They continued to sit and talk for another hour until Lady Diane insisted that they all be shown to their rooms.

* * *

_Lady Hanalei_. She was the kind of girl a boy loved to think about. Pretty much perfect and completely out of his league. Except when you are king, no one is out of your league. This, of course, only made it more fun to think about her as he walked around his room in the Chippingford estate, preparing for bed.

_Lady Hanalei_. She liked him. That was a good sign, wasn't it? Caspian knew if he asked Astra this, she would probably roll her eyes and say, "No shit, Sherlock"…whatever that meant.

_Lady Hanalei_. When Caspian closed his eyes, he could picture the first time he saw her. He was struck by her appearance and turned into mush when she met his eyes. She had these gentle green eyes that when she looked at him, he felt like the only person in the room, nay, the world. It was not a matter of importance or authority; she simply made him feel unique, special, and valued. Her skin was dark, as Caspian just learned, from the time that she spent outside. Her hair was brown, straight, and thick, swaying as she moved—it did not help that Caspian had a thing for brunettes. It was her smile, probably, that drove Caspian crazy though. She always smiled like she had a secret; he knew her to be shy, but when her mouth wasn't moving, her mind was certainly clicking away. Plus, she had this aura of modesty, natural grace, and divine sweetness about her that drew him even further in.

_Lady Hanalei_. She was the kind of girl who could be described as accomplished, capable, and sensible: all very good characteristics in a queen. She was the appropriate girl for him to marry, the obvious choice; it was logical and it made sense. Caspian never had much of a motivation to marry or court any ladies—it seemed like more of a business deal to him with the endless options and extensive planning, not to mention it was yet another expectation he did not know if he wanted to fulfill—but with Lady Hanalei, everything seemed so easy and simple. He would return to Cair Paravel and insist that she visit as soon as possible. If they still had that connection as when they first met, he would make more of an effort to spend time with her…he would court her. Yes! It was set, Caspian had a plan. He sighed in satisfaction, taking his coat off and tossing it to the side. A metallic ding was heard and Caspian crawled around the floor, searching for the source of the sound. Under the bed, a shiny object was spotted and Caspian grasped it.

The ring. He had almost forgotten about it. It had been in his pocket the entire day and had not even thought about it. That was probably because he was not thinking straight when he bought it. Caspian hastily put it back in his coat pocket and crawled into bed. There, he attempted to think back and ponder what would cause him to make such a hasty and expensive purchase and drew up a huge blank. One second he just wanted to get away and the next he was channeling his inner Kaden, putting on a theatrical façade and buying a ring. Maybe that was it: that he just wanted to be someone else for awhile and try on another person's problems. Well, now he had a new problem: he had a lovely ring in his pocket and no idea what to do with it. It was not like he could simply return it. It all confused him and he immensely regretted his actions. But why a ring? It was unmistakably an engagement ring. Did he somehow have a premonition that he would maybe need it? No, that was unlikely. He could not put a finger on it. But what scared him the most was how irrational he acted. He literally was not in his right mind. There was some little piece of this puzzle missing, something he was not seeing that was right under his nose. Before he had too long to consider what this missing link may have been, Caspian fell asleep.

* * *

Lord Bentmark and Lady Diane were absolutely thrilled to host the king and his party. The couple had long-before married off their two older daughters and was left with a stir-crazy son who was determined not to settle down for as long as possible. They welcomed Astra and May in with open arms. May had to remind them numerous times that she was simply a handmaiden, but Lady Diane would hear none of it and treated her as an equal. The soldiers kept Sir Kaden occupied while still on his parent's property, meaning he was not running off to some adventure in a far away land, so both the lady and the lord were content with that. They treated Caspian as a son, doting on him and avoiding the subject of business at all costs—that was work, they explained, and while they were with him, it was all pleasure.

Caspian met this treatment with mixed feelings. Lord Bentmark and Lady Diane were the parents he wished he could have had; thus, their company made him bitter for being previously denied it and also happy that at just a few months short of his twentieth birthday, he was given a second chance at building a family. Caspian knew that Aslan would always look after him, but Douglass, the soldier and May's father, was as close to a father he ever really had. He was the man who literally protected him from the evils of the world and had a head full of wisdom. Lord Bentmark was more of the crazy uncle, the man who let him get away with everything the father would not allow. With Lord Bentmark, there were always afternoons of horseback riding, fishing, excellent booze, pool, chess, and occasionally staging a war in the estate that involved them strategizing to conquer the building room by room. It was all boyish fun, but neither Lord Bentmark nor Kaden tired of it. Lady Diane was happy to have two girls to accompany her while she suffered through this and was slightly dismayed when Astra won the first round of war, completely annihilating Caspian, Bentmark, and Kaden. She was losing the girl to the enemy, but found excellent company in the quiet but sensible May.

Kaden flirted shamelessly with Astra and May—mostly May because he enjoyed making her flush and squirm. Raymond seemed to not appreciate this much. Astra was used to his antics and only prodded him back with tongue-in-cheek innuendos and jokes that diminished his manhood. Caspian seemed to not appreciate this much.

"You are going to give people the wrong impression," he explained.

"God, _brother_," Astra grumbled. "Anything else you want to lecture me about?"

"That is all for now," Caspian placidly responded. His gravity only caused Astra to laugh. "That was not a joke."

"I know! But you are so funny in your seriousness. It's a real knee-slapper." Caspian did not agree, but took the compliment. "But speaking of Kaden, what's up with him? He seemed rather moody this morning."

"I thought he was disappointed that we had to cancel our morning excursion due to the rain."

"Yeah, it is probably that. He was just chilling in front of that weird painting that he makes fun of his mother for keeping around."

"Well, if there is one thing I know about Kaden it is that he loves to act. And when he grows tired of acting and pretending, that is about the time when he settles down. Otherwise, you know that he is the type to try to be in two places at once. His parents adore you, you know." Astra shrugged, wondering what Caspian was insinuating.

"_Everyone_ adores me, Caspian. What else is new in Narnia?"

"Well, today a new trade agreement was reached between—"

"That was rhetorical, Caspian."

"Oh." This only caused her laughter to echo through the hallways.


	46. Ch 46: Return to Cair

**CHAPTER 46: Return to Cair**

Two weeks could not have passed quicker in Caspian's mind. He spent hours inside, listening to men argue about currency exchange rates, tariffs, monopoly regulations, and other intricate and boring economical nonsense. This should have made each day pass slowly but instead, the days seemed to melt together. There were always people to meet, issues to talk about, and complaints to be heard. Malvolio seemed immensely pleased by his wonderful planning skills and extensive notes, and Caspian went out of his way to compliment his dutiful secretary. Malvolio had even warmed up a little to Astra when she handed him a stack of logically ordered, clearly labeled, and concisely written notes regarding Beaversdam.

"Perhaps," Malvolio said quietly, looking over the notes with curbed amazement, "the 'lady' does have her uses and skills after all." Caspian already knew that, but only offered a small smile.

However, for Astra, two weeks could not have passed more slowly. There were days inside with Lady Diane when the weather was not as forgiving, mornings of wandering through the overwhelming market, afternoons of poor Lord Bentmark attempting to teach her how to play chess, and mid-day romps with Kaden through the countryside, urging the horses into a fast gallop and flying over fences and logs. This should have made each day pass quickly, but instead, the days seemed to never end. They had been travelling for months and Astra was eager to return to Cair Paravel. There was something about Chippingford that made her uneasy.

Perhaps it was the way that Lady Diane eyed her and Caspian and then later, her and Kaden. Perhaps it was the way that Kaden would occasionally disappear for hours, only to return covered in sweat and sporting some new bruise and only the excuse that "some kid was being an ass, so I clocked him and the favor was returned." Perhaps it was the way Kaden would stare at that odd painting whenever he passed it. Perhaps it was the way Caspian's hands seemed jumpy, never content to remain in his coat pocket for longer than a second. Perhaps it was the way his eyes would fix on her and then wander off into space.

All this talk about Lady Hanalei seemed to throw everyone off. Suddenly, there was a third person added to the mix. Kaden would be either silent or boisterous and loud. Caspian would either be focused or completely inattentive. Astra…well, she hardly knew what to do with herself considering she was not sure how she felt about this new person making their duo a trio. Women seemed to be complicated enough for Caspian; would he be able to handle a second? But, Astra knew, Lady Hanalei was a brunette, and Caspian had a thing for brunettes, and she was pretty, and perfect, and queenly. And frankly, Caspian needed a queen. Maybe not before he set off on his journey, but he certainly needed a woman to dote on while he was on his trip. Astra always though that woman would be _her_. But then again, she would be gone by then. All Caspian _would_ be able to do was think about her.

She was stir-crazy. She longed to return to Cair Paravel and revel in its ocean breeze. She missed the castle, the vibrant sunsets, and the fog that always burned off by mid morning. She missed her own bed. Funny how it was, that Cair now felt like home. But Astra knew that things would not be the same once they returned to Cair. There was barely over two months until Caspian was going to begin his voyage. As soon as they returned, all business would direct toward the planning of the voyage. Caspian's mind would be dreaming of the high seas and a pretty girl with green eyes. Where would Astra fit in all this? Was her work practically done? Even though the return to Cair seemed to be the end of everything, she was eager to travel down the Great River.

* * *

Kaden was in a foul mood the morning Caspian left. He had woken up early, disappeared for a ride around the country for an hour, and had been looking at that dumb painting in the hall for awhile, even though his vision was a little blurry from his black eye. Astra startled him by prancing into the room and he loudly cussed.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," she said, although her voice was more irritated than apologetic. Kaden rolled his eyes, plopping back into the chair he was sitting in.

"Sure."

"What the hell is _your_ problem?" Astra grumbled, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I'm tired, I've been up a long time this morning," he mumbled his reply, hoping she would not press the matter. But, this was _Astra_, so of course she did.

"I think we both know that's not the reason," she retorted with a snort. "Some shit is going on and it is driving you crazy. You're as moody as a pregnant woman and as flighty as a bird and as reckless as a…reckless thing. And people are beginning to notice."

"Let them notice," Kaden snapped carelessly.

"People are beginning to _worry_."

"I. Don't. Care."

"I think you do. I think that whatever it is, you care about it too much and it is making the things you enjoy absolutely unbearable."

"Astra, get out of my head."

"Dude, this sucks," Astra insisted. "I mean, Caspian and I have gone a couple months without seeing you and we come back and you act coolly to him and are completely altered."

"Poor, poor Caspian. How ever will he manage?" Kaden sarcastically crooned.

"You are being a complete prick, and that is a sort step away from being classified as 'asshole.'"

"Isn't that what I am? An asshole? The heartless jerk who messes with women when it is convenient for him and then tosses them away when he's bored? The son who is a lost cause and a disappointment to his friends and family?" Kaden growled. "Fuck, I hate this stupid painting." He got up and angrily kicked the chair to the side. Astra looked at him with those eyes—those dark blue eyes that were so emotive that she could probably make even the most frigid people melt—and took a few steps toward him. Gently placing her head on his chest, she wrapped her arms around his torso and held him. It was not exactly the conventional thing to do in Narnia—in fact, it was a little bit intimate—but he knew what she meant. She meant to comfort him, not question him, and to insist that the things that he said were not what she thought of him. She was so little and warm that Kaden at once understood why Caspian had learned to love this sort of attention. _Fuck_, that man had everything. But, Kaden was really thinking of something else at that moment. "I'm fucked. I'm just totally fucked, kiddo," he murmured into her hair. She was correct in her assertions: for now, everything was completely agonizing to him and Kaden just knew that they were not about to get better.

"Things are going to be okay," Astra assuaged him.

"That's a lie," Kaden said so resolutely that she did not press him any further.

"Please come and visit us at Cair before Caspian leaves?" she begged him.

"I don't know if I will be able to," Kaden struggled to say, his mind far away. He heard Astra sniffle. "Hey, don't cry. I mean, you'll be still around after he leaves, right?" Astra froze.

"I…I should probably go finish packing," she said quickly, unwrapping herself from Kaden. She began to hurry off, but he grabbed her by the wrist.

"Hey, I saved your ass, you answer me," he insisted, his tone serious.

"I didn't ask you to 'save my ass,' thank you very much," she snapped and tried to move away, but he still had a hold on her wrist.

"You'll still be around after Caspian leaves, _right?_" he asked again. Astra's eyes dropped to the floor. After a long moment, she shrugged. "You don't know?" Astra shook her head. "So that's how it is?" Astra slowly nodded. "Well, fuck, kiddo, I'm going to miss you," he said, pulling her in for another hug.

"Don't tell Caspian," Astra whispered, her voice quiet and weak. "He won't go if he knows and he _has_ to go," she began to choke up.

"_Please_ don't cry. Crying girls are not my forte." Astra mumbled some sort of apology for being silly.

"Okay, now I really need to pack. And please try to be civil when you say goodbye to Caspian. I think he feels like you are mad at him and he doesn't have a clue why. And you know how much of a guilty conscience he has, even when it's not his fault." Kaden ground his teeth together and reluctantly agreed.

And so, they all said their pleasant goodbyes and began to sail down the river, with the humans and small Animals in the boat while Ros lead the Horses and dogs on foot. Maria burst out of the castle in tears, curtsied quickly, and then pulled Caspian into a fearsome hug.

"I am well, Maria, I am sorry to have worried you," Caspian insisted as he awkwardly patted her back.

"Oh, Your Majesty, we all missed you very much. I do not know how I shall fare when you leave for your voyage! Oh, it was terrible without you. It is so good for you to be home again," she cried, pulling away at last. "Oh. Hello Lady Astra," the woman said more coolly. Astra gave her a big grin. It was good to be home.


	47. Ch 47: Ladies of a Different Breed

_Author's Note:_

_Dear Readers and Reviewers, I think you all are amazing. Sincerely, Off Dreaming_

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CHAPTER 47: Ladies of a Different Breed

"Caspian, it's a stupid welcome back ball," Astra groaned. "It's not different from the other balls. Jesus, you have been standing in front of that mirror forever, like a pathetic girl."

"I am _not_ a pathetic girl."

"Caspian, you can't say that as you are fixing your hair. I just can't take you seriously."

"Well, it's not cooperating!" he growled.

"Jesus, someone's got your panties in a twist," Astra muttered. Caspian was very much perplexed by this phrase, but did not feel like explicitly asking what it meant. "Fine, let me help you." Astra stood up and fussed with his hair nonchalantly. "Now what is it that has gotten you so worried? Is it about me, because I can handle myself. We won't have a repeat of the first time—"

"It's not that," he sighed. For a moment, Astra was a little disappointed. "Lady Hanalei is going to be here and…and I want to make a good impression." It was sweet how he twisted his hands in nervousness.

"I think you have already made a good impression," Astra said with a soft smile. Caspian implored her if she really thought so with his eyes and Astra's smile widened. "You're going to do just fine. And that little cowlick of yours has been tamed for the evening."

"Good, because I look like a little boy when it is left as is."

"I find it rather endearing," Astra said with a mocking smile. Caspian grimaced in response. "So, do you want me to be your wing girl, or do you want to fly solo on this one?"

"I think I will have to manage without you tonight. But if I start acting ridiculous, then please intervene." Astra laughed.

"You aren't going to do anything ridiculous. Just don't talk about business; talk about yourself. And no sob stories. Keep things light. You don't want to scare her away."

"Oh, Aslan, I can't do this…"

"Yes, you can. This is not difficult. Just be charming and chivalrous. And you are practically synonyms of those two adjectives, so I think you're just about golden. Are you ready now?"

"I think so," Caspian said gallantly offering her an arm. Astra carefully took it. Being outside had done wonders to his appearance. Caspian was a handsome guy before, but now his skin was tan, making his smile stand out white, and his hair had lightened considerably. It sort of reminded her of the surfers in California with their salt-bleached hair and wetsuit tan lines. It was good that Caspian was thinking of Lady Hanalei. Astra figured she sort of needed to wean him off of her, knowing that she was going to be leaving in a little over two months. She could not tell him this; at this point, she was not sure whose heart would break the most, his or hers.

* * *

Astra knew she was different than the other girls in Narnia. While this was not to say that they were all duplicates of the trite Lady Therese, they simply did not share the same candid and frank attitude as Astra, which she found to be rather suffocating. Narnia was blessed to have equal education between the genders and so all the girls were rather well-versed in the fine literature of the country, its history, and current events, but most of this information was simply information and not opinion. Plus, there was a formal air about them that Astra had never quite managed. They were all very nice girls, but not completely expressive in a public setting. On the other hand, Astra was blunt and direct; if she had something to say, she said it. Eventually, the conversation turned to Caspian.

"His Majesty looks well after his trip around Narnia," commented one girl.

"His Majesty always looks 'well,'" giggled one girl and they all emphatically agreed. "Lady Astra, you are in his inner circle. Is His Majesty as everyone says?"

"Well, what does everyone say?" Astra inquired.

"That he is the perfect gentleman, always patient and kind, intelligent and studious, pensive and thoughtful, a bit broody but well-meaning?"

"Ha, it seems like you know him better than I!" Astra laughed.

"No, not at all, Lady Astra. You say this in jest. Truly, is he like that?"

"Absolutely, but he is no god. He has his imperfections like any other man."

"Such as?"

"He gets stuck inside of his head a lot. Like you said, a bit broody."

"He seems to be quite well right now," said another girl with a sly smile. "Look at him and Lady Hanalei." The girls turned to study the king and the pretty woman, chatting easily over a glass of wine. "So, do we not have a chance? Pray tell, Lady Astra. You must be privy to his thoughts about her."

"Hardly," Astra snorted. "That is one of those topics he usually avoids elaborating around me. Guys don't talk about girls to other girls usually. If he's happy around her, then good for him." The girls looked at Astra oddly. "What? What is it? You can tell me, I really won't be offended," Astra insisted. The girls looked at each other before one finally gathered the courage to speak up.

"Well, for awhile we thought…well, we all were convinced he was rather in love with _you_."

"With _me_?" Astra asked incredulously. "Seriously? And what made you draw that conclusion?" Astra found this all very amusing.

"Just the way you spoke to each other. How comfortable you were around each other. He smiled a lot around you. And it had been awhile since the king had smiled, so it was a little shocking to see him drawn out of his shell. And we all assumed, I believe with good reason, that you were the cause of it," the girl explained shyly. "I hope you are not angry."

"Hardly. I find this hysterical. Caspian and I? _Psh_," Astra scoffed. "Besides, I believe Lady Hanalei would make a far better Queen than I would."

"So he _does_ like her?" asked one girl excitedly. Astra groaned. This was going to be a long night. Flying solo sucked.

* * *

Caspian felt like he was flying. Lady Hanalei was just as beautiful as he remembered and they were able to chat with ease. She thought he was funny and listened carefully to his ideas. Caspian did not want to monopolize the conversation and asked her questions, which she happily responded to. She was just as Kaden described her to be: intelligent, kind, and well-informed, albeit a little shy. But she was not painfully shy; she was simply modest and moderate, not extreme and outspoken like Astra.

Her mother and father were a good kind of folks, well-educated and moderately wealthy without being the slightest bit pretentious. They were at first nervous with speaking to the king, but Caspian was purposefully being a little more like _Caspian_ rather than _King Caspian_ this evening. Lady Hanalei's parents soon discovered he was just a respectable man when not attending to his duties as king.

"Your Majesty, you have a lovely castle here. It was too bad we could not dine with you before you left on your travels," her mother said.

"Yes, it was too bad," Caspian agreed, "and to think that we had only missed each other at the Chippingford Estate by a few days! I would have very much liked to cross paths." Lady Hanalei seemed a little dazed for a moment, but then gave a bashful smile. "But I hope I can re-extend my previous invitation. Cair Paravel would be absolutely delighted to have your family be our guest for at least a few weeks. I know that you have been traveling for quite awhile, so I understand if you would like to return home…" Caspian trailed off.

"Oh, Your Majesty, we would be honored to remain at Cair Paravel," insisted Lady Hanalei's father fervently. "Yes, we would be very honored," he said, smiling warmly at his daughter.

"That would be wonderful," Caspian breathed.

"What's wonderful?" asked Astra, stepping up behind him. Caspian froze for a moment, slightly annoyed that she intervened.

"Lady Hanalei and her family will be staying at Cair Paravel for awhile," he responded patiently, but with a look in his eyes that clearly told her that he was very pleased with the prospect. Astra's eyes lit up, much to his relief.

"That _is_ wonderful," Astra said with a broad grin. She patted Caspian on the shoulder and excused herself to admire the blooming couple from a far. For some reason, it was easier that way.

_

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Author's Note: Kindly review!


	48. Ch 48: Great Expectations

_Author's Note: This chapter was exceptionally fun to write. Chapter title borrowed from Charles Dickens' novel Great Expectations. Duh. Well, this chapter was fun to write because it's completely in Caspian's POV. I know, it's a little short, but very dense. It's like flan. You can only have one piece because it is so rich. Enjoy!_

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CHAPTER 48: Great Expectations

Two months. Caspian had two months to plan the voyage that would take him into uncharted territory off into the far east of Narnia. He had two months to plan this long voyage and his head was not the least bit concentrated on it. His mind was on the expectations others had on him and the expectations he had of himself.

It was expected of him to be focusing on the _Dawn Treader_, whose construction was nearly complete in the harbor. Malvolio was going insane with details and frankly, Caspian found himself all rather ambivalent about the matter. Yes, the trip was important, yes, the planning was vital, but he was all too apathetic about some of the minutiae. Before Astra came, he would have been fervently planning the journey alongside Malvolio, but now, he felt merely complacent. He had competent men and he had faith in them; it was going to be just fine.

Now that he had invited Lady Hanalei and her family to stay with him at Cair Paravel, it was expected that he would begin to court her. Caspian expected the same, but many had taken a leap to the next expectation, one he was not too sure about: that he would marry her. _Marriage_. It was a huge commitment and Caspian had already given himself entirely to his country. He felt like he had nothing left to give, but he knew that by taking an objective view, this was hardly true. He could offer a woman power, wealth, and a comfortable home, when it came to material value, but Caspian knew he personally had more to offer than that. He knew himself to be fair, patient, understanding, kind, and intelligent; he could be a very good husband. However, his country was less concerned about a wife, and more concerned about a queen. That is what they really expected of him: to find a woman who could be a complimentary ruler, provide guidance and counsel, hold her own as official functions, do her own negotiating, engage in political functions, campaign for good causes, and reach out into the community. Even though Narnia was fairly progressive and love often factored in marriages in the country, Caspian was a king. A marriage was highly political and had to be proper. It was not expected of him to fall in love.

Caspian did not expect himself to fall in love. He did not know if it was even possible. He always imagined love to be a one-time occurrence: he had already fallen in love with Susan. Could he love again? He knew that if he voiced this thought, Astra would probably smack him across the head and say yes, it was possible, and that he should stop being an idiot.

Lady Hanalei, Caspian knew, was the kind of woman that his country expected him to make Queen. And Caspian expected himself to pursue that, but at the same time, he had a few inhibitions. He would have to marry her. And if he was seriously intent on doing this, he could not wait around forever. His voyage was two months away and would last a year. He could not exactly expect her to remain single while he was away, even if he was king. This meant an engagement was expected within the next two months. In the words of Astra, _holy crap_.

Could he get to know Lady Hanalei well enough in two months to propose? It seemed impossible, but Caspian thought about how quickly he and Astra hit it off, and figured that it could be done, given the right circumstances. He was now more open thanks to Astra's poking and prodding; if he really devoted himself to capturing Lady Hanalei's affections, it could be done. He may not have expected love in his marriage, but he expected affection. That was not asking too much, he figured.

What did _he_ want, though, other than affection? Was he asking too little when he really deserved more? He truly did not want to have to rush things, but if it needed to be done, he was always a man of business. Marriage was business. His desires were secondary. What did he really desire though? _Desire_. It was such a complicated word. It was want, but more than want; it was mixed a little with need, a little with lust, a little with longing, and a little with wishful thinking. Desire was something he wanted but couldn't have, but that hardly made it less…_desirable_. He could not think about what he desired, because it would only lead to disappointment. Desire hurt. It ached, it was painful, and it was antagonizing. Desire was a tease. Fulfilling his desires was not expected of him. Fulfilling his desires was not an expectation for himself; it was merely a desire.

When his mind was not pleasantly occupied with thoughts of Lady Hanalei, his focus turned to the beckoning of the ocean. He always felt a pull to that expansive body of water, despite his Telmarine heritage. This voyage was more than just about finding his father's friends. He had slowly come to the conclusion that it was about finding reconciliation with his past and setting a new order in Narnia. There was still good left in the world—this, Caspian knew—but it was a matter of putting good people where they could share their goodness. But, the voyage was mostly for him; it was something he had to do, not in order for his country to take him seriously, not to prove himself to the world, but to just make things right.

It was something he had to do on his own. He had not informed Astra of this, but he had a feeling that she knew without being told. Yes, her guidance and entertainment would have been nice on the long voyage and he would miss her while he was gone, but he had to do this on his own. He would have to "fly solo," as she would say. Caspian noticed that Astra had been distant to him recently. The boat ride back from the Chippingford estate was quiet, she had given him space at the ball, and now that Lady Hanalei had been there for two weeks, he had hardly seen her. This, he knew, was partially his fault, as he had spent most of his time with Lady Hanalei, but whenever he asked her to accompany them, she would always make some excuse and run away. That's what she did: fool him with a smile and run. Lady Hanalei had brought a sort of fullness to his life, but the hole that Astra left in her absence could not be filled by the other lady's presence. He did not expect Lady Hanalei to magically be on a level playing field with Astra, but he wanted her to because it would make things easier.

However, Lady Hanalei was growing on him every day. There was a quiet evenness about her that made their conversations tireless. The weather had been nice and they had spent a great amount of time outside. As they walked and talked, they would sometimes see Astra in the garden, making a mess of herself in that white dress that she insisted on wearing.

"Because I like this dress," she would explain, wiping her muddy hands on her lap. "If I am going to get dirty, I want it to show. Besides, Maria has given up trying to get the stains out of it, so it might as well be my gardening dress."

Astra had taken to the flowers almost ferociously when she came back. She had let out a colorful string of curse words upon realizing that no one bothered to maintain her precious plants while she was away. This inevitably led to her spending hours pulling out weeds and venturing to the market for seeds and bulbs. Now, they were beginning to sprout and blossom, but Astra tended to them vigilantly, especially her cherished lily-flowers. It seemed to be her solace; she would often let out a growl before stabbing a weed and would mutter under her breath with a disgruntled frown on her face. Caspian knew it was best to let her be when she was in moods like this, and so he would take Lady Hanalei's hand and insist that they keep moving.

There was something remarkable about holding her hand. Caspian had never really been able to hold a beautiful girl's hand for hours and it was an amazing feeling. One day that past week, they had been out on the grounds and Lady Hanalei was lingering behind, looking at a critter in a tree, but Caspian was eager to get to the top of the hill they were climbing to see the vantage point, so he offered her his hand and asked if she would follow him. He had offered an arm before and he had offered a hand to guide her to his arm, but this time, he simply pressed his palm to hers and never let go. A small blush painted her cheeks, but she did not protest. He was comfortable holding her hand.

Things would progress, he knew. His thumb would rub her hand. He could spin her around and make her laugh. He could run his hand down her smooth, lean arm. He could snake his arms around her waist and feel the warmth of her body. He could trace the curve of her jaw and gaze into those beautiful green eyes. He could kiss her. But for now, he was more than happy to hold her hand and watch another Cair Paravel sunset.


	49. Ch 49: Steady As She Goes

_Author's Note: Stole the chapter title from the Raconteurs' song "Steady As She Goes." Catchy stuff. Enjoy!_

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* * *

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CHAPTER 49: Steady As She Goes

After two and a half weeks, Lady Hanalei's parents returned to their home and let their daughter remain at Cair Paravel. They said their goodbyes with wide smiles directed toward the handsome couple and insisted that their daughter utilize the castle's library. _So, that was the cover story_—thought Astra—_maintaining her studies. Too bad the kingdom would see right through it_. It was not officially declared, but it was widely assumed that Caspian was now courting the beautiful young lady.

"_Ugh_, she's so damn…_likeable_. Like, I would hate her, just because, but she's so _likeable_. I just can't do it!" Astra said to May in the privacy of her chambers.

"Why would you hate her?"

"General purposes. Like, my brothers hated every single one of my boyfriends and threatened to kill them on a daily basis if they broke my heart. So now, _I_ get to be the overbearing, brotherly type to Caspian…well, sisterly type, considering I am a _homo sapiens_ of the uterus-bearing sort. So, it is divinely sanctioned for me to hate the girl without needing a legitimate reason."

"But she's so _nice_!" May protested.

"I know!" Astra growled, chucking her pillow across the room. "And that's what makes this all so frustrating." Astra plopped on her bed, sighing. "Suddenly I'm a third wheel, and God…I'm so fucking selfish. I resent her. Like, I honestly _resent_ her for taking up so much of Caspian's time."

"He tries to include you, but you always ignore him." Astra squirmed, knowing this was true.

"Because I feel like I'm chaperoning them or something. And Caspian is so happy. And he wants to do this on his own. He doesn't need me anymore. _Shit_, he doesn't need me anymore…"

"If you don't mind me saying, you sound jealous." It took Astra enough guts to admit that she resented Lady Hanalei. _No,_ she would not give her the satisfaction of envying her. But this was not the main thought on her mind. If Caspian did not need her anymore, that meant her job was done and that Caspian would be able to go on his voyage and she would return to Oxford, never to see him again. Silently, Astra exited the room, with May calling apologies after her. She passed by Caspian and Lady Hanalei, with Caspian holding a book and whispering something in her ear. She had a complacent, sweet smile on her face and Caspian's eyes were soft and almost playful. Astra broke into a run, dashed out of the castle and out to the grounds, nimbly climbed down the cliffs, and found herself sprinting down the beach until her lungs felt like they were going to explode and her legs were as heavy as lead.

* * *

He called her _Hanalei_ now. No title. Just _Hanalei_.

"Do you want to go on a ride with Hanalei and me?" Caspian asked her one afternoon. It was a beautiful day and Astra was already considering going on a ride, but she did not want to intrude on the couple.

"No, you two just go on. Enjoy yourselves," Astra said, adding a smile to convince him. He, however, saw right through it.

"I feel like I never see you anymore," he said apologetically.

"That's because you _don't_," Astra said bluntly, looking at him coolly. Caspian let out a haggard sigh, pushing his hair back.

"Look, I am trying to balance everything: you, Hanalei, the voyage, and the kingdom. It is a lot to handle, and I thought you would be a little more supportive."

"Ha_,_ _you_ were the one who wanted to fly solo!"

"That doesn't mean I do not want to see you, or talk to you, or just be with you!" Caspian protested. "Please, for me, please just join us on a ride. Hanalei really wants to become better acquainted with you. She understands how close we are."

"_Were_," Astra corrected. Caspian eyed her for a moment before speaking.

"Well, that is _your_ fault now," said Caspian, adopting her cool tone. Astra raised a surprised eyebrow at his decisiveness.

"Don't wait up for me," Astra said, gesturing to the door, but Caspian was not about to just leave with so little effort. He begged her silently to just give it up and come, standing there for a solid half-minute. Astra could feel herself melt and relent. "Fine," she muttered.

"Thank you," he sighed his breath of relief. Caspian attempted to walk at her side, but ended up tagging along behind her, trying to crane his head over her shoulder.

"What?" she snapped, rather peeved.

"You have not been the same since we returned from Chippingford."

"That's because everything is different now," Astra said, her voice both snappish and weak, a pathetic combination which disgusted her.

"It does not have to be," he said, finally hopping in front of her. His blue-grey eyes stared into hers, obviously worried and desperate.

"I wish I could believe you," she said, keeping her voice more even this time. "Well, we don't want to keep Hanalei waiting, do we?" Astra took a deep breath and faked a smile. Caspian was never good at faking emotions and could not return the sentiment.

* * *

It was actually a nice ride, as much as Astra was loath to admit it. The weather was perfect and the group of three managed to carry on a very pleasant conversation. Hanalei was interested in Astra's world and she talked about it quite animatedly while Hanalei asked numerous questions. In moments where Hanalei would give her thoughts on the matter and say her interpretation, Caspian watched the way Astra looked at Hanalei. Astra's judgment mattered to him and Astra seemed to be pleased. Finally, she had someone to match her in intelligence and Astra openly enjoyed the fact that Hanalei had an opinion, even if she was shy about giving it. Astra voiced this aloud, causing the girl to blush.

"Well, I think it is important for a lady to have a definitive voice," Hanalei said slowly. "In Narnia, we women are given an equal education and equal rights. Why should we remain ambivalent to matters that should be of the highest importance?"

"I completely agree," Astra breathed.

"And I know I should not be one to talk, considering, well, I sometimes do not talk. I am a bit shy and have difficultly sometimes giving my true opinion in the matter, but I feel like with you, Caspian, and Kaden, I can do so without fear of rejection."

"I love that guy… Kaden," Astra said, thinking fondly of him. Hanalei looked down.

"He spoke of you often," she said carefully.

"He spoke of you also. He mentioned you like art," said Astra, beginning a new topic. "Caspian, we ought to show Hanalei the orchard. The trees and the shadows are just divine. I bet you would be able to get some very pretty sketches in the late afternoon." Hanalei blushed her thanks. "I was never good at art myself. I got as far as stick figures and I called it a day. But analyzing art—that is another story."

"Every picture paints a thousand words," Hanalei said smilingly.

"Exactly. But some pictures cannot be quite put into words, which is why I think art is an entirely different form of expression."

"It is a medium for emotion."

"Ooh, I like that," Astra murmured, her mind clicking away. "I do love talking about paintings, but sometimes, words just aren't enough, you know?"

"I agree," Hanalei said, her expression now more open and eager. "There are some paintings I could look at for hours and could find a different story in them every single time," she said with a contented sigh, her mind trailing off to some fond memory.

Caspian had remained quiet most of this time. Although perfectly capable of keeping up with their intellectual rambles, Caspian was more interested in seeing how the two women got along. Caspian would know if Astra was faking pleasantness, but she seemed genuinely engaged in the conversation. In fact, they seemed to get along just fine. Although Astra was far more open than Hanalei, more blunt and direct in her observations, theories, and conjectures, Hanalei delivered her opinions with the air of an old professor, with that calm sort of knowing highlighted by her concise, deliberate language and gently persuasive tone.

Upon reaching the orchard, Hanalei took Astra's advice—she was eager to please—and situated herself in a place where the light fell perfectly. Astra sprawled out on the ground and instantly dozed off, enjoying the cool sensation of the grass and the warmth of the sun. Caspian watched Hanalei sketch, now understanding what Astra was speaking of when she declared the lighting to be stunning. The fading sunlight fell on Hanalei's face in a way that took his breath away. While it took him awhile to understand Astra's beauty, Hanalei's was a no-brainer. Over the past three weeks, he had noticed certain things about her: the way that she always blushed, the surprised expression on her face at every compliment and kind word, that modest smile that really was more like quiet pride, and the way that her eyes grew soft and sweet whenever he drew close to her. She was steady, but not completely predictable, and Caspian realized that things were beginning to become serious between them. Now that her parents were gone, they were free to do whatever they pleased…whatever that meant. He was ready to take that plunge, to _just kiss her, damn it!_ He was anxious to explore those soft lips and the gentle skin of her neck and…Caspian gave a deep sigh. Astra, who was curled up in a ball next to him, rolled over and let her left hand flop onto his chest. Her hands were calloused and strong, not like Hanalei's smooth, ductile hands. Hanalei looked over and stifled a small giggle at Astra's antics and Caspian warmly smiled back at her. There wasn't much he could do.


	50. Ch 50: Taking It in Stride

**CHAPTER 50: Taking It in Stride**

She looked happy at breakfast, perfectly content. Caspian watched her as she gently stirred her tea, her head slightly cocked to the side. She was so beautiful and perfect; she was complimentary to him, matching all of his better qualities. She caught his eyes—oh, those beautiful green eyes—and laughingly smiled.

"What are you looking at?" she giggled lightly.

"You," Caspian said frankly. She blushed and Caspian was surprised for a moment by his own forthrightness. "Hanalei," he said, putting his hand on hers. The rest of his words were caught on his tongue and he felt exceptionally stupid.

"Yes? What is it?" she encouraged him.

"The past three weeks have been amazing. I am so happy right now and I must contribute the majority of my happiness to your presence. I…" he trailed off. _Darn, where was Malvolio when he needed him? He wrote out the speech, now if only he could remember it…_ "I really like you. You are incredible and kind, thoughtful and interesting, and absolutely beautiful in every single way. Forgive me, if I am being too forward," he said hastily, "but I feel like we have something…something good between us. I have greatly enjoyed getting to know you and the more of you I know, the more I… it has been widely assumed that we are…courting," Caspian gulped. "Well, I, for one, would not mind if this rumor was true," he concluded his speech. Hanalei blushed and seemed genuinely surprised, finally able to look him in the eye. Her gaze drifted away, thinking, as Caspian's hand remained on hers, his thumb gently caressing her knuckles.

"I don't think I would mind either," she said after what felt like an eternity to Caspian. His eyes lit up and she smiled at seeing him so happy. Caspian's hand slid up her arm and cupped her face before his lips met hers. Astra, who was standing in the doorway silently, left, realizing that she was probably unwanted at breakfast.

* * *

The beach was quiet, the only sound being the gentle rollicking of the waves and Astra's shallow breathing. It was official: Caspian was officially courting Lady Hanalei. It was a problem. She did not know why it was a problem or why she had a problem with it—especially Hanalei's delayed response— but it was definitely a problem. The waves washed up and dampened the hem of her dress, but she did not care. It was overcast that day; the ocean was just a darker version of the sky, the two melting together off in the horizon.

"My child, what ails you?" asked a low, warm voice. Astra's breath hitched in her throat and she turned around to see a great lion. Astra gave a relieved sigh.

"Oh Aslan!" she cried, throwing her arms around Him. The lion gave a throaty laugh, not too surprised by the girl's reaction, but nonetheless pleased by her affection. "Ugh, Aslan, the shit has hit the fan. I mean, everything has just exploded and—"

"Yes, I know what you mean," He said.

"Oh, the advantages of being omnipotent," Astra joked. Aslan wrinkled His nose.

"Omnipotent?"

"You don't have to deal with shitty surprises," Astra said more bitterly than she wanted.

"And that is where you are wrong, my child. I am constantly and often pleasantly surprised. For example, you and Caspian."

"Us?"

"Yes."

"There is no 'us,' Aslan. There is 'Caspian' and 'me:' two different entities. I've done my job I think and I should to go home now."

"You do?" Aslan asked. "See, another surprise to me."

"I can't be here. I'm not wanted here, I'm not _needed_ here. I shouldn't be here. He's going to be fine. I know he's going to be fine. The planning for the voyage is going well, I've weaned him off of me, and it'll be easier to say good-bye now. Yeah, I'm ready. I should just go now and cut my losses short."

"Your losses?" Astra could feel tears well up in her eyes. "My child, you tell me you are not wanted, yet you still have not said what _you_ want."

"I don't know what I want," she confessed and this was quite true, despite its ambiguity.

"Well, I have the slightest inkling that you do not want to leave a friend who you love dearly," said Aslan.

"_Damn omnipotence,_" she muttered, feeling a tear slip down her cheek. She loved Caspian. What kind of love that was, she was not sure, but it had to be love. It simply fit that she loved him. "Your job is not done yet. Remember what I asked of you: just be his friend. And he still needs a friend. Do not let him forget about the lessons you taught him. And remember that your Fate is yours alone, so make your choices wisely." And with this tone of warning, Aslan said farewell and walked off, His large paw prints swept away by the surf. Once again, Astra was alone on the beach, lost in her thoughts.

* * *

Despite everything, Caspian knew he had a problem when he lackadaisically shoved his hands in his pockets. The ring was still there, an unnerving reminder of his fantastic lapse in judgment. It was dangerous to be carrying around a ring like that, especially now that he was officially courting Hanalei, but he could not bear to remove it and it seemed safe in there.

The problem was that he bought the ring before he had Hanalei in his life. He could not blame the hasty purchase all on wanting to try on another person's problems. It was a good excuse while it lasted, but there had to be some foundation or rational behind why he bought an engagement ring, of all objects. Why jewelry? Why a ring? But more importantly, who was it for? There was only one other person he could think of: Astra.

Astra. Astra Celeste Gorlois. The girl who fell into his life like a shooting star, weaseled into his heart, and could read him like a book. This was a problem, the fact that Astra knew him better than the girl he was courting. They hadn't spoken recently and he hated it; he absolutely hated it and it made his mind turn traitorously to her. He would do anything for her and it scared him shitless.

The problem was that he loved her. He loved Astra. He was not sure what kind of love it was, but he was quite sure that it was love. There was no other explanation for the powerful feeling in his chest, that awful tightening in his stomach, that suffocating feeling when she left. But his love for Astra felt like a curse, a disease, or an ailment that Hanalei seemed to heal. When Hanalei was there, the breath that he was holding could be released and he would become quiet and relaxed. Undeniably, there was power behind his connection with Hanalei. That meant something too. The problem was he could not assign a word to it. Astra—love. Hanalei—one big question mark. And the odd thing was that it was so hard to love Astra; it was not that she was unlovable, but that she was difficult to keep up with. It should be easy to love Hanalei in comparison to her, but he did not know if he felt love for Hanalei. It was probably too soon to tell.

He bought the ring for Astra. It was stupid, so terribly stupid to think that she could love him, that he could make her his bride, that he could force her to stay close to him. It was an act of desperation—as if a ring in his pocket could make her stick around. He was so scared of losing her; he told her explicitly, "I do not want you to leave _me._" A ring wouldn't solve that. It would only drive her away.

Things were different now. He had Hanalei; the ring was a reminder of what he would eventually do to that beautiful woman. He would eventually propose to Hanalei. He was happy with her; there was no rational reason why he could not love her. It was something he would have to take in stride and deal with as he went along. He leaned against the open doorway of his room. Astra walked briskly past, the bottom hem of her dress damp and her shoes in her hand. Her hair was wild and wind-blown and her cheeks and nose were red.

"Were you at the beach?" he asked her. She nodded. "It was rather cold outside."

"I'm fine."

"No, you are cold. Come inside and warm up," he said. Her eyes flitted up to his gaze and held him fixedly. They stared at each other like that until Astra moved, walking into the room. Caspian looked out into the empty hallway and closed the door behind her. He took off his coat and slipped it over her cold arms. Astra inhaled the familiar scent of the fabric, reveling in Caspian's body heat enveloping the coat.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, smiling that smile that made everyone melt. Caspian gave a lopsided grin back to her and this only made her beam back at him. Maybe things were going to be okay between them after all. However, when she slipped her cold hands into the pocket of the coast, she felt her smile fade.

There were many things Astra could take in stride, but this, she knew, was not one of them.


	51. Ch 51: Pocket It

_Author's Note: This chapter kind of makes me want to cry._

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CHAPTER 51: Pocket It

As she shoved her hands into the pockets of Caspian's coat, she felt cool metal and looked up at Caspian, whose smile faded as quickly as hers. She enclosed her fingers around the object and pulled it out, letting it rest in her palm. It was a silver ring with three brilliant diamonds set in the middle. Astra gasped and felt her mouth go dry. He was going to _propose_; he was going to give the ring to _Lady Hanalei_. She was flooded with conflicting feelings. She was angry, hurt, and betrayed that he did not tell her. However, the more frightening thought was this: she did not want him to marry Hanalei. Astra did not know why—it was an unreasonable sentiment—but she had deluded herself into assuming _she_ had all claims on him. He was _her_ Caspian, _she_ knew him like no other person, _they_ had something. She was not _in love_ with him, but she _loved_ him (that had to count for something); she did not want to _marry_ him, but she did not want him to marry _anyone else_. This pain stabbed her in the chest and she knew that she could not say this—how would he understand? _She_ could hardly understand the truly terrifying notion herself and could not wrap her head around how she managed to latch onto the idea that she would always be Caspian's girl and was completely irreplaceable. However, she could only play the part of a hurt friend, not a hurt… well, _whatever she was_.

"You have a ring in your pocket," she said, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"Um, yes, I do."

"You have a _ring_ in your pocket," Astra repeated for firmly, her chest tight with anxiety.

"It was there."

"You have a ring in your _pocket_."

"Um, it was my mother's and I…" he lied, but Astra did not know it.

_"You have a ring in your pocket!"_

"I _know!_" he shouted, finally raising his voice to match Astra's shrill tone. They both waited for a moment, each fighting their own inner battles.

"People don't just carrying rings around in their pocket," Astra reasoned, her voice still tight with emotion.

"It was in my pocket," Caspian calmly responded, which only further provoked Astra.

"People don't just carrying rings around in their pocket _without a reason_."

"It was my mother's."

"People _still_ don't just carry rings around in their pocket." Caspian gave an exasperated sigh, frustrated with her sounding like a broken record. "Is it for Hanalei?"

"Astra…"

"Are you going to ask her to marry you?

"No…yes…I do not know…maybe," he said, changing his answers.

"Well, you have a ring in your pocket—"

"—I _know_—"

"So that implies you _were_ planning on asking her!" she cried triumphantly, although she hardly felt satisfied in this victory.

"I suppose…well, I honestly am not sure." Astra looked down at the stunning ring, turning it over in her hand. He had a ring for her; that was certainly a step in the general direction of marriage. When did he start carrying it around? How did he know she was The One? How long had he known it? And more importantly, how could she have not seen it coming? Astra was utterly blindsided by this epiphany, despite its irresolute quality.

"And you did not feel the need to tell me—_your best friend_—that this was something on your mind, something you were considering?" Astra asked slowly, pain stitched in her every word.

"Astra, I am so sorry, I—"

"Because there are expectations, I believe, when you court a girl."

"I know."

"You don't just court her until you get bored of her, you're supposed to marry her!"

"Oh, so _that_ is what I am supposed to do now?" asked Caspian with bitterness, surprised to her this coming from her (of all people).

"Yes!" she cried, not sure what she said that set him off. "_That's_ what you're supposed to do, _marry her_."

"I have enough people dictating to me how to live my life, and the absolute last person I need to do so is _you!_" he yelled, feeling hurt and betrayed himself.

"Well, do you want to marry her or not?"

"_I_ do not know!"

"Then why do you have a ring in your pocket?"

"I do not _know_!"

"But you have a _ring_ in your _pocket_, surely you _must_ know!"

"I do _not_ know!"

"Do you love her?"

"What?" Caspian roared, both of their voices growing louder and louder.

"Do you _love_ her?" Caspian did not answer her and so Astra more pressingly asked the question. "Do you love _her_?"

"_NO_, I do not love her, _damn it_, and I do not know if I am going to _marry her_ and I do not know why the _hell_ I have a _ring_ in my _pocket!_ I do not know, _I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW!_" he shouted in one breath, yelling until his voice was hoarse and his nose just inches away from Astra. She cowered, scared to see him so angry, and by Aslan's mane, _swearing_! Tears now rolled freely from her cheeks as she stood in shock and fear, trying to wrap her brain around what just happened. She had never seen him so agitated, so upset, and enraged; she hardly knew what to say as they stood just inches apart, their breath coming in short, desperate gulps.

"So, you have this ring in your pocket?"

"Yes, _damn it_, I have a ring in my pocket," he snapped, taking a step back. Astra felt herself break too, now churlish and petulant.

"Just because you are a _fucking PMSing girl_ does _not_ give you the right to yell at me!" she bellowed, taking a step toward him and jamming an accusing finger in his chest.

"I could say the same _damn_ thing about you," he snapped back and Astra pushed him with both hands in the chest, feeling as though he just slapped her in the face.

"What the _hell_ has gotten into you?" she choked, now feeling herself sob as she punched him in the chest. "This is not _you_, this is not the Caspian _I_ know, you are _swearing_ and _yelling_ at me and…" she could not go any further and felt her knees go weak with sobs. She went to push him again, wanting to hurt him for hurting her, and he grabbed her arms, pulling her toward him and wrapping his arms around her body as she screamed profanities, cursed him in every possible way and language she knew, and let herself be consumed by sobs which racked and rattled her chest. She gasped for air and tried to quiet herself; in the process, she realized that Caspian was quietly crying along with her, ashamed of his actions and completely and utterly lost at what to do about his predicament. Finally, Astra pulled away and turned around, trying to compose herself.

She looked into the mirror on the other side of the room and saw the sad spectacle they made. Astra's face was streaked with tears and blotchy, still desperately clutching the ring in her fist. Caspian lingered behind her, hastily wiping tears from his eyes, his posture defeated and deflated. They stood apart, breathing deeply, until Astra finally spoke.

"It is beautiful," she said with her back still toward Caspian, admiring the piece of jewelry. "It is timeless, absolutely stunning." _It would make any girl happy_, she almost said. _It would make me happy_. Caspian tentatively stepped toward her until Astra could feel his breath on her neck. The sensation made her shiver and he let his head rest on her shoulder, wrapping his arms across her shoulders. His lips touched the crook of her neck and burned and antagonized her. She wrapped a hand around his arms that encircled her and let her head learn back on his chest.

"Why does this have to be so…?" asked Caspian, his voice cracking in anguish. He never found the word he was searching for, or if he did, he dared not say it aloud. Perhaps 'complicated' was the word they searched for; perhaps no such word existed that could encompass their sentiments at the moment and 'complicated' was only the beginning of it. Astra pulled apart from him and turned around to face him, holding out her fist with the ring in it. Caspian warily eyed her hand and very reluctantly, after nearly ten seconds of hesitation, offered an open palm to receive it. Astra pressed her palm to his, feeling the now warm metal in between their hands. Caspian's thumb went to capture her hand, but Astra let her hand slip away, returning to her side. Caspian, dumbfounded, held the ring in his palm, suddenly feeling as though he was taking it from its rightful owner. He banished this irrational thought from his head and let his fist close around the ring, putting it back into his pocket.

They had returned right where they started and yet, everything seemed entirely altered. There were no certainties; there were only questions without answers. They pocketed their burdens, they pocketed their crazy thoughts, and most of all, they pocketed the desires their hearts yearned to scream: _Love me. Pick me._ And the funny thing about putting objects in one's pocket is that one never knows when they might resurface or if they will survive the laundry at all. Both walked away, knowing that by pocketing it, they engaged themselves in a most dangerous proposition that could only be a temporary mend to a rip far larger than either of them suspected, a rip that could either kill or save them. Pockets, they knew, were fickle like that.


	52. Ch 52: Breathing Underwater

_Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews! They made me smile so much! I know for a lot of American high schoolers, last week was super crazy with AP testing going on, so I hope that this update will help you unwind after a stressful week. I got tired of emo-Astra (she's been a bit of a Debbie Downer recently), so I could not help but add in an Astra rant about _Romeo and Juliet, The Sun Also Rises, _and _Pride and Prejudice. _I hope you find that scene funny amongst the more sad shenanigans of this story. Thanks again for all the reviews and keep them coming!_

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CHAPTER 52: Breathing Underwater

Things were too awkward for words. Even Hanalei sensed that something had passed between the duo and she also knew that she was partially to blame. Astra heard them bicker—she was surprised that Hanalei had it in her.

"You have not spoken to her! Not a word!"

"Hanalei, do not—"

"Not even a look! She is your best friend—"

"She is not much of a friend—"

"She _is_ and you know it and please, _please_ just talk to her, because I know this is my fault—"

"Hanalei, you are not to—"

"—this is my fault because you two had a good thing going and obviously _something_ has changed—"

"It is not like that!"

"—and you have unfinished business, and by Aslan's mane, Caspian, it _has_ to be fixable. I am sure if you just _talk_ to her—"

"I do not want to talk to her."

"Why?"

"Because I have you. And right now, you are all I need." This was followed by a heavy silence and Astra filled in the blank with what was going on between them.

* * *

May was a quiet pillar of strength for Astra. Douglass attempted neutrality. Maria seemed to give Astra a glare that clearly ordered her to not interfere and be civil. Astra was plenty civil. She spoke to Hanalei when she was coerced into eating with the couple, but she never spared a word for Caspian. She was angry at him and also confused. He had a ring, but he was not in love. He had a ring, but he did not know about marriage. He had a ring, but he did not know why. And how did he feel about her? Did he love her too? Did he love her like she loved him? What kind of love did she even feel for him?

Hanalei was innocent in all this. Well, the hesitation before she responded that she would like to officially court Caspian was unnerving, but other than that, she was innocent. Astra would not drive her away; Maria had nothing to fear. But May gave her these sad glances while Douglass seemed to find the floor most interesting. It was too much. So, Doctor Cornelius became her companion, being quite oblivious to the world outside of his precious library. Besides, Caspian was only ever in the library for small moments at a time, only to bring a book back and exit with a new one. Meanwhile, Astra could hide behind a shelf and pretend that she was fine.

"Oh, are we hiding from Malvolio again?" Doctor Cornelius would ask, causing Astra to inwardly groan. "Because frankly, that man terrifies me."

"I never thought I would say this, but he is not half-bad…if you can ignore him." Doctor Cornelius laughed raucously at this as Caspian attempted to sneak out, realizing that Astra was trying to avoid him and the doctor had blown her cover. "Son, did you hear what Astra said!"

"I did. Good afternoon, doctor," he would say and slip out.

"Oh, Astra, you have brought life to this castle," said Doctor Cornelius, his eyes glittering with happiness. Astra figured the old man was a little lonely and so was she, but his comment made tears prick her eyes. If she brought so much life, then why did she feel so dead and empty inside?

"What is love, Doctor Cornelius? You know, according to the books."

"Oh, the books attempt to answer that question, dear, but I do believe it is one of those questions that is never quite as universal as everyone would like it to be. I am sure that is the same in your literature books."

"Sure. I mean, there was Romeo and Juliet and he went from 'If I profane with my unworthiest hand / This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: / My lips' to 'Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized' in two scenes and ends up offing himself in the end. Poetic? Yes. Tragic? Yes, but I would hope my love is not so fatal. And then there's Jake Barnes and Lady Brett Ashley and she's like 'Don't get drunk, Jake. You don't have to.' And at the same time she's all, 'It's my fault, Jake. It's the way I'm made,' but it's not just that, it's also the way _he's_ made and the way he's _un_-made, I suppose. And then there's Darcy and Lizzy and even _she_ had the balls to say 'I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.' And then she goes on to marry the guy! I mean, in the end, they were perfect for each other, but _seriously? Seriously?_"

"Love is messy, so it seems," mused Doctor Cornelius. "Hmm, this Romeo fellow sounds rather silver-tongued."

"Yeah, stupid, love-struck, fickle boy. Persistence and a few pretty words and it's all 'happy dagger!' I don't freaking _get_ it! Is true love so…like…_RAWR?_"

"Pardon?"

"Sorry, you don't speak dinosaur. Is it so…I don't know, so overwhelming and unsatisfying that you are constantly craving for more, yet know that anything more will just send you over the edge?"

"There are so many kinds of love, dear, and so many levels. You do not have to drown in it; just learn to breathe underwater."

"Huh? I kind of need scuba gear to do that."

"Scuba?"

"It's an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus."

"It sounds intriguing."

"It's the shit."

"But, my dear, you must find a way to do so without this scuba business. You must adapt. Live like a fish."

"A fish?"

"Yes, the charming little creatures of the ocean. A bit slimy, a tad malodorous, but quite delectable lightly seasoned and grilled…"

"So if I stop bathing, I will fall in love. Got it, doc."

"Smashing! Now all this talk of love and fish makes me hungry. How about we go to the kitchen and you can tell me about these 'dinosaur' creatures. And are you truly fluent in their language?"

"Absolutely, doc. The things you can learn at university are just astounding…"

* * *

"Susan would completely agree with you on that," said Caspian to Hanalei one afternoon. It was easy to talk about Susan now; the name seemed to glide by without any painful remembrances. "Women probably have not received due recognition in history books."

"Or, they are remembered for the wrong things," said Hanalei wisely.

"Helen of Troy," Caspian said. "Susan was telling me of this woman that was so beautiful that when she ran away with her lover to another country, war was declared to retrieve her. 'The face that launched a thousand ships,' or something similar to that."

"She must have been a marvel then," said Hanalei, although Caspian could tell by the slight upward curve of her lips that she was being a little ironical. "Beauty is potent," she said, her green eyes wandering off. Caspian took her hand, causing her gaze to return to him.

"What if I started a war over you?" Caspian asked, his voice low and playful.

"That is ridiculous, Caspian," she said. He kissed her jaw.

"It is so hard to believe?"

"A little," she managed to mutter as Caspian moved down to her neck.

"But what if I did?"

"If you thought it was the right thing to do—if you thought it was truly noble and just—I would let you go. You would just have to promise not to die," she said as Caspian kissed her cheek.

"I would not be able to promise that," Caspian said, thinking of Astra and her dead father.

"Then I suppose I would just have to hope for the best," she said softly, wringing her hands together. Caspian leaned her forehead against hers and they sat there quietly, content in the silence.

* * *

Hanalei had a headache from being out in the sun all day, leaving Astra and Caspian to have an awkward supper together. Caspian seemed lost in his own thoughts and Astra was curious about what was going on in his head.

"What's on your mind? The voyage?"

"No," Caspian blushed. Astra, seeing his blush, figured it was Hanalei.

"Oh, so it's—?"

"No, not that either," he said, seeming to blush more. Astra awkwardly dropped her fork on the ground at that moment.

"Shit."

"I was thinking about the first ball. That night, as soon as I realized what was probably happening to you…I thought you would never be the same. That flower patch—that stupid flower patch—you just fixed it right up after he hurt you on that very spot. You turned around and fixed it like nothing happened and you still keep at it."

"But something _did_ happen, Caspian," Astra said quietly, unsure why he was thinking of this. It was also the night he met Hanalei.

"You said something to me afterward. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him so badly because I would have done anything for you…I _would_ do anything for you." Astra's spoon went clattering to the ground.

"Shit."

"And you said something odd. You said something like, 'I'm not worth it. I'm not worth this fight.' But you were. _You were_. Yet, you stopped me. Why? Why did you do it? Didn't you want him to suffer?"

"He did. Kaden took care of that."

"Well, I did not want him simply to suffer. I did not want him to get away so easily. I wanted him to _die_," Caspian explained carefully, frankly. "I would have gone to _war_ for you."

"That's stupid," Astra scoffed before thinking of the weight of her words.

"But what if I did? What if I started a war over you, a war for you? What if I thought it was the right thing? Would you let me?"

"Why does any of this matter?"

"It does, I do not know why, but it does," he retorted.

"Well, I can't make you do anything you don't want to do," she began, (_That's a lie,_ he thought) "so I mean, if you really wanted to, I would let you. But if you thought that I was going to just sit around and wait for you to come home, you would be sorely mistaken. Because if you have the right or duty or whatever shit logic you have to fight for _me_, then on the same rationale, I should have the right to fight for _myself_. If I was worth the fight—which I'm not—then I would be fighting alongside you. Because if I was worth starting a war, then I would want to end it as quickly as possible…so you could come home." Astra looked into his eyes, which seemed to be seeing her in a new light that almost terrified him.

"I have to check on Hanalei…make sure she is well…" Caspian muttered, getting up suddenly from the table. Astra was left alone in the empty room, wondering what it was that she said that terrified him. Shaking her head, she called over the server.

"Could I get another fork and spoon? And maybe a glass of wine? Hell, just give me the fucking bottle please."

She poured herself a glass, watching the white wine spin around in the glass, thinking it was the exact same color as Caspian's hair. _Fuck._


	53. Ch 53: One Door Closes

**CHAPTER 53: One Door Closes**

"A letter for the lady," said a castle boy, holding an envelope in his hands. Hanalei went to step forward eagerly, but the boy stopped her. "Pardon me, a letter for Lady Astra."

"For me?" Astra asked, nearly choking on her salad. The boy nodded his head and Astra leapt out of her seat, humming the Blue's Clues letter song. Her eyes widened when she saw where the letter came from. "Score! A letter from Kaden!" Hanalei's jaw dropped and her eyes went wide and hurt for a moment before she turned away. Caspian saw some of this reaction and glanced back and forth between the ecstatic Astra and wounded Hanalei. Astra looked up to see the couple's reactions to this and she suddenly felt uncomfortable, but it did not quell her happiness.

Eagerly, she devoured the letter, pouring over its sparse contents. In his typical, sarcastic, blunt voice, Kaden wrote of his most recent adventures since they had left Chippingford and apologized for 'being such an ass.' To Astra, he seemed to be doing well enough, coping with whatever demons had been plaguing him, but there was a slightly bitter tone in the letter that could not be entirely ignored.

"How is Sir Kaden?" asked Hanalei, her voice shaky and beseeching. Astra looked up and saw how the woman wrung her hands, how her eyebrows scrunched together in worry, and how her lip trembled in anxiety.

"He is well," Astra said carefully. "Been spending a lot of time outdoors, riding and such. He enjoys that sort of thing, you know, flitting around the countryside."

"I know," Hanalei said almost snappily. Caspian watched this exchange with a concerned and nearly jealous look on his face. Astra stared down Hanalei, her mind clicking away until it all made sense. Then, her eyes widened and the letter nearly fell from her hand.

"Hanalei, I was reading this wonderful book of poetry and wanted your take on it," Astra smoothly lied. "Would you mind accompanying me to my room to take a look at it?" Hanalei paled but conceded. "Smashing," Astra said, her tone cold.

* * *

The two women walked down the hallway together, scattering servants as they walked side-by-side, neither condescending to walk behind the other. Once finally in the room, Hanalei was surprisingly the first to speak.

"I gather you do not wish to talk to me about poetry," she began, unable to meet Astra's eyes.

"Naturally," Astra quipped.

"Then I must confess, I am not sure exactly what it is you wish to discuss with me in privy," said the lady, folding her hands in her lap.

"This," Astra said prissily, holding the letter up. Hanalei froze for a moment. "It all makes sense now. You mentioned you felt comfortable around Kaden, freeze up every time his name is mentioned, and… and you hesitated. I was standing in the doorway when Caspian asked you to court him," Astra said, now feeling rather embarrassed, but plowed on, "and you hesitated before you said yes."

"It was an important decision, Astra," Hanalei said, struggling for composure. "I had to think about it before I said yes."

"Yes, because matters of the heart should always consult the brain," Astra sneered.

"It would be hypocritical of you to say that," Hanalei said quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"This is not about you, Astra, I am sorry," the lady apologized. "Obviously your problem is with me. Let us focus on that." For once, Astra was happy to comply.

"What happened between you and Kaden?" Astra asked. Hanalei opened her mouth and shut it. "What happened?" Astra repeated more angrily, which only caused tears to spring to Hanalei's eyes. Within moments, the girl had dissolved into quiet sobs. Astra felt bad and sat down on the bed next to Hanalei, awkwardly patting her back.

"We were just thrown together," she finally managed to say, wiping her tears away. "We were just thrown together and something happened. He was this arrogant prick and I was this painfully shy thing and…we rubbed off on each other. We were outside from nearly dawn to dusk, talking about everything, from war to societal problems to art to love. He…softened. And I…I was strong. And then it became time for me to leave and he just snapped, told me to go off with Caspian and forget all about him; he said he felt guilty spending time with his friend's girl. And I was upset and crying and said some hurtful things. And now I am here with Caspian and I am happy, because he is the perfect gentleman and I care for him, I really do, but it's not the same. But Kaden and I—Kaden cannot settle down and I cannot wait around for him. I cannot say no to a king and I cannot dishonor my family. What else is there to do?" she sobbed. "What is a girl supposed to do?"

"I don't know," Astra murmured, struck by the unfortunate situation the lady was in.

"Astra, you…you have it so much easier. You are not from here; you do not have these great expectations thrown on you like Caspian, Kaden, and I do. For me, I am expected to be well-educated, poised, polite, and kind; I must marry a man who can take care of me, a man who I can stand by as an equal; I must make my family proud, but find my own happiness and be true to myself," she explained. "Caspian takes his job too seriously at times. Kaden hardly takes himself seriously. And I…in my efforts to be generally pleasing, I have become a doormat. I am so plain in comparison to you Astra."

"You shouldn't compare—"

"But I should because I am sure Kaden does."

"Huh?" asked Astra, now starting to become confused.

"He is in love with you, is he not?" Astra laughed loudly, but stopped when she saw the serious expression on Hanalei's face.

"Uh, no, he's not. Really. He's like a brother to me."

"Really?" Hanalei breathed.

"Really really," Astra grinned. "He was really different, really listless when we saw him after you left. He kept staring at that ghastly painting in the hallway—"

"It's not ghastly, it's my _favorite_," she quickly insisted. "It's my favorite," she repeated softly.

"He also knew that you are a sucker for apple pie and that your greatest fear is not being taken seriously, amongst other things." Hanalei looked up at Astra in amazement. "He seemed to know everything about you, actually," Astra added with a shrug.

"What have I done?" Hanalei asked rhetorically, pressing a hand against her mouth.

"Well, it's not really what you did, but what _he _did. And I'm pretty sure he's kicking himself for it."

"What…what am I supposed to do now?" Hanalei asked, now standing up angrily. "So typical of him—to go running away when I take a step toward him and then come running back as soon as I retreat. It's not fair to me, but it's not fair to Caspian. I…I cannot love Caspian. I care for Caspian so very much—he is some kind of wonderful—but I just cannot imagine myself in love with him. I…I need to talk with Caspian."

"That's not going to be a fun conversation," Astra said awkwardly. Hanalei shook her head.

"You are such a good friend to Caspian." Astra nodded, the word "friend" ringing in her head. "He loves you, you know that?" Astra looked up, her eyes in shock.

"Love?" she squeaked.

"Yes, he honestly loves you. The kind of pure love, that sort of endless devotion."

"Platonic love?"

"I always thought that love was the same— sisterly love, brotherly love, familiar love, romantic love—is there really that much of a difference between them? It all just love. Romantic love is but love combined with attraction, is it not?" Astra was silent on the matter. "You love him too, do you not?" After a long pause, Astra slowly nodded her head. "So you will take care of him after I am gone, yes?"

"I was hoping that you would be able to do that for me."

"You don't really mean that."

"I can't do it," Astra said and now it was her turn to nearly dissolve into tears. "I just can't do it."

"Yes, you can, you have managed thus far," Hanalei encouraged her.

"No, you don't understand, I can't, I just can't."

"Can't or won't?"

"Can't." The two girls sat there in silence before Astra lay down on the bed. Hanalei began to rise, but Astra scooted over and handed the lady a book. There, they read until they had exhausted themselves and fell asleep side-by-side.

Caspian knocked on Astra's room. Hearing no response, he entered and saw the girls with open books and closed eyes on the bed. Silently, he marked the pages in the books, closed the spines and set them aside, tossed a blanket over them, and gave each a kiss on the forehead. He left the room, curious about their discussion on poetry, but vaguely wondering if that subject was even touched in their conversation. If that was the case, he didn't want to know.

* * *

Gathering her courage and her thoughts, she pulled Caspian aside one evening and the two talked frankly for a long time. It was hardly a relief for Hanalei and Caspian took it reasonably well apparently, but neither seemed to be in spectacular moods after that and things were even more awkward. Instead of being the unwanted third wheel, Astra became the buffer zone between the two. Well, Hanalei continued to confide in Astra while Caspian seemed unsure how to treat Astra and slightly distrustful of the new bond between the two girls. He was disappointed, slightly hurt, and rather deceived. He received Hanalei's confession with shock and anger, but quickly quelled his temper when he realized how genuinely upset and sorry Hanalei was. He understood her situation and the terrible feeling of being impossibly stuck, so he forgave her. Nonetheless, he was very suspicious how Astra played a role in this. Ever since the two girls discussed poetry (or was it "poetry?"), Hanalei began talking to Astra more and more, often in privy. He wondered for a moment if Astra talked Hanalei out of their relationship but soon thought better and discarded the thought. Everything balanced precariously on a tight rope.

Hanalei left not long after her candid confession, packing her bags and driving off in a carriage. She kissed Caspian on the cheek, keeping her tears in check, and gave Astra a fierce hug. The horses lurched forward and she never looked back. Caspian watched her disappear, numb and unable to properly react in any way. Meanwhile, Astra stood behind him and pulled a cloak over her shoulders, rubbing her arms to keep them warm.

"Come on, Caspian," she murmured. "Let's go inside." Caspian sighed and hung his head for a moment before turning on his heal and walking toward the castle. Astra followed quietly behind him. That evening, Caspian decided it would be an excellent idea to get drunk. He went into the gentleman's lounge, or "the man cave," opened a bottle of wine, and kept his glass full until he passed out on the couch, curses on his lips for being so utterly blind in more than one way.

Astra could not sleep and went looking for Caspian. She found his bed empty and wandered the castle looking for a soldier. Seeing one standing quietly outside the man cave, she opened the door to find Caspian sprawled out on the couch and an empty bottle of wine.

"Amateur," she muttered. "Didn't even bother to take his shoes off." She rearranged him properly, with all limbs on the couch, shoes off, and face near the edge of the couch with a waste bin conveniently situated underneath. She pulled a blanket over him, kissed his forehead, and fell asleep in a chair until she was greeting by the sound of retching. She uncurled herself from the chair she was sitting in and rubbed Caspian's back as he vomited and muttered.

"That was unwise," he grumbled. "Head…drums…_oh_," he moaned, before throwing up again.

"Yep, you totally broke the cardinal rule of drinking: never drink alone because it's sad and a wee bit pathetic."

"Astra?"

"Yep?"

"Please stop yelling and keep rubbing my back," Caspian murmured before his body lurched forward. Astra was about to tell him that she wasn't yelling, but thought better. Eventually, his nausea stopped and Astra persuaded him to drink lots of water and have a little bit of food.

"It's exactly one month until the voyage," Caspian murmured sleepily, even though it was early afternoon.

"I know," Astra responded carefully.

"Why am I not sad right now? About her?"

"Because you did not love her and she is going to be happy with Kaden and you are going to be fine."

"I am?"

"Only if you promise never to pull a stunt like this without me around," Astra said wryly, causing the corner of Caspian's mouth to twitch. He rolled over to fully look at her and his oceanic eyes held her still.

"I promise," was all he said, but Astra knew he meant something else. What it was, exactly, she was not sure. All she knew was that one door closed, and as the saying went, another door must have opened.


	54. Ch 54: Remember When

_Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! My poor editors (aka best friends) are very busy with school right now because we are all on the quarter system and nearing the end of our first year at college and are dealing with midterms, finals, etc. Have no fear, though, because I have all the way up to Ch. 57 written. This story is so quickly coming to a close. Meh! Anyway, you reviewers are awesome. Last chapter, this story hit 200 reviews! I am absolutely blown away. Thank you all so very much! Enjoy this chapter!_

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CHAPTER 54: Remember When

Astra insisted on reminding him of everything after Hanalei left. She was thinking of the past, pleading him to recall events with what almost could be called desperation, while his focus was on the present and the future. Funny how the tables had turned.

Hanalei was not mentioned after her departure—it was almost as if she was never there, but everyone knew that wasn't true. She had left her imprint on Caspian, but the fact was that Astra filled the castle more than Hanalei could and she made that very clear. In fact, the day after Hanalei left, the sheepdogs Bo and Alexis had decided to follow Astra again and instead of whistling to send them away, she shrieked and screamed as she dashed around the halls with the dogs nipping on her heels. Shortly after, she proceeded to rationally explain to Maria why she had soiled another dress ("Well, it sort of matched the color of the grass, so I thought that the grass stains would blend right in!"), make silly faces during a lecture from Madam Perkins, and laugh hysterically as Doctor Cornelius told her a fabulous tale. Caspian watched this all with warmth and was glad that it felt like things had not changed, even though he still had that ring in his pocket.

Astra received correspondence from Hanalei, who had decided to return home for awhile to pull herself together. It was hard enough to be known as the woman who courted the king for a stint; she could not just turn around and pursue the king's best friend. Sagely, she went back to her parent's estate along the Great River and was determined to focus on her artwork and her "endearing pupils" at the local school. Astra thought this was all well and gave Hanalei a few words of encouragement. However, Hanalei seemed keener on giving Astra encouragement:

_If you recall from our discussion on "poetry," I remember myself saying it was hypocritical of you to ridicule me for using my brain as a consultant for matters of the heart. While I must regret the harsh tone of voice I am sure I employed, I must confess, Astra, that I still stand by this statement. For a person of great feeling as yourself, you seem to have a mind block from putting some of this feeling into action. I must allude toward your feelings for Caspian—you love him, yet you cannot seem to tell him and I know this information would be a great comfort to him on his voyage. I am no longer an obstacle between you and Caspian and I have no greater wish—other than my own selfish wish involving a wonderful man from Chippingford—than to see the two of you happy._

Hanalei's letters were followed by frantic letters from Kaden, begging to know if the rumors of the split were true. Astra quickly and decisively responded to his letter.

_Kaden—_

_It is true: Caspian and Hanalei are no longer courting. Caspian is handling it well and Hanalei has returned to her family estate until the talk has died down. Kaden…well, I'll out with it: she loves you and I swear by Aslan's mane, if you screw this up, I will kick you in the balls._

_Much love,_

_Astra_

Naturally, this was followed by numerous, even more frantic letters requesting more specific advice on how to win Hanalei over "without being a complete dickhead." May had been keenly interested in the whole affair and gave off the most love-struck airs, humming and smiling all the time. Astra first thought that May was simply romanticizing the whole thing and taking great pleasure in the exciting, blossoming love, but Astra soon realized that this was not the case; May, in fact, was in love herself and with none other than Raymond, her father's fellow soldier and right-hand man. It was an odd match, with Raymond's stern and slightly paranoid demeanor mixed with May's quiet, sweet, and friendly nature, but they balanced each other out beautifully. This had all been happening without Astra noticing it—she had been greatly distracted by the Caspian/Hanalei shenanigans and was dreadfully sorry for missing out on sharing her dear friend's happiness. Astra sorrowfully confessed this to May, who immediately forgave her, and Astra insisted that May tell her every single detail, which May was extraordinarily eager to do, inevitably leading to numerous late nights of blushes and giggles. It seemed that love was abounding everywhere.

But Astra knew that she could not tell Caspian of her feelings when she was unsure of them herself. Hanalei claimed that all love was the same, while Astra was determined that there had to be a separation between romantic love and sisterly love, because she could not—_could not_—romantically love Caspian. It was completely forbidden, out of the question, and Aslan would probably have a cow, or at least get a few grey hairs in His mane from the possible consequences of such a dangerous proclamation. Her job was to get Caspian onto the _Dawn Treader_. Love would not do that.

* * *

"Trumpkin should arrive within the week to settle himself in," explained Caspian to Astra. "He will watch over the kingdom while I am gone."

"Trumpkin will do very well."

"You will help him, naturally," Caspian said and Astra bit her lip to keep herself from confessing that she would not be around to help. "I am not worried about the land. I must leave all of my best men here because they all know very little about the sea. I fear I have slightly neglected our little navy. I suppose it is the Telmarine in me, but I am very ill-acquainted with the seafaring folk."

"There is always a remedy to that," Astra assured him. "Besides, I thought you were hitting it off quite well with Lord Drinian yesterday. He seems to be very loyal."

"I am happy to have him captain the _Dawn Treader_," Caspian confessed. "Plus, I will have Reepicheep. He would not take 'no' for an answer; he was very excited about sailing and keeps on talking about 'Aslan's Country.' It's not even on the map, but he was quite convinced of its existence."

"Caspian, do you remember when you had a sword fight with dear little Jack in Beruna?" Astra asked suddenly, cutting him off.

"I… yes, of course I remember. Why do you ask?"

"I just thought of it," Astra said, shrugging sheepishly.

"From Cair, we will go north to Galma, make port for a week or so—"

"And remember when we made banana pancakes and you were covered in flour?" she laughed.

"Yes," Caspian said carefully. "Perhaps we can make a batch tomorrow morning if you wake up at a decent time. From Galma, we will continue to Terebinthia—"

"Remember when I got that weird burn mark from that bird near the How and that lovely nap we took in the meadow?" Caspian did remember the second item very fondly, the way his hand fit between her shoulder blades, the way her eyes glimmered in the sunlight, her freckled skin so close to his, and her dark curls sprawled across his torso.

"That was a terrific nap," he agreed. "The air smelled so… so…"

"Purplish," Astra declared.

"Purpish?" Caspian asked incredulously, causing Astra to roll her eyes.

"I always imagined that purple would smell like wild flowers, sweet grass, and sunshine. It was a very purplish smelling place, the How."

"Sure… like I said, we will continue to Terebinthia, which is southeast from Galma and off the coast from Archenland, as you can see—"

"Remember when we got really drunk that one night?" she asked, her eyes glittering.

"Hmm, I cannot say that I recollect all of the details of that night. In fact, I cannot recollect much of anything after you opened up that bottle of the coconut liquor."

"Really?" Astra asked, paling.

"You mean you remember that night?"

"Most of it, yeah," Astra said with a nervous laugh.

"Oh, it cannot have been that bad, was it?" asked Caspian, now very afraid of what he could have done.

"Oh no," Astra assured him. "Nothing weird happened," she lied, ignoring the twisting in her stomach at remembering Caspian listening to her heartbeat, the mere inches that separated them… "Just lots of silliness and laughter. Harmless," she added for good measure. Caspian seemed relieved and continued.

"From Terebinthia, we will head north to the Seven Isle—"

"And remember when we wished on shooting stars? And the lilies in Beaversdam that I really wanted? Wait, never mind, you were somewhere else… And remember when we danced with the dryads? And remember those lovely paintings that Emmanuel made of us?"

"Of course, they are hanging in my—"

"And remember when I sang songs with Gus? And remember when I totally owned that fucktard with my wicked archery skills? And remember when Madam Perkins tried to teach me how to dance? And remember when you got sick and I read you _The Tales of Barneby Brawn_?" And remember when—"

"Astra, why are you asking all of his?" said Caspian laughingly.

"Because I don't want you to leave and forget. I don't want you to forget about me, even if you really want to, and I know that's really selfish—"

"Astra, why would I _ever_ want to forget you?" Caspian asked. "Because after we go to the Seven Isles, we head south to the Lone Islands near Calormen, and everything after that is a complete mystery. Don't you see, Astra?" Caspian pleaded with her. "There are going to be days when I am going to think that I will never see Narnia again. Days when I am tired, no land is in sight, and water and food are running short, days when all I will want to do is give up and turn around. But I'm not because I'm going to have all of my memories of you and I will remember why it is so important that I do this and keep fighting. Because whenever I felt lost or down or confused, you found me, picked me up, and set me right. And for that, I could never forget you, even if I wanted to, even if I tried," he declared. It was too much for Astra. With this, she burst into tears and Caspian reached out and wrapped his arms around him, letting her tears wet his shirt until she grew quiet. Even then, she clutched to him, as if she was holding onto him for dear life.

"Aslan, life is such a bitch," she said bitterly.

"Well, if it was a slut, it would be easy," Caspian said, recollecting hearing Astra say it under her breath awhile ago, causing her to laugh and cry all over again.


	55. Ch 55:One More Time Before the Last Time

_Author's Note: I can't believe that it has already been four days since I last updated. I was gone all weekend without internet and energy to write, so that's probably why. Anyway, you guys did it! Thanks for helping me hit 200 reviews! You are all amazing and I thank you for your encouragement. Appropriately, I think you are going to like this chapter. A lot. :) I've never wrote anything like this before, so tell me what you think!_

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CHAPTER 55: One More Time Before the Last Time

"You look beautiful, Astra," said May, wrapping her arms around her friend's shoulders. Astra was in a stunning yellow ball gown, looking at herself in a full-length mirror before heading downstairs to Caspian's going away party.

"Thank you, May," Astra said quietly, trying to maintain her composure. The past four weeks had run away. Astra had desperately spent time with Caspian, but he was busy and excited about the voyage so much so that he was constantly distracted. What time they did have together was actually rather intimate. Caspian had forgotten all boundaries in private. When they walked on the beach together, he secured her arm around his. They would constantly read together and Astra would inevitably end up falling asleep on his shoulder before her head would slide down to his lap. They would sit close together at dinner, talking in hushed tones with the exception of Astra's squealing laughter when she found something funny. Sometimes she would catch Caspian staring at her and he never seemed ashamed of it, only offering her a soft smile.

And this was it—Caspian's last night in Cair Paravel. Also, it was Astra's last night. The next morning, Caspian would set sail and she planned on walking into the woods that she came from and seeing if she could find her way back to Oxford. That was the plan, anyway. But right now, it was hard to face the music. She looked at herself in the mirror, saw May's smile and her beautiful dress, and yet could not smile. Instead, a lone tear dripped down her face. May began to worry—"Astra, don't cry! I know it will be tough without him, but he will return to you."—but Astra quickly put a stop to it, shaking her head and wiping her cheek.

"I just have to make it through the night and the morning. I should probably be getting downstairs," she muttered, picking up her skirts. May pulled her in for one last hug, whispering something comforting in Astra's ear that never quite registered to her brain, before easing her toward the door.

* * *

She was beautiful. Caspian watched her quietly enter the room and make her way through the crowds with her head down. That was uncharacteristic of her, but he knew that she only sought _him_ out; the rest she could do without. Caspian had spent the last month thinking back to when she first came to Cair Paravel. He remembered placing his hand under her chin and wiping her temple where she landed on a sharp rock and the strength behind her punch when he first woke her up. He remembered how shocked he was seeing her archery skills and the way she immediately picked up that just because he was king did not mean that people still didn't give him orders. He remembered holding her as she learned to waltz and how in a matter of a few days, she had turned his world upside down. He remembered being happy, laughing, and being able to sleep at night.

How things had advanced from there! It had been nine months and now… now he was leaving and he could not for the life of him pinpoint when he fell in love with her. Perhaps it was when he was sick. Perhaps it was when she was hurt. Perhaps it was when they danced. Perhaps it was when they were drunk (something must have happened—his sparse memories of the evening were not exactly innocent). Perhaps it was when she held him all the times he was upset, when she tucked herself neatly into him and did not move a muscle while sleeping in his arms, when she smiled and everything bad melted away.

And this was it—he was in love with her. The ring had always been for her and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, but he had to go away for awhile. The ring would probably go with him on his voyage. He could not pin her down just yet, expect her to sit and wait for him to come back with only a ring on finger as a reminder. He was leaving and he knew the danger of the journey—there was a possibility he would not return and it frightened him to no end, but as he had told Astra weeks before, his memories of her would give him the strength to complete what he set out to do and return home to her.

Next thing he knew, she was standing in front of him. She looked beautiful. She _was_ beautiful. Compliments were given to her, but she only smiled her thanks before giving a small bow to Caspian. The men around him insisted that he could not let a pretty lady like Astra miss the first dance of the evening and Caspian held out his hand to her. She took it and put her other hand on his arm, trailing behind him to the dance floor. It was an invigorating dance and her characteristic smile soon blossomed on her face until she was back to her joyous, laughing ways. She shined as brightly as a star and Caspian realized how difficult it was going to leave the love of his life in a matter of twelve hours.

* * *

When did things change? When did friendship turn into love? When did love turn into… romance? Caspian kept his eyes on her as they danced and she felt safe and warm in his arms. Her timing was impeccable, she thought bitterly. She fell in love too late. It was too late. And it was too wrong. Aslan's words echoed in her head: she was supposed to be his friend, falling in love was never part of the plan. If he knew, he would never get on the ship. She knew he loved her now; there was no mistaking the look in his eyes. She knew that he would want to come back to her and he would return to Cair after his journey to find her gone. Somehow, that seemed kinder than telling him now and running the risk of having him refuse to board the _Dawn Treader _all together. This little game she was playing was far bigger than her at this point. She did her job and Caspian was capable of finding love and overcoming anything; he had proved this time and time again and it was a small reassurance to Astra.

She never left his side the entire night, smiling politely at lords and ambassadors, dealing with insipid court ladies and pompous aristocrats, and whispering snide comments in his ear to make him laugh. She did not care about the looks they got. Let them think what they want. They didn't know anything about them. They didn't know that she had only one night left. Neither did Caspian, who did not seem to mind the looks either, wrapping her arm around his and leaning in toward her whenever she had something to say, his eyes glittering and his smile completely unchecked.

They danced once more. It was a very slow, elegant song and old couples and bashful lovers found their way to the dance floor. Wordlessly, Caspian took her hand again and walked her to the dance floor. There, he closed the distance in between them, securing his hand on the small of her back and clasping her hand in his. She gave him a large, soft smile, her lively eyes humored. Neither wanted to part when the music ended. As they separated, it felt like they were leaving home, where their hearts were, where they belonged. The guests slowly made their way out and the castle grew dark and quiet.

* * *

Astra walked with Caspian down the halls of the castle. The air was thick and warm and something pulsated between the two figures. Astra took the initiative, turning to go to his room rather than her own, opening up the door and striding in. Caspian did not question it and instead said what was on both of their minds after closing the door behind them.

"I did not really want to be alone tonight anyway," he honestly confessed, bashfully unable to meet her gaze. The ring was still in his coat pocket. To rid himself of the temptation, he took off the coat and set it on a chair. He walked around the room, putting away books and other knickknacks as Astra remained still and huddled in the corner of the room. When he turned around, he saw her with her arms crossed, tears silently coursing down her cheeks.

"Oh Astra," he murmured, rushing to her. He wrapped his arms around her and she reciprocated, letting her sobs out into his chest as she muttered nearly incoherently.

"Why? Why now? Why couldn't…? How…? Leaving…" Finally, she grew quiet and Caspian gently kissed her forehead. She relaxed under the contact of his lips. He softly hummed the last song they danced to, placing his hand on her back again and taking her hand. Astra gave a soft laugh, wiping away her tears before placing her hand on his shoulder. She waited a few beats before she tucked her head on his chest, her breath tickling his neck. Caspian knew this was how it was supposed to be; this was true love, to be so folded into another person that _youandI_ was one entity. Nine months ago he would have never thought it possible to care for a person so much, to care for _this_ person so much. When he returned from the voyage, he would have so much to look forward to. He had his life with Astra ahead of him. But for now, he had one night. For once, he did not have a plan. He was not going to think things through this time. This time, it was up to his heart. It was terrifying and exhilarating, but he knew it was the right thing.

"Caspian… I…" Astra began slowly, pulling her head away to look at him, letting her hands drop to her side. "You're leaving tomorrow and I just… I have been racking my brains trying to think of something to say. You know, like the big speech in the movies that comes out magically perfect. And I'm like, _shit,_ that's not gonna happen. So, I've been thinking. And it's funny, because I… of all the times, words fail me… who am I kidding? Like I can even _think_ right now. There's so much to say… and so much _not_ to say… that doesn't even make _sense_. _Shit._ Like, this is so frustrating for me, you know? Because I have a perfect score otherwise of saying all the right things… okay, that's a lie, I've said some pretty stupid things, but I think I have an 'A.' Maybe 'A-'. 'B+' at the least. _Shit,_ I'm not making sense again. Okay, I guess what I am trying to say is that… is that… is that you're _leaving_ tomorrow. Wait, I've already said that. Um… _can you stop looking at me like that?_"

"Like what?"

"You are totally _laughing_ at me right now!"

"I am not," lied Caspian, unable to keep from smiling.

"You so _are_!" she cried indignantly. "Here I am, making an effort to say something really nice and thoughtful when it counts because you are leaving tomorrow and you stand there, _smirking_ as I struggle!"

"Alright, I will keep a straight face. Now, you just take a moment to think about what you want to say, and when you are ready, I will listen to you."

"Thank you," she said primly and Caspian wanted to laugh all over again at her seriousness. She paced the room for a moment, her fingers playing on her lips.

"I just feel really stupid. Like, I _knew_ this was going to happen—well, I did not expect it to happen like _this_—but I should have already had this whole thing prepared. And I am standing here now in front of you, and it's your last night here, and I'm at a loss of words. Well, congrats, Caspian," she cried, tossing up her hands. "You have rendered me speechless."

"In all fairness, you do that to me on a daily basis," Caspian said quietly. Astra, who was staring down before, looked up abruptly to meet his gaze. She sighed deeply.

"Oh, Caspian. I just… _God damn it, why is my brain not functioning?_" she growled. "Wait, I…? Caspian, you are so… you are so…" she took a few steps close to him, the words that she wanted to say lingering on the tip of her tongue. She was so close to him. He could feel her breath on his skin and her blue eyes were clear and bright in the moonlight, full of confusion and fear and affection. "Caspian, what I am trying to say is… _oh, fuck it_," she muttered and placed her hands on either side of his face, stood up on tiptoes, and pressed her lips against his.

It was over so quickly that Caspian could barely register what had passed. The contact was fleeting, but the sensation lingered and she remained there on her tiptoes, her hands still on either side of his face, looking into his eyes with shock, a little guilt, but mostly relief. There was an apology on her lips and she began to pull away, but Caspian silenced her by grabbing her face and bending down to kiss her. Her hands were still in the air, having just let go of Caspian's face, and she froze for a moment before her entire body seemed to relax and mold into his. Her hands landed on his chest and she leaned into him. She could feel his heart hammering away in his chest as she moved her lips against his, searching for an answer to the unknown question lingering on her mind. His thumb stroked her jaw before his hand moved to her waist to pull her closer to him. She couldn't think, only react, and let her hands wander up to his neck, combing her fingers through the tufts of hair at the base of his skull. She could hear a low rumble in his throat and she deepened the kiss, pressing her body against his. She could feel him smile into their kiss, delighting in the feeling every curve of her warm body against his. Astra grabbed his shirt and pulled him backward, trailing kisses along his jaw and neck until she felt her back against a wall.

Now, their kisses became more urgent, exploring each other with tongues and lips. Astra was running her hands down his chest when his lips found a particularly sensitive part of her neck, causing her to gasp. She could feel him laugh into her neck and taking his face in her hands, she planted kisses along his jaw until she reached the delicate patch of skin behind his ear. His breath grew shallow and hitched when she nibbled his ear and gently pulled his earlobe. Her curls were in disarray when they separated and both were completely out of breath, hands holding each other's faces, and their eyes meeting each other with complete fascination and amazement. Caspian kissed her forehead, each cheek, her nose, and then hovered over her lips for a moment before plunging in, taking her breath away with the most painfully sweet kiss. They remained with their noses touching each other, eyes still closed so they would not have to wake up from the dream they were living.

Astra slid her hands down his chest, pulled his tunic out of his pants, slithered a hand up the unexplored patch of skin, and tossed off his shirt. In the moonlight, Astra could see him almost as clear as day. His muscles were coiled and his chest rose and fell with his rapid breathing. A finger gently grazing his skin stopped his breath all together. She could see the scars and battle wounds, faint silver marks that shone in the moonlight. Their lips met again until Astra pulled apart and wordlessly turned around, feeling for the top buttons of her dress. Caspian's gulp was audible and for a little encouragement, Astra pulled him toward her and placed his hands on her shoulder. He kissed the back of her neck and she shivered; slowly, hands fumbling, Caspian unfastened button after button, pausing to kiss her now bare shoulders. Astra shimmied the dress off and it tumbled in a heap on the ground.

Underneath, Astra wore only a thin slip and a pair of panties. It was blindingly white against her now tanned and freckled skin and for a moment, Caspian feared the sheer power she had over him and the way his head spun. All of his fears where assuaged when she smiled and stepped toward him, throwing her arms around his neck. He picked her up and spun her, causing her to release a hushed, tinkling laugh, and she captured his lips once again. Their feet shuffled along until Astra felt the back of her legs hit the bed. She tumbled down and pulled Caspian with her, who landed with an _oomph_ onto her.

Embarrassed by his face landing on her chest, Caspian rolled to the side and watched Astra warily. She made herself quite comfortable, lying on her side to face him with a wry smile on her face and her curls tumbling across the pillow. Caspian gently stroked her cheek before kissing her again. Excited by the new expanse of smooth, taunting skin, Caspian was the instigator this time, running his hands down bare arms, down her spine, and along her hip until he reached her thigh, which he approached with caution. Upon feeling his cool hand on the warm skin, Astra gasped in their kiss and responded by tossing that leg over his body. Eventually she came to straddle him with her hands running all along his chest and his hands on her hips. He could have died from happiness upon seeing her mischievous little smirk dance on her lips, her curls tumbling down on either side of her face as she went to sit up. She giggled and he let his hands drop to her thighs, making lazy circles on the sensitive skin, causing her tilt her head back, close her eyes, and release a deep sigh of contentment.

They both froze when they heard the clock strike three. They looked at each other in wonder, bewildered how the time passed and how suddenly they were wearing significantly less clothing and had found their way to a bed. Astra, who was straddling Caspian, jumped off him, but Caspian caught her ankle and teasingly pulled her toward him. Delighting in the pale skin, Caspian planted kisses along her leg until he reached her knee, which was impossibly ticklish to her. She could not help but snigger and curled herself up so her arms wrapped around her knees as she stared up into Caspian's eyes. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and she immediately relaxed at his touch, relishing in the feeling of his thumb affectionately stroking her jaw. Finally he spoke, his voice low and raspy.

"You are beautiful," he said earnestly, causing Astra to shiver in delight. He crawled closer to her and planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

"Tomorrow…"

"Don't talk about tomorrow," he shook his head.

"But tomorrow's today," she insisted. Caspian thought about what she meant and realized that he would be on the _Dawn Treader_ in a matter of hours.

"Tomorrow is today," he borrowed his words with a sad sigh.

"Caspian…" she whimpered.

"It is alright, Astra. You do not have to say it, I understand," he said softly. He knew she loved him. That was all he needed to know. This seemed to be an immense relief for her and she traced the lines on his hands with her fingertips, unsure what to do next. Taking her by surprise, he grabbed her and pinned her to the bed, causing her to let out a squeal. They rolled around, their limbs getting tangled in each other until Astra surrendered because her stomach hurt from silently laughing. Caspian pulled her body into his so that they spooned, her head resting on one of his arms and the other wrapped protectively around her waist. He kissed her shoulder, the crook of her neck, her cheek, and then turned her chin toward him so he could plant one final kiss on her lips. She settled her head back onto his arm, burrowing her body into his, and only when her breathing grew deep and regular did Caspian close his eyes and allow himself to drift to sleep, knowing that while she was in his arms, she would not move for the rest of the night.


	56. Ch 56: The Real Tales of Barnaby Brawn

_Author's Note: So, um, I really don't have anything to say. Uh... thanks for the reviews? And... I wrote this. Yeah... read on._

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CHAPTER 56: The Real Tales of Barnaby Brawn

When Caspian woke up the next morning, he realized that this was how he wanted to wake up every day for the rest of his life. Astra laid curled up into him, lightly snoring, her curls tickling his nose, the skin on her neck and shoulder both taunting and inviting, the little curve of her waist perfect for a hand to rest on, and her legs tangled up in his. Yes, this was how he wanted to wake up each and every morning, with the beautiful girl that he was positively in love with sleeping in his arms. She was amazing. She could talk—Aslan, could she _talk_—but he had made her speechless; she slept crazily, rolling each and every way in the night, but with him, she remained curled up, just as he left her when he closed his own eyes.

Caspian could imagine their future together. He imagined her in a white dress with little tears of joy in her eyes; he imagined her sitting across the table from him, making eyes at him; he imagined holding hands with her—_really_ holding hands—anywhere they went. They would be inseparable; they would ride together, talk together, walk together, dance together, read together, _be_ together… forever and always. He loved her. At that moment, he realized he could not postpone it or kid himself any longer: he would marry her if it was the last thing he ever did.

Caspian carefully got out of bed, sliding his arm out from under her sleeping head. Astra stirred and rolled over to face him, but did not move otherwise. It was still early morning as he crept out into his sitting room, where his coat was left on a chair. He reached into the coat pocket and pulled out the ring. It caught the early morning sun and glittered; it would look beautiful on her hand. With the ring enclosed in his fist, he walked back into the bedroom. The book on his bedside table—most appropriately _The Tales of Barnaby Brawn_—was opened and he placed the ring inside before shutting the cover. It was barely noticeable, the spine hardly cracked at all. With a satisfied smile, Caspian slipped back into bed. Astra, in her sleepy state, gravitated toward his warmth. Caspian put his arm so it cradled her neck again and her hands found themselves on his chest and arm. A loopy, content smile crept onto her face and her breathing continued deep and even. Caspian drifted in and out of sleep; after all, he was already living in his dream.

He could have stayed like that forever, but finally, he knew he would have to wake her before someone came into his room and discovered them.

"Wake up, my love," he whispered, planting a kiss on her forehead. He repeated his words, then kissed her nose and finally her lips. At last, she stirred and opened her eyes to meet Caspian's warm gaze. Groggily, she studied his face as if trying to recognize him and when she did, her eyes grew wide.

"_Shit!_" she cried, sitting up.

"Good morning to you too," Caspian murmured, humored, as he pulled her back down. For a moment, she struggled, but she fell back into his familiar embrace. He could hear her heart hammering in her chest.

"Sleep well?" she asked, her voice strained.

"Very well," he murmured, his lips passing over the ridge of her ear. "Best I have slept in a long time." She raggedly exhaled when his lips found that spot on her neck that made her lose all resolve.

"Today…"

"Do not talk about today. I cannot think of _today_," Caspian spat the hateful word. A heavy silence filled the air.

"Caspian, you can't be regretting the voyage," began Astra in a panic. "Not today, not now."

"That is not what I meant," he said, stroking her cheek. "It is not that I cannot think of today, but that my mind is on the future." Astra raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Oh, so you are nervous about how the journey will fare. Well, that's perfectly fine—"

"You misinterpret me again," he laughed softly. Astra looked at him with a mixture of confusion and innocence. "My mind is on _our_ future."

"_Our_ future?" Astra asked, wrinkling her nose in puzzlement.

"Yes, _our_ future," said Caspian, kissing the same nose. He sat up and took a deep breath. Astra followed and kneeled on the bed, her hands rested on her legs. Caspian carefully took both of her hands, waited until he caught her gaze, and never took his eyes off of her as he spoke from the heart.

"Astra Celeste Gorlois, when I woke up this morning, I never felt so complete. The sky probably could have been falling and I would have been content to remain where I was."

"Naw, you would be running around, screaming like a little girl," she said with critical, mischievous eyes.

"Shh, you are ruining my grand speech. Unlike you, I am not quite at a loss for words. I do believe you once accused me of spouting nonsense like some 'trashy romance novel,' but I will do my best to sound sincere. I woke up earlier than you and for the longest time, I thought. And I thought about us, Astra, and I thought about _this_, and I thought about our future… our future _together_.

"I want to wake up with you in my arms every morning. I want to be the only one who can wake you up without needing to throw something at you. I want to be the only one you will willingly wake up to without a fight. I want to be the one who you barely recognize through tired eyes through breakfast and the first one you speak to in the morning when you finally find your voice. I want to be the one who you fall asleep onto while reading a good book. I want to be the one to hold your hand as we walk around the grounds and the one who you wrap your arms around as we ride horses together. I want to be the one who makes you laugh and the one who is so lucky to receive that impossibly contagious smile of yours. I want to be the one who you yell at when you are mad, who you seek out when you need comfort, and the one you cry on when you are sad. I want to be the ear to listen to your secrets, the eyes to see how beautiful you are, the hand for you to hold onto, and the lips for you to kiss. I want to be the one who… well, I just want to be The One. Because you are mine."

"Caspian, I don't…"

"I do not know when it happened. I do not know how it happened or why it happened, but somewhere along the way, sometime along these nine months, friendship turned into something else. I realized I loved you, that I would do anything for you. And now, not only do I love you, but I am impossibly, irreconcilably, and ardently in love with you."

"…_what?_" whispered Astra, not sure if she was beginning to hear things.

"I am Barnaby Brawn," he smiled sheepishly. "I finally found the girl who completes me and I hope to Aslan that I am not such a douchebag to let her go."

"A douchebag?" she laughed at his word choice. "Really?"

"I believe that is what you called him. Did I say it right?"

"Yes, you did," she laughed. "I just… _wow_, I can't believe you remembered that." Caspian gave her a knowing smile and picked up the book at the bedside, carefully opening it up so he would not let the ring fall out.

"_Of course_ I remember. I _always_ remember. 'Barnaby Brawn met the girl on an otherwise forgettable day. However, she had a habit of making things remarkably memorable, a trait which Barnaby attributed to the continuing sharpening of his mind until he realized that all credit should be bestowed on her,'" he read. "Do you not see now?" Caspian implored Astra. "I have so many memories of you. Nine months have passed and I have never felt so alive. It was like… it was like I had forgotten how to live. I was so withdrawn and stuck; I was so involved being a king that I forgot what it was like to be a man. You pulled me out of that dark place and made me remember, even things I did not want to remember, and with you, I made many, many new memories, memories that I will hold and cherish forever and always. Do you not see? All credit should be bestowed on you, Astra. You have given me my life back. And now, I want to devote my life entirely to you." Caspian pulled out the ring.

"_Holy shit!_" Astra cried, jumping off the bed. "_Holy fucking shit_. You still carry that… oh, _fucking hell_," she moaned. Caspian leapt of the bed and followed her as she paced around the room.

"It is not my mother's ring. I lied. I lied to you," he quickly confessed. She responded with equal rapidness.

"Then why—?"

"Because I needed an excuse."

"Why?"

"Because it was never for Hanalei. I have long realized that it was never for Hanalei and when you found it, I realized I could never give it to Hanalei because it belonged to you."

"To me?" she asked incredulously.

"I bought it in Beaversdam when I snuck off that morning."

"_That's_ what you were doing?" she asked angrily. "Buying some ring?"

"Yes, for you, a ring _for you_. Because I loved you. Because I love you." Astra finally stopped her pacing to look at him.

"Why would you buy a ring for me, Caspian?" she asked, her eyes beginning to tear up.

"So I can ask you this question," Caspian said, getting down on one knee. He looked up at Astra, his eyes happily shining. He held the ring up to her and took her hand. "Astra Celeste Gorlois, will you marry me?" A single tear fell quickly from her eye and she looked at Caspian in complete and utter shock, her mouth forming an "o" shape.

"Marry you?" she whispered.

"Yes, _marry me_," Caspian repeated more earnestly, his face breaking out in a grin. "Make me the happiest of men."

"That would make me…"

"Queen, yes, but it is just a title."

"This is… um, this is _huge_."

"I know, but I do not ask you lightly. I mean it, Astra. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you."

"I'm nineteen, Caspian. I can't even _describe_ what love is."

"That does not make you incapable of feeling it or knowing what it is like to be on the receiving end of it. I know that and I know that you know that."

"But you're _leaving_," she sobbed out.

"Accept and I will have more incentive than ever to come back," he said cheekily. Finally, he stood up and rubbed his hands up and down Astra's arms to comfort her. "Will you marry me, Astra?" There was no telling what was going on in her mind at the moment. Her eyes darted back and forth and her mouth quirked in all directions, feeling something new every single second.

"This is sudden," she finally managed to say.

"I know. I know," Caspian repeated sadly. "I know it may seem rather rash on my part, but I have never felt surer of anything in my entire life. I love you so much, it is overwhelming."

"Yeah, I get that," she retorted ironically, looking rather overwhelmed herself. "It is a lot to… um, process. Caspian, I…"

"Think about it. Just take the morning to think about it and let me know before I leave. Until then, hold onto this," he said, closing the ring in her palm. "It was always for you." Noise outside the chamber made them jump.

"_Shit!_" Astra cried, realizing she was still in her underclothes, her complicated dress tossed in a corner of the room.

"Um… my coat! Take my coat," Caspian called out, tossing the coat to her. She threw it over her shoulders and Caspian watched her in awe as she hastily wrapped it around her body, fastening the buttons with nimble fingers. She was about to walk out the door when Caspian pushed her against the wall and fiercely kissed her. By the time he untangled his fingers from her hair, she had just found her breath again. "_Now_ you can go," he said with a satisfied smile on his face. Astra offered a shaky, bewildered smile back and shut the door.

Down the hall she walked with a brisk step. Entering her room, she made her way to the bedroom and began taking off the coat, only to find May sitting patiently by her immaculately made bed.

"I figured you… um, Caspian?" asked May. Astra slowly nodded.

"I… I… May, oh I…"

"Oh Astra, what is it? What's wrong?" May asked her with a worried expression on her face. Astra reached into the coat pocket, felt the ring, and began to cry in frustration and anguish.


	57. Ch 57: Forever and Always

_Author's Note: Before you all go "crazy reviewers" on me, I must inform you that even just a week ago, I thought this story would have 65 chapters. It seems like there just may (maybe, now I am starting to wing it length-wise) be a few more chapters than that. But I must stress, just a few. That is all. Please read and review!_

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CHAPTER 57: Forever and Always

"So, let me see if I understand this: Caspian is in love with you and you are in love with him, and after expressing your love for each other, Caspian proposed and you could not give him a response and now you have a ring and not a clue what to do?"

"That is about right, May," said Astra, finally able to dry her tears after a rushed, rambling confession of what had passed between her and Caspian.

"Why are you so hesitant if you are in love with him?"

"Because I _just_ figured out I'm in love with him," Astra moaned. "As far as I am concerned, it could be a fluke. I mean, people fall in love all the time and they always swear that they are in love only to find out later that they really weren't. I mean, _shit_, I'm nineteen. In my world, people don't marry until their mid to late twenties. I'm practically a kid, really."

"Age does not matter," May said sagely. "When you know, you _know_."

"But I _don't know_."

"But you _do._"

"This is all happening way too fast. We've known each other only nine months and we are still growing and changing. I have revolutionized his life and I still have two-year-old temper tantrums when I don't get my way. I mean, isn't a good proper date supposed to come before a marriage proposal?" Astra cried indignantly.

"Ideally. Then again, you two have never exactly been a conventional couple."

"Tru dat." Astra sighed. "But this is way bigger than me," she confessed. "Being married to Caspian wouldn't be like marrying any guy on the street. He's the _king_. Which means I would be the _queen_. That means I have to do queenly shit, like go to official functions, and be polite to annoying people, and be a gracious hostess, and make decisions that impact other people's lives, and know about foreign policy and taxes, and all the crazy inner-workings of the government, _and_ I have to pop out little ankle-biters so he can have an heir to the thrown."

"If it is any consolation," sighed May, "I think you would make a wonderful queen."

"I don't want to be queen. I _never_ wanted to. From the first day I was here, I made that very clear."

"And so a title is going to stop you?"

"This is about _so_ much more than a title. Hanalei lied: I do have expectations to fulfill. I have expectations from Aslan and this contradicts _everything_. Marriage is scary. Love is scary."

"I must say, these are all understandable and logical reasons to deny this proposal," May began slowly, "but have you considered the benefits of it? I mean, you do love him, do you not?" May asked, smoothing Astra's hair back.

"More than anything in this world or Oxford," Astra said softly, feeling tears back in her eyes.

* * *

Her mind was so distracted that her body was rather useless. Somehow, May got her presentable by the time that Caspian was supposed to set sail. The _Dawn Treader_ was a fine ship, obviously made with diligence and care, prodigiously well stocked and built sturdily. Although small, the ship had its own charm to it and even had a handsome dragon as the figurehead on the bow. The dock was a hubbub of sailors and soldiers, court members and well-wishers, citizens and lords, humans and Animals, Narnians and Telmarines. Everyone had gathered to see King Caspian off onto his grand voyage.

However, on the beach it was quiet. Caspian had sent word for her to meet him there. Astra saw him standing in the sand, his blonde hair whipped in the ocean breeze, his eyes full of hope and yearning, and his hand apprehensively grasping his wrist to not give away how nervous he was. Caspian smiled at seeing Astra wear his coat over the blue dress that matched her eyes. It suited her so well. He walked toward her, softly kissed her forehead, and laced his fingers through her hand. Both cast off their shoes and walked barefoot to a small cave, away from the hubbub of the dock. The late morning light glowed in Caspian's blue eyes, full of excitement and anticipation. At last they reached the cove, Caspian turning to look at her.

His eyes said everything. He was already looking into the future, imaging endless afternoons together doing absolutely nothing, her curled up next to him reading a book, her assaulting him with grapes across the dining room table, her laying next to him, their breathing perfectly matched. Two bodies, one soul… wasn't that the essence of love? He looked at her, his eyes filled with young love, the kind that made Astra's heart skip a beat. But, he saw her tremble and the look of fear in her eyes.

"I know," he said, cupping her face in his hands, "I know you are scared. And I am too, oh Aslan, I am scared to my wit's end and I have never, _ever_ felt so alive before. This feels so right. _Marry me_. I love you." She held his hands to her face for a moment before she gently pushed them away. Slowly, she reached into her pocket, pulling out the ring. Taking his hand, she placed the ring in his open palm and closed his fingers around it. "I do not understand," he said, wiping the look of excitement and endearment off his face.

"I… I can't say what you want me to say."

"Can't or won't?" Caspian asked, knowing her all too well.

"Can't!"

"You… you do not love me?" Caspian asked, pain filling every inch of his body.

"No, _no_!"

"Then you love me, but you are not _in love _with me?"

"It's not that," she sighed.

"Then, I do not understand at all," he shook his head in disbelief. "If you love me, then why can you not say it?"

"Because it means a lot. If I tell you I love you, that would mean accepting this ring. It would mean accepting to be your wife, your lover, your friend, and the Queen of your country; it would be accepting to rule by your side, to host parties and pretend to be nice to ridiculous politicians, to make little Caspians, and to step in your place when you are gone. It would also be leaving behind my home, my school, my friends, and my family," Astra rambled on, then realized she was probably turning purple and took a deep breath. "I mean, _shit_. You are asking the _world_ of me."

"It is a lot, I know, but we can do this. Together."

"_You_ can. _I_ can't."

"Can't or won't?" the question echoed through the cave again.

"Can't! I _can't_ Caspian!" she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Don't you get it? This is _way_ beyond us now. This is totally in Aslan's hands… paws… whatever. This is… _shit, _this is totally forbidden. Romance between us? It's like a _huge_ no-no."

"Why?" Caspian asked, his voice with an angry edge to it.

"Aslan told me to '_just_ be your friend.' That's why I'm here. I've done my job."

"Why would Aslan ever forbid love?" Caspian asked, throwing Astra off.

"Well, he didn't forbid it, but it was pretty well implied. He repeated himself _twice_."

"I do not understand why Aslan would ever forbid love when he is the embodiment of that very virtue," Caspian continued to shake his head in disbelief. "There is something you are not telling me. There is some other reason why you are refusing me," he said, his eyes full of pain.

"Look at you, Caspian," Astra sighed. "You are a man, a man who loves his life and his kingdom and his people—"

"And you."

"And me," she relented. Then, shaking her head, "You see, it won't work! I'm supposed to be helping Aslan by helping you. And if I screw this up, I screw _everything_ up. All I was supposed to do was to have you fall in love with life and make sure you get on that ship. And now, I'm holding you back when I'm supposed to be pushing you forward. I can't marry you because you need to get on the _Dawn Treader._"

"I am surprisingly good at multitasking," Caspian said seriously. "I think I can handle being on a ship and being engaged at the same time." Astra snorted. "What?"

"You're so funny when you aren't even trying to be, that's all," said Astra with a roll of her eyes, even though her tone was rather affectionate.

"I still love you. And we have our issues but we have time to make it work. Just accept you will be my wife and I will get on that ship and think of you each and every waking moment," he said, his excitement building, "and while I am away, you can get everything sorted out in your head and when I return, we can be united as one forever." Caspian looked at her, his grin from ear to ear. "Or you can come with me!" Astra couldn't help but laugh.

"You and I both know that is not possible."

"I know," he said with a resigned smile, "but I just like saying that. _Come away with me_," he whispered, his voice dancing on the cave walls. Astra could feel herself shiver. "Astra Celeste Gorlois, I love you with all my heart. I would give up my life and my throne for you," he said, taking her hand. "Surely you must believe me when I say these things."

"I do. I _do_ believe you. It's just that… _damn_, it's scary shit."

"I am scared too," he said and for the first time, Astra could see the fear in his eyes. Caspian had spent his entire life following the rules and this just about broke every single one. "Just say yes and we can work through our fears together."

"We don't have Time, Caspian. That's what… that's the reason. Our Time has run its course. You get on that ship and I'm gone."

"What?" he asked, now beginning to panic.

"That was the deal. You get on that ship and I complete Aslan's mission and then I go back to Oxford."

"Then I will not leave!" he quickly protested, his jaw tightening fiercely in indignation.

"But you _have_ to! See, this is _exactly_ what I was afraid of!" Astra cried, tears coming to her eyes. "I knew that as soon as you found out, you would want to back out of the voyage. And that's not how things are supposed to be."

"_This _is not how things are supposed to be!" Caspian protested.

"You promised, Caspian! You promised Aslan and your kingdom and yourself! This is no longer about me! It's about _you_!" cried Astra, now more angry than upset.

"Please stay," he begged, with more desperation in his voice. "I cannot bear to lose you."

"I'll be right here," Astra said, stroking his head, "and here," she said, pointing to his heart. "You won't really lose me. It… it just seems hard right now. I've known. I've known the entire time that I would have to say goodbye to you and _shit, _Caspian, it made loving you so _damn hard,_" she whispered, a few tears falling from her eyes.

"Why did you not say anything before? Save me the pain and trouble—"

"Because I never thought I would become that important! I figured nine months and _poof_, I would be gone. I never expected to change everything, to fall in love… _shit_." She gasped for air, resting her forehead against the cool walls of the cave. She heard Caspian's feet sink into the sand behind her, then an arm wrap around her waist and one across her shoulders. She could feel herself melt into him, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder. "You would drop everything for me in a heartbeat. But I can't do that for you. That alone should be a sign, Caspian."

"If only we had more Time," he murmured in her ear, sounded dejected and lost. He froze, unwinding himself from her. "I am getting in the habit of saying that to beautiful brunettes."

"Perhaps you'll meet a blonde," Astra said, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "I'm sorry, Caspian. I really, really am."

"I will never, _ever_ stop loving you."

"I know." With that, he rushed to her, hugging her tightly. In each other's arms, they dissolved into tears, tears of regret, confusion, disappointment, and despair. With a sigh, she knew that if he was ever going to let go of her, she had to let him go first. "It's Time, Caspian," she whispered. "They're waiting for you." Slowly, Caspian unwrapped his arms around her. Astra quickly wiped his tears away, and then he took her hands and squeezed them.

"Thank you. For everything." He looked into her eyes, then his gaze trailed down to her lips. "May I?" Astra could only nod as he hesitantly bent down to softly, chastely brush his lips over hers. He moved away and Astra raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He grabbed her, pouring out all of his heart's desires into that single, searing kiss that left Astra breathless. His arm circled her hips and pulled her close while another hand was lost in her curls; Astra feverishly caressed her lips against his as her hands clutched his shirt, unwillingly to let go. At last, the kiss slowed until it was achingly sweet and then, they parted. "Damn it, I love you," he murmured, his lips still against hers.

"You swore!" Astra giggled, her eyelashes brushing against his skin.

"And I'll swear it over and over again. I love you, I love you, I _love_ you," he promised, kissing her cheeks and her nose. "I never wanted to say goodbye. I never planned on saying good-bye."

"Well, we just suck at making plans and sticking to them," Astra said regretfully.

"Then this is the end," he said softly. "After everything, this is how we part… as almost lovers." Then, wistfully, "But if there is ever a twist of Fate and you find yourself back in Narnia, you are always welcome at Cair Paravel. And if not… just think of me, because I will be thinking of you."

"I wish this could work." With a snort she added, "I wish upon a fallen star!" thinking of their inside joke.

"I will never forget that night: that night when we were star gazing and the reflection of the night sky was in your eyes. We were happy. That is how I will remember you, this immense feeling of warmth and happiness." Astra looked at him knowingly. "That, and this morning," he added sheepishly. Noise came from the dock.

"They're waiting for you," said Astra, feeling herself choke up. Caspian pulled her into a bear hug and quickly kissed her like a newlywed reluctant to go to work. He walked a few steps away then turned around with a bright smile on his face. "I still love you. And I will love you… forever and always." Astra couldn't keep from smiling. She watched his figure walk back to the port and get on the boat, his eyes never leaving the cave. And then he sailed off into the distance, utterly alone. Astra sank into the cave, feeling numb.

* * *

_Ruin hath taught me thus to ruminate:_

_That Time will come and take my love away._

_This thought is as a death which cannot choose_

_But weep to have that which it fears to lose._

_- Shakespeare's 64th Sonnet, lines 11-14_


	58. Ch 58: Empty Handed

_Author's Note: Oh my goodness, I am so so so sorry for leaving you all hanging like that, especially since the end of the last chapter was so darn sad! My editors/best friends in the world were super busy with finals, as was I, and I had to move out of the dorms this weekend and after sitting in a car for eight hours, finally got home. Sigh. Aaaaaand to top it all off, my room is being painted so I don't even get to move back into my own room. Life is very tough. But I finished off my freshman year in college! Woot woot! I feel great right now and will be updating the usual every 3-5 days or so. Thanks so much for hanging in there and I KNOW you all are going to love this chapter... read on to find out what happens!_

_Oh, and it is mandator to listen to the song below while reading this chapter._

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_Goodbye, my almost lover._

_Goodbye, my hopeless dream._

_I'm trying not think about you._

_Why can't you just let me be?_

_So long my luckless romance._

_My back is turned to you._

_Should've known you'd bring me heartache—_

_Almost lovers always do._

_-"Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy_

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CHAPTER 58: Empty Handed

Astra sank into the sand inside the cave, concentrating on her new mission: breathing. She could hear the cheers across the bay, sending off King Caspian into the great beyond. Yet even then, as he was supposed to be smiling and waving at the well-wishers and as the ship disappeared over the horizon, his eyes would never leave the spot where he left her, faithful and unwavering even when there wasn't a hope in the world. Astra could imagine him, his dirty blonde hair blowing in the wind, his gaze never leaving her, even when miles away and nursing the hole in his heart. There would be suspicions, but no one would really know the thoughts and memories trapped inside his head throughout his journey, not even the girl he yearned for.

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale_, was the mantra in Astra's head, knowing that if she didn't think about breathing, she would surely pass out. That was how numb she felt, unsure of her very existence. She didn't know how long had passed before she finally felt a stab of pain in her chest. Gasping for air, she called out his name:

"Caspian!" she called after him, dashing out of the cave. She glanced frantically out in the ocean, only to see miles and miles of endless blue. She ran out to the sea, the blue water swirling around her ankles as she called his name. The feelings that rumbled low in her chest finally burst forth, as she began to sob, each tear draining her as if she was losing blood and each gasp for air rattling her chest as if she had broken every rib. She sank into the sand, the tide washing over her. He was gone, long gone, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

* * *

Caspian stayed on the upper deck, trying to remember which speck in the distance was where he had left Astra. The crew bustled around him, allowing Caspian to sink into his own thoughts. The wind blew roughly against his face, causing his eyes to water, tears rolling across his cheeks. His own sadness did not help much either.

_I let her go too easily. I should not have just let her go_, he thought to himself. He mentally kicked himself, wishing he had said more, said less, not moved, kissed her harder, and begged Aslan and anyone with the slightest power to make her stay. However, he never regretted loving her, proposing to her, kissing her—how could he regret falling in love with the most beautiful girl in the world?

"Your Majesty?" asked one of the crew. "Are you well?" Caspian looked at the man for the longest of time, finally realizing that some sort of an answer was in order.

"There is much to do," he managed to say, burrowing himself in work. He knew that the ship would stay afloat, but if allowed to bury himself in his own thoughts, he would surely sink.

The night was torture, though. He lay down in the hammock, which swayed gently with the rolling waves. He thought that this journey would complete him, but something was missing. Of course, he realized it was _her_ and his heart that he had left back in Narnia. Finally, in the early morning, he managed to fall into an uneasy sleep and an even more uneasy dream.

She was there, in the simple white dress that she liked to get dirty in when she romped through the garden, looking at him with her cobalt blue eyes saying everything that she couldn't make into words. Then, her gaze changed into something more melancholy and distant. It was then that he realized that she actually was getting distant. Determined not to lose her again, Caspian reached out for her hand. He caught it, but she did not grip his hand with the same intensity. Instead, she gave him a sad smile, letting herself be pulled by the force, Fate, Time, or something of the like. Caspian tried to speak, but he couldn't say a word. He begged with his eyes, _Don't leave me. Don't leave me again_, but it was futile. He could feel his arm stretch out to its limit, sending shoots of pain up his arm. This pain compared little to the searing pain in his chest. Finally, her hand slipped out of his and he finally found his voice.

"Astra! ASTRA!" he called after her as she was swept away. He heard a door fly open, footsteps trudging in, and the sound of swords being drawn. Caspian opened his eyes, on the ground with his hand outstretched, and crew members surrounding him with an assortment of weapons.

"My liege, was there an intruder? What happened?" asked Reepicheep with his sword drawn and beady little eyes thirsty for action.

"My lord, breathe," suggested Lord Drinian, causing Caspian to take a large gulp of air.

"It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. I apologize for waking you. You may return to your quarters." The crew looked at one another warily, not wanting to move. "You may leave," he added more firmly. They slowly filled out the door, a few giving him lingering gazes full of hesitance and sympathy. Caspian realized he was still on the floor, his arm tingling and palm open, ready to grab something. A bit of the night ocean breeze drifted into his room. He inhaled it deeply, closing his eyes and picturing the night sky. This, of course, made him think of her even more. _Aslan,_ he prayed, _why could we not have more Time? Why is this our Fate?_ He smiled bitterly to himself, thinking he was naïve to even have the slightest hope for an answer. He opened his eyes and stared at that hand for a moment then quickly shut it; there was no one there to hold onto it.

* * *

"Where are you going?" asked May with frightened eyes in the doorway. Astra stopped from packing her bag, guilt written all over her face. "You told him no, did you not?" asked May softly, seeing her friend's eyes rimmed red.

"I had to say no," Astra replied with equal softness. "It's too sudden."

"Well, I suppose you will have time when he returns."

"My Time is up," Astra said, shoving on her father's fedora cap that she had forgotten about long ago. She really only wore it when she needed comfort and while she was in Narnia, she never really needed that. Now, however, she did. "I'm leaving Narnia now, May."

"What? Leaving? Now?" cried May, tears brimming in her eyes.

"I had a deal with Aslan: help Caspian become the best version of himself before he sets sail on his voyage. In exchange, I get to return home."

"Is it really home anymore? This land of Oxford?" implored May, uneager to see her friend go.

"I don't know, May. I don't know anything anymore."

"Well, did you ask Aslan if you could stay?"

"May, I can't stay!" Astra shouted, causing her friend to retreat. Softening her tone, she continued. "It would not be fair to Caspian. I think I have already done enough damage."

"You have changed everything, Astra," breathed May. "Your job was to change Caspian's life, but honestly, you have changed all of our lives. I do not want you to go. You have become a dear friend of mine, but it is a selfish wish. I understand," May said, her eyes full of kindness. Astra flung herself onto the maid, wrapping her arms around her tightly. They both released a few tears before they pulled away with awkward laughs. "Think of me from time to time," May said, stroking Astra's hair.

"I will. I promise," Astra replied with warmth. She grabbed her bags, took one final walk around Cair Paravel, and then headed to the woods that she first entered.

* * *

She did not know where she was going, but she figured Aslan would show up some time or another and point the way. That was His job, Astra thought, since He had given her guidance before. Sure enough, the trees began to dance and a great warm Light appeared in the forest. Astra shielded her eyes and when she grew accustomed to the Light, she opened her eyes to see a great, majestic lion standing before her.

"Oh, Aslan," Astra sighed. "I was hoping you would show up."

"I cannot say that I had the same expectation of meeting you, my child, as you seemed to meet me here," He responded. "Why are you out in the forest?"

"It's Time, isn't it?" asked Astra warily. "It's Time for me to go back to Oxford."

"Indeed, it is," Aslan responded, "but I thought you would not want to return at this point, with the way you have left things." Astra shrank—He knew. Duh, He was freaking omniscient, of course He knew how she screwed up.

"I'm really sorry," Astra began quickly. "I didn't mean to, it just _happened_, and shit, I know I really messed up and—"

"Astra, my child," laughed Aslan, "I did not mean to sound as if I am disappointed in you, because I am not. You have simply, once again, surprised me."

"Surprised you? _Surprised you?_" Astra yelled, causing the trees to shrink back. "You're fucking omniscient! You're supposed to know everything! You knew all along that I was going to fall in love with him and he was going to fall in love with me and you let it happen. What kind of guardian are you, letting us break our hearts like that? _You knew_ this would happen and now I have to go back to Oxford and figure out how to forget this all and Caspian… shit, will he ever learn to love again after this? Aslan, you have… shit, everything is so fucked up and you just let the train wreck happen!" Astra shouted angrily, not carrying what she said, without fear of the great lion that loomed just feet from her. Aslan took an authoritative step forward and gave a powerful roar, silencing Astra and leaving her in submission. The lion prowled around her as she cowered, shaking in anger and surrender.

"I know of the past, Astra, not of the future. And I never told you that you had to return to Oxford. You decided that Fate for yourself when we first met, before everything passed. And now, that is not the Fate you want, is it?"

"I… I don't think so."

"I told you when we first met that your Fate will become clear in Time. Now, is it clear?"

"No," Astra grumbled. "_Nothing_ is clear. Caspian is sailing the freaking ocean blue and I'm in the middle of some stupid forest—no offense, trees—and he wanted to marry me. _Me. Me!_ I know, it's crazy, but he actually… shit, he _actually_ fell in love with me. And I love him and right now I'm _in love_ with him, but I don't know how long that will last."

"I suppose you just must wait for the sand to settle," Aslan smiled knowingly.

"I just feel like… I'm sorry for yelling, but I still can't help but feel like you dealt me this hand that would only leave me empty handed in the end. Caspian and I… we could never be 'just friends.'"

"I never meant it like that," explained Aslan, "My dear child, you were just too afraid and so you made an excuse for yourself. You put on a brave face, but you are terrified of love."

"Hey, it is scary shit," Astra grumbled in self-defense.

"While I may deal you a hand, Astra, I never play in the game. You left yourself empty handed."

"But I don't _want_ to be empty handed!" Astra cried, stomping her foot like a frustrated toddler in the cereal aisle. "I want… I want… _shit_, I don't _know_ what I want!"

"I certainly cannot let you go back to Oxford like this, my child," Aslan said, shaking his head. "I suppose then that your mission is not done. You may not know what you want, but I believe you actually do and I know too. You want Time. And you want to feel needed. Caspian still needs help. Astra Celeste Gorlois, this is not over yet."

Goodbye, my almost lover.


	59. Ch59:The Pevensies&that Eustace Nuisance

_Author's Note: And Caspian's epic voyage begins! So, I'm following pretty darn closely to the book, but have taken a few creative liberties. I have borrowed some of the dialogue directly from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader but everything else is original and miiiiiine. So there. And by the way, I just saw Toy Story 3 and it was awesome. Aaaaand, the VDT trailer was premiered... I find I am rather torn. Why the hell are Peter and Susan in the trailer? I'm curious to know your thoughts. As always, thank you reviewers for being awesome and keep the reviews coming. Enjoy!_

Important! **Everything that is C.S. Lewis' original dialogue is in _italics._**

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CHAPTER 59: The Pevensies and that Eustace Nuisance

It helped Caspian to keep his goal in mind as he sailed through the empty sea: Find the Lords Revilian, Bern, Argoz, Mavramorn, Octesian, Restimar, and Rhoop. Find them. Avenge them. Caspian could not bear to think of the step that would follow this succession: Return home. Try to forget her. Fail miserably_._ Reepicheep was in high spirits and made up for the king's general glumness with his great hope to reach Aslan's Country in the utter East.

The dark-haired captain, Lord Drinian, with careful eyes and a broad grin, was the first to guess the reason for Caspian's solemnity after the first night.

"It's always the girl, mate," he said gravely. "Thoughts of them make such voyages mighty painful. It'll get better, though."

"Not this one," Caspian disagreed morosely, feeling the ring in his pocket, its presence still looming and burdensome.

"Well, we are about to make port at Galma now. Perhaps a week of tournaments and festivities will cheer you up." Caspian doubted it and for a moment had the childish determination to not enjoy it at all. He figured it would be something Astra would do. Aslan, she was quite young, and her maturity at times left something to be desired, but she was so endearing. She would be able to fake it, though. He had seen her all the time simper and smile during court events and then sneer at the courtiers in private. She was the master of withholding information and faking it. For the sake of his country, for the sake of Narnia, he had to wear that mask.

And so he did. He played the part of a happy king and actually greatly enjoyed the diversion. It was a nice distraction from the memories that now plagued him. He was convinced that the only reason he slept at night was because he was so tired from jousting and meetings during the day.

* * *

The Duke of Galma had a daughter. She was a brunette with freckles and that was quite enough to stir up some uncomfortable memories that made his chest tight and his demeanor slightly less agreeable than it should have been. Squinting in the bright sunlight, she finally asked him:

"You love another, do you not?" except it came out a little more as a statement and less as a question.

"My lady—" Caspian began to seek her pardon.

"A woman _always_ knows, Your Majesty," she said knowingly. "I can see the way you jump sometimes when you see someone that reminds you of her. I believe I may share some traits with the lucky lady?" Caspian saw how genuine and kind she was trying to be and relented.

"Your freckles, my lady. And you have the same color hair." The young woman smiled prettily.

"And most think that freckles are not too becoming on a lady," she blushed sheepishly.

"My lady, I have said too much," Caspian said sadly. "I have wounded your pride."

"My pride?" she asked surprised. "I hope I have not given the airs of being proud, for I am not. I have a title. I have a sound mind and a healthy body. And I have nice hair, I suppose," she sighed, "but I am not so proud as to feel slighted by a man so obviously already in love." She looked down at her hands.

"I fear that I have gotten your hopes up."

"I fear the same," she said with a sad smile, causing Caspian to feel even guiltier. "Oh, Your Majesty, I do not mean to say that you have led me on. Oh, I am being too brash."

"No, your full honesty is greatly appreciated," Caspian insisted.

"I… when I said that I had my hopes up, I was hoping of… oh, it is silly and you will think ill of me."

"No, I will not," Caspian assured her.

"I thought that if you were considering taking a wife," she began, her face burning, "then my father would certainly approve of the match and I could finally get off this island. It is so sheltered, here, Your Majesty, even if we are only a day's sail from Cair Paravel. Being a woman does not help. I wish to see the rest of the world and have my own adventure," she confessed. "That is all I am disappointed with," she said, narrowing her eyes.

"Perhaps I can remedy that," Caspian said. "After I return from the voyage, I will invite your entire family to join me at Cair and you may travel through Narnia."

"Your Majesty, you are too kind," she gushed.

"No, it really is the least I can do." There was silence between them before she bashfully spoke again.

"Your Majesty, if I may pry, what of this girl that you are so in love with? What happened?" Caspian thought about it for a moment before responding.

"We ran out of Time."

"I am sorry to hear that, Your Majesty."

"So am I, my lady, so am I."

* * *

After a week of festivities, the crew continued on from Galma. They hit a calm for two days and were forced to row. Once again, Caspian greatly enjoyed the distraction and the physical exertion and he was able to keep his mind quiet and sleep a great deal. Lord Drinian was careful about keeping an eye out for the Sovereign once the wind picked up again.

There was sickness in Terebinthia so the _Dawn Treader_ doubled the cape and drifted into a little creek far from the city, remaining there for three days. During this time, Caspian grew melancholic and Drinian attempted to engage the young king in conversation and tasks to ease his mind. The crew was excited for adventure and was happy to know that their king was not afraid of a little hard work. They were pleased that Caspian had offered to take many night watches, while this was a source of concern for Drinian. When the ocean was calm and the stars were bright, Caspian would sit on the bow and look out into the great expanse, pondering and sighing. Sometimes, Drinian did not want to jerk the king from his reverie, but other times he accompanied him and the king seemed grateful to not be alone, even though he would always try insisting that the captain return to his slumber. Eventually with his knowing grin and keen eyes, Drinian wheedled the entire story of Astra out of Caspian and the two became very close friends.

"But you musn't blame Aslan, my liege," Drinian insisted.

"But I do," Caspian maintained, "I know there were other factors, but He took her away from me and I am angry and I feel forsaken by Him."

"I understand your sentiments, but do not let the crew hear you say such things. It is bad for morale and they are very superstitious that this sort of talk will bring trouble."

Sure enough, a pirate ship overhauled the _Dawn Treader_, but as soon as they saw how well-armed the little ship was, they peeled off. Reepicheep was very disappointed and shouted on the stern for a good few minutes as the ship disappeared.

"You scabby excuses for gentlemen! I demand you return and fight me like the men you proclaim to be! You have defiled the name of my King and friend and you shall pay for your deep insult. On my honor, I will defend my king with this sword unto my death!" And then he turned to Drinian and demanded that they give chase and allow him to teach those mother's sons a lesson on respect for the King of Narnia. Drinian declined Reepicheep's request and the Mouse was in a rather foul mood for the rest of the day.

Five days later, the _Dawn Treader _was in sight of Muil, the westernmost of the Seven Isles. They rowed through the straits and near sundown arrived into Redhaven on the isle of Brenn. There they feasted and got water and provisions. Nearly thirty days at sea and over four hundred leagues from Narnia, someone called "man overboard." This was soon corrected by saying, "_Men_ overboard!" for there was more than one. In fact, there were three little specks in the ocean, treading water.

"Are they ours?" inquired Caspian to Rhince, the first mate.

"I believe all of men are accounted for," he responded and Caspian wondered who it could be. Among all the shouting and rope throwing, Caspian peered down at once and recognized two of the figures.

"Edmund and Lucy Pevensie!" he cried under his breath and leapt into action. Before anyone could protest otherwise, Caspian was making his way with ropes down the side of the ship. At last, soaking wet, the two Pevensies and the other boy were pulled up onto the deck with blue lips and shivering limbs. Caspian was the last to pull himself back onto the deck and soon met the eyes of the youngest, the sweet and kind Lucy Pevensie.

_"Ca—Ca—Caspian!"_ gasped Lucy, taking in the sight of the new king of Narnia. Caspian grinned and felt his heart lighten, his mind wandering to days where he did not feel quite alone and had finally figured out his true purpose in life. Edmund's eyes lit up in recognition and they all greeted each other happily before Caspian turned to the other boy.

_"But who is your friend?"_ asked Caspian, turning to the boy with a cheerful smile. Caspian saw, to his great dismay, that the boy was crying hysterically and insisting that they let him go. _"Let you go? But to where?"_ The boy dashed to the ship's side, peered down at the waves below, and was promptly sick. Caspian grimaced and called for spiced wine for the former king and queen of Narnia to warm themselves up, being sure to use their proper titles to show his crew how they were to treat his guests. They were rulers before and Caspian immensely respected the Pevensies. He was so happy to see them and it was the best he had felt since he left Astra on the beach.

Caspian's happy thoughts were interrupted by the boy with the sour face asking for Plumptree's Vitamized Nerve Food or something of the sort. In good spirits, Caspian joked with Edmund, employing some rare sarcasm (Astra said he was not good at sarcasm) by calling the boy, whose name was apparently Eustace, a _"merry shipmate."_ Reepicheep appeared, frightening Eustace (whose name, Caspian thought wryly, nearly rhymed with "nuisance"), and causing Lucy to drop to her knees excitedly to talk to him, her arms itching to pull him into a deep hug.

_"My humble duty to your Majesty. And to King Edmund, too,"_ Reepicheep deeply bowed. _"Nothing except your Majesties' presence was lacking to this glorious venture."_

_"Ugh, take it away!"_ cried Eustace, looking at the Mouse in disgust. _"I hate mice. And I never could bear performing animals. They're silly and vulgar and—and sentimental."_ Caspian inwardly groaned. It seemed as though the boy _would_ prove to be a nuisance. Edmund had a rather disagreeable look on his face and Lucy looked shocked that Eustace could say such a demeaning thing to a loyal Narnian subject. Caspian thought that Astra would know what to do. She was wonderful with children.

_"Am I to understand,"_ said Reepicheep to Lucy, bristling with irritation and wounded pride, _"that this singularly discourteous person is under your Majesty's protection? Because if not—"_ Reepicheep's near declaration to kill Eustace on the spot was interrupted by Lucy and Edmund sneezing in unison. Caspian insisted that they change out of their wet things and ordered Reepicheep to guide them around the ship, which the Mouse did with reluctance, still determined to duel Eustace for defying his honor.

Caspian was pleased they were as charmed by the _Dawn Treader _as he was. It had become quite like home to Caspian and he enjoyed making a careful study of it, memorizing the grooves, knots, and craftsmanship of the construction. It was very much Narnia's pride of the seas. Caspian gave up his room in the stern cabin on the starboard side to Lucy without a thought—as a lady and the Queen, she deserved the very best. Lucy thanked Caspian and he wondered what Astra would do if she was in Lucy's position. Undoubtedly she would have fought and insisted she was not deserving of such a fine room (when really she was quite deserving as a matter of principle), but eventually she would relent.

When the Pevensies were in dry clothes, Caspian introduced them to Lord Drinian and told them of their adventures. Lucy smiled when Drinian began to talk about the daughter of the Duke of Galma, but Caspian quickly shot her down, describing the girl as, _"Squints, and has freckles."_

_"Oh, poor girl,"_ said Lucy, rather dismayed. Caspian was quiet for a little after that, rather ashamed of himself. He hardly minded the lady's freckles, and she was only squinting because it was very bright outside. Finally, Lucy, out of the kindness of her heart, insisted on making sure Eustace was alright, since he was rather plagued with an unfortunate bout of seasickness. Caspian had kept Lucy's cordial for safekeeping and returned it to the queen. He and Edmund made their way down into the after hatch and then the poop, where he insisted that he and Edmund would lodge themselves, resolutely ordering that Rhince and Drinian were to have the port cabin.

_"King Edmund and I can lie very snug here below. But how is the stranger?"_ he asked. Eustace looked rather like a lime—green and sour—and asked when the storm would end. _"What storm?"_ Caspian asked queerly and Lord Drinian, always a lover of humor, burst out laughing, causing Eustace to complain of a headache. Lucy insisted on using a drop of the cordial liquid to make Eustace feel better and with his new-found energy, he set off to complain, saying he was going to lodge a disposition against them with the British Consul. Reepicheep was greatly intrigued by this concept, thinking it was some new way of arranging a single combat and was much put-off when the boy ignored him and demanded to go to Cambridge. Caspian wondered if Cambridge was near Oxford and how Astra was adjusting to her life back in England and if she missed him and thought of him, or if she was already forgetting about her times with Talking Beasts, dryads, and most of all, him.


	60. Ch 60: A Wandering Mind

_Author's Note: Astra's chapter! I am sure you are wondering what she is up to. Next chapter is Caspian's. Enjoy!_

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CHAPTER 60: A Wandering Mind

"Aslaaaaaaaan… are we theeeeere yeeeeeet?" Astra asked for the umpteenth time while trudging through the forest. It seemed to never end, but go on and on and on and on and on…

"Not quite," Aslan sighed, remembering how incorrigibly impatient the girl was.

"Aslaaaaaaaan?"

"Yes, my child?"

"What am I supposed to do now? I really don't understand how I'm going to help Caspian when I'm here and he's in the middle of the ocean!" she protested, flailing her arms around to demonstrate the distance between him and her. "_Shit,_ he's going to get himself fucking _killed_ because he's going into uncharted territory and he's going die with a broken heart and _it's all my fault!_" she wailed. Aslan sighed heavily once again.

"Caspian is not going to die, Astra," the lion sighed. She was quiet for a moment and reined in her dramatics.

"He's _still_ going to be in the middle of the ocean and I _know_ him, he's going to get lost in his thoughts and—"

"Astra, my child, you must not dwell on what you have lost, but instead focus on what you have to gain," Aslan said sagely. He said everything sagely and all Astra wanted to do was be a little sour-puss and complain about everything.

"How can I possibly do that, Aslan?" she cried out, tears coming to her eyes. "How can I not think about the fact that I irreconcilably screwed up and have pretty much single-handedly destroyed the king of Narnia?"

"You have not destroyed him," Aslan asserted.

"I made him fall in love with Life and I rejected his love. Is not Love the essence of Life, Aslan?" she implored the lion.

"Perhaps," He said with a smile, "you are already beginning to learn your lesson, even if you insist on continuing your childish antics. And do not ask me if we are there yet again, because we are."

"Oh!" cried Astra, looking at the clearing in the woods in which a small cabin stood. "Is that… is that for me?"

"It is for the duration. The cabin has a way of finding those who need it."

"And I need it?"

"Yes, Astra, I believe you do. The cabin also has a way of knowing what its possessor needs. I believe you will find all that you desire there." Astra looked downcast for a moment. "Well, almost everything."

"And I am to stay here? For the duration?"

"Yes. Although, I believe you will find some good company inside."

"Aslan," Astra asked seriously. "What am I supposed to _do_? You can't just expect me to act without any direction. Hell, I don't even know what I'm _trying_ to accomplish. I don't even know why I am here!"

"Because, Astra, because you cannot go back now. There are too many loose ends and Caspian still needs help."

"But he's—"

"Yes, I _know _this, Astra," the lion said condescendingly. "My child, you must stop being a child. Caspian needs your help and you stand here whining when you should be taking action. I have given you a choice to choose your own Fate. Now go on and do that, my child. I give the deck of cards to you. Deal your hand. Play your game. And this time, make the moves that you want to. I shall come from time to time to see how you are."

"Thank you, Aslan," Astra whispered.

"Thank me later, my Daughter," He said and ambled off into the forest. It grew quiet with the voices no longer echoing in the clearing. The trees whispered and birds sung. Nearby, there was a small babbling creek. Astra found it to be quaint, but it was too quiet. She missed May humming under her breath as she worked, Maria screeching at her to do Aslan-knows-what, the tittering of the other servant girls, the loud jabbering of the kitchen staff, the gruff talk of the soldiers outside, and the placid conversation of the Animals. She opened the door to the cabin and smiled at what she saw.

Sitting in a patch of sunlight sat Alyx the Panther. His dark fur glowed in the light and an ear twitched as her footsteps approached him. At last, he opened his golden eyes and peered at Astra. He yawned lackadaisically, stretched, and finally greeted her.

"Good-day, my Lady Astra. Welcome to your new humble abode," he drawled. Astra looked at the small room and began to feel tears in her eyes. Knowing that Alyx was terribly proud and only on rare occasions let her pet him (which was a miracle in and of itself for a Talking Beast, let alone one as vain as Alyx), Astra sat down beside him and began to cry out of confusion and exhaustion. The Panther sighed, muttering something about girlish emotions, and gently placed a paw on her lap in comfort.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" whined a little voice. "Brina pushed me!"

"I did not!" howled another voice. "It's not my fault that Hector is so clumsy!" The squabbling voices continued before Alyx roared a silence. It was quiet for a moment before one of the little voice spokes again.

"I smell a Daughter of Eve."

"I smelled it first!"

"_Cubs!_" Alyx cried out, silencing them once again. "If you enter the room instead of hiding, you may see what you smell." Two little black heads poked in the doorway, their beady gold eyes sparkling curiously and their skinny tails curving in a question mark.

"Yours?" asked Astra incredulously.

"Apparently," he drawled. "And most unfortunately too because they are the loudest, most impertinent cubs to grace all of Narnia."

"But we're going to serve His Majesty one day, so that's okay," explained the girl cub, Brina.

"I'm going to serve first, because I'm the bestest," proclaimed Hector, the boy cub.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are—"

"_Cubs!_" Alyx cried in exasperation again. Hector whispered to finish his sentence, "Are too!" before Alyx spoke in an authoritative voice. "This is Lady Astra, a friend of His Majesty the King. She will be residing in this cabin for the duration and it is our duty to protect her… even though she is strong and does not need protection," added Alyx wisely, knowing that the Lady Astra held her own.

"Our first mission!"

"This is so exciting!"

"I'm Brina!"

"And I'm Hector!" cried the cubs, pouncing around, their tails swishing in pleasure. Astra thought they were the cutest things ever.

"Astra—" began Brina, but Alyx coughed. "_Lady_ Astra, were you crying before?"

"A little, yes," Astra confessed.

"Why were you crying?" asked Hector, his gold eyes imploring her.

"Because…" Astra struggled for an answer.

"Did you get a boo-boo?" asked Brina, putting her two little paws on Astra's leg.

"I think so," said Astra, wondering if a broken heart counted.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, can I see it? It is gross?" asked Hector, hopping around until his sister deftly swatted his nose.

"You insensitive fool!" she cried out shrilly, sounding as if she was copying the words of an adult. She turned back toward Astra with a prissy look on her face, only to be pounced on by her brother. The two continued to roll about until Alyx swatted them both apart and told them to behave. The cubs gave deep sighs and sat down in unison.

"Aslan has asked that while you are here, I guard you and at the same time, begin training my cubs to serve His Majesty. Aslan has informed us that you have your own mission to accomplish and I assure you that you will have our full cooperation and _discretion_," he said, eyeing the cubs, "as you reside here. As far as company goes, you are well aware I am a Panther not fond of sentiment, and so you may defer your emotional ramblings to the cubs, who are still stupid enough to listen."

"Thank you, Alyx," Astra insisted warmly, only to cause the Panther to roll his eyes.

"Lady Astra," asked Hector with wide eyes, "why are you here and not with His Majesty? I hear he is sailing to the utter East!"

"There goes 'discretion,'" murmured Alyx, but Astra did not mind explaining.

"Sometimes, Hector, it is important to do certain things by yourself. And yes, while His Majesty will have a crew to help him, it is important that he does this for himself and no one else."

"So, Lady Astra, what are you to do here while he is out at sea?" asked Brina.

"I'm not sure, Brina. Aslan said I would figure it out. See, being here is one of those things I have to do on my own too."

"But you have me!"

"And me!"

"And Daddy!"

"Yes," Astra chuckled. "I have you. And we are going to have lots of fun together." The cubs cheered in unison and ran outside, leaving the cabin once again quiet.

"Oh, Aslan asked me once you settle in to have you examine the books on the bedside table. He believes you may find useful reading material." Astra nodded and went to peer at the three titles: _Laws of Narnia, Customs of Narnian and Telmarine Court, _and _A History of Rulers_. They were large tomes, but Astra realized that with all her free time, she would devour them within a week or two. "And Aslan also adds that as you require new books, they will be replaced." Astra opened and shut her mouth; the magic in Narnia never ceased to stun her.

The books were certainly a pointing finger. There were lessons in these books for her, lessons that would help her and would help Caspian. Perhaps this way, she would have a greater understanding of Caspian's struggle to unite two societies who long hated each other and whose ways contradicted the other. Perhaps she would begin to understand what he suffered from trying to wrangle the Telmarine nobility into submission at such a young age. Perhaps she would learn why she was so alarming to him and such an oddity to the rest of the Telmarines. Perhaps she would learn why the Narnians adored her so much. Perhaps she would just begin to grasp what great shoes Caspian had to fill in comparison to leaders before him and how along this process he could have possibly forgotten how to be a man.

But how would this help? How would this help Caspian find the Seven Lost Lords? Wouldn't books on naval forces and nautical exploration be a little more useful? Or perhaps tracking skills? Or documents on where the Seven Lords could have gone? These books before her seemed like they would do no good, but she had to trust in Aslan. She decided that she would start them the next day. In the mean time, she curled up on her bed tucked into corner of the cabin and tried to sleep, dreaming of eyes the color of the ocean and strong arms.


	61. Ch 61: Mistakes

_Author's Note: Once again, everything directly quoted from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is in italics. I hope you enjoy this chapter because it is super long in comparison to the other chapters of this story, and next chapter is from Astra's POV. _

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CHAPTER 61: Mistakes

Reepicheep was a very smart Mouse, but there a few words that were simply not in his vocabulary, or at least he decided not to acknowledge. One of them was _pacifist_, which Eustace claimed to be. This meant Eustace declined to allow Reepicheep satisfaction for swinging him around by the tail. And even though he ran away as Reepicheep chased after him, there were still murmurs of a duel.

"If you want," cried Caspian as Eustace ran clumsily, "you may borrow my sword!"

"But it won't be fair," protested Edmund, "because Eustace will be able to trump Reepicheep by size alone."

"Perhaps a handicap is in order, Your Majesty?" suggested Drinian. The matter was quickly settled, however, when Eustace at last apologized. Later that night, as the men drank, they all did their best impressions of Eustace running across the ship and relished in their hilarity until Caspian finally put an end to it, even though he thought it was rather funny himself.

* * *

The ring—Astra's ring—remained in his pocket for a long while until one day he nearly lost it. The ship had hit a patch of waves that Caspian was not prepared for and sent him skidding across the deck. When he got up he saw that the ring had fallen out of his pocket, but fortunately was held under his body. A safer location was in order. The daughter of the Duke of Galma had given him a simple chain necklace and Caspian strung the ring on the chain and let it hang under his shirt, the cool metal resting on his skin. A sense of calm and rightness swept over him. It was near his heart and that was where it belonged.

* * *

On a cold morning, the Lone Islands appeared before them. Felimath, the northernmost of the three islands, was mostly inhabited by sheep, while Doorn and Avra were more populated. Caspian was stir crazy, his mind restless and ill at ease, so without a single thought of calculation or hesitation, he suggested that he and Lucy walk around Felimath, because as she said, _"It was so lonely—a nice kind of loneliness, and all grass and clover and soft sea air."_

Reepicheep, Edmund, and that Eustace accompanied them and they made their way up a hill where they fell upon a group of rough-looking men. Caspian had a small premonition and ordered those around him to not give away their identities. He explained, _"It just occurred to me that no one here can have heard from Narnia for a long time. It's just possible they may not still acknowledge our over-lordship. In which case it might not be safe to be known as King."_

This was decided to be wise advice and they greeted the men placidly, discovering that there was a Governor Gumpas (most hysterically referred to as "His Sufficiency"… Caspian thought that Astra would appreciate the irony) at Narrowhaven. They were invited to drink and as they sat down, Caspian had just started to realize what they had fallen into.

He had pulled a bit of an Astra, remembering how she jumped off the rock into the pool of water below simply because Alyx the Panther had not died from the jump. It had scared him half-senseless and he even swore aloud upon seeing her plummet down that good twenty feet. "Don't be jealous because I am at liberty to go to extremes for a thrill," she called to him, treading water. Well, he was hardly at liberty to do anything now. Greatly outnumbered, they were swiftly disarmed, tied up, and led to the market in Narrowhaven to be sold as slaves. While Caspian was feverishly trying to regain control of his calculating, methodical mindset, Reepicheep was shouting off a number of things that Lucy considered rather insulting but Caspian knew, from Astra's spits of anger, that there were far worse names to be called.

"You low-down scoundrels! You are pond scum! You lousy table scraps, not even mangy mutts, not even Dumb Beasts would eat you! Miscreants! Immoral pigs!" The men were convinced that one of the three humans had trained the Mouse to speak and this insulted Reepicheep even more than being restrained, and at last fell into silence.

Caspian was a King, raised as Telmarine nobility, and proper posture had been instilled in his being from the time he could walk. Even now he walked with his head high, his gait strong and commanding, his eyes searching and waiting for an opportunity. The opportunity came in the form of a fine-looking bearded man, who with a few powerful words, had purchased Caspian for 150 crescents. Caspian thought that if it was Astra, she would have been babbling away 150 reasons why the man would rather not buy her. There was little else he could do but say goodbye to Lucy, Edmund, Eustace, and Reepicheep.

As Astra would put it, he screwed up. Big time. If it had been his old self, he would have fallen into self-pity, thinking of how he had come this far only to be sold into slavery, but now, he thought of greater things. When Astra said goodbye to him, he realized, she was not simply thinking about herself, but about Caspian and about Narnia. Although she had the makings to be a terrific Queen, she was simply not ready to be one and there was no amount of love that could have fixed that. They needed time, and that was cut short. So now, Caspian thought of his men anxiously waiting for him to return and about what would come to Edmund, Lucy, Reepicheep, and even that Eustace nuisance. This was his fault and he highly doubted that Pug, the slaver, would care for them well. This fear must have shown because the man who bought him met his eye and said, _"You needn't be afraid of me, boy. I'll treat you well. I bought you for your face. You reminded me of someone."_

_"May I ask of whom, my Lord?"_ asked Caspian.

_"You reminded me of my master, King Caspian of Narnia,"_ said the Lord sorrowfully. Caspian had two choices: to risk everything, go to extremes, and take that plunge, confessing his name and title, or he could sit quietly and wait. Caspian had been waiting for too long and spoke in a stately manner.

_"My Lord, I _am_ your master. I am Caspian, King of Narnia."_

_"You make very freely. How shall I know this is true?"_ asked the man, surprised.

_"Firstly, by my face,"_ Caspian began. _"Secondly because I know within six guesses who you are."_ This impressed the man and Caspian began rattling off the names of the lost Lords, in his nerves beginning to forget a few names. _"And finally, if your Lordship will give me a sword I will prove on any man's body in clean battle that I am Caspian the son of Caspian, lawful King of Narnia, Lord of Cair Paravel, and Emperor of the Lone Islands."_

_"By heaven,"_ exclaimed the man, falling to his feet and kissing Caspian's hand, "_it is his father's very voice and trick of speech. My liege—Your Majesty—"_

His father's voice. He had his father's voice. Astra was right: he did have daddy issues. He had always wondered what his father was like; it was that last missing piece (besides Astra, of course) that would at last complete him. He wanted to join the man—Lord Bern—on his knees and pray that he would tell him of his father, but as always, there was business to take care of, the slave trade and His Sufficiency the Governor being two rather obvious tasks.

_"My Lord Bern, we must talk of the state of these Islands. But first what is your Lordship's own story?"_

_"Short enough, Sire. I came thus far with my six fellows, loved a girl of the islands, and felt I had had enough of the sea."_ Caspian wanted to say something about the potency of love, but felt it was not time to tell his story and instead plotted how to retrieve Edmund, Lucy, Reepicheep, and that Eustace. Lord Bern was an excellent strategist and familiar with how the Governor Gumpas operated. On board the _Dawn Treader_, Lord Bern explained the plan.

_"…And about five bowshots hence, when you get open sea on your port bow, run up a few signals."_

_"Signals? To whom?"_ asked Drinian.

"_Why, to all the other ships we haven't got,"_ said Bern, slapping the young captain on the back, _"but which it might be well that Gumpas thinks we have."_ They made their way to Avra, and Caspian felt terribly guilty for enjoying Bern's hospitality, the company of his wife, and his young daughters (who were the spitting image of their mother). Caspian thought wistfully of Astra at this time, seeing how in love Bern was with his wife, even so many years later. Forever and always, he told Astra, and he planned on keeping that promise.

* * *

He never expected a parade to be such a decisive military advance but in the case of Governor Gumpas, it worked its charm quite well. They reached the castle gate with nearly the entire town following them and were greeted by a rather intoxicated postern, who was quickly tossed aside. Caspian was much happier showing himself in, but was less pleased when he saw the messy state of the army. It was his great pet peeve to see soldiers about lackadaisically, with rusty armor and unattended weapons. This would not be supported in Cair in the slightest. Straightening up, with anger in his eyes, Caspian demanded to know where the captain was. Astra had taught him this, how to be demanding.

_"I am, more or less, if you know what I mean,"_ said a young man with a simpering smile. Caspian looked at him dryly, causing the man to shrink a few inches. He was not even wearing armor, and since when was one a captain "more or less?"

_"It is our wish,"_ began Caspian, making things sound less like a wish and more like a demand, _"that our royal visitation to our realm of the Lone Islands should, if possible, be an occasion of joy and not of terror to our loyal subjects. If it were not for that, I should have something to say about the state of your men's armor and weapons. As it is, you are pardoned."_ The 'captain' sighed in relief. _"Command a cask of wine to be opened that your men may drink to our health. But at noon tomorrow,"_ Caspian said with a low and condescending tone, _"I wish to see them here in this courtyard looking like men-at-arms and not like vagabonds. See to it on pain our extreme displeasure."_ There was an awkward silence and Caspian wondered if he overplayed his part a little much. It was rather fun, after all.

"Um… _three cheers for the King!"_ cried Drinian, coming to his rescue and his request was greeted with exuberance. Gumpas, however, was less excited to greet these visitors.

_"No interviews without appointments except between nine and ten p.m. on second Saturdays."_ Caspian was not in the mood to be denied anything and motioned for Bern and Drinian to take the liberty of toppling over the table that the graying, unpleasant-looking Gumpas sat before. Caspian decided to make him self at home in the lands that rightfully belonged to him and took a seat, being sure to keep his unsheathed sword across his knees and a condescending smile on his face.

_"My Lord, you have not given us quite the welcome we expected. We are the King of Narnia."_

_"Nothing about it in the correspondence. Nothing about it in the minutes. We have not been notified of any such thing. All irregular. Happy to consider any applications—"_

_"And we are come to inquire into your Sufficiency's conduct of your office," _Caspian began, ignoring Gumpas's monotonous rambling. _"There are two points especially on which I require an explanation. Firstly I find no record that the tribute due from these Islands to the crown of Narnia has been received for about a hundred and fifty years."_ Somewhere in the room, there was an audible gulp.

_"That would be a question to raise at the Council next month. If anyone moves that a commission of inquiry be set up to report on the financial history of the islands at the first meeting next year, why then…"_

_"I also find it very clearly written in our laws that if tribute is not delivered, the whole debt has to be paid by the Governor of the Lone Islands out of his private purse,"_ said Caspian, raising an eyebrow. Gumpas was shocked and Caspian continued. _"Secondly, I want to know why you have permitted this abominable and unnatural traffic in slaves to grow up here, contrary to the ancient custom and usage of our dominions."_ Gumpas began his explanation, feeling rather haughty.

_"Your Majesty's tender years hardly make it possible that you should understand the economic problem involved. I have statistics, I have graphs, I have—" _This irked Caspian immensely. No one on the mainland would question his experience or attack his age. This was not to be tolerated. For some reason, his mind bounced back to the first day he met Astra. He was carrying her because she nearly passed out while trying to walk.

"Child, what is your name?" asked Aslan.

"I am not a child. I am eighteen," was her quick retort.

Caspian snapped back to reality and responded, _"Tender as my years may be, I believe I understand the slave trade from within quite as well, your Sufficiency. And I do not see that it brings into the islands meat or bread or beer or wine or timber or cabbages or books or instruments of music or horses or armor or anything else worth having. But whether it does or not, it must be stopped."_

Wine—whining with wine on Wednesdays. Books—Astra's favorite. Music—she had the most horrible singing voice ever. Horses—he loved riding with her.

_"But that would be putting the clock back," _the governor said, most appalled._ "Have you no idea of progress, or development?"_

_"I have seen them both in an egg. We call it 'Going Bad' in Narnia. This trade must stop."_

_"I can take no responsibility for any such measure,"_ the man grumbled.

_"Very well, then,"_ said Caspian, happy to get these very words out of Gumpas's mouth, _"we relieve you of your office. My Lord Bern, come here."_ And on the spot, Lord Bern was made Duke of the Lone Islands. Once they had tossed aside Gumpas and his men, Caspian, Drinian, Bern, and a few others rode to the slave market. As it turned out, two men from Calormen had purchased Edmund, Lucy, and Reepichep; Caspian immediately bristled, thinking of the damn creature from Calormen who had the gall to hurt Astra.

"All praise and reverence for the King of Narnia," the men bowed. "Your act of benevolence is seen as good and true and your land shall flourish as a result from your moral leadership. It is said that the fountains of prosperity irrigate the gardens of prudence and virtue and His Majesty has obviously been tending to his gardens well with such an honorable act. May Narnia and all Narnian lands exemplify their King's behavior and do all that is good in his name—" Caspian had enough of the pomp and ceremony, finally cutting off the men.

"But you would like your money back." The two men smiled in agreement. The men did get their money back and it was quite easy to retrieve Eustace, for no one wanted to buy him.

* * *

It was disappointing to learn that no one knew for sure what was beyond the Lone Islands. Three weeks later, Caspian's heart grew heavier as he talked to Bern the morning before they took off.

_"I've often been up here of a morning and seen the sun come up out of the sea, and sometimes it looked as if it were only a couple miles away,"_ said Bern, his voice soft and nostalgic. _"And I've wondered about my friends and wondered what there really is behind that horizon. Nothing, most likely…"_ he sighed. "Your Majesty, you may be wondering why I have not told you about your father, if he was such a good friend of mine and you were never able to properly know him." Caspian sucked in his breath.

"I have wondered this, Bern."

"Your Majesty, undoubtedly you have grown up, dreaming of your father to fill in that hole made from his untimely death." Caspian nodded, ashamed. "And what are better than dreams?"

"Dreams becoming reality?"

"Oh, that savors of bitterness," Bern cried, clapping Caspian on the back. "But, Your Majesty, I believe that you already know as much about your father as you need to. His blood runs through your veins and your strong, beating heart. You may wish to know what he would have done about this law or that case, but the truth is, your father ruled with his heart. Let this," he said, putting a hand over Caspian's heart, "guide you." Feeling something odd hidden under Caspian's shirt, Bern pulled out the chain from Caspian's shirt and held the ring before looking at Caspian.

"What's her name?" asked Bern softly. Caspian felt his chest go tight and he said it.

"Astra."

"Hmm, Astra… pretty. The name means 'star.' Pray tell, Your Majesty, does she shine as brightly as one?"

"Brighter," Caspian managed to choke out as he looked at the sun rise over the ocean. Bern gripped his shoulder tightly in comfort and Caspian shut his eyes and gritted his teeth, wondering when the pain of a broken heart would subside.


	62. Ch 62: Restless

_Author's Note: I know, I made you wait five days instead of the usual four, but I'm going to be out of town this weekend and have only one chapter in backlog and with work, I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to keep up (especially since I'm also working on another fanfic at the moment), so you all are going to have to get used to waiting five days in between updates. I know, life is tough. Anyway, thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I feel like you are all my old friends now. Weird? Probably. Whatever. I'm going to shut up now. Wait, no, one more comment. This chapter is kind of really cute._

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CHAPTER 62: Restless

"My Lady Astra, you have not retired yet?" groaned Alyx, lithely stretching on the floor at the end of her bed. Astra was at the kitchen table, with Brina on her lap and Hector sprawled across one of her feet, both sound asleep. It was late, she knew that much, but she was rather determined to finish up the judgment and explication of a particular court case ruled during Caspian's time. Aslan, or perhaps it was the cabin, provided some excellent reading material. After poring through _Laws of Narnia_, she had read a series of large tomes with complete accounts of every court case ruled by Caspian and the reasons behind each ruling. Although never fond of law and politics, Astra found the rhetoric and logic astounding and had scribbled down notes and her own opinions on the rulings. Also, while reading the _Laws of Narnia_, she wrote down more ideas that she believed could become excellent laws with a little counsel.

Additionally, _Customs of Narnian and Telmarine Court_ not only provided an insightful background of the inner workings of the court life, but also how they had meshed in Caspian's court. This book led to more books on etiquette, addressing Animals and nobility, and the expectations of a king. _A History of Rulers_ not only talked of kings, but also queens and their roles. In particular, Astra studied Susan and Lucy Pevensie during the Golden Age of Narnia, and although she wished that they could have taken more serious positions in their reign, she understood that their abilities picked up where their brothers' left off. United, the four Pevensies were strong and would not let any individual's weakness be exposed.

At last, Astra closed the book and blew out the candle. She scooped up Brina and Hector, placed them at their father's side, and slid into bed. Above her bed was a skylight that gave her a clear view of the bright, starry sky. It was nights like this when the weather was clear that Astra's mind drifted to Caspian. It was easier to keep her mind occupied during the day, while either reading, listening to Alyx lecture the cubs, or romping through the woods, but at night while her mind grew clear and empty, she turned to him.

He was sort of impossible to forget. It had been two months and yet she was constantly reminded of him, even when not reading about him. The color of the nearby creek almost matched his eyes and she never gave him his cloak back. She ended up wearing it every single day and it tore her that it no longer smelled like him. Sometimes, she would hold the fabric closer and try to make herself think she was inhaling that mixture of ink, parchment, banana pancakes, and ocean air. This made her feel exceptionally silly. It had been nearly two months; it was ridiculous to still be thinking of him so fondly and so desperately… unless she was really still in love with him.

It was one of her greatest concerns that her love would be fickle. People fell in and out of love all the time and she was no stranger to this; she had seen people swear they were in love and then fall in love all over again with someone else. But this—this aching in her chest, these images behind her eyes, these memories lurking in her mind—did not fade. It was constant, it was true. Therefore, was her love for Caspian this way, too?

It was thoughts like these that kept her up at night, staring at the stars, remembering, remembering, and sometimes, regretting. And so as a shooting star shot across the sky, Astra whispered, "I wish to help him. Please, just let me help him." Because she could not expect his love, not after she had left him; she did not expect forgiveness or reconciliation, but it was enough if he was happy and if he could find what he was looking for… and if he could return home safely. That's what she wanted, she told herself before she shut her eyes and let sleep consume her.

* * *

She found herself running through the forest one day, her heart thumping madly. It almost reminded her of when she first entered Narnia, except so much had passed since then that it was almost impossible to remember her exact frame of mind. She had been pissed off at Foragefun the Squirrel, but now, it was not anger that fueled her, but desperate curiosity.

It was that odd bird again, the one she saw at the How that she had assumed was a phoenix, but wasn't. It was white and small, perhaps the size of a pigeon, and had feathers that looked like flames. Astra had seen the bird, traced the scar that its foot had left before, and took off after the bird, determined to maybe see if she could find out more. It had to mean something that she was seeing this odd bird that no one else seemed to be able to identify.

And so, she tore through the woods. She hopped over gnarly roots and ducked under low branches, not minding as her dress snagged and tore and the branches swept angrily past her cheeks, arms, and legs. The bird was barely in sight and she was running out of air and energy. At last, they reached a clearing and the bird soared up into the sky. With the sun in her eyes, Astra peered up and once she had gained enough breath, let out frustrated cry, watching the bright bird disappear into the sky and mold into the sun. It was maddening to lose sight of the bird, but as she slowly walked back toward the cabin, she realized that the bird was not something she should be so upset about. Why did it bother her so much, anyway? She reasoned that it was because it was something from the past and that was what she was holding fast to, nowadays.

Sometimes it was too much. Days later, her heart was feeling particularly heavy and she laid sprawled on the ground, surrounded by a circle of trees which had gathered to comfort her with their embrace. Days like this made her cheeks sting from the bitter, salty tears, her throat scratchy from screamed curses, and chest ache from the sobs that racked her body. Days like this made her exhausted and spent, begging for sleep that would never come. Days like this made her stare at her left hand and wonder what it would be like to have a ring on her fourth finger. Aslan came on one of these wretched days. The trees parted to make way for him and then closed around Astra again, protecting her.

"What is it?" Astra asked bitterly, tasting salt.

"I have not seen you since I left you out here," Aslan said plainly, His tail swishing.

"_Left me_ is correct," she snapped back.

"You seem unwell."

"Unwell? _Unwell_ is only the beginning of it," she cried, tears now pouring from her eyes. "I am… damn, I can only think of all those stupid adjectives that trashy romance novels use. I am wrought with emotion, I am spent, I am heartbroken, I am aching and dying inside, and all that shit. Please, just give me a sign, something, some direction. I feel so damn _lost_," she begged, clutching to His mane. Aslan leaned into her and she let out muffled sobs until she gained composure. "It doesn't matter how I am," she said, shaking herself as if to rid her selfish pleas from her mind. "How is Caspian?"

"He is well."

"Meaning?"

"He is alive and healthy, well on his way."

"But is he happy?" Astra inquired.

"He is flourishing."

"So, he's fine without me?"

"I never said that," Aslan murmured. "I know that you have been very busy reading." Astra sighed at this change of subject, nodded, and began to discuss her findings. Aslan laid down on the ground as Astra chatted away, saying what she found interesting and her own opinions. Aslan nodded and listened, occasionally laughing at her random outrageous outbursts, but mostly looking at her with an amused, knowing expression. "You have come a long way in Narnia," He said.

"I know," Astra said, trying to think back to the beginning.

"You have come even further during these last two months."

"I realize this," said Astra, bowing her head, "but it is not easy to have only Panthers and books as company."

"I know, my child, which is why I am here to take you somewhere."

"Where are we going?"

"We are going to some place you ought to be at, but simply cannot be. Tell me, Astra, what is it you miss the most, besides His Majesty?"

"May," Astra said instantly, thinking of the kind woman who was a servant girl and her closest female friend at Cair Paravel.

"That is what I thought," Aslan grinned and everything grew fuzzy. When Astra's eyes cleared, she was outside of the castle on a warm, clear day. There were flowers practically everywhere; men wore formal attire and their decorations from war and women flitted around in their best dresses.

"Aslan, are we really here?"

"Not really," he said, "but we are in spirit." Astra rolled her eyes at how cheesy this phrase was and began to mull around, trying to figure out what the event was. At last, she guessed it was a wedding and when she saw all the guests return to their seats, Astra turned around to see May in a flowing white dress and a smile a mile wide on her face. Astra saw the ring on her friend's left hand, which was hooked around her father's arm, and glanced back to the altar, seeing Raymond look stunned, relieved, and rather love-struck. It was their wedding, the wedding she should have been at, the wedding that she should have helped May plan every step of the way, the wedding that Astra would have coaxed her friend to go down the altar and take that terrifying plunge into married life. Tears once again filled her eyes—her tear ducts had become most annoyingly prolific these days—and Astra let the father and daughter pass her. Figuring that it was _something, _even though if was not enough, Astra followed them and stood behind May as if she was a bridesmaid during the ceremony. She cried along with her friend, smiled and laughed, and cheered when the happy couple kissed.

"It was a beautiful ceremony, my love," Raymond said, kissing May's forehead.

"It was beautiful, wasn't it?"

"Then why the little frown? You know I can read you too well," he said, causing May to blush and burry her face in his chest in embarrassment. "It is that you wish Astra was here?" May thought about this for a moment before speaking.

"But she is here, Raymond. I know it sounds silly, but I can _feel_ that she is here. By Aslan's mane, I would almost swear to you that I heard her laugh at one point. But," she said sadly, "it could have been wishful thinking. She is here, though. Astra would not miss this for the world," she said so resolutely that Raymond could not even make a face of disagreement. May looked up right at Astra. "I know she's here." Astra smiled at her friend and May seemed to smile back. Suddenly, things grew blurry and Astra found herself back in the circle of trees with Aslan. Although sad to leave the happy scene so soon, Astra smiled her thanks to Aslan, knowing that the memory of her friend's wedding would lighten her heavy heart's load. And that, she figured, would help her get by as she waited to make her next move… whatever that was.


	63. Ch 63: Storms and Other Beasts

_Author's Note: Meh, I am a terrible person. So sorry for making you all wait! Once again, all the italic parts are directly quoted from the book. Enjoy!_

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CHAPTER 63: Storms and Other Beasts

Only a few days off the coast of the Lone Islands, the _Dawn Treader_ had the great misfortune of sailing right into a storm. It caught them quite by surprise and by the time that they had noticed, the storm was practically on top of them. Drinian had every able hand working away and the days seemed to drag on and on. The rain poured down in torrential sheets, the wind nearly blew Reepicheep away a few times, and the waves dashed against the sides of the ship and made her creak and groan. Although a landsman, Caspian had proved himself a rather adept shipman and was allowed to stay on deck and assist the crew. The truth was that all the help possible was needed and even Eustace was dragged onto the deck to help.

The storm raged for twelve days (although Eustace swore it was actually thirteen) and the last day was the worst. Not only did they lose a man overboard, but the mast snapped completely and so did Caspian's temper at last. Everything felt absolutely hopeless. They were as good as lost at sea, without a mast, and low on provisions; everyone was exhausted and wet and Caspian had hit his lowest point yet. He felt anger burst up inside of him and not caring about the waves that toppled over the ship, he stood on the bow, held a rope, and shouted to the sky, knowing that the wind would drown out his cries.

"Aslan! Why have you forsaken me?" he sobbed. "She was all I wanted and you made her go! Why would you let that happen? Why would you turn your back on me?" The storm seemed to surge and Caspian heard a deafening roar in his ears.

"My child, it is not _I _who have turned my back on _you_, it is_ you_ who have turned your back on _me._"

After the storm, everyone saw that Caspian was a changed man. There was a stump where the mast was, they had been forced to begin rowing, all the poultry had washed overboard, there was only enough food for two weeks, Eustace was being a real pain in the ass, and there was very little water left, and yet, he seemed to have Faith. Despite the heat, the thirst, and the lack of sleep, there was this glow in Caspian's eyes that lifted the crew up; if their king had not given up, they surely could not either.

Of course, the king was no saint either. When Eustace was caught by Reepicheep trying to steal extra rations of water, he let his temper flair once again and thoroughly enjoyed giving the boy an earful.

"Apologize. _Now_," was the order. Eustace squirmed and whined under Caspian's sharp glare until he muttered the magic words. "No. Louder. So the entire crew can hear."

"I'm sorry," Eustace sneered.

"For what?"

"For trying to get more water that I deserve anyway because I am terribly feverish," Eustace proclaimed. He was promptly ignored.

"Anyone caught stealing water in the future will get two dozen!" Caspian roared, wiping sweat from his brow. It was a silly threat, but Caspian felt it was necessary and hoped to instill a little fear in Eustace; maybe that way, he would shut up and not do anything stupid. Then turning to Eustace, he borrowed the same patronizing tone that Astra had used with the insipid Lady Therese, the woman who was insulted by being called 'philanthropic.' "Eustace, I am terribly sorry that you are feeling ill. However, everyone is feeling just as feverish as you with the heat, so we must all make the best of it and persevere. I am sorry for being cross with you and I am afraid the heat cannot quite excuse my behavior, but it is vital that despite these obstacles we face, we must remain as a cohesive team, and that means that I must be able to trust you. Do not let me down." Eustace rolled his eyes but shut his mouth, and this satisfied Caspian well enough.

The next day they caught a little wind. Caspian, Lucy, and Edmund visited Eustace, who insisted that he was running a temperature and could prove it if only the Narnians were forward enough to have invented something called a 'thermometer.' Just a few days later they saw land, a lofty mountain to the southeast. By the time they had sailed close enough to board the island, it was too dark and they dropped anchor. However, the next morning heralded them with little light and rather muggy weather. They could see that they were in a bay surrounded by cliffs and crags and a dark forest with a stream running out of it. After this, the land shot up toward the sky, forming the jagged mountainside. Beyond that was darkness and clouds. The island was rather silent, with the only sound being the faint whisper of far-off waterfalls. The silence was nearly hostile, as if the mere presence of the adventurers disrupted the carefully constructed balance of the land.

At least there was water. Everyone went on land to drink, wash, and eat before it was decided that there was much to do: _the casks must be brought ashore and the faulty ones mended if possible and all refilled, sails must be repaired, a hunting party organized to shoot game, clothes to be washed and mended, and countless small breakages on board to be set right._ The poor _Dawn Treader_ was looking a little worse for wear and its inhabitants did not look much better, all thin and tired-eyed. However, there was work to be done. So, no one really noticed that Eustace was gone, simply because no one noticed him getting in the way. In fact, they were eating dinner and Edmund was enjoying a second helping when, with a mouth full of half-chewed goat, he muttered, "_Where's that blighter Eustace?_" Naturally, everyone froze and shrugged. His name was shouted a few times as everyone finished up their meal. After that, they began to walk around, shouting his name until Caspian blew his horn.

Lucy was probably the most worried while everyone else was simply peeved. Rhince even went so as far to hope that Eustace was killed by wild beasts, but Reepicheep made a rather noble speech, saying "_The creature is no friend of mine but he is of the Queen's blood, and while he is one of our fellowship it concerns our honor to find him and to avenge him if he is dead."_ Indeed, it was rather noble, even if Reepicheep seemed more excited about avenging than finding Eustace.

"_Of course we've got to find him if we can,_" Caspian agreed with a haggard sigh. "_That's the nuisance of it._" (That Eustace nuisance…) "_It means a search party and endless trouble. Bother Eustace._"

All the next day they searched the island and found only a dead dragon. Lucy was devastated by the search party's empty-handed return and Caspian sat with her for awhile and patted her back soothingly, remembering how lovely it felt when Astra did so the morning after he got drunk after Hanalei left and woke up sick. Lucy was not really a little girl anymore, a whole eleven years old, which everyone knows is far older than ten years old and a very serious age because it is in the double-digits. She was still young in spirit, but far older in wisdom from the many years she spent growing up in Narnia. This sort of wisdom always awed Caspian and most of the time when conversing with her, he felt like he was the younger one.

"Caspian, you seem very different from when I was here last," she murmured, feeling sleepy from Caspian's brotherly affection.

"How so?"

"You were always so… careful. Now, not so much." Caspian froze, realizing how his affection for the young Queen could be misinterpreted. "Oh, I did not mean that. In fact, do carry on. It is so very comforting and I am very worried about Eustace. He must be very afraid out in the dark."

"I am sure he is sleeping, as you should be doing."

"But I cannot sleep!" she protested. "My mind is like an overturned puzzle box. I cannot find all the pieces, let alone put them together."

"I completely understand," Caspian said with a small smile that was lost in the dark. There was a long pause before Lucy spoke again.

"Do you ever think of Susan?"

"I used to," Caspian said carefully. "I used to for a long time, but now, I do not. However, I hope she is well."

"Susan is… _Susan,_" Lucy sighed. "Always very concerned about growing up and age. I think that she has written off Narnia as a childish fantasy," Lucy said morosely. "Sometimes, when I talked about Narnia, she would look at me all humored and haughty, as if she was above these things. But then I mention you and there would be something behind her eyes. Recognition, perhaps," Lucy sleepily rambled. "At least _you_ made a lasting impact… please tell me you do not love her yet."

"I do not love her yet."

"Caspian…"

"It is the truth, Lucy. Now please, get some sleep. We will search again tomorrow," Caspian assured her before leaving her tent. He went to get some rest of his own when the night-watch burst into his tent to say that something was flying above them in circles, something large and rather fearsome. Caspian gulped when he made out the shape of a dragon in the moonlight and began to wake everyone up to whisper plans. Caspian wakened Lucy last of all because he did not want her to fret.

"_What is it?_" she asked sleepily.

"_We must all show great constancy. A dragon has just flown over the tree-tops and lighted on the beach. Yes, I am afraid it is between us and the ship. And arrows are no use against dragons. And they're not at all afraid of fire,_" Caspian schemed aloud.

"_With your Majesty's leave—_" began Reepicheep.

"_No, Reepicheep, you are _not _to attempt a single combat with it. And unless you promise to obey me in this matter I'll have you tied up,_" Caspian said sternly. Then, he laid out the plan: they were to wait a few hours until light and give the dragon battle, with Caspian leading, Edmund on his right, and Drinian on his left.

No one could eat breakfast because of nerves or excitement; it was cold and wet when they gathered together, with Lucy and Reepicheep protected in the middle, and marched together. All but Caspian felt rather excited about the whole event because it felt like old times; Caspian was sick of war and sick of fighting, and felt like he had done enough for a lifetime. However, he did feel an immense fondness for his crew at their bravery and loyalty.

As it turned out, the dragon was a bit of an emotional wreck. Instead of rising up and blowing fire, the dragon waddled away, shook its head, and seemed to cry. Also, apparently it understood English and Reepicheep went as far as to make the dragon swear an oath of friendship before inquiring his business. It was all rather bizarre, but everyone went with it as if it was perfectly normal to find a conciliatory dragon and Lucy, being a friend to everyone, attempted to heal the dragon's paw with her cordial. It was only then that Caspian noticed the coat of armor on the bracelet that the dragon was wearing, for it was a rather greedy and gold-hungry dragon. The coat of arms, in fact, belonged to the Lord Octesian, one of the men Caspian was searching for. Reepicheep very crossly inquired if the dragon ate the Narnian lord, but the dragon denied this with a shake of his head. At last, it was either Lucy or Edmund (Caspian couldn't say for sure) who asked, "_You're not—not Eustace by any chance?_" The dragon nodded, thumped his great tail, and burst out in boiling tears that everyone cursed and skipped away from.

"_Hard luck_," Rhince murmured and everyone said some form of assurance just so he would stop crying (for crying dragons are a rather pathetic sight). However, the question on everyone's mind was how did Eustace turn into a dragon, but Eustace was unable to communicate it, although he tried writing it in the sand. Eustace was never good at telling stories anyway, but something had changed in him. For one, he was anxious to help by hunting, felling a tall pine tree to make into a new mast, providing warmth when the weather became bad, and giving spectacular rides to the crew above the island. One night in particular, Reepicheep laid next to Eustace the dragon and whispered some reassurances to him.

"Sir Eustace, I know that you are in rather distressing times, but I hope you are not fretting too much. You see, this all has happened before. Well, perhaps not exactly this, but everyone—Man and Beast—becomes acquainted with misfortune in their time of being. It is but an illustration of the turn of Fortune's wheel. Fortune is fickle and we are all Fortune's fool; when we think that all is fair and just, things may turn around rapidly. There are hundreds of examples I could list of emperors, kings, dukes, knights, poets, lovers, astronomers, philosophers, and magicians who have fallen from prosperity into the most trying circumstances and have recovered from their adversity. The blessing of Fortune's wheel is that it is always turning from good to bad and from bad to good. Your time will come, Sir Eustace," the Mouse patted the dragon's scales.

Although it was a good speech given the situation, Caspian was never one to believe in Fortune. He believed in honor and faith and character and love (even if this was a painful afterthought) and thought these were the great determinants of life, not fickle fortune. Astra arriving in Narnia was certainly not by chance and neither was her departure. There was reason behind all of her madness and a point to every crazy adventure. Astra didn't just _happen_; a more active verb was more appropriate. Of all these verbs, _smile_ was probably his favorite. He missed that the most, followed by _laugh, embrace,_ and _kiss_. His least favorite: _left_. So, even if he did not believe in Fortune's wheel, it certainly turned. And oh, did its turn hurt.

It took Eustace six days or so for his wheel to turn and he told the crew of his misadventures, most humbled and decent. He was quite changed, but not wholly so as he still could be a little tiresome. However, he was greatly improved and continued to be. All that was left to do was pack up and name the island. _Dragon Island,_ it was rightfully called and an inscription was made in rock of the name, date, and presumed death of Lord Octesian.

No one wanted the bracelet. Eustace all but flung it to Caspian (who was pleased the boy had at least some reverence for him now), but he did not want it either and offered it to Lucy, who was rather ambivalent.

"_Very well, then, catch as catch can_," Caspian shrugged and tossed it in the air. It landed on a little projection on the rock near the inscription, glittering in the sunlight, where no one could ever get it. Caspian smiled in satisfaction, figuring it was better to just let some things be.


	64. Ch 64: Surprise Attacks

_Author's Note: Sorry for the wait! I am not sure, but I think from here on out, the chapters will be a mix of Astra's and Caspian's POVs. However, we are definitely in the home stretch, maybe five chapters at the most left (probably not even). Keep the reviews coming! Well, I'm off to write the next chapter (gah, I'm so behind!) and in the meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this one!_

_And as I mentioned before, everything in italics is directly quoted from "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader" by C.S. Lewis._

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CHAPTER 64: Surprise Attacks

"Three fucking months. I think I am going to die of boredom," Astra harrumphed. This was not exactly true, but it was not a far stretch from it. There was only so much to do—explore the forest that she had already explored, read books, play with the cubs, annoy Alyx, or think of Caspian and cry and wish on stars in vain and beg to Aslan that he was safe and happy. The last thing took too much energy and was an all-day affair, and so she tried the other things more often.

The cubs had grown like no other. They once fit neatly on Astra's arm and she could carry them around when bored, but now their heads were past her knees and were a little too heavy to hoist around. Brina had sass to boot and between her and Astra, Alyx was going to be driven to insanity. She was, however, a little more graceful than Hector, who meant well and tried hard in everything, but had not grown into his paws yet and stumbled around. Alyx was constantly frustrated by the two cubs, who were easily distracted by butterflies, pieces of thread, and feathers floating in the wind as he lectured on surprise attacks.

"Although generally the whole point of a surprise attack is to catch the enemy off-guard and therefore at their weakest, this does not mean it should not be carefully planned and executed. While the act of surprise may be the initial weapon, this will only last for so long before a legitimate strategy will need to follow," Alyx droned on and Astra listened with her cheek resting against her hand.

She was a bit of a surprise attack, she figured. She caught Caspian at his weakest point and barreled into his life with a general goal in mind but no idea how to accomplish it. Somehow, banana pancakes and a few well-timed speeches seemed to get her far enough before she had him take control of his life. After that, it was not really an attack at all, even if there was push and pull. It felt natural, whatever it was.

And then, the surprise was on her. He was in love with her and she was confused and he knew that his best plan was to not have a plan because with her, things were constantly changing. What a paradox it was, _constant change_. Like clockwork, he knew that as soon as she was speechless, anything could happen; as soon as she was speechless, she was his.

Perhaps then, that was the reason for the great silence in the forest, the consuming quiet that kept her mind on herself and on him and on Narnia. This silence was meant to be filled with the great epiphanies that were going to make this whole debacle make sense. She could think until her head hurt, but what were thoughts when they were stagnant and stuck in her head? Would thoughts ever truly exist without action? Or would they hide away and wash in and out of her conscience like tidal waves? _Waves… the sea… the Dawn Treader… Caspian… her love._

She loved him yet. Love was not something she could blame on boredom, but perhaps the clear mind because of her boredom. Despite the months that had gone by, she was still in love with Caspian. This was a great enough epiphany for the day: that she loved Caspian and Aslan gave her the time to figure it out. And now, she had even more time to figure out what to do with her love for him. That would be another few weeks of thinking, she figured, and suddenly her boredom was cured.

* * *

On the sixth day after catching wind out from Dragon Island, they were stuck in rain and Eustace was back to being rather bothersome after his mood turned sour from losing at chess to Reepicheep. When the sky cleared, Drinian saw what appeared to be a bunch of rounded rocks. They were only mildly alarmed, but this quickly turned into terror when the rocks began to move and at last, revealed itself fully to the _Dawn Treader._ The great Sea Serpent's head _was all greens and vermilions with purple blotches—except where shellfish clung to it—and shaped rather like a horse's, though without ears. It had enormous eyes, eyes made for staring through the dark depths of the ocean, and a gaping mouth filled with double rows of sharp fish-like teeth._

Not even arrows could pierce the creature's hide and everyone watched in horror as it lifted its head over the ship and sunk down into the ocean, making an arch over the _Dawn Treader._ Eustace, not wanting to drown or be eaten alive, mustered up every ounce of bravery in his body and unsheathed the sword Caspian had loaned him and began to hack at the Sea Serpent's neck. Unfortunately, it did not do much harm to the Sea Serpent and only ruined Caspian's second best sword, but it was a valiant effort nonetheless.

Meanwhile, Reepicheep called for everyone to push the serpent. This puzzled the men until they realized that the Sea Serpent had made a complete circle around the _Dawn Treader_ and intended to snap the ship like a boa constrictor would kills its prey. Poor Reepicheep nearly passed out in his efforts and the rest of the crew jumped up to push as Lucy fanned the Mouse. As Caspian heaved against the slimy, scaly side of the serpent, a face appeared in his head as motivation—concerned blue eyes, a mess of curls, freckled cheeks, pink lips. She seemed to be watching him anxiously as he closed his eyes and pushed against the Sea Serpent. It was almost as if he was fighting for her, because every inch that the Sea Serpent slid across the deck, her face got closer and closer.

"The stern!" she cried. "Open your fucking eyes and watch the stern!" Caspian's eyes shot open and he saw that even though they had managed to push the Sea Serpent a ways, they would not be able to get it over the carved dragon tail at the back end of the boat. Caspian called for an axe and Lucy went scampering. He closed his eyes again and pushed, but the face was gone. The ship lurched and there was a loud cracking noise. The stern had broken off and the Sea Serpent, with a look of idiotic satisfaction, slunk away into the depths of the sea while the _Dawn Treader_ sailed away. The men all collapsed on the deck in exhaustion while Caspian laid there in shock, wondering if she was really there or if it was a desperate imagination that allowed him to see her face as clear as day.

* * *

"Aslan," murmured Astra, rolling over from an afternoon nap. "I had a feeling you were here, like someone snapped and told me to wake up. It _could_ have been the cubs, though," she mused thoughtfully. "Oh well," she sighed. "Aslan, I had the oddest dream just four or five nights ago."

"Oh really? What did you see in this dream?" asked the Lion.

"I was on the _Dawn Treader_ and there was this huge monster, like a sea snake or something, because it was absolutely _ginormous_ and had these crazy sharp teeth, and it was trying to twist itself around the ship and snap it in half, and every crew member was trying to push the monster, but the stern was in the way and I shouted and it was like… it was like he actually heard me. Isn't that so weird, Aslan?"

"Odd indeed," the Lion pondered with a knowing smile. "Astra, I am going to take you somewhere."

"Where are we going? Are we going to be invisible again?" she asked, eager to escape the forest again.

"You will see when we get there. Now hold onto my mane and close your eyes." Astra obeyed and when she opened her eyes again, they were on a cliff overlooking a lake with four people and a Mouse standing in front of them. Astra's eyes immediately went to one person and she could feel her heart pounding in her head.

Caspian's skin had taken on a dark, golden hue since the voyage and his hair had gotten lighter. His eyes were still that stormy grey-blue-green color, but were painted with fatigue, loss, and faith, a combination which Astra found peculiar. She was always adamant when she insisted to Caspian that being outdoors did him good; his arms and shoulders had filled out even more from the hard work on the ship. Despite his disheveled appearance, he had never looked handsomer; it was tormenting to have him just feet away from her and not be able to touch him or speak to him. She was so concentrated on him that she did not notice the three strangers next to them.

"That is King Edmund, Queen Lucy, and their cousin Eustace," explained Aslan. "And you know Reepicheep, of course."

"What are they talking about?" asked Astra, whose voices were lost to her as she looked at Caspian.

"They have found a suit of armor that they believe belongs to one of the lords, yet the body is not present," Aslan explained.

"_Well, let's get away from the place, anyway,_" said Lucy, looking around warily. They left the armor and walked down to the lake and Astra and Aslan followed silently behind them. At the bottom of the pond was a perfect gold statue of a man.

"Is that…?" Astra began to ask Aslan, but she could not finish the sentence.

"One of the lords? Yes."

"…ouch. That had to hurt." Aslan chuckled lightly before hushing Astra to listen to the conversation.

"_Get back! Back from the water. All of you. At once!_" Edmund cried indignantly before pointing to the tips of his boots, which had turned gold where they touched the water.

"_By Aslan! You don't mean to say—?_" began Caspian

"_Yes, I do. That water turns things into gold… and that fellow on the bottom—well, you see,_" pointed Edmund.

"_So it isn't a statue at all,_" whispered Lucy, putting a hand over her mouth as if to silence the painful truth.

"_No. The whole thing is plain now. He was here on a hot day. He undressed on top of the cliff…_" Edmund began to explain, but Astra's mind was about twenty steps ahead. A lake that could turn anything into gold was more dangerous than the most lethal weapons, more powerful than a million-man army, more treacherous than the worst of tyrants. Wealth with no boundaries was a never-ending war waiting to happen. It could turn greedy men into murderers and poor men into desperate, soulless creatures. It would have been better if they had never seen it—Astra watched in pain seeing the way that everyone's eyes lit up as Caspian dipped a spray of heather into the lake and saw it turn into shining, pure gold.

"Aslan, you have to do something," Astra tugged at his mane. "It will kill them all."

"_The King who owned this island,_" began Caspian, his mind also twenty steps ahead, yet consumed with the mesmerizing metal, "_would soon be the richest of all Kings of the world. I claim this land forever as a Narnian possession._"

"Aslan, do something!" Astra begged. "I read the history books, I read them so many times and it will ruin them. I read the court cases and saw what people would do for a few coins. And gold, pure gold… Aslan, please!"

"_It shall be called Goldwater Island. And I bind all of you to secrecy,_" Caspian gravely continued.

"You know it won't be a secret, Aslan. It's… shit, it's fucking gold, Aslan! It's so… it's so consuming. Please, Aslan, look at the hunger in their eyes. Not even the purest souls are immune to it."

"_No one must know of this. Not even Drinian—on pain of death, do you hear?_"

"_Who are you talking to?_" demanded Edmund, pushing his chest out. "_I'm no subject of yours. If anything it's the other way round. I am one of the four ancient sovereigns of Narnia and you are under allegiance to the High King my brother!_" he insisted with a deep scowl.

"Aslan!" Astra now yelled, pushing the Lion's side. "Fucking do something! This is only the beginning. Look at the destruction! Have they come so far only to…? Please," she cried, tears coming to her eyes, "don't do this to him."

"_So it has come to that, King Edmund, has it?_" asked Caspian, beginning to draw his sword, his eyebrows knitted together at the challenge of his sovereignty and disrespect for his title.

"_Oh stop it, both of you!_" cried Lucy huffily.

"Let them forget," Astra begged, falling to her knees.

"This is what you think should be done, Astra?" Aslan asked.

"_That's the worst of doing anything with boys_," Lucy continued, putting her hands on her hips. Astra knew they could do worse than argue. With power and wealth on the line, a few well-timed and carefully chosen words could spiral nations into blood-baths—that is, if they did not destroy themselves from the inside out first.

"Yes, I _know_ that is what should be done. This is a lake of death," Astra said decidedly. Aslan looked down at the resolute and fierce look her eyes, her chin tilted up in stanch determination, her body rigid and unyielding.

"_You're all such swaggering, bullying idiots—oooh!—_" At this moment, Aslan stepped forward in his glory, sunlight bursting all around him. They were so stunned, it looked like they had just woken up from a very realistic dream and weren't sure what was real and what was imagined.

"_What were we talking about?_" asked Caspian, letting his hand fall from his sword hilt. "_Have I been making rather an ass of myself?_" he asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.

"_Sire, this is a place with a curse on it. Let us get back on board at once,_" insisted Reepicheep. "_And if I might have the honor of naming this island, I should call it Deathwater._" Confused and stumbling, they left the island with bewildered looks on their faces. Caspian turned once last time to look at the lake and suddenly Astra was back in her little forest again.

"Well done, Astra," said Aslan.

"I didn't do anything," she said lowly. "Everything is the same."

"I would not be so quick to believe that," Aslan persevered. "Until next time, my child," he said and left her. Astra sat the rest of the day, trying to hold onto the image of Caspian's face, and woke up blinking back tears the next morning when she felt it begin to slip away.


	65. Ch 65: Voices

_Author's Note: Only two reviews for last chapter? Come on, everyone, this is nearing the end and I am not feeling the love. Seriously, we are looking at maybe three chapters left. I know, crazy, huh? Everything in italics is directly quoted from the book. This chapter sort of ends lamely and there's only a little bit of Astra in it, but next chapter will have more of her. In fact, I may hint that Caspian will get to see Astra... for real! Well, sort of. Eh, you can wait another five days, can't you? And as always, thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing!_

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CHAPTER 65: Voices

Caspian decided that Astra would have liked the house on the island they landed on. After days and days of sailing and seeing no creatures, ships, or land, they had begun to lose hope and more vital, provisions. They were just about to turn around when a small island appeared. It was on this island where beyond the sandy beach were immaculately kept lawns, lines of perfectly spaced trees, and pigeons softly cooing. At the end of the avenue was a stone house—it was quiet, quaint, and yet had character with its grey stones, numerous windows, and walls covered in ivy. Caspian imagined that there must be a grand library somewhere in the house and many nooks for Astra to sit in and read near the window. Yes, she would love it, but she would probably complain that despite all the windows in the house, there was no view of the ocean through the trees.

"_I think it's empty,_" said Eustace, but Caspian silently disagreed, pointing to the column of smoke rising from a chimney. They walked through the gateway and into a paved courtyard (Astra would have preferred dirt or sand, something more natural that she could sink her feet into). In the middle of the courtyard was a pump pumping itself. Eustace's first thought was modern machinery, which excited him to no end, while Caspian assumed it was magic. Just then, Lucy ran up to them, trying to whisper while out of breath something about invisible, thumping enemies that were determined to board the _Dawn Treader_ and launch a surprise attack on the unsuspecting crew once they returned.

"_You've no idea what sort of creatures they are, Lu?_" asked Edmund.

"_How can I, Ed, when I couldn't see then?_" retorted Lucy with her hands on her hips.

"_I wonder,_" mused Reepicheep, "_do they become visible when you drive a sword into them?_" They all continued to speculate until Reepicheep came up with a plan of attack "_Your Majesties all,_" he began with a voice of confident humility, "_hear me. It is folly to think of avoiding an invisible enemy by any amount of creeping and skulking. If these creatures mean to bring us to battle, be sure they will succeed. And whatever comes of it I'd sooner meet them face to face than be caught by the tail._" They decided that Reepicheep was right, especially since Reepicheep greatly valued his tail, so they drew their weapons and began to make their way back to the beach.

"_No further, masters, no further now,_" said the voice that stopped them. "_We've got to talk with you first. There's fifty of us and more here with weapons in our fists._"

"_Hear him hear him!_" cried more voices. "_That's our Chief. You can depend on what he says. He's telling you the truth, he is._"

"_I do not see these fifty warriors,_" Reepicheep sneered.

"_That's right, that's right. You don't see us,_" said the Chief Voice. "_And why not? Because we're invisible._" The Voices were a very repetitive sort of folk, Caspian dully noted, with the Chief content to blabber and become side-tracked and everyone else to praise his prose or add agreements and encouragements. After sitting down a good half hour and hearing out the Voices' tale, they learned that the island and house were owned by a magician and the Voices were his servants that he put an uglifying spell on, and in their attempt to reverse the spell, they made themselves invisible, and only a little girl (such as Lucy) could reverse the spell.

"_And we all swore that the first strangers as landed on this island (having a nice little girl with them, I mean, for if they hadn't it'd be another matter) we wouldn't let them go away alive unless they'd done the needful for us. And that's why, gentlemen, if your little girl doesn't come up to scratch, it will be our painful duty to cut all your throats. Merely in the way of business, as you might say, and no offense, I hope._" Caspian thought wistfully that Astra would have responded to this threat by saying wryly, "No offense taken." Meanwhile, Eustace gulped and rubbed his neck. After much back and forth, Lucy adamantly proclaimed that she should go alone.

"_Don't try to stop me. Can't you see it's no use? There are dozens of them there. We can't fight them. And the other way there is a chance._"

"_But a magician!_" Caspian protested, desperate to not lose Lucy.

"_I know,_" she sighed bravely. "_But he mayn't be as bad as they make out. Don't you get the idea that these people are not very brave?_"

"_They certainly aren't very clever,_" Eustace muttered.

"_I don't want to be cut to bits with invisible swords any more than anyone else,_" Lucy added.

"_Her Majesty is in the right,_" proclaimed Reepicheep. "_If we had any assurance of saving her by battle, our duty would be very plain. It appears to me that we have none. And the service they ask of her is in no way contrary to her Majesty's honor, but a noble and heroical act. If the Queen's heart moves her to risk the magician, I will not speak against it._" This was such a noble and brave speech that all the boys turned rather red, ashamed they had been so afraid of their little Lucy walking into harm's path. Once Lucy agreed to do the deed, the Voices turned their death threats into a dinner invitation, with plates being served to them by bouncing across the hall. However, it was a messy meal and the Voices were not very good conversationalists, always very apt to agree or state the obvious, with such phrases as, "_Ah, you've come over the water. Powerful wet stuff, ain't it?_"

The next morning, Lucy walked up to the second floor of the house, where the magician's book was apparently, and the Narnians sat and waited for her to return.

* * *

Astra had been in Narnia for over a year now. It was a little odd to think that she was no longer a nineteen-year-old girl, but a twenty-year-old woman. In a year she had fallen in love, learned so much about a completely different world, tossed a King's life into chaos, turned a court upside down, had conversations with Animals, explored a country, and taught the king a few new words, courtesy of the inventive youths of America and Britain. A year ago, she would have been itching to go home and as she thought back to this time, she realized she could not remember when she stopped thinking of England and the States as her home, but Narnia. After all, home was where the heart was and her heart was definitely in Narnia.

She still had not figured out exactly how time would work. When she finished helping Caspian out with his voyage, would she go back to Oxford and have to go to her first class of the morning? Would the year of love, laughter, and friendship slowly fade to black? Would she forget about Narnia entirely? If she fell in love again, would she have that nagging feeling that there was someone else who had a little bit of her heart?

These were all excellent questions, but there was the real question of what it would mean to go back to her world. She would be reunited with her family—she certainly longed to see her mother and three brothers. She itched to return to her studies in Oxford and then go home to foggy Monterey mornings that cleared into sunshine and cool patches of shade under trees. These were all things that she could not help but think that returning home would be worthwhile. However, there was this terrible fear that she would forget things she didn't want to forget and be plagued by things she would rather not remember. She was not sure which list Caspian fell under yet. Was it easier to forget about a lover when that love could never be or was it better to remember it and all the lessons that came with it? And yet, her love for Caspian seemed to overpower every other nagging sentiment.

This was where she was: twenty, in love, and lost. Looking down at her left hand, she suddenly wished that her ring finger actually had a ring on it. She plucked long strands of grass and whimsically made a braid to tie around the finger. Yes, that was better… at least a little less lonely. She always tried to live without regrets, but this was something rather worth the sickening twist in her stomach.

"I do," she whispered to the trees and they sighed with her.

* * *

Caspian sat next to Reepicheep as they waited for Lucy, and the Mouse looked particularly thoughtful, which Caspian found odd, because he was terribly anxious about Lucy.

"What is on your mind, Reepicheep?" asked Caspian. "Because I do not feel as though you are as worried about Her Majesty as I am."

"I am most worried about her," explained Reepicheep, "but it is a private worry. I must not question her abilities, because that would be most unfaithful and disloyal." Caspian flushed at Reepicheep's purity in heart. "Your Majesty, I was simply musing on a very random thought. I was simply wondering how the Lady Astra must be doing in your absence." Caspian gulped and gritted his teeth.

"I am sure she is well enough," Caspian managed to choke out.

"I certainly enjoyed traveling with the Lady across all of Narnia. She was a most pleasant travel companion and you two are most suited for each other, if I may be so bold to say."

"Your boldness is always welcome, Reepicheep," Caspian said with a soft smile.

"Then I suppose I must then explain myself, with your permission." Caspian gave him a nod, curious at to what the Mouse thought. "You balance each other out—her Lady is all passion and spirit, while you are thought and method. Together, you are bolder and she is more considerate. But, she is very young."

"She is twenty now, I believe," Caspian thought. "I am only a year older."

"But you have always been a bit beyond your years, Your Majesty. I think she forced you to make up for lost time. It is a bit sad that we all must do without her during such a trying time." Caspian did not trust himself to make any response and he was saved by the appearance of a very odd sort of creatures called Monopods.

These Monopods turned out to be the Voices, and once they woke up from their afternoon nap, they did not cease their talking. They were small and dwarf-like, with one enormous foot that they used to bounce everywhere. Caspian understood what Lucy meant when she heard the thumping noise the previous day because it was the sound of the Monopods' hopping. All the Narnians gathered at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Lucy to walk down to the first floor, and judging by the apologetic look on her face, they must have looked very anxious.

"_It's all right. Everything's all right. The Magician's a brick—and I've seen Him—Aslan,_" Lucy said, only to run out into the garden to see the Monopods up close.

"Well, that explains everything," Edmund said sarcastically. Caspian clapped him on the shoulder in agreement. The Monopods were a little more vocal in their agreements. Actually, they were a little more vocal in everything, enough to make Eustace mutter, "_I wish the Magician would make them inaudible instead of invisible._"

"Inaudible?" asked the Monopods. "What is the meaning of this?"

"To be inaudible means to not be heard," Eustace explained.

"Ah, you can't hear us, eh? We will have to talk a little louder, then!"

"N-no, that's not what I meant," Eustace stuttered.

"_Eh, he can't put things the way our Chief does. But you'll learn, young man. Hark to him. He'll show you how to say things. There's a speaker for you!_" the Monopods cried. Eustace gave up and tossed his hands in the air with resignation.

Mix-ups such as this continued. The Monopods were previously (and most fittingly) called Duffers, and got themselves rather confused with the change of name. "_That's what we are. Moneypuds, Pomonods, Poddymons._" At last, they settled on calling themselves Dufflepuds. Despite this, the Dufflepuds were pleasant company and always up for fun, and used their giant feet as canoes, made paddles, and had races around the _Dawn Treader_ in the ocean.

That night, they dined with the Magician in his interesting estate and with a little assistance from Drinian and some rather intricate magic, bestowed upon Caspian a lovely gift. Over some very good mead, Drinian gave an accurate account of their entire adventure and on a sheet of parchment, all that he said was translated into a map of the Eastern Ocean with all the islands they had discovered. With a magic magnifying glass, one could look down into the real towns, but only things that Drinian had seen could be viewed in this way.

"I am afraid that I cannot tell you what is beyond this island further east," the Magician said. "But, seven years ago, a Narnian ship landed on this island. Hmm, what were the names of the lords on board? Ah, yes, Lords Revilian, Argoz, Mavramorn, and Rhoop."

The next day, the Magician mended the _Dawn Treader _where the Sea Serpent had damaged it and they were sailing out into the great unknown again with the voices of the Dufflepuds cheering behind them.


	66. Ch 66: Night

_Author's Note: My apologies. My two friends who usually edit this for me are out of town and having a crazy week at work, respectively, and haven't been able to edit this. I tried to look over it extra carefully, but there are bound to be stupid typos. As they are able to look over the chapter, I will make the necessary changes. On the bright side, this chapter is suuuuuper long. I would have cut it off, but I promised you last chapter that Caspian would "see" Astra in this chapter, so I had to keep that promise. Anyway, enjoy the chapter and remember that anything in italics is directly quoted from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Oh, and don't forget to review!_

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CHAPTER 66: Night

Night: a time when the sky grows dark, Man and most Animals begin their slumber, the stars come out, and dreams emerge. Astra sleepily pondered as she stared out of the skylight in the cabin that there is a juxtaposition of darkness and light in the night. Darkness: the absence of the sun, the frightening noises, the unknown, the nightmares. Light: the stars and the moon, the pleasant dreams, the relaxing sleep, the warmth of blankets. Night was confusion in the clarity of sleep, restlessness of the mind but respite for the body, a time for trouble-making or innocent slumber, a paradox in purpose and principle.

Aslan came during the night, His warmth and glow bringing light and tenderness to the cold, dark night. He nuzzled her with His head, said for her to follow, and she did, still half-asleep. She walked in her white nightgown, her curls a matted mess, and her feet moving through the soft soil. Aslan's great paws made giant steps in the dirt and had she been more awake, she would have hopped from paw print to paw print. Instead, she walked silently and unquestioningly. She felt the ocean breeze on her skin, heard the crashing of waves, and saw the soft reflection of the moon on the ocean. Looking down, the water hurtled against the rocks, turning white and foamy.

"Jump, dear child, and take flight," He said. Astra did not know if she was too tired to truly process it, or she just had unquestioning faith in Him, or if she was half-convinced it was all just a dream but she did jump and _damn,_ did she fly.

When she woke up the next morning, she was certain it all was just a dream, but when she found the feather in her hair, saw dirt on the bottom of her feet, and noticed the giant paw prints outside, she smiled and realized that it was real.

* * *

The island was as dark as night. How an island could be an immense darkness was a little confusing even for Caspian and Drinian, who had seen pretty much all there was to see. They were about to pass up the foreboding island all together until Reepicheep just _had_ to go on and make some noble speech, making everyone else feel rather cowardly. In Caspian's mind, Astra chided him by shaking her head and tutting, "Peer pressure!" but this did not stop him from ordering lights and beginning their journey into the darkness.

As they plowed on, carefully listening for signs of life or danger, all the fears of being at sea crept up on Caspian. They were thirteen days from the Dufflepuds' island and venturing into an unknown that was probably avoidable, and yet Reepicheep declared that they set sail "_to seek honor and adventure._" Of course, Reepicheep was right: honor and adventure were indeed some of the goals of the journey; he wanted to do something great for the history books on his own.

(Honor and adventure—Astra was an adventure, but where was the honor in how he left things? There was no honor in leaving love behind.)

When they did hear a sound, it was an inhuman cry of extreme terror, the kind that makes stomachs churn and ears ring. Caspian was too frightened to respond to the chilling cry and so Reepicheep called out, questioning if the voice was a friend or foe.

"_Mercy!_" it cried. "_Mercy! Even if you are only one more dream, have mercy. Take me on board. Take me, even if you strike me dead. But in the name of all mercies do not fade away and leave me in this horrible land._" The plea was so desperate and genuine that Caspian granted access. There was the sound of water splashing, men grunting, and the creaking of wood, and a man was pulled on board. He looked terrified to the bone; he was old, worn, and his eyes were so wide open with agony and fear that it looked like he had no eyelids at all. Suppressing sobs, he begged them to leave the island, explaining that it was the Island where Dreams come true.

"_That's the island I've been looking for this long time,_" a sailor said excitedly. "_I'd reckon I'd find I was married to Nancy if we landed here._"

"_And I'd find Tom again!_" The excitement of proclaiming dreams continued. Caspian thought of his dreams with Astra, the ones where things were happy and pleasant. She had a ring on her finger, a smile on her face, mischief in her eyes, freckles on her nose, and a curl stuck to her cheek. She was always laughing, holding his hand, kissing him. She would whisper in the dark and it wouldn't matter what she said because it was _her_ talking and her voice would be as hypnotizing and constant as the waves that crashed against the cliffs at Cair Paravel. They would lie on the roof of the castle, pointing to stars and sharing warmth and kisses. She would look at him with those blue eyes of hers and say those three little words with such sincerity and earnestness that his heart would swell. She would wear a long white dress and carry a bouquet. She would be waddling through the castle, proclaiming that she craved a turkey, cheese, and Cheetos sandwich with a protective hand on her stomach. She would lie on his chest and they would read _The Tales of Barnaby Brawn_ and smile at each other knowingly. These were the dreams Caspian thought that he would like to come true and suddenly wished to stay in the darkness forever if it meant that he could be with her, even if it was just a dream.

"_Fools!_" cried the man, snapping everyone out of their pleasant reveries. "_This is the sort of talk that brought me here, and I'd better have been drowned or never born. Do you hear what I said?_" he croaked, his voice now dropping down to a whisper. "_This is where dreams—dreams, do you understand—come to life, come real. Not daydreams: dreams._"

There was a long pause as everyone considered this warning. Caspian's mind turned to the other dreams he had of Astra, the ones where things were neither happy nor pleasant. The ones where there was no ring on her finger, a frown was on her face, and her eyes were dull and sad. The ones that she apologized and cried and still the decision stayed: that she wouldn't marry him. Sometimes, things were worse. There were ones that she said that she never loved him at all; there were ones that she cruelly mocked him for loving so freely, ones that she proclaimed that she would not marry him even if he was the last man in her world or in Narnia. Sometimes she just left and sometimes she was taken away and sometimes she was dead. These were the dreams that he woke up from, absolutely terrified of closing his eyes again to be plagued with such heart-wrenching images. Everyone realized the same thing at nearly the exact time and soon all were making great haste to turn the boat around. Reepicheep made a fuss, not sure why the Men were so moved.

"_Row, row!_" Caspian bellowed. "_Pull for all our lives. Is her head right, Drinian? You can say what you like, Reepicheep,_" he said over his shoulder to the Mouse. "_There are some things no man can face._" The words hung in the air and Reepicheep considered it for a moment.

"_It is, then, my good fortune not to be a man,_" he said with a stiff bow, still unable to grasp exactly why these men felt such great fear for imaginary things.

They rowed in a panic and the heavy silence that fell on them was barely masked by the sound of the oars slapping the water. However, this silence crept away and was replaced by sounds, sounds that haunted their hearts and were unique for every person, causing them to yell.

"_It's just going to settle on the mast!_" Caspian cried out.

In his dream, _it_ was going to get Astra and take her away from him. _It_ was going to send her back to Oxford. _It_ was going to kill her. _It_ was going to control her and tell her to leave him. _It_ was going to take the ring from him. _It_ was going to start wars in her name. _It_ was going to devour her soul. _It_ was going to take her for _its_ own. And _it,_ whatever _it _was, was settling on the mast, inching closer and closer to where she stood by his side.

A cold sweat ran down his spine. It was taking too long; they were never going to get out. This horrific thought was immediately instilled in everyone, causing everyone to panic until out of no where, a tiny speck of light glowed in the immense darkness. It was miniscule compared to the gloom, but it lit the boat up with warmth. Caspian looked around the ship and saw that everyone was looking in the same place.

It was an albatross, a sea bird, flying toward them, its wings making ripples of light in the darkness, and its sweet voice killing the damp, cold feeling in their hearts. It circled the mast three times and perched itself on the dragon at the prow, saying things that no one understood, but had the warmth and familiarity of words. Caspian could have sworn he heard a familiar laugh. Then, the bird took flight and Drinian took to the steering wheel, letting the bird guide them out of the darkness until they were blinking in the bright sunlight. Caspian took this moment to turn to the newcomer, who finally introduced himself as Lord Rhoop, a Telmarine, once he found his voice and quelled his tears of happiness.

"_And I am Caspian, King of Narnia, and I sail to find you and your companions who were my father's friends._" Lord Rhoop fell to his knees and kissed Caspian's hand, proclaiming his happiness before asking that they never bring him back to that terrible island. He pointed in the direction of the land, but when they turned and looked back, there was only ocean and sky.

"_Why, you have destroyed it!_" he cried.

"_I don't think it was us,_" said Lucy with a sage air.

_So all afternoon with great joy they sailed southeast with a fair wind. But nobody noticed when the albatross had disappeared._

* * *

When Aslan returned to Astra, she asked a stupid question that needed to be asked regardless of how silly she sounded.

"Aslan, did I really do that?" she inquired, skipping greetings all together.

"Do what?"

"Make all that darkness go away," she squirmed uncomfortably.

"Of course you did," He said.

"But… _how?_" He chuckled at her incredulity before explaining.

"Because you bring light to people's lives, my child. Just as you banished the darkness from Caspian's life, you were able to banish the darkness of the most terrifying of the crew's dreams," he elucidated. Astra nodded her head before giving a small smile.

"I figured it wasn't a dream when I found a feather in my hair," she sheepishly shrugged, causing Aslan to laugh.

"I always knew you were a bright girl. So bright, you could be put up with the Stars to shine and dance with them."

"I'm not that bright," she blushed.

"Which is why you will be with a fallen Star. Because he needs a little light too."

"A what?" she cried out. "_Why?_ Because the cubs are going to really miss me. And Alyx needs help with them, because they are a handful. And if I'm helping the star or whatever, how am I going to help Caspian?" Aslan waited for her outburst to end before speaking.

"Because, dear child, everything is connected."

"Okay, whatever, but _really_, how am I going to pass as a Star? I don't exactly look like a glow stick or anything," Astra wildly gesticulated.

"I will take care of your appearance, but otherwise, I think you will take to it quickly. It is practically your middle name. And first name. And last name," Aslan mused.

"…_huh?_"

"The name 'Astra' means 'star.' 'Celeste' means 'heavenly.' Your surname, 'Gorlois,' means 'higher than the sky.' You see, Astra, you were always meant to burn brightly. This fallen Star needs a little light in his life. He is on the last island before the end of the world and is waiting to grow young again so he can join his friends up in the night sky. He needs a daughter."

"Uh, I don't think I am a good replacement daughter. Like, at _all_," Astra furiously shook her head.

"His name is Ramandu. And I think you will manage."

"I don't need another father," Astra declared, stomping a foot down. "I already had one," she announced, shoving her father's fedora on her head to prove her point.

"Your father was a police officer, yes? Ramsey Gorlois. And what is the shape of a police officer's badge?" Astra squirmed.

"A star."

"Exactly. Everything is connected," Aslan said mysteriously.

"Can you stop saying that? It's creeping me out."

"Be a good girl," Aslan said before breathing on her. When she woke up, she was blonde.

"Are you shitting me? Are you fucking _shitting _me?" she cried, running her fingers through the straight, long, blonde hair. "Woah, I sound weird," Astra thought out loud, rather puzzled at the change in her voice, which was softer, smoother, and more serene. She spun around in confusion, only to face a mirror. "Oh _fuck_," she breathed, looking at her appearance. Not only was she blonde, but she had grown a few inches and had slimmed down. Now, she had womanly curves that would have made the seamstress that mocked her boyish figure clap. All that remained of her original appearance were her blue eyes.

"My daughter, is that you?" asked a frail but distinctly cashmere voice.

"It is I!" was Astra's joyous response, although if it was truly her, she would have said, "Yeah, it's me." It seemed like there was another voice in her head fighting for dominance. It was Ramandu's daughter's voice. A tall, shining man with a long beard and silver hair walked toward her; when he smiled, all the mildness and gravity of his disappearance faded and comforted by this, Astra rushed forward and hugged him, taking in a smell of crisp aftershave, only to realize that the man certainly did not shave and this was how her father smelled. It wasn't her father, she knew that, but he smelled like him and he smiled like him and so she decided that she could play pretend. This time, she chose the words and not Ramandu's daughter. "I missed you so much," she whispered hoarsely, tears prickling her eyes.

"As I missed you, my sweet daughter," he said. "Come. It is dawn. Let us sing our song and make the sun rise. Then, we must catch up." Astra was about to protest that she was terrible at singing, but the voice in her head said otherwise. As the beautiful, melodic, high notes slipped from her lips in a language unknown and a bird with flaming feathers (exactly like the one that burned her arm at the How) flew down with a berry in its mouth, she looked to the old man and pondered Aslan's words. How _was_ this all connected?

* * *

It had been warm lately and at night, Caspian would lie out on the deck and look at the constellations, which no one had ever seen in Narnia before. The wind had died down and the ship seemed to crawl along until they reached a new country that shone so brightly, it seemed as though the capes and headlands of the island were on fire. The land was all hills and slopes and had a particular smell to it, like wildflowers, sweet grass, and sunshine.

"It is a sort of, oh, I don't know," began Lucy, "_a dim, purple kind of smell._" Edmund thought it was rubbish, but Caspian said, "_I know what you mean._" After all, Astra had said that the How had a purplish smell to it.

At last, they dropped anchor and began to explore the land. They found a long table covered in a crimson cloth and surrounded by chairs with silk cushions. The table was loaded with rich, exquisite, and exotic food. The wine smelled particularly good, a little bit like happiness, and someone emitted a low whistle. Caspian's mouth was watering until they realized that not all the chairs were empty. In three of the chairs, in fact, were men with hair and beards so long that they had gown over the table. The men were not dead, but in a very deep sleep; Lucy suspected it was an enchanted sleep, sensing the magic in the air. Caspian tried to awaken the first of the three sleepers, who muttered, "_I'll go eastward no more. Out oars for Narnia,_" and fell back asleep. The second garbled, "_Weren't born to live like animals. Get to the east while you've a chance—lands behind the sun,_" and the third only said, "_Mustard please,_" before he returned to his slumber.

According to their rings, they were the Lords Revilian, Argoz, and Mavramorn. It was getting dark, they feared eating the seven year old feast (even if it looked and smelled freshly cooked), and Caspian's heart was heavy with the thought that their journey was over and there was no where else to go.

"_We can decide what to do with the three sleepers tomorrow,_" sighed Edmund. "_We daren't eat the food and there's no point in staying here for the night. The whole place smells of magic—and danger._" Reepicheep agreed, but insisted that he would stay at the table regardless. When asked why, he responded saying, "_This is a very great adventure, and no danger seems to me so great as that of knowing when I get back to Narnia that I left a mystery behind me through fear._" Edmund then agreed to stay, followed by Caspian, Lucy, and Eustace. Caspian sent the crew back to the ship and the five sat and waited in the dark, fighting off the cold, trying to hush their rumbling stomachs, and not making much an attempt at conversation. They dozed off and woke up, cold, stiff, hungry, and with the feeling that something was about to happen.

A door in the hillside opened up. A light appeared, the door shut, and the light came closer and closer to them until they saw that a tall, blonde girl in a blue dress was carrying a candle and set it down on the table, causing the gold and silver goblets and utensils to glow. There was silence. Reepicheep stood up, immediately respecting the elegant airs surrounding the girl, and Caspian followed, nearly toppling over his chair. All he saw were her eyes—Astra's eyes, the dark blue orbs filled with love, excitement, tenderness, compassion, and laughter—and for a moment, he thought it was her until he saw the figure and the blonde hair and the absence of freckles. He felt the ring that he wore on his neck in comfort, a great disappointment sweeping over him. The blue eyes held him fixated on the girl and Caspian wondered why Aslan would torment him so with a girl with _her_ eyes. And although he felt as dark as night, the light the girl set on the table was as bright as day and he could not help but feel the heaviness in his heart slightly diminish.


	67. Ch 67: Ramandu's Daughter

_Author's Note: I am a terrible person for not updating on time, blah blah blah. I know. I'm sick, forgive me. And I have only one more day of work and then no more germy little kids to distract me from finishing this. I don't know how many chapters are left. Maybe one, maybe two, maybe three. I really don't know. I'm kind of off the outline right now. As always, everything in italics is C.S. Lewis' not mine. Let me know if anything is confusing you all. The whole Ramandu's daughter thing is a little confusing, I know, but I hope I made it clear. Only one of my dear friends had the chance to edit this, so like last chapter, I will change any errors that are found later. Thanks so much to those of you who have been reviewing! It makes me so darn happy!_

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CHAPTER 67: Ramandu's Daughter

Being Ramandu's daughter wasn't half-bad, Astra reasoned. It was a little weird to be in a constant battle with another voice in her head, but sometimes she had her way and sometimes Ramandu's daughter had her way. It was nice, occasionally, to just be in cruise control and let herself go, knowing that Ramandu's daughter would take care of things. She always knew what to say and how to word it, and everything sounded so gentle and nice coming from her lips that it was quite pleasant to hear, even if Ramandu's daughter could be a little wordy at times. Astra greatly preferred to ramble, but Ramandu's daughter spoke with punctuation. (_The snob._) Nonetheless, Ramandu's daughter was amusing, whimsical, and naïve, and so when Astra wasn't fighting to get in a word edgewise, they got along rather well. Astra had fun actually brushing her hair (because curls are dangerous to brush) and it was nice to be a few inches taller, but she missed her strength and even the freckles that she detested when she was little. However, she retained her blue eyes, a bit of her smile, and all of her loud laugh, which greatly pleased her.

Every morning, Astra would begin the day by bringing a candle down to Aslan's table, the large table in which three Telmarine men sat, caught in an enchanted sleep. After, her "father" and she would sing and the sun would rise. Astra found herself slowly becoming a little more of a morning person from being able to watch the sun rise stunningly over the horizon, but that could easily could be blamed on Ramandu's daughter. Their song would herald the Birds of Morning, and one would bring Ramandu a fire berry, which he would eat to make him grow young again. Astra had a running joke with him that every morning she would tell him he looked younger than ever, which made him laugh and Astra smile.

After that, they would have breakfast and take a nice turn around the island, which was picturesque and serene. The smell of the island was very purplish and reminded Astra of the How, which only brought memories of Caspian that she attempted to keep tucked away from Ramandu's daughter. Ramandu, being retired and having little to do but exercise his mind, was full of wonderful stories, tales, and facts that Astra would sit and listen to for hours on end. This was how they usually spent their time, poring over old books and talking about old times. It was wonderful and Astra found quirks in the Star that reminded her of her own father, and so she found the whole experience rather comforting.

The only thing she didn't like about the island was the three men sleeping at Aslan's table. Astra knew they were the last three missing lords and Ramandu filled her in on the details. Apparently, the men were arguing at the table whether to stay on the island, return to Narnia, or travel on when one man had taken up the cursed Knife of Stone to fight his Telmarine friends, causing them to fall into an enchanted sleep. It wasn't their presence which bothered Astra too much, even though she desperately wanted to give them a hair cut so they would not look so beastly, but she knew that if the _Dawn Treader_ had any luck, eventually they would arrive on Ramandu's Island in search of the last three lords.

This scared Astra shitless. She had seen Caspian before, but she really wasn't herself at the time. She had been invisible to him or a bird. Now, she wouldn't be in her own body, but she would be in her own mind and she would be able to speak that mind (if Ramandu's daughter let her) and he would be looking at her. She knew her eyes would give away far too much, and not just because they were _her_ eyes; she wouldn't be able to hide her feelings for him, regardless of the body she was in. And worst of all, she would probably not even be able to say the things she would want to because she had to help him awaken the Sleepers; he did not need another distraction and it would be cruel to hint at anything.

If loving him meant helping him, then she would. If helping him meant being Ramandu's daughter, then she would. And if being Ramandu's daughter meant ignoring her own desires and letting him sail off once again, then she would. Sometimes, logic sucked.

* * *

It was before dawn when she woke up. She did that nowadays, waking up so early that she wanted to scream and jam her pillow on top of her ears while Ramandu's daughter was ready to prance around the island, or some enthusiastic morning-person shit like that. Putting on a blue dress with short sleeves, she brushed her blonde hair, slipped on some shoes, and lit a candle.

The house was tucked away in a hill. It was small and cozy; Astra always wondered how it was so well-lit for being underground, but then remembered that its main inhabitant was a Star, and they knew all about lights. She had a room to herself—it was sort of a little girl's room, with pictures of dragons and princesses on the walls. Astra half-expected to look up and see the little plastic glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling like her room from her childhood, but instead the ceiling was blank. Ramandu's room was just next door; often at night, she heard him leave his room and open the door to hers, sit in the chair in the corner for awhile, and then return to his slumber. Astra stayed very quiet and still whenever he came in while she was awake, knowing that the sound of his daughter's breathing was probably a comfort to him. There was no kitchen or dining room in the house; they always ate at Aslan's table and the food was renewed on a daily basis, so there was no need. However, there was a very large sitting room with many books and comfortable chairs and rugs to sit on. Despite this, Astra's favorite place in the house was the hallway from the bedrooms to the sitting room. Painted on the walls were all the constellations.

"I know that some use the Stars as maps for navigation, but for us Stars," explained Ramandu, "it is our family tree, my daughter. You always forget everyone's names, which is why we painted it together. Don't you remember?" Astra nodded her head, even though she didn't really remember.

"Tell it all again, father. Please?" she begged and they would stand for an hour in one part of the hallway, going over the names and quirks of the particular Stars until Astra felt that she knew them all.

On this day, after she was dressed and had lit a candle, she opened the door that was stuck to the hillside and walked outside the little burrow. She saw figures in the distance and immediately knew what awaited her. She ordered herself to walk slowly and to not trip, even though Ramandu's daughter was very curious about the visitors. As she drew closer, she recognized Caspian, Reepicheep, Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace. Astra could feel her heart beating faster, her eyes already fixed on Caspian. Her mouth had gone dry and she was so scared that she wanted to run away, but she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. _For Caspian,_ she told herself.

She put the candle down on the table, lighting up their faces. Just as she had been looking at Caspian, now he was able to look at her. The first image that he caught was her eyes; she could tell because he got up so quickly from his chair that he nearly toppled it over. That was all he saw first and he looked at her, astonished and hopeful and _oh hell_ still so in love until he realized that she was tall and blonde and her freckles were gone and she had poise and elegance and obvious beauty and was not, by any means, _his_ love. He felt for a chain on his neck in reassurance and Astra saw that strung on the chain was _her_ ring. It would have been her engagement ring, she realized, and was touched that he still kept it close to his heart. Sentimental tears prickled Astra's eyes, but Ramandu's daughter pushed them back, too curious to embrace Astra's sudden bout of sappiness.

"_Travelers who have come from far to Aslan's table,_" were the words that tumbled out of Astra's mouth, "_why do you not eat and drink?_" She directed the question toward Caspian, desperate to hear him speak to her. It seemed to take a few moments for him to find his words.

"_Madam_," he began slowly, disappointment still etched in his voice, although he clearly had high regard for the woman in front of him, even if (especially because) she had _her_ eyes, "_we feared the food because we thought it had cast our friends into an enchanted sleep._"

"_But they have never tasted it,_" Astra responded, ordering Ramandu's daughter not to take this moment to play with her hair, which was a nervous habit.

"_Please,_" begged Lucy, "_what happened to them?_" Had it been Astra, she would have explained it in the same way as she explained American-British history on the first day she had met Caspian: rather abridged and with many odd idioms and inside jokes referring to pop culture. However, Ramandu's daughter spoke carefully with pretty language about the Three Sleepers and how they fell into their enchanted sleep.

"_What is this Knife of Stone?_" asked Eustace. Now, it was Astra's turn to speak, being able to overpower Ramandu's daughter because of her pure shock.

"_Do none of you know it?_" she asked them all. Although it was not her own voice, the way she said it made Caspian look at her, as if he was trying to figure out who she was.

"_There was a knife like it that the White Witch used when she killed Aslan at the Stone Table long ago,_" responded Lucy.

"_It was the same,_" chirped Ramandu's daughter, "_and it was brought here to be kept in honor while the world lasts._" Astra looked at the odd looks from Edmund and Caspian and realized that she was far more physically beautiful as Ramandu's daughter than as her true self. She squirmed uncomfortably, seeing the way that Caspian's eyes went over her body, even if he was searching for Astra. Edmund, naturally, was skeptical of her beauty rather than intrigued by it.

"_When I look in your face I can't help believing all you say,_" Edmund said frankly, although uncomfortable that his words would give rise to offense, "_but then that's just what might happen with a witch too. How are we to know that you're a friend?_"

"_You can't know,_" shrugged Ramandu's daughter, her voice light and neutral, "_You can only believe—or not._" This was said all rather seriously and slowly, Astra let warmth travel to her eyes and she smiled. Caspian blinked a few times before he was requested by Reepicheep to pour him a cup of wine for him to drink to the lady. Reepicheep seemed to find the wine divine and dove into the rest of the food, followed by everyone else.

"_Why is it called Aslan's table?_" asked Lucy after swallowing some ham.

"_It is set here by his bidding for those who come so far. Some call this island the World's End, for though you can sail further, this is the beginning of the end,_" Ramandu's daughter explained. Astra was too busy watching Caspian hungrily eat the food, although there was dullness in his eyes when he gazed at the feast when compared to the enthusiasm in the others' eyes.

"_But how does the food keep?_" asked Eustace. Astra immediately thought that Eustace was probably quite the bother, but he probably just had a great thirst for knowledge and someone to listen to his theories instead of calling him pretentious and writing him off.

"_It is eaten, and renewed every day,_" Astra explained patiently before Ramandu's daughter finished off by saying, "_This you will see._" All this time, since Astra first spoke to him, Caspian had been silently watching her, trying to figure out what to make of her.

"_And what are we to do about the Sleepers?_" he asked. "_In the world from which my friends come, they have a story of a prince or king coming to a castle where all the people lay in an enchanted sleep. In that story he could not dissolve the enchantment until he had kissed the Princess,_" he said slowly. Lucy looked at Caspian oddly and Edmund glanced away. Eustace was much too occupied with his thoughts of the renewable feast to notice the King's flirtations. Astra bristled at his forwardness while Ramandu's daughter was doing internal cartwheels. However, Astra's sudden anger quelled when she noticed the confusion in Caspian's eyes—he was testing her, trying to see what sort of girl she was, and if she was anything like the one he loved. He still wore the ring around his neck, Astra reassured himself.

"_But here,_" Astra said with a small, coy smile, "_it is different. Here he cannot kiss the Princess till he has dissolved the enchantment._" She looked him straight in the eye, knowing that a devilish spark lit them up and he gave a little smile, finding joy in this familiar look.

"_Then, in the name of Aslan, show me how to set about that work at once,_" he said in a low voice.

What was he doing? Astra inwardly screamed her head off at this new Caspian (since when did he ever _flirt?_ He was practically socially retarded with winning girls over. They flocked to him, so it was their job, not his.)

"_My father will teach you that,_" Astra said, holding in a snigger, but putting a slightly smug look on her face that Ramandu's daughter did not much like.

"_Your father!_" they all cried and Astra was pleased when Caspian's face paled the slightest. He felt for the ring once again, which was a slight reassurance. Astra pointed up the hill to her "father." Ramandu came down and they sang, the sun rose, and the Birds of Morning flew down. Astra watched Caspian when she could and one thing was sure judging by the look on his face: it was the beginning of the End of the World and at last, he was so close to what he wanted and yet, so far.


	68. Ch 68: Hot and Cold

_Author's Note: Guess who is actually updating on time? (Me me me me me!) There may be a few typos, but I will promise to go back and fix them if I catch any more. Everything in italics belongs to C.S. Lewis, blah blah blah disclaimer blah blah blah blah. Oh, and this is the second to last chapter. Just thought you would like to know if you bother reading my charming and annoying author's notes. Enjoy and don't forget to review!_

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CHAPTER 68: Hot and Cold

Caspian had no clue what was going on in his head. Something about the mysterious girl's eyes made his brain turn into mush and he was saying things he had never said in his entire life. The little remark about kissing the princess was nearly incomprehensible to him. The girl was beautiful, that was true. In fact, she seemed to bring beauty to a whole new level, as if he had not known what beauty was until he saw her, but Caspian really only thought she was beautiful because of the precise color and expressiveness of her eyes. Sure, she was otherwise stunning, with her long blonde hair, porcelain skin, tall, slim figure, and sweet, little smile, but Caspian knew this was only mere attraction whereas he felt love for Astra. Nothing could take that away, not even a mysterious girl with _her_ eyes. Still, her prettiness made him act foolish for a few moments. Whenever he did something stupid, Astra would always admonish him or simply laugh at him. He was curious to see what the girl would do and was rather pleased by her wry comeback. It was something like Astra tamed by a filter, a little tongue-in-cheek but with the same sarcastic glint in her eyes. It made his stomach flip-flop and he knew that Edmund was flat-out embarrassed by the King's shamelessness whereas Lucy was shooting him accusatory glares—Caspian was fairly sure that she had seen the ring he wore on his neck once or twice and had attributed his occasional broodiness to a broken heart.

The mysterious girl's father looked a little more like her grandfather or great-grandfather even, with a tall figure and a silver beard and hair that fell down to his feet. He was so mild and grave that they all immediately stood up, recognizing a sort of purity in him. The girl had a sort of wicked glint in her eyes when she saw Caspian pale at the figure of her father, and he gulped and felt for Astra's ring. The glint in her eyes was too similar to Astra's for comfort, but he did take comfort in the fact that Astra had a terrible singing voice, not like the lilting, beautiful sounds that came from the mysterious girl's mouth and caressed their ears and made the sun rise. The sun was enormous and looked far bigger than at Cair—the girl was right that they were nearing the End of the World. The caws of birds joined the father and daughter's singing. Caspian watched in amazement as they landed on the table and began to eat everything, leaving only clean, empty platters and the three Narnian Lords still fast asleep.

"Welcome to the beginning of the End of the World," said the man in a soothing, comforting voice, offering a gentle smile that made his grave stature much less severe.

"_Sir,_" Caspian managed to croak, trying to keep his eyes off of the man's daughter (flirting was bad diplomacy, he reminded himself, and it was unwise to mix business with pleasure), "_will you tell us how to undo the enchantment which holds these three Narnian Lords asleep?_"

"_I will gladly tell you that, my son,_" said the old man, putting an arm on his daughter's shoulders, who leaned into him with an affectionate little smile. "_To break this enchantment you must sail to the World's End, or as near as you can come to it, and you must come back having left at least one of your company behind._" Caspian snuck a look at the daughter as the old man said this, finding her expression oddly strained.

"_And what must happen to that one?"_ asked Reepicheep.

"_He must go on into the utter east and never return into the world,_" the old man said.

"_That is my heart's desire,_" Reepicheep breathed. The girl was looking at Reepicheep with such fondness and happiness in her eyes, but her mouth was twisted in only a small, pleasant smile.

Their conversation continued. The old man at last explained that his name was Ramandu and he was a retired star. Each morning, a bird would bring him a fire-berry from the valleys in the Sun and by consuming this berry, it would take away his age. Once he was young again, he would join his fellow Stars up in the sky. Caspian vaguely wondered what would happen to the daughter when this happened and had an odd tightening of his chest, as if he didn't want her to leave. He didn't even know her name or anything, but _Aslan_, she had _her_ eyes—that had to mean something, didn't it?

"_But come,_" said Ramandu, "_we waste time in such talk. Are you yet resolved? Will you sail further east and come again, leaving one to return no more, and so break the enchantment, or will you sail westward?_"

* * *

Astra held her breath, waiting for Caspian to speak. Go east, she silently begged, go east and let this not be in vain.

"_Surely, Sire,_" said Reepicheep, breaking the silence, "_there is no question about that? It is very plainly part of our quest to rescue these three lords from enchantment._"

"_I think the same, Reepicheep,_" began Caspian and Ramandu's daughter began nervously playing with her hair, made uneasy by Astra's tenseness. "_And even if it were not so, it would break my heart not to go as near the World's End as the _Dawn Treader _will take us. But I am thinking of the crew. They signed on to seek the seven lords,_" Caspian reasoned, "_not to reach the rim of the Earth… I don't think I should take them further without their knowledge and consent. And then there's the poor Lord Rhoop. He's a broken man,_" Caspian said, causing Astra's mind to spin. Caspian was still so selfless. He said his heart would break, but it was already broken; both he and Rhoop were broken men, yet he considered Rhoop first.

It was decided that Rhoop would join his fellow Narnians in a dreamless sleep. Caspian seemed to look around the island, figuring that the place was serene enough. Ramandu's daughter gave him a reassuring nod and smiled when she saw the rest of the crew approaching. After that, the men seemed to argue for a long time. It rather bored Astra, but Ramandu's daughter was fascinated by these people and excited by the flow of the conversation. Ramandu's daughter was squealing in delight when Reepicheep made a noble speech about sailing further, even if it would be the death of him, and had the urge to call him "cute," an adjective which Astra immediately shot down. Meanwhile, Caspian was frowning at the discord.

"_We have an errand to the world's edge,_" he explained with a severe tone. "_It is our pleasure to choose from among such of you as are willing those whom we deem worthy of so high an enterprise. We have not said that any can come for asking. That is why we shall now command the Lord Drinian and Master Rhince to consider carefully what men among you are the hardest in battle, the most skilled seamen, the purest in blood, the most loyal to our person, and the cleanest of life and manners; and to give their names to us in a schedule._" Astra looked at Caspian making his demands in amazement, knowing that months ago, he would not have been able to do such a radical, scheming thing. Something had changed in him. "_Aslan's mane!_" he cried after a long pause. "_Do you think that the privilege of seeing the last things is to be bought for a song? Now—scatter over the island, all of you. In half and hour's time I shall receive the names._" The men sheepishly scattered and Astra watched Caspian rub the bridge of his nose to calm himself down. It was obvious he was tired and she felt guilty for a moment as she gently helped Rhoop to a chair at the table.

"You," Lord Rhoop whispered, a half-crazy glint in his eyes, "were his best dream and his worst nightmare, weren't you?" Astra looked at him alarmed and Ramandu put his hands on the man's head. He seemed about to say something to Lucy and Caspian and Astra held her breath, but before the man could speak, his head slumped forward and he was fast asleep.

In the end, Caspian allowed all the men to go on the voyage except one, a man named Pittencream. He seemed to be a rather bothersome man, perhaps the sort of man that Eustace would have grown up to be had he not learned his lesson, and Astra, Ramandu's daughter, and Ramandu were loath to be around him.

All that night during a great feast at the Table, Astra snuck looks at Caspian. Ramandu's daughter was equally curious and Astra was not able to quell her playing with her blonde hair and the little smiles across the table. Damn male-deprived girl…

* * *

Not only did Ramandu's daughter have Astra's eyes, she had her laugh. Dinner was wonderful with all the crew talking—mostly to the stunning girl, who gave little smiles and giggles occasionally—but when Drinian, always the jokester, told a particularly hilarious tale, she burst out laughing. It was a rich, joyous laughter, the contagious kind that filled a person up from the tips of their toes all the way to their ears. Ramandu's daughter tossed back her blonde hair, tilted her chin to the sky, and laughed, her smile a mile wide and eyes tearing up from laughing so hard. Everyone laughed with her except Caspian, who felt his heart stop for a moment. Unable to excuse himself from the table, he took a long, morose gulp of wine and looked at Ramandu, who was smiling at his daughter fondly.

Although he had been curious about this mysterious girl, most of his curiosity was quelled after she laughed. Whoever she was, he almost did not want to know and avoided talking to her directly and most of all, making eye contact. Her little smiles and the way that she played with her hair made it obvious that she did not seem to notice Caspian's discomfort. (Had he been able to bear looking into her eyes, it would have been a different story.) The girl followed him around like a lost puppy for the majority of the night, asking him questions. Although unable to make consistent eye-contact, Caspian could hear the disparity in her voice. Like the Duke of Galma's daughter, Caspian figured she was rather deprived, being alone on an island with only her father as her company. All she wanted was someone different to talk to and to hear of things she hadn't heard before. Her thirst for knowledge reminded him of Astra and he thought of her (both Astra and Ramandu's daughter) curled up with a book.

However, the girl was temptation. She was pretty enough to make the ring on his neck feel a little heavier than it was before and he almost longed to tell the girl that he loved another, just to clear the air. Ramandu's daughter was quiet and naïve—endearing, one may say—and so shy and yet completely open at the same time, but before he had the chance to tell her to back off, she stepped away with such ferocity as if she was forcing her legs to move. There was hardly a reason for her impromptu exit and Ramandu's daughter looked over her shoulder at him a few times until she reached her father. She stood by his side the rest of the night and did not speak to him until she bid him a very empty "good night."

* * *

Ramandu's daughter was like a love-struck twelve-year-old. It was sickening the way she followed Caspian around, but it was nearly impossible for Astra to stop her. Things were going fine until she laughed at dinner and after that, Caspian made it clear that he would rather not speak to the blonde girl. However, Ramandu's daughter was persistent and Caspian was kind, which Ramandu's daughter took as a sign of encouragement. At last, Astra was able to pull herself away from the conversation which she hadn't the heart to truly follow (for her eyes were fixed on Caspian's expressions) and rooted herself next to her father, much to Ramandu's daughter's dismay, who protested the rest of the evening. Astra mentally shouted at the girl a number of rather cruel profanities, making Ramandu's daughter fall silent. However, they managed to agree on one thing: they both did not want Caspian to go.

Astra did not have her heart much in the song the next morning and Ramandu noticed this.

"My dear daughter, what ails you?"

"I am worried about our traveling friends," answered Ramandu's daughter with tears in her eyes. "I wish they would not leave."

"But they must, my little Star," Ramandu chuckled.

"Then I wish they would come back."

"That is," said Ramandu thoughtfully after a long pause, "an alright thing to wish."

* * *

Ramandu's daughter stood on the beach, her pale skin blending into the sand and her blonde hair catching the light of the early morning sun. She really was a pretty girl, Caspian thought, a pretty odd girl. Caspian, who woke up early and was unable to fall back to sleep, had been walking along the coast during dawn when he saw the girl and thought it would be inexcusable to not say good morning to her. Caspian seemed to catch her by surprise and she skittered away, causing Caspian to apologize profusely.

"I was simply… lost in my thoughts," she blushed.

"Would it be too intrusive if I inquire what these thoughts were, my Lady?" Caspian asked, his previous curiosity resurfacing. Both Ramandu's daughter and Astra were screaming a vehement "no" in their heads, but Ramandu's daughter beat her to the punch by saying, "Perhaps it would be a little intrusive, Your Majesty." Astra was not satisfied with this answer and added, "A girl must have her secrets."

"You seem to have many, my Lady," responded Caspian, taking a step toward her. Something about Ramandu's daughter made her gravitate toward him (_oh, those eyes_) and there was a sort of familiarity in the way she said that a girl must have her secrets. It was such an Astra move to make everything into a game. As he stepped toward the girl, she did not step back as he expected and instead locked eyes with him and glanced up into his face. "For example, your name is a secret." The girl gave him a coy, knowing smile.

"Perhaps I will tell you when you return," she said, her blue eyes dancing. Caspian gulped, trying to quell the butterflies in his stomach.

"Then," he said, "_I hope to speak with you again when I have broken the enchantments._" _And Ramandu's daughter—_but mostly Astra Gorlois—_looked at him and smiled._


	69. Ch 69: Blame the Squirrel

_Author's Note: So, it hasn't really hit me that this is over. Like really over. I suppose I was ready to finish this and so I don't feel that aching gap in my chest of pain and loss, but I feel good I suppose. Happy. I'm not exactly sure what I should be feeling at the moment. This is the first thing I have ever finished- not even kidding, I've never finished a story before because I always get distracted or writer's block, but this is the first complete multi-chapter piece I have ever written. I suppose the feeling accompaning that would be elation or pride, but at the same time, this is over and so it is a little bittersweet._

_So, this is the last chapter of my first and probably last Chronicles of Narnia fanfic, Blame the Squirrel. It is a very long chapter because I didn't want to skimp on anything and I figured I might as well go out with a bang. Plus, I didn't have the heart to split it into two chapters and I promised that this would be the last chapter- not that you all would have minded if this went on and on and on. Which brings me to the most important thing that I really have to say._

_This story started in January 2009, but I began seriously working on it during late summer of 2009. Now, it is late summer 2010 and I find it amazing that I have made it this far. This story has accumulated nearly 300 reviews, over 22,000 hits, nearly 40 favorites, and nearly 60 alerts. One word: WOW. I am just absolutely flabbergasted by all the support and encouragement I have received from everyone. Each one of your reviews has meant so much to me. Some of you were even here from the beginning, back when this story was a mere ankle-biter. I don't want to mention names out of fear of forgetting a loyal reviewer, so you all know who you are. Give yourselves a pat on the back. Some of you joined in later and your enthusiasm for the story and telling me, "Oh my gosh, I just stayed up all night reading this!" always made me smile and my heart swell. I did try to respond to many of your reviews and I feel like we were able to talk very casually, like old friends. So, I cannot say this enough, but THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH. It really does mean a lot to me and I could not have done it without you._

_I also could not have done this without my best friends, who have patiently pointed out my dumb typos, helped me work out the kinks in this story, loaned me their books, and were there since day one. I literally recall sitting in my friend's room and saying, "I have an idea," seeing them lean forward in attention, and then telling me there definitely is potential and helping me slap down an outline. Craziness._

_Well, I don't want to sound like I am giving my thank you speech for a Grammy or something, but some things just need to be said. Besides, this will be my last chance to say them! This is the end of Astra. I really feel as though I am ready to close this door and move onto other things. I'm sorry and I know you all would like to see more of her, but it is time to let her go. If you are still interested in my writing, I have been working on a Harry Potter fanfic called The Reign of Kellyn Wood. The first handful of chapters are horrendous because I wrote them long ago, but once you get passed that, the story is quite enjoyable and exceptionally addictive. It would be great to hear from you all still._

_So, without further ado, I give you the final installment of Blame the Squirrel. Don't forget to review! :)_

_With lots of love and endless gratitude,_

_Off Dreaming_

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CHAPTER 69: Blame the Squirrel

Strange things happened near the End of the World. They lost their appetites. They slept less. The sun always seemed to be out. The huge white birds sailed over them each morning, heading toward Aslan's table. The water became so clear that Lucy saw the _Dawn Treader's_ shadow on the bottom of the ocean. They even saw Sea People and while Lucy was fascinated, Drinian ordered those who had seen to ignore it, for he did not want any of his men falling in love with sea-women and hurling themselves overboard. Of course, this did not stop Reepicheep from diving into the water, but he was motivated by indignation, not lust, for the King of the Sea People most disrespectfully shook his fist at Their Majesties, which Reepicheep took as a personal insult that needed to be righted. However, when they pulled him back onto the ship, Reepicheep had more exciting news to tell than blurt out the sighting of the Sea People.

"_I tell you the water's sweet!_" he exclaimed. "_Sweet, fresh. It isn't salt. 'When the waves grow sweet, doubt not, Reepicheep, there is the utter East,'_" he quoted the old prophecy. Drinian was skeptical but was the first to try the water and handed it to Caspian. Caspian took the bucket curiously—the liquid was as smooth as glass and when he took a sip, it was like nothing he had ever drunk before. It was richer than a five-course meal, more warming than hard apple cider on a cool day, more invigorating than a romp on the beach, and just about as fulfilling as a day with Astra. He drank deeply and felt better than ever.

"_Yes, it is sweet, That's real water, that. I'm not sure that it isn't going to kill me. But it is the death I would have chosen—if I'd known about it till now,_" he babbled, not quite sure what he meant, but feeling better than ever. "_It's—it's like light more than anything else,_" he finally managed to clarify, his mind turning to Astra and Ramandu's daughter at the thought of light. He wasn't sure who he thought of first—perhaps it was Astra because she brought light to his life or maybe Ramandu's daughter because she was the daughter of a Star, but they almost (not quite) were one in the same (because of their eyes, and their laughter, and…)

The days passed on. The sun grew brighter, the days grew longer, the sea seemed wider, and even the air seemed to shine, and yet with this miraculous liquid, it all seemed bearable; they could look up at the sun, it wasn't impossibly hot, everything (including themselves and the ship) seemed to glow, and even though there was no wind, they traveled in a current toward what Reepicheep suspected was Aslan's country or a drop-off at the End of the World. This idea of a drop-off greatly puzzled Eustace, who wondered why there would be a drop-off if the world was round. Caspian was rather amused and in a wonderful mood from the liquid light, and asked many questions about round worlds, like if there were parts where people walked upside-down. As an afterthought, he wondered why Astra never told him about her round world and he had a charming mental image of her walking upside down with her curls dangling in the air.

* * *

"Would a book perhaps interest you, Mister Pittencream?" Ramandu's daughter asked the sailor who was not brave or loyal enough to continue on the voyage. The man grumbled some sort of reply and crossed his arms, looking rather snooty and angry. Astra was quite ready to give him a piece of her mind, but Ramandu's daughter was far more patient and said for her to give the man a break, because he was probably just bitter. Astra thought 'bitter' only covered the tip of the iceberg and decided to let Ramandu's daughter handle Pittencream so he would still be alive by the time the crew returned for him from the End of the World.

It rained a lot during this time and while Ramandu's daughter disliked the weather, Astra reveled in it by taking walks when it abated to a drizzle or a heavy mist. Pittencream always snorted when she would walk in with raindrops on her eyelashes and wet hair, but Ramandu would chuckle and tell her to put on dry clothes. Once she did, he would always gesture to the spot next to him on the couch and she would curl up under his arm and bask in his warmth.

With Ramandu's daughter's mind filled with Caspian, it was a little easier for Astra to mask her emotions for him. It was a little like falling in love with him all over again and she was able to marvel at the characteristics which she had unknowingly grown to love—his selflessness, his humor, his pensiveness, his strength, his charm, his chivalry, his intelligence, his thoughtfulness, his valor, his humility, and his golden heart. That, of course, and his blonde hair that she knew for a fact was very nice to run one's fingers through and his eyes which were the same color as the ocean (well, perhaps a little greener and a little greyer) that surrounded the island.

As she tried to sleep curled up next to Ramandu, she realized how much time had passed since she turned down Caspian's proposal—nearly five months. It felt like an impossibly long time, since every single day she replayed what had happened in her head. With five months' distance, she realized a few rather important things that happened that fateful day.

One of the reasons why she had turned him down was because she had just realized she was in love with him and was unsure if it would last. Five months later, this was no longer an excuse as she was still very in love with him, so much that she found it rather ached to see him looking at Ramandu's daughter. She was also worried about her age and the short time they had known each other. The latter reason was irrelevant, for probably the only thing he didn't know about her was that her world was round and not flat, but she only withheld this information because he was very silly about these things and always wanted to hear fairy-tales about round worlds and it was all very childish and that was _her_ job. She was young, only twenty years old, and back in Oxford that was far too early to marry; however in Narnia it seemed to make sense. She supposed that a reason why people advised to not marry so young was because a lot of change occurred in the third decade of a person's life. Yet over the past nine months, Astra felt she had changed plenty.

She actually felt like she could be Queen. She had read all those books and the information seemed to not only stick to her, but grow on her. She had role models; she had read what made good qualities in rulers and discovered she actually had many of them already. People listened to her when she spoke; she was vibrant, rational, fair, compassionate, and intelligent. She was adaptable, a good actor, and a little conniving when she put her mind to it. Being a Queen somehow didn't seem too scary anymore; in fact, it seemed manageable.

The only other reason why she turned down Caspian's proposal was because she thought that Aslan had forbidden it and she would hold him back. And that, frankly, was a load of crap.

So in a nutshell, Astra was rather stuck in a corner. She was in love and not only separated by a body of mysterious water but also the body of another girl, who was far too pretty to not be a slight roadblock. It was quite a tricky little game she was in… then again, who was she kidding? She _loved_ games.

* * *

Caspian was rather puzzled still, even if the water had greatly improved his mood. By Aslan's mane, was Astra clairvoyant or something? "_Perhaps you'll meet a blonde_," she had said and _damn_, Ramandu's daughter was about as blonde as blonde could be without the dumb blonde stereotype. Ramandu's daughter was an odd little thing; Astra would have probably called her bipolar for at one moment the girl was open, humorous, and had a rich laugh and the next she was cold, mysterious, and coy, and the next she was wistful, shy, and whimsical. It was all very confusing to Caspian, who could not keep up with the girl. It was like she was two or three different people, or perhaps one conflicted person and another who was rather determined.

Days from Ramandu's island, they looked out into the horizon to study the stillness of the sea when Drinian and Caspian noticed a great whiteness stretching before them. It looked like ice, but it was far too warm for it not to melt. They navigated the ship out of the current and lowered a little boat into the water to investigate. At last, a verdict was reached.

"_What__ did you say?_" Caspian breathed in amazement, shocked at what he heard.

"_Blooming lilies, your Majesty. Same as in a pool or in a garden at home._"

Astra loved lilies—they were her favorite flower in the entire world. Caspian sighed and let a hand trail over the edge of the ship. The lilies followed them for days. It was both a comfort and a curse for Caspian, as it was a constant reminder of his love and a reminder that he lost her. The smell of the flowers was _sweet, but not at all sleepy or overpowering, a fresh, wild, lonely smell that seemed to get into your brain and make you feel that you could up mountains at a run or wrestle with an elephant_—which is usually how he felt around Astra. Lucy murmured, "_I feel that I can't stand much more of this, yet I don't want it to stop_," and Caspian could not have agreed more.

But at last, it became too much. The lilies were everywhere; they stretched on and plagued his mind and made dreams of her return. Even if they were good dreams—wonderful and fantastic dreams—they ached and he finally grew tired. Falling in love seemed too easy, but to put a cork on it was impossible. He didn't want to forget Astra, and yet the pain in his heart seemed unbearable. She changed him when she arrived and she changed him again when she left. He was a different man and probably a better king than ever, but a country and a title was nothing without love. It was with this thought that Caspian stood in front of the entire crew and made his final decision.

"_I am going with Reepicheep to see the World's End._"

* * *

Astra sat on the beach, looking up at the night sky. She had passed by Pittencream, who sat at Aslan's table, on her way out and had bid the man a good evening. He seemed rather angry and ashamed still and turned his head away from the pretty girl. Ramandu's daughter gave him a comforting tap on the shoulder and continued on her way to the beach. The stars were bright and they danced around, making Astra wonder what would happen to her when Ramandu rejoined his friends in the night sky. She wasn't really a Star, so could she follow him? Or would she once again be left alone? This terrible thought caused her to sniffle and bleary-eyed, she looked up once again to the stars and fancied that she saw a starry lion gallop across the sky. Then again, it was probably just her overactive imagination.

* * *

"_Can't?_" he cried, looking at the crew, the captain, the Mouse, and the former King and Queen. "_What do you mean?_"

"_You are the King of Narnia,_" Reepicheep said with a very low bow, although there was an angry and indignant tone in his voice despite his respectful posture. "_You break faith with all your subjects, and especially with Trumpkin, if you do not return. And if your Majesty will not hear reason it will be the truest loyalty of every man on board to follow me in disarming and binding you till you come to your sense._"

Why don't _you_ come to your senses? Caspian wanted to scream. Could they not see that he was decided? Could they not see that even the liquid light could not mend a broken heart? By Aslan's mane, how _dare_ they challenge him, how _dare _they question his authority, and how _dare_ they degrade him so?

"_And you've almost promised Ramandu's daughter to go back,_" Lucy just had to say and Caspian lost a little resolve. He didn't want to see _her—_he just wanted to see her eyes, that was all.

"_Well, have your way,_" Caspian growled, knowing that his anger was only just getting revved up. "_The quest is ended. We all return. Get the boat up again._" Reepicheep began to protest that one must remain behind to end the enchantment, but he would hear none of it. "_Silence!_" he roared. "_I've been lessoned but I'll not be baited. Will no one silence that Mouse?_"

"_You Majesty promised to be good lord to the Talking Beasts of Narnia,_" Reepicheep said with a slight cool edge in his voice.

"_Talking beasts, yes. I said nothing about beasts that never stop talking._" It was low and cruel and with the way his anger burned his stomach, it felt so good to yell and storm off into his cabin. He did have a rather beastly temper that liked to rear its head at odd times. In his cabin, however, he had a visitor. "Aslan!"

"My son, you have disappointed me," He said and it was the worst thing He could have possibly said. "For shame," the Lion hissed, "for shame Caspian, to come so far only to turn back." The lion's eyes were terrible and penetrated him, almost like they were fishing through his thoughts and boring into his soul.

"I—"

"No, listen, for you have done enough talking," the Lion scolded him, his deep voice both frightening and thrilling. "You think this voyage is done, but it is only half-way over. Has not your time with Astra taught you that?" Caspian bowed his head, ashamed. "Reepicheep, Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace are to go on. You are to go back at once. This is the end of the adventure, but only half of the journey. You have further to go."

"I am at the End of the World! Where else is there to go?" Caspian protested.

"You are to go where you have not gone before," the Lion said, and Caspian wondered if he was being literal or not. "I would keep an eye out. You never know what hidden treasures you may seek…"

"Treasure? Aslan, this does not make any sense!"

"But it will. Have peace, my son; when the time comes, you will know what to do."

* * *

A week later, Astra saw a speck in the sea. She went running up the hill, past Aslan's table where Pittencream sat in his grouchiness, and through the door in the hill and into the sitting room.

"Father!" she cried out breathlessly. "The ship has returned!" The old man shut his book and got up, but was too slow for his over-exuberant daughter, who bounded out of the house and down the hill, her long blonde hair flowing behind her.

Both Astra and Ramandu's daughter were positively ready to die from anxiety and excitement, if such a death was possible. She stood on the dock, waiting as the crew slowly made their way to land, her eyes peeled for the one she sought out. For a terrible moment, she wondered if Caspian had gone on to the utter East. Her heart stopped in terror. Would he really leave Narnia behind? Would he leave her behind? Ramandu's daughter seconded this thought and Astra immediately bristled and scowled.

"No, stop it, _stop it_," she shouted in her head. "Don't you understand? I'm in love with him. I'm _in love_ with him." Suddenly, Ramandu's daughter became very, very quiet, as if she was never even there and at last, Astra was able to properly think and waved hello to the crew, who all took off their caps in respect. She searched the crowd until she saw who she was looking for—Caspian was worse for wear, his eyes clouded over with loss and once everyone was on the island, Astra realized the reason why: Reepicheep, Lucy, Edmund, and Eustace were absent. They had gone on to the utter East. Astra's eyes prickled and she tried blinking and looking away when Caspian approached her.

"My Lady, why do you cry?" he asked carefully.

"The Mouse… he… he…"

"He has gone to the utter East," Caspian said with resignation. He looked at her puzzled, wondering why she would cry over someone she did not know.

"I did not know him well," Astra lied, "but one did not need to know him in order to see that he was the most noble of all Beasts." Caspian's eyes grew sad at this and he offered her a handkerchief to dry her eyes.

"My Lady, if it pleases you accompany me, I would like to take a walk for a little solitude."

"Wouldn't my presence then be rather defeating the purpose?" Astra asked, still able to give Caspian a coy look despite her waning tears. Caspian's lips quirked for a moment.

"I am looking for treasure," he said with a slight note of playfulness. "I could use the extra set of eyes."

"My eyes, your Majesty?" Astra could not help but ask, taking the opportunity to look up at him for what Astra assumed may very well be the last time. He seemed lost for a moment before he sighed, looked down, and responded.

"Yes, your eyes," he whispered and the two slowly walked off together.

"What kind of treasure is it?"

"I am not sure," the King murmured. "As far as I know, it could be metaphorical treasure."

"That certainly narrows things down," Astra said slyly, causing Caspian to look at her oddly before shaking his head and continuing. "In this book I read," she could not help but add, "it told the tale of a man who went out seeking treasure, only to realize that he had the real treasure all along. The title was—"

"_The Tales of Barnaby Brawn_," Caspian breathed, looking at her.

"You see, your Majesty, the treasure was not gold or jewels or power or peace, but love. I do think that is the real treasure in life." Caspian's eyebrows furrowed together and he opened his mouth to speak, but Astra continued, knowing she would only have one chance to say what needed to be said. "There will always be love, your Majesty, everywhere you look. Your subjects love you, your country loves you, and Aslan loves you. _She_ knows you love her, _she_ really does, but it pains _her_ so much to see you suffering in your love, because love is not supposed to hurt that bad, not enough to make you want to take a diving leap off the End of the World."

"Who is '_she'_?"

"But you came back, your Majesty, you returned. This treasure that you seek has been with you all along. _She_ will always love you, know that, and do not let all that _she_ has done for you be in vain. Just love everything back, your Majesty—that is what you must do to have the treasure remain precious."

" '_She'_? Who are you talking about?" he roared, taking her small frame by the shoulders.

"You know, your Majesty, you know," Astra whispered, looking up into his eyes.

"How do I know? How do _you_ know?" he quickly corrected himself. "Do you… do you talk to _her_?"

"Not really," Astra said with an innocent twist of her hips. "Well, sometimes if _she_ is agitated," she added, thinking of how she talked to herself when peeved. "But mostly I just listen."

"Is _she_ here?" he asked and the hope in his eyes made Astra want to cry.

"_She_ is right here," Astra said with a pointed look.

"Who _are_ you?" Caspian breathed.

"I am Ramandu's daughter," Astra simply replied.

"But who _are_ you?" he asked again. Astra wanted to say—she so desperately wanted to blurt it out, but something froze the words in her tongue. She let out a sob, looking toward the heavens.

"Oh Aslan!" she cried out loud. "If there ever was a time when I needed your strength, it would be now. Please, oh _please_," she sobbed, leaving Caspian more bewildered than ever. There was nothing and she sobbed again, but mid-sob she heard something whisper in her ear.

"Child," said Aslan, "I am here. And you made a wish. You made a wish on the day that Caspian left. You wished on a fallen star that things would work out. You have done your part and therefore, I must honor your wish."

"Thank you," she happily cried, suddenly knowing exactly what to do. "Your Majesty, please look at me." Caspian looked at her, his eyes fixed on her nose. "No, please, please just look at me. Look me in the eye."

"My Lady, I must tell you—"

"Save your breath, I already know. Please, I know it pains you, but just look me in the eyes and remember," she begged, cradling his face in her hands. "Remember how it was." Slowly, Caspian raised his eyes and he was caught in blue.

In that blue, there was love, happiness, freckles, meadows, daisy chains, horseback rides, paintings, empty wine bottles, laughter, kisses, bare feet, books, pillows, warmth, and most of all, Life.

Suddenly, the blueness lowered a few inches. Then, her eyelashes grew dark. Caspian all of a sudden saw freckles. Then dark curls. Then the hands on his face felt familiar and the quirky little mouth was unmistakable. But what made him really put it all together was the laugh—the loud, joyous laugh that made him remember what it was to truly live. Astra Celeste Gorlois—not Ramandu's daughter—stood in front of him and he wasted no time in doing what he had waited for months to do. Lowering his mouth to hers, he kissed her in mid-giggle.

And as some storybooks may say, the rest was history.

* * *

"_Hoooooly shit,_ I can't do this!" Astra cried, pacing the room as the seamstress, May, Hanalei, and Maria all yelled at her to stay still for the sake of the flowing white dress.

"Yes, you can, my daughter," Ramandu replied.

"But I can't!" she protested. "This is insane. This is madness. No, this is SPARTA!"

"Oh Aslan," Maria muttered. "The girl has finally traversed into utter lunacy."

"This is actually _Narnia, _not Sparta," Hanalei corrected her, her wedding ring from Kaden flashing in the sunlight from the window.

"Perhaps a cup of tea would do you good?" suggested May, rubbing her swollen belly. "I have been craving chamomile and raspberry scones all day."

"My daughter, you love him, yes?" asked Ramandu and Astra nodded her head, glancing down at the engagement ring resting on her left hand, where it was meant to belong for such a long time. "Then you _can_ do this. We will walk together, as father and daughter." Astra smiled at the old man, pushing back tears.

"I'm ready."

"You have been for a long while," the man said with a smile, taking her arm and pushing open the doors.

* * *

They stood in front of each other, unable to take their eyes off of each other. Although Caspian's heart pounded, there was a solid steadiness in his feet as if at that very moment, he was exactly where he belonged. His almost-wife stood before him, her curls falling down her back, her body wrapped in a long, white dress, a daisy chain on her head, lilies in her hand, and her feet bare. It was something she insisted on, along with having the wedding outside so all could comfortably see. It was a beautiful day but the woman standing before him was even more beautiful.

They promised. They promised to have and hold, to cherish and protect, to care and support, to respect and encourage, to laugh and to cry. But most of all, they promised to love each other and somehow, this was the easiest promise of all.

Caspian kissed Astra and she smiled into his lips. When they finally parted, it seemed as though all of Narnia was whistling, cheering, hooting, cawing, roaring, neighing, barking, chirping, crooning, and sighing.

"How did I ever manage to meet you and fall in love with you?" Caspian asked rhetorically, their noses touching.

"Oh," Astra sighed, her eyes wandering away for a moment, "now is really not the time to explain. But if you must have someone to blame when you are cross at me, I would say to blame the squirrel." Caspian cracked a smile and Astra leapt to the tips of her toes to capture his lips once again.


End file.
